mialslsoala Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 My girlfriend came out to me today (I knew she wasn't sexually interesting in me, not sure if it was just me or completely, but I didn't know about asexuality so I assumed it was just meme). I have been dating her for two months now and we hold hands and hug but we have not kissed as even before this, it seemed like she didn't want to and of course I have to respect that. However, I would like to ask about how I could help her and how I should treat her in the future as I am most definitely sexual, and have trouble understanding how asexuals are. She is quite disconnected from people, and I seem to be one of her few friends. I shall also add that I am 17, she is 18, so this is not really about sex as much as it is about how I can treat her right knowing that my predispositions are aimed at a sexual partner. I shall also add that I am her first boyfriend and she doesn't really understand her asexuality and what to do about it. Link to post Share on other sites
AstralAstrid Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 You should let her take the lead, that way you'll never wander from her comfort level. However, the more realistic approach is to talk about limits/needs and compromising. And seeing if there isn't a middle ground that you both can't be happy with. :) That's what my gf and I did. Also, don't treat her differently. Don't treat lightly or feel bad. Many asexual people (my gf is an exception) find it disturbing, and like anyone else, want to be treated the same. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Angry Asexual Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Don't impose on her and don't expect to get laid. If it happens, it happens. Certainly don't guilt trip or joke about her not sleeping with you. Wait for her to bring it up, if she wants to. Make her feel comfortable, safe and ENOUGH without sex above all. You found this site so you must be cool. Good luck man. Link to post Share on other sites
MoraDollie Posted December 3, 2014 Share Posted December 3, 2014 Never, ever coerce your partner into sex. If they want sex, great. If not, don't pressure them or attempt to blackmail them. The best thing you can do is educate yourself. Everyone in the asexual community experiences their orientation slightly differently, so there's no "one trick pony". Link to post Share on other sites
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