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2 things about asexuals you probably don't know(and will be horrofied to learn)

1. Asexuals are not covered by antidiscrimination laws in most places. (The sexual orientation law lists heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.)

2. Asexuals are sometimes the victems of 'correctional rape', just like Homosexuals are.

Any one have at least two more we could throw at this? If we can reach four and back it with citations, we could have a whole 'serious' article. If not, we could just use the 'not covered by antiddiscrimination laws' thing in a lighter list.

I think these points are also important, It's absolutely true that cracked is a comedy website, but I think the darker more harmful aspects of asexuality should also be mentioned - including the discrimination within the LBGTQIA+ community itself....I can't tell you how many times I've been told that the "A" stands for "Ally", or that a lack of sexuality doesn't belong on the sexuality spectrum....hell...there are people in the queer community that fully believed asexuality as a mental impairment.

3. No, not even the queer community wants us

The LGBTQIA+ community is very divided on whether to include asexuality or not. Some groups are very supportive, and explicitly include asexuality. You could say that it's a misconception that the LGBTQIA+ community is completely cohesive, and is like one big happy family, where all the different letters always get along. There really are a lot of different factions, including those who argue that asexuality doesn't count for being "the lack of sexuality", or say that asexuality is a threat, a sign of sexual repression, etc.

That's really two misconceptions at once: Asexuality being a threat to the LGBTQIA+ community, and asexuality being completely accepted by the entire LGBTQIA+ community.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

First draft, present your suggestions, ideas, edits and everything else.

WARNING: Some content may offend people if you are sexually repulsed, there's nothing graphic in there but there are sexual references and slightly suggestive pictures. Take heed, this is your final warning...

Enjoy! :D

5 ridiculous myths you probably believe about asexuality

As a sexual orientation, there are a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings surrounding asexuality. Most of these are a result of genuine ignorance and/or confusion, both of which can be very easily rectified. Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which you feel no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender, shape, size or ice cream flavour. For a more in depth definition of what asexuality is, please see the resources here, here and here. Back to the present though, I shall now personally attempt to whack some of those stereotypes on the head with my mighty hammer of knowledge for your enjoyment and education.

GdgBw2.png

Behold

Things like...

1) Asexual people don’t reproduce by budding

First things first, asexual people aren't any more plant than you or anyone else.

VIzHDo.png

Though the percentages of cake composition are still being analysed

It may sound obvious to you, but a surprising amount of asexuals still get the 'so does that mean you're an amoeba or something?' response when they come out. Asexual reproduction is a thing too, but completely separate from asexuality as a sexual orientation (where reproduction occurs in the traditional human fashion, more on that later though).

While this idea can seem silly on the surface, it can lead to some pretty horrible assumptions about asexual people at large. Like what you say? Things like asexuals being thought of as inhuman for instance.

LUXD6L.png

Because apparently elaborate boning is all there really is to separate humanity from the rest of the animal herd

Make no mistake, many people don’t think this of asexuals, but the fact that I have included it is tribute to all those who have lost friends, partners and even families due to this 'silly misunderstanding'.

On to lighter things...

2) Yes, asexuals can fall in love (so no, they’re not robots either)

'But wait, if they don't feel sexually attracted to people, how can they ever fall in love? Does this mean they'll be alone forever with no love, no partner and no chance of happiness?'

Good question bright-eyed curious reader! Remember my sarcastic comment earlier pointing out that there is more to humanity than the boning?

UDPBXa.png

Oh you don't read the captions? Fuck you then

It's the same story with love and relationships: everyone puts priority on different things in a relationship, and no one experiences love in quite the same way two times running. Many aces fall in love with people, desire a relationship with them, might even want to get married, have children with them... Just like so many other non-asexual people.

About the children you say though, wouldn't that require having sex? It might, or it might not, adoption being a thing. Even biological children are a possibility, since alternate methods of fertilisation exist and work. A person may still desire children, either with or without a partner, even though they may have no desire for sex. Or, an asexual might decide to have sex, specifically in order to have children!

A lot of assumptions often get made about what an asexual person wants in their life just by them coming out, even if the person they come out to has known them for a long time. Assumptions also get made all the time about what an asexual person will and won’t be comfortable with, like conversation topics, media and even boundaries in already established relationships. Simply by them coming out as asexual.

Y7DfRi.png

"So does this mean it's okay that I boned your brother last week?"

Nothing has changed about the person, it’s just that they’ve decided to share with you a certain personal aspect of themselves that is probably pretty important to them. If you’re still wondering what you can and can’t broach with them, or feel uncomfortable, you could, you know, ask them what is and isn’t okay.

Talking to them is actually a good idea, because…

3) Asexual people vary a ridiculous amount over the spectrum

Dick jokes. Everyone loves them. Except some people.

