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The Cake Joke - is it Good for our Image ?


Xavy

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My asexual friend (whom I have now actually met in person) throws in a cake emoticon in her chat conversations with me a lot, and it's really funny how often the cake emoticon just appears randomly in our conversations :) .....anyway, today it suddenly made me think ..... Wait, where did this thing about aces and cake come from anyway ? Then, I began overthinking the whole cake thing, and I am now have questions about it.

The joke we have all heard and probably taken part in is that aces prefer cake to sex, right ? but that's kind of misleading isnt it ? Do we all prefer cake to sex ? Also, not liking sex is not what defines asexuality, as the front page of AVEN is makes clear, asexuals are people who do not experience sexual attraction, it's not about not liking sex or preferring cake to sex ..... So, I am now thinking that the cake joke may not be good for the image of the asexual community ! It's kind of silly I know, but the next thing people will be saying about us is that we are sexually attracted to cake, and that would just make us look like a bunch crazy people, wouldn't it ?

So, I guess the point of my thread here is ....do we really want to portray asexuals as people who prefer cake to sex ?

That said, if the only two choices I had were cake or sex, I would choose cake for sure, so maybe I am more sexually attracted to cake than people.

Ok, sorry for the randomness of my thread ......

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I think it probably has a slightly negative effect on our image but not for the reasons you mention. I think it rubs some people (like myself) the wrong way in the sense that asexuals have this silly idea about "I'd rather eat cake than have sex, aren't I so awesome and special!"

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It can also be interpret that Sex is THAT irrelevant in our lives that the slight thing and take our attention away.

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SorryNotSorry

Well, I can see how the whole cake thing can be offensive to people who are fat like me but much more sensitive about it than I am.

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I can understand that it might have some negative aspects, but personally I think the benefits outweigh those. I could be wrong though. I just feel like it gives us a symbol, and for me that symbol makes the community feel all the more special - like an inside joke. The closer I feel with the community, the more I am reminded that I'm not alone. That's why I like the cake thing. But, like I said, I can also see how it could also be offensive to some or detrimental to our image.

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I was just thinking about this yesterday. I think you have a point, Xavy. It's obviously a joke, but I think it's a joke better told within the confines of our forums, rather than talked about to outsiders. It's just not really clear what we mean by it, at least it isn't clear to sexual people. The hard thing for allosexuals to grasp is that asexuality isn't really about disliking sex, it's more about how it is generally undesirable to have sex with people you aren't sexually attracted to. Saying you're not sexually attracted to people doesn't always draw that conclusion and so must be better explained. Cake just gets in the way.

This comic on everdayfeminism mentions the issue at the end: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/10/5-myths-and-misconceptions-about-asexuality/

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I quite like the inside joke aspect of it, but I guess it could be bad, especially if there are people who are asexual but have eating disorders, then it really doesn't apply. I've decided to tell people I'd rather have superpowers than sex, but then I just want to be a supervillain.

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(A)rrogant Avian

There are two sides to the cake. I feel that the cake repersents understadning in the community, for many asexuals, sex is yucky, but it is EVERYWHERE! The cake is the way that we can show that there is no yucky sex obessions here, there is only the yumminess of cake! That's why it is used to welcome new aces into the community, it's our way of saying, "I love and accept you." it is our little way of feeling together and not alone.

Yes, there are some aces who would like to have sex over cake, and I don't feel that in any way we discriminate against them, we have the defenition of asexuality as a banner at the top, we treat them nicey (At least I think we do) and they put up with our cake jokes, and some even join in. On this site, however, there are also allosexuals and trans individuals, we welcome them with cake as well, because that's our way of expressing or love for them, our love for everyone, no matter how sexy or asexy they are, no matter what orientation, no matter their gender, we love them by giving them cake.

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I think it's good to have a joke like that actually. Think about it, cake isn't negative at all. It's sweet and yummy, so much so that some people eat themselves sick on it... But that's not my point. Perhaps we do not all prefer cake to sex, but it's a way to put it in perspective isn't it? It's hard to explain to someone sexual how you are not interested in sex. It's easier to say "Well, basically, if you lie naked on the sofa, and there is a piece of cake on the table next to you, I would probably take the cake and ignore you. :) " <-- That's how I explained it to nearly all my sexual friends and they narrowed their eyes for a minute and then we laughed about it.

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Phantasmal Fingers

Cake? Okay. But Pork pie would be better.

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SorryNotSorry

Cake? Okay. But Pork pie would be better.

Just remember, buddy... the ham is MINE.

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I think any kind of in-joke is hard to understand from an outsider perspective. They alienate people. I'd only ever use it on AVEN, and I wouldn't want to see it anywhere else.

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I think any kind of in-joke is hard to understand from an outsider perspective. They alienate people. I'd only ever use it on AVEN, and I wouldn't want to see it anywhere else.

