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Artemis Fowle

Common Misconceptions of Asexuality

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Artemis Fowle

So I was talking to my friend whom I came out to. We were talking about how I wasn't attracted to certain people. Then they were talking about how can I be attracted to someone if I wasn't attracted to anybody. They tried using Sheldon Cooper as an example for asexuality. I corrected them by saying that there are different types of attraction and most likely Sheldon is aromantic asexual. Being asexual doesn't mean you're not attracted to anyone per se, it means you don't experience sexual attraction.

So tell me, what times did you have to explain attraction to your allosexual friends? Or what misconceptions you had to face about asexuality?

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SquirrelCat

I had to inform a friend that being asexual doesn't mean my private area is flat.

She had difficulties comrehending that I have genitals... :mellow:

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deltaX

One of my friends asked if asexuality was the same as celibacy. I explained that even though I am personally both, there was indeed a difference, because people can choose to be celibate regardless of who they are are aren't attracted to, while asexuality is just a lack of sexual attraction and doesn't necessarily mean you won't ever have sex. After my explanation he understood though and was accepting.

Another friend told me "it's okay, your ex wasn't the right guy for you, but you'll find someone someday". I tried to explain that there is no "right guy" for me, because I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction at all. I don't think she fully understood, but is willing to accept me either way, which is good enough for me.

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Zapstileon

Generally, I find that people struggle to understand that attraction and behaviour aren't always the same thing."

But you had a boyfriend!" "You can't be asexual. You've had sex!" "You just told me you aren't against dating!" "You make and understand a lot of sexual jokes!" None of these things have anything to do with my orientation. What I do and what I want to do aren't always related. Nor do all the things I have ever done define who I am. I could also drink a glass of wine once without being an alcoholic. I'd want to try it once, I don't drink generally because I don't like it that much, but I did try a few times. Doesn't mean I'm abstinent. I just never felt like drinking. (Actually people have the same reaction to my inclination to remain sober as they have to my lack of sexual attraction.)

It makes me almost furious when people say I can't be asexual just becaue I have or have not done something!

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ranting ferret

i've had to re-explain to a friend that asexuality deals with feeling sexual attraction, it does not automatically mean that the person is incapable of feeling sexual pleasure (in regards to the sensation).

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Hooded_Crow

I've had to explain that this is a useful word for me to use because what I've been met with was mostly: "you're just you. You're not that into sex. Some people aren't. You're just normal."

Or, alternatively or additionally: "just because you're not attracted to anyone now doesn't mean it can't happen one day."

Also, I've had to explain to my psychiatrist that I'm not giving up on anything here, and that I'm not rejecting sex as "a whole part of the human experience I'm not interested in". I'm interested. Just not attracted.

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ranting ferret

to the people who say that no having sex is "missing out on the whole human experience" or however they say it, i remember an article someone wrote on not having children. i feel it can be a similar type of concept. one of her points was that she, as a female, would also not know the experience of having a penis, but was okay with that and people didn't seem to fault her for that.

so not having sex or experiencing sexual attraction

not having kids

not having a penis (or vagina)

never trying curry or sushi or bacon

all of these and more could be considered part of the human experience and sure there are plenty of people with this experience and had a good one, others not. it's just a thing.

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Fire & Rain

That I'm a late bloomer and I just need to find the right person.

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Member74140

I had to explain to my bisexual friend what asexuality was and she was confused at first but understood eventually. She had no idea you could have a libido and still be asexual. Luckily she's very supporting

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Cereal Tendencies

Where do I begin?

  • You've been to an all-girls school, you just haven't been exposed to the opposite gender as early as others
  • In 5 years you will get a boyfriend and I will say I told you so
  • What do you know, you're an introvert, you don't go out there and find people to be attracted to
  • Maybe you just need to get your hormones checked
  • Maybe it's your constant depression lowering your libido
  • You're just repressing your sexuality because of religious reasons
  • Wait what?! You're aromantic too?!

*Sigh* My friends have split into 2 factions; some fully support me (one even learned about asexuality in her highschool) and the others don't take me seriously, I've had to come out more than once and re-explain it to them, they just don't get it. I decided not to bring it up anymore :/

My brother's initial reaction was furious- "That's phsiologically impossible!" but a few months later- he saw me on Aven and assumed I joined a cult or something :P- and when I broke down the concept for him he finally understood that it mean that I had very little attraction and that he supports me, he just doesn't think it needs to be classified as an orientation

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SMW22792

Just the other night, I had to inform one of my friends that asexuals can in fact be sexually aroused. Yes, our privates work just fine! We just don't want anyone else touching them! ;) (At least I don't anyway)

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JKacyl

It took a while for my best friend to understand the fact that romantic attraction and sexual attraction were different. She was like how can you like somebody if you are not attracted to them? She didn't understand that there are different types of attraction like aesthetic, romantic, sexual, etc, so I had to explain many times in different ways before she understood where I was coming from. She was fully supportive of it after that and she was really trying to grasp the material she was just having trouble because she had never thought of attraction split up in that way before

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Bronte

I've had to explain that this is a useful word for me to use because what I've been met with was mostly: "you're just you. You're not that into sex. Some people aren't. You're just normal."

Or, alternatively or additionally: "just because you're not attracted to anyone now doesn't mean it can't happen one day."

Also, I've had to explain to my psychiatrist that I'm not giving up on anything here, and that I'm not rejecting sex as "a whole part of the human experience I'm not interested in". I'm interested. Just not attracted.

I'd be interested in your explanation because the fact that you say you are interested but not attracted just baffles me completely.

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Xavy

I corrected them by saying that there are different types of attraction and most likely Sheldon is aromantic asexual.

Sorry to say that the writers of BBT have always maintained that the character Sheldon cooper is not asexual. You might say this is a common misconception among the asexual community.