23rzWM.png

Those sad, laughless people

I personally love a good dick joke, but not all asexual people do. There is an incredible amount of variety within the asexual community, even within things like the asexual label itself. The word ‘asexual’ is actually an umbrella term, and designates an entire spectrum ranging from totally repulsed, won’t-go-near-a-set-of-genitals-with-a-10-foot-pole asexuals to asexuals who have and even enjoy a good romp. There are also grey-a’s (people who experience sexual attraction occasionally, and under specific circumstances), demisexuals (people who experience secondary sexual attraction: sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed) and various things in between.

And there’s more! Many asexual people have a separate romantic orientation such as hetero-, homo- or a- romantic, which designates who the person might be romantically attracted to (as in, for example, they might want to date and have a romantic relationship with) or not attracted to. This can happen to non-asexual people too, though more often than not their sexual orientation lines up with their romantic orientation.

Also, like I said before, some asexual people may want children, just as some others won’t. Some may want a romantic relationship while others won’t (or may want another form of relationship, such as a queerplatonic passionate friendship for example), some may be sensuous and enjoy kissing or cuddling, while others… won’t.

hQ4KgU.png

Just as there are kinks, fetishes, deviances, preferences, repulsions among allosexual people (people who are not asexual), there are similar differences and variances among asexual people. This is important to realise because there is potential for a lot of hurt and offense if you make a mistake in what someone will or won’t be okay with, even if you’ve talked about similar things with another asexual who was totally cool with it.

The situation where this has the most potential for hurt is usually in a romantic sexual relationship, when discussing compromise (a very loaded word in the asexual spheres). Some asexual people are willing to have sex or perform sexual activities to satisfy their sexual partner, while others aren’t. This leads on to…

4) No, asexuality probably won’t change with time or the ‘right person’

Quick! When was the last time you turned pansexual! Yesterday? Okay, go have fun being pansexual.

nLwdSW.png

Those guys throw excellent parties I hear

If you’re like the vast majority of us though, your sexuality is not so easily changed, and you’ve probably been interested in the same gender/s since you hit puberty, experimentation aside. Well, since asexuality is a sexual orientation like any other, it tends to follow that rule too, so no, your asexual boyfriend/girlfriend/partner will probably not become the horny raging beast of your fantasies, and don’t expect them to.

One of the most common things an asexual person hears upon coming out is that they simply ‘haven’t met the right person yet’, which sounds romantic in a way, but is kind of creepy if you think about it. The idea of someone out there with the power to totally change your sexuality, an intrinsic part of you, so fundamentally that you become straight or bi or pan… What if you’re happy being asexual? That, I believe, is where this response comes from, a combination of pity and misplaced empathy: “I know that I personally would hate not feeling sexual attraction to people, let me reassure them that there is someone out there for everyone”, not realising that, hey, the ace might already be happy as they are. Furthermore, said ace may now be annoyed that instead of their coming out being seen as a sign of trust between the person they’re coming out to and themselves, it’s been interpreted as a cry for help or sympathy at best, or a total invalidation of their sexuality and capacity to know themselves at worst.

PnucMU.png

That could be a well-meaning friend, family member or colleague on the left there, but the result is still the same.

Bear in mind, however, that some asexuals are unhappy with their orientation, just like some straight, gay, bi or pan people might too, cf. variety within the spectrum

For our final point, let’s move on the one of most common questions people ask asexuals…

5) Yes, some asexual people masturbate (and sometimes with porn content!)

“Woaaah there” I hear you say, “You say some asexuals can fall in love, some want kids, some enjoy sex okay, but masturbate? Why would they do that? Doesn’t that mean they’re sexually attracted to people? Especially if they watch porn while doing it!”

Well, no.

There’s a bit of a difference between libido (your sex drive) and sexual desire. One is what you satisfy when you masturbate, the other, when you have partnered sex (though technically you can satisfy both with partnered sex if you’re an allosexual). One of the primary differences between an asexual and an allosexual is that the asexual has no sexual desire for partnered sex (masturbation still counts as sex, even though it’s by yourself), and in general, an asexual would prefer to satisfy any ‘itches’ by themselves (as oppose to most allosexuals).

So what does this mean? Basically it means that when asexuals masturbate, they’re satisfying a biological need of their body that they can’t control, and it often isn’t even connected to sex in their mind. It also means that they aren’t fantasising about what they’d like to do to the boy next door while they do it, they might not be thinking of anything in particular at all.

Now for the porn…

gaQKR8.png

Bring it on

It’s actually pretty simple once you wrap your head around this one idea: Sometimes, your body gets aroused without any stimulation at all (stimulation including photos, thoughts, sounds, touch, smells, videos…).

For asexuals who need to masturbate, if they choose to watch porn, it’s not because they want to ‘insert themselves’ into whatever’s going on in the video, it’s because the sex going on in the video makes masturbating easier. Get it? They’re not watching it for the pretty ladies or hunky men, they’re watching it because the visual stimulation of having sex in front of them helps them get masturbation over with faster or make it slightly less boring. Yes, boring, I said it. In fact, most sexual activity and talk is boring for asexuals.

