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Alexandria

How to tell if this guy is bi-sexual or gay? (I feel so lost!)

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Alexandria

Hello, fellow people of a-sexuality.org! I have a question that will probably sound completely ignorant, but it's in relation to something that has been eating at me for the past year, and I'd really like to see if I can find any sort of peace of mind.

There's a guy I've been interested in for about a year now. We met while working in a stage production together. The stage production itself was professional level, so naturally I was only just part of the extra cast, but this guy was one of the main supporting actors. From when I first saw him, I thought he was handsome and was blown away by his talent (seriously one of the most attractive things in a person--talent and passion for that talent). Still, considering our different levels in the casting, I was sure I didn't stand a chance with him and therefore had decided then and there that I wouldn't do anything more than enjoy his amazing-ness from afar, haha.

Well, after a couple of rehearsals, I started noticing him doing little things. Standing next to me or in front of me, staring from across the room, watching me having my hair done when it was my turn at the hair/makeup table. There was another instance where I was standing and chatting with a friend, and he came out from a nearby room and just stood next to us, not saying anything, just standing there, watching. (And still another time, he had already finished up his scene and left the stage early. I figured by the time I got off-stage, he would already be back in his dressing room, relaxing. But no...He was by the stage door. It seemed like he had been waiting too, because even though he was with his friends, as soon as I was about to pass by him, he moved to walk ahead of me, then started doing this cute/silly sideways skip down the hall to his dressing room directly in front of me...if that makes any sense... ^^; ;)

Anyway, after that, I started to wonder if maybe this was his little way of flirting.....To be honest, offstage he seems the shy type, like me. Still, considering all the actually gorgeous girls in the cast, I thought there couldn't really be a chance that he'd be interested in someone like me, but...

My gay friend was also in the production with me. When I told him that I thought this guy might be subtly flirting with me, my gay friend said I had to be imagining things because his gaydar insisted the guy was gay. I suppose there are a few stereotypical "clues" that this guy could be gay, first-off being that the production is sort of musical-theater. His voice is also a little more higher-pitched, though I wouldn't say it's the stereotypical "gay tone" either. Of course, these are all just stereotypes. He doesn't seem to be too closely attached to anyone and seems more the loner type. From what I know about my bisexual friends and from my own experiences with this guy so far, I kinda thought/hoped that he might be bisexual. Still, I've always been the sort to doubt myself, whether its my own looks or my memory or anything. My good friend is gay...I mean, maybe he is right. At least, that's why I keep wondering if I just imagined everything that had happened, whether I stand a chance with this guy or not, and whether--ultimately--it's worth putting in the effort to pursue him.

So...I hoped that perhaps a person on here who identifies as bi-sexual might be able to help me with my cluelessness. >_< Is there some way to tell if a guy is bi-sexual? Do some bi-sexual men seem very straight or very gay?

Thank you for reading all of this...Any and all help would be appreciated! It has been a couple of months since I last saw the guy, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about him...If there's a chance that he might actually be interested, then I think I want to take my chances and ask him out! But as a shy person myself, I need a little more information about whether or not there's any potential--based on gender--for me to end up with him at all.

P.S. If you need any more information, please let me know~ Thanks again for your help! <3

Edit: There were other little things he did while we were working together...for example, during one performance when I dared to meet his eyes (seriously a hard thing to do--he's got gorgeous eyes!), he was giving me this small smile...

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if-indeed

There's no way to tell what his orientation is without him telling you--none of these behaviors indicate whether he's gay or bi, or anything else. My advice would be to simply ask him if he'd be interested in a relationship with you! That's the only way to know for sure. Even if he turns out not to be interested, he's not likely to be offended by you asking him (whereas if you ask him outright about his orientation, there's a possibility that he might be--not to mention that it doesn't tell you for sure if he's interested in you).

Best of luck with the situation!

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Naosuu

Moving this thread from The Gray Area to Asexual Relationships.

Naosuu, The Gray Area Moderator

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Ficulnean

I would say that you can't tell whether he's gay or bi or straight or pan or . . . you get the point . . . without asking him. What I can say though, is that based on what you're desribing he at least wants to get to know you better, whether that be by dating you or by befriending you, it seems clear that that would be something he would have liked. (That's assuming you were observant enough to see if he was treating everyone this way, of course.)

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Alexandria

There's no way to tell what his orientation is without him telling you--none of these behaviors indicate whether he's gay or bi, or anything else. My advice would be to simply ask him if he'd be interested in a relationship with you! That's the only way to know for sure. Even if he turns out not to be interested, he's not likely to be offended by you asking him (whereas if you ask him outright about his orientation, there's a possibility that he might be--not to mention that it doesn't tell you for sure if he's interested in you).

Best of luck with the situation!

Thanks so much for your speedy response! I absolutely agree with you--it's probably not accurate at all to say that any of those sexuality-based stereotypes I mentioned are an actual indicator of anything, though the sceptic in me can't help worrying nonetheless. I think I tend to trust the opinions of others over myself--I'm constantly second-guessing everything... :unsure: I just need to get over my shyness and make the first move, the next time I get to see him (if he's still interested)... Thanks so much, again! <3 :cake:

Moving this thread from The Gray Area to Asexual Relationships.

Naosuu, The Gray Area Moderator

Ah, sorry about that, Naosuu! >.< I'm still getting re-used to the forums here! (And I see you're a fellow INFP! YAY!!! :cake: )

I would say that you can't tell whether he's gay or bi or straight or pan or . . . you get the point . . . without asking him. What I can say though, is that based on what you're desribing he at least wants to get to know you better, whether that be by dating you or by befriending you, it seems clear that that would be something he would have liked. (That's assuming you were observant enough to see if he was treating everyone this way, of course.)

Ficulnean, thank you for your opinion! I really do appreciate it! :) And it makes me feel better to hear that someone else also thinks there's a possibility that he might have been interested (in one way or another--friendship, for me, would be golden, too! <3). About being observant enough...I think that's certainly not a problem! Unfortunately, I tend to be over-observant...which means that, when it comes to people I'm interested in, I usually notice when I'm, er, not being noticed. (And that's usually the case with people I like--being observant is a blessing and a curse all at once, haha!)

But that's why this guy's behavior stood out to me so much--I'm usually the one doing the observing of someone I'm interested in, not vice versa! (And my twin sister, who was also in the cast, also "noticed" the little things the guy was doing...I just wasn't sure if they meant anything / if I misread the signs (based on what my friend had said)...the usual self-doubt. :( But you are absolutely right. I suppose I should just talk to him, and if I haven't missed the boat (it's been a while since we last saw each other), then maybe I'll try to gather up my courage and just ask him out...(Even if the rejection will kill me...) In the meantime, thank you truly for your thoughts! I appreciate it so much! <3 :cake:

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