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paperwishes

Just last night I had to explain to my roommate that asexuality isn't celibacy...

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Ficulnean

I had to explain to my bisexual friend what asexuality was and she was confused at first but understood eventually. She had no idea you could have a libido and still be asexual. Luckily she's very supporting

I had no idea that having a libido (and wanting romantic relationships) didn't disqualify me from being asexual. So, I've had to face my own misconceptions. And kick myself for them because it would have been nice if I hadn't tured off that asexual documentry within the first ten minutes, because I didn't identify with lack of those things. I could have realized a lot sooner.

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radicalonion

Mmm when I came out to my best friend, I had to explain I was still capable of having crushes/squishes (back when... well... now I dunno). That's pmuch it. 0:

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HermioneGranger

"So...you're just *numb* in that area? If you touched yourself would you even feel it? Is it like when your foot goes to sleep and you can't feel anything?"

I mean... just... what? :wacko:

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Ficulnean

"So...you're just *numb* in that area? If you touched yourself would you even feel it? Is it like when your foot goes to sleep and you can't feel anything?"

I mean... just... what? :wacko:

Wrapping my mind around this . . . wrapping my mind around this . . . nope, not working. I hope this wan't anyone with an education, i.e. anyone who should have known better.

Also, I suppose when I tried telling my brother I wan't fine with my mom putting me on a dating site. He asked if I ever wanted to date. when I said I didn't like the idea. I didn't feel confident enough to tell him that I do want to date . . . but you might have the same relationship with a good friend as what I would consider dating.

Actually, I think whenever you start an explanation but don't finish it like that, it's really awkward. Because obviously the conversation has just lost the direction you wanted to give it, but you can't actually point out to somebody else that you're switching topics, because then they'd have to ask "from what". AND then you still might have to actually explain it later.

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HermioneGranger

"So...you're just *numb* in that area? If you touched yourself would you even feel it? Is it like when your foot goes to sleep and you can't feel anything?"

I mean... just... what? :wacko:

Wrapping my mind around this . . . wrapping my mind around this . . . nope, not working. I hope this wan't anyone with an education, i.e. anyone who should have known better.

Also, I suppose when I tried telling my brother I wan't fine with my mom putting me on a dating site. He asked if I ever wanted to date. when I said I didn't like the idea. I didn't feel confident enough to tell him that I do want to date . . . but you might have the same relationship with a good friend as what I would consider dating.

Actually, I think whenever you start an explanation but don't finish it like that, it's really awkward. Because obviously the conversation has just lost the direction you wanted to give it, but you can't actually point out to somebody else that you're switching topics, because then they'd have to ask "from what". AND then you still might have to actually explain it later.

It actually was, and he's my best friend. He just can't wrap his mind around the concept. He's ridiculously sexual and I can see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to relate and figure out how asexuality "works". He just has no frame of reference. Oh, well- at least he's trying to understand.

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I'm not insane

That I'm a late bloomer and I just need to find the right person.

I got that from my parents often during my teen years. ><

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Ficulnean

That I'm a late bloomer and I just need to find the right person.

I got that from my parents often during my teen years. ><

Fear of this, plus them calling me introverted, is why I'm not telling my family.

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Veranna

I haven't really tried explaining misconceptions. I've only come out to two of my friends. One said she already knew I was asexual and the other told me that maybe it would change. I could have told her that I'm pretty positive that by now that's not changing, but I didn't feel like putting the effort into explaining that. A lady that found out in an anonymous situation thought it was more like a disorder. I didn't correct her. And once I eluded to a family member that I don't like anyone and he asked why not. I haven't come out due to personal reasons so I just said, "I don't know. I just don't?" This only caused a response that he hoped I would get married because he wants me to be happy.

I wish I wasn't so timid because I could have at least attempted to clear up these misconceptions. Except the last one because that day would have been an absolutely horrid day to come out to my family.

As for romantic attraction and all? I haven't really discussed that one with anyone other than the friend that already thought I was asexual. She's much more understanding of everything, though.

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seneca

In my case, people just "knew" I was either gay, a pedophile, or both. Funny how much people seem to know about you without getting the facts.

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Breathing....

In my case, people just "knew" I was either gay, a pedophile, or both. Funny how much people seem to know about you without getting the facts.

People did just decide I was gay, and I'm more ok with that now that I know what I am... I have no issue with the possibility of being gay I just knew it didn't fit but I couldn't explain why. The final line of your post is something that I really identify with. People just assume that they 'know' who I am, only 1 person has ever asked everyone else just decided for me.

Though I must also put up my hand and say I had misconceptions. I hadn't even thought it was an orientation until very recently, and when it was first mentioned in a random conversation I dismissed it as "very rare and always associated with hormone issues". In my defence that's what my mum had told me when there was a kid 'coming out' on some reality TV show. I never thought to question her 'knowledge' I was a kid and she was Mum aka the all knowing.

I'm glad I did decide to do a random google search and find here cos I've never managed to find a place that helps me be me before and it really is the best feeling.

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Tacoline

In my case, people just "knew" I was either gay, a pedophile, or both. Funny how much people seem to know about you without getting the facts.

People did just decide I was gay, and I'm more ok with that now that I know what I am... I have no issue with the possibility of being gay I just knew it didn't fit but I couldn't explain why. The final line of your post is something that I really identify with. People just assume that they 'know' who I am, only 1 person has ever asked everyone else just decided for me.

sort of in the same boat, i'd rather my friends think that i was Gay rather than the truth. i'm fairly certain that a few of them would outright deny the existence of asexuality. the others would be super confused. if they think i'm Gay then at least they won't need explanations.

that being said, i'm not going to tell them i'm gay either.

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