How do I convince my family to let me purchase a binder?

[I'd rather be in band.]

So, I lean more towards agender, however I cannot express myself as neutrois because I am well endowed in the chest area. I've tried to convince my parents into allowing me to wear a binder, but they don't seem to really care that it makes me uncomfortable. Also, if you could give me advice for a binder to use that works well on people with larger chests, I would appreciate it!

[Random Happenstance]

My main course of action with things tends to be to confront the situation with logic. So perhaps just sit and think of the points they're likely to make and some counterpoints? This makes it harder for them to use excuses.

For example: many people wear things like push up bras, corsets, shapers, high heels etc. without it being seen as a problem, why should it be unacceptable, then, to wear a binder? - it's no different, and in fact has more positive benefits in making you feel so much more comfortable.

I don't know what kind of points your parents are putting forward to defend their decision to not let you do this, but if you gave me examples I'd be happy to help you think of ways to counter it.

Unfortunately, though, you can't always convince people no matter how sound your reasoning. I actually bought and use a binder without my mum knowing, so that might be possible, if you have to resort to that. It's your money and your body, so really you should be allowed to buy and wear a binder without them having to agree.

I don't know how large your chest is, but I think I'm something like 36D, and the binder that really works for me is this one. It gets me as close to flat as I can imagine getting. I also have a cotton simple binder which was something I really needed so that I had something I could take off easily on days my health is worse. That also gets me very flat, but the shape is less natural looking so I wouldn't wear anything form fitting over it, and it does restrict breathing a bit more. I haven't really tried enough binders to say whether they are better than alternatives, though, but I know they work really well for me.

[Rubberband]

How large exactly are we talking about? Most binders are not much bigger than the average pirates locker. Agenda's are mostly about a quarter of the size of the average binder, but if you have a lot of things to write about, you might be better off getting one of those three ring binders.

[littlepersonparadox]

How large exactly are we talking about? Most binders are not much bigger than the average pirates locker. Agenda's are mostly about a quarter of the size of the average binder, but if you have a lot of things to write about, you might be better off getting one of those three ring binders.

The binder they are talking about is a chest compression binder not a note taking binder.

I got mine from come as you are a LGBTQ+ inclusive sex store. Behind my parents back. They do have a website but I'm not sure if they sell binders online. Also I'm pretty small chested anyway. (32A) best of luck finding a binder.

[Poots]

You need your parents permission why?! Just buy a binder and wear one. Parents should have no say in what you dress like at any age. I personally believe parents shouldn't have any say in any life choices (over age 12) and they should just let their children make their own life decisions (unless its completely ridiculous) because people of that age can surely think for themselves.

[I'd rather be in band.]

My main course of action with things tends to be to confront the situation with logic. So perhaps just sit and think of the points they're likely to make and some counterpoints? This makes it harder for them to use excuses.

For example: many people wear things like push up bras, corsets, shapers, high heels etc. without it being seen as a problem, why should it be unacceptable, then, to wear a binder? - it's no different, and in fact has more positive benefits in making you feel so much more comfortable.

I don't know what kind of points your parents are putting forward to defend their decision to not let you do this, but if you gave me examples I'd be happy to help you think of ways to counter it.

Unfortunately, though, you can't always convince people no matter how sound your reasoning. I actually bought and use a binder without my mum knowing, so that might be possible, if you have to resort to that. It's your money and your body, so really you should be allowed to buy and wear a binder without them having to agree.

I don't know how large your chest is, but I think I'm something like 36D, and the binder that really works for me is this one. It gets me as close to flat as I can imagine getting. I also have a cotton simple binder which was something I really needed so that I had something I could take off easily on days my health is worse. That also gets me very flat, but the shape is less natural looking so I wouldn't wear anything form fitting over it, and it does restrict breathing a bit more. I haven't really tried enough binders to say whether they are better than alternatives, though, but I know they work really well for me.

Thanks for the advice! However, my chest happens to be a bit larger. From when I measured myself last, I'm a 34F. I'll look into that binder, though! Thank you for your suggestions!

[I'd rather be in band.]