Yeah, thinking about it more, I'd say that all the benefits I've mentioned earlier are only when the joke is kept within the community. Taking it outside of our little space may negate the benefits and allows the potential for confusion/misunderstanding/etc. to take over

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Sleighcaptain

Cake? Okay. But Pork pie would be better.

Out of the spirit of equality I must point out that would instantly alienate all non-pork eater's in the world. However, I will happily remove any spares. :P

Cake is practical, it can be all things to all people. It is perceived as friendly and welcoming, without being forward. With the possible exception of a custard pie, I don't think anyone has ever been threatened by a cake. The symbolism is a quick way of either making people welcome, showing support or simply saying thank you. :cake::cake:

Long live :cake::cake::cake: :cake: :cake::cake::cake:

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As some other people said already, the cake is simply an identity mark. We needn't justify its use, why should we?

It's a practice we share here at AVEN. It needn't hold a higher meaning, but of course it can on a more personal level. To some aces, the cake might have a deep meaning, that's amazing, but it's not the case for all of us. Some aces just like playing along with the inside cake... I mean joke.

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The cake thing is just an analogy. You could use pie or cookies or just about anything. However, cake as an analogy probably works because most people see cake as an understandably enjoyable thing (even if they'd rather have something else).

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butterflydreams

I kind of always felt the same way, but figured, heh, it's a cute inside joke, cake never hurt anyone (that I know of), there are some good kinds of cake, etc.

Though cake has always felt too sweet to me, so I don't like it.

Sex or cake? That's a tough call. Not really leaning to the cake though.

Sex or a 1985 Audi Quattro and an empty road to the top of Pike's Peak? Um, that's not really proper grammar. You're not supposed to use a question mark at the end of a sentence that's not a question ;)

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thatotherguy57

Four words: better than sex cake.

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To quote Eddie Izzard, "Cake or death?" :P

I don't mean to point any fingers at present company, but it seems like some people take this too seriously, in my humble opinion. I like cake. I'm not at all interested in sex. But I'm not going to get all serious about it. I don't mind laughing at myself; I can't see the cake thing "harming my image" in any case.

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To quote Eddie Izzard, "Cake or death?" :P

I don't mean to point any fingers at present company, but it seems like some people take this too seriously, in my humble opinion. I like cake. I'm not at all interested in sex. But I'm not going to get all serious about it. I don't mind laughing at myself; I can't see the cake thing "harming my image" in any case.

I love that Eddie Izzard bit! For those of you who haven't seen it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFyuhTwi_OE

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Also, cake is often present at (and a symbol for) celebrations, and, well, the discovery of asexuality and AVEN are definitely a cause for celebration! Cake and sweet treats are a way to reward someone and/or to say "Congratulations!, " Good job!", or "Way to go!" Again, a way to celebrate!

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Sexuals probably can understand why cake is so valued by asexuals. Sexuals like cheesecake, including the kind that's not edible.

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SorryNotSorry

I still think we should be careful about how we bandy it about. It might make an overweight person hang their head and cry.

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(A)rrogant Avian

I still think we should be careful about how we bandy it about. It might make an overweight person hang their head and cry.

I am a bit overweight and I don't really find it offencive or upsetting. At least I think I am overweight.....

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Aisntllecxtual

Cake? Okay. But Pork pie would be better.

The cake thing is just an analogy. You could use pie or cookies or just about anything. However, cake as an analogy probably works because most people see cake as an understandably enjoyable thing (even if they'd rather have something else).

All those large portraits of cake pasted up on welcoming posts I really appreciate, but, please, please, stay away from the pie images. It is torture!! :o It was in the morning and I encountered this huge luscious image of a blueberry pie. Well, you know, I am absolutely ravenous in the morning and I was so delirious - delusional - that I felt like putting my fist through the screen of my new computer if but for a magical tantalizing chance of absconding with just one precious berry. :P Cake rather than sex, you bet! As a symbol here at AVEN, why not? But pie, ohhhh pie, I would die! :lol:

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Sleighcaptain

Pioneer167, I'll take the quattro!!

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Pioneer167, I'll take the quattro!!

Yeah, me too !

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From comments here, It seems like most people think the cake joke/analogy is ok as long as it is kept within the asexual community, and I tend to agree. I have to say though that I have seen this outside of the asexual community where is said that asexuals are people who prefer cake to sex, and that is not an accurate description of what an asexual person is, hence my concern.

Seems too like there are some sensitivity issues with asexual persons who may not be able to enjoy cake for one reason or the other, and I get that too.

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Deleted Person

I don't see any harm in it personally. It's just a little joke that can make people happy. Ok outsiders don't get it, but that's the same with just about any inside joke (and it's not that hard to get anyway!). I just think that sexuals have so many jokes or symbols that we don't get or don't find particularly funny that it's only fair that we have one they don't get.

To me it's no different then saying all women love chocolate, not all women like it (One of my friends is badly allergic to it) but they aren't offended by the joke, and larger women aren't particularly teased because of the joke (They are teased because the person teasing them is a horrible person and will look for anything to attack them with).

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