You need your parents permission why?! Just buy a binder and wear one. Parents should have no say in what you dress like at any age. I personally believe parents shouldn't have any say in any life choices (over age 12) and they should just let their children make their own life decisions (unless its completely ridiculous) because people of that age can surely think for themselves.

I need their permission because I still live in their house. Although I am above the age of twelve, my parents seem to think that my residing in their home grants them the jurisdiction to control my entire life. It's frustrating.

[butterflydreams]

You need your parents permission why?! Just buy a binder and wear one. Parents should have no say in what you dress like at any age. I personally believe parents shouldn't have any say in any life choices (over age 12) and they should just let their children make their own life decisions (unless its completely ridiculous) because people of that age can surely think for themselves.

I need their permission because I still live in their house. Although I am above the age of twelve, my parents seem to think that my residing in their home grants them the jurisdiction to control my entire life. It's frustrating.

I think that's a pretty universal truth about parents. Doubly so if you're under the age of 18. I know this might not be the best thing to hear, but if you are under 18, or over 18, but unable to move out on your own, it may be something you need to ride out. Maybe you could use it as motivation for getting out on your own? For me, living my life, and doing my thing, ultimately, moving out was what it took, but even then it was still hard to pull away.

In the meantime, are there other things you can do to help yourself feel better about your body? Maybe talking to people with similar experiences (in real life if possible).

[I'd rather be in band.]

You need your parents permission why?! Just buy a binder and wear one. Parents should have no say in what you dress like at any age. I personally believe parents shouldn't have any say in any life choices (over age 12) and they should just let their children make their own life decisions (unless its completely ridiculous) because people of that age can surely think for themselves.

I need their permission because I still live in their house. Although I am above the age of twelve, my parents seem to think that my residing in their home grants them the jurisdiction to control my entire life. It's frustrating.

I think that's a pretty universal truth about parents. Doubly so if you're under the age of 18. I know this might not be the best thing to hear, but if you are under 18, or over 18, but unable to move out on your own, it may be something you need to ride out. Maybe you could use it as motivation for getting out on your own? For me, living my life, and doing my thing, ultimately, moving out was what it took, but even then it was still hard to pull away.

In the meantime, are there other things you can do to help yourself feel better about your body? Maybe talking to people with similar experiences (in real life if possible).

Well, I can talk to one of my genderfluid friends, but I'd hate to bother them constantly about it. We converse about it from time to time, though. There are just a few of my friends that are far too close-minded and I'd hate to start a conflict over something like this.

[Guest]

Try to stand your ground , say how much it means to you , say your in a body that isn't yours and you feel uncomfatable , an save up money , go to the underwear shop and buy one and come home and show them and tell them you will wear it . I understand it may be hard bieng in your situation , I havnt even told my parents that I'm agender / possibly adrogynous , I just wear my baggy tops and that's all I need , but obviously different bodies may need more help hiding it , whatever happens just know that your not alone , and no matter what society says stay true to yourself and ignore the judgemental "know it alls " , good luck :)

[littlepersonparadox]

You need your parents permission why?! Just buy a binder and wear one. Parents should have no say in what you dress like at any age. I personally believe parents shouldn't have any say in any life choices (over age 12) and they should just let their children make their own life decisions (unless its completely ridiculous) because people of that age can surely think for themselves.

I need their permission because I still live in their house. Although I am above the age of twelve, my parents seem to think that my residing in their home grants them the jurisdiction to control my entire life. It's frustrating.

I hear you on that, im 20 years old living in collage in residence and my mom won't let me get off at union station (the big train station in the heart of the city) on my own unless she knows that their is someone wating for me on the other end on the platform. Normally i don't advocate for behind parents backs and i didn't sneak out of the house till last summer. Just relating to parents being over protective and actively interfering with your life.

Best of luck but sneaking out really should only be a largely a last resort. Mine was frustration and a emotional need to go to the asexuality conference to be with people who mean someting to me. (long story) Comming out your parents whill be difficult but if they truly love you there come around eventually. even if it is a couple months like my mom and my sexuality. (still not out gender wise one thing at a tme)