JOrH5Z.png

Except when it concerns cake, asexuals are totally into cake

If you're interested in reading more about asexuality, please see the Asexual Visibility and Education Network website. There are resources there for people who think they might be asexual, might know someone who is asexual, or interested in supporting asexuality. There’s also a lot of discussion about gender and sexuality in general, feel free to come look around or join!

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The captions xD

Just this one: "So

does this mean it's okay that I banged your

brother last week?"

I think it sounds better.

My two cents.

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I can't see it the spoiler won't open for me :c *sob*

EDIT: I see it now! i'm not on my comp so I can't quote the parts im referring to, however on the whole I think it's a really good article. I personally think that the bit that says 'fuck you' doesn't seem entirely necessary because it seems a little confrontational, plus, ehe, it's an article about asexuality (no fucking here ehe) :p I know cracked goes for swearing and cussing etc but I personally think this article doesn't need it, as it might put people who are already sceptical or waiting to jump in with abuse on the comments section, on the defensive right at the start of the article. Cracked is, very controversial and there will be a lot of people just dying to mock asexuality heh. um and the only other part was the bit about boning your brother.. awkward! heh.. anyway, though, I think it was a really good article! have you submitted the idea to cracked yet? because if they didn't take it due to it not being full of enough offensive, abusive, bigoted, poorly researched content (honestly, they take a lot of very poorly researched crap and only publish it cause its funny, and yours is really wonderful compared to a lot of the content they have on cracked) Listverse (in my opinion) publishes much better, more accurate, more informative content than cracked, and people actually go to Listverse looking for an information piece, as opposed to a humor piece (cracked being a humor website) .. only downside to Listverse is they pay 100US instead of 200US.. but yeah, I personally think a great info article like yours (that is actually interesting and informative)will be taken more seriously on listverse than on a humor site like Cracked, but then again I am VERY biased because I write for Listverse heh, so of course I'm going to say Listverse is a better place to publish a quality article like this one :p

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Well that was sure full of 110% snark, IE. Yep! That's a Cracked article!

Very well done. I think maybe you should add a little note about the cake thing otherwise a lot of readers might think what's up with all the cakes, but other then that this was great. Had me laugh a couple of times. Very well done. :D

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This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I cannot put enough exclamation points).

It's very informative and hilarious. I love the pan joke.

If you are looking for constructive comments, I have a few suggestions. Feel free to take or discard them as you may :)

The first sentence:

"As a sexual orientation, there are a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings surrounding asexuality."

Technically, as it stands, "as a sexual orientation" is modifying "there" instead of "asexuality" because of its place in the sentence. I don't know what I'm saying makes sense, but I think it would be a clearer start if it were something like:

"As a sexual orientation, asexuality is surrounded by a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings."

The only other thing is from one of the pictures:

"I refuse to admit that no sexual attraction could be anything less than a catastrophe."

I think you might mean "I refuse to admit that any sexual attraction could be anything less than a catastrophe." But even now I'm just confusing myself because double negatives are just confusing.

Anyway, great article, and I hope Cracked accepts it!

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I liked it, and even though I'm not big on 'fuck yous' in general, the bit about not reading the captions made me laugh out loud. (As did all your captions, actually!) The 'fuck you then' might be a leeeeeetle confrontational, as PanFicto said above, but I can't think of anything else offhand that would work as well.

I think it's a really good and informative article overall, and I like where you went with each heading. I felt represented! ;)

My two cents: define the term "ace" when it's first used right after the 'fuck you' picture:

"Many "aces" (a shorthand term for asexuals) fall in love with people, desire a relationship with them, might even want to get married, have children with them... Just like so many other non-asexual people."

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I can't see it the spoiler won't open for me :c *sob*

EDIT: I see it now! i'm not on my comp so I can't quote the parts im referring to, however on the whole I think it's a really good article. I personally think that the bit that says 'fuck you' doesn't seem entirely necessary because it seems a little confrontational, plus, ehe, it's an article about asexuality (no fucking here ehe) :p I know cracked goes for swearing and cussing etc but I personally think this article doesn't need it, as it might put people who are already sceptical or waiting to jump in with abuse on the comments section, on the defensive right at the start of the article. Cracked is, very controversial and there will be a lot of people just dying to mock asexuality heh. um and the only other part was the bit about boning your brother.. awkward! heh.. anyway, though, I think it was a really good article! have you submitted the idea to cracked yet? because if they didn't take it due to it not being full of enough offensive, abusive, bigoted, poorly researched content (honestly, they take a lot of very poorly researched crap and only publish it cause its funny, and yours is really wonderful compared to a lot of the content they have on cracked) Listverse (in my opinion) publishes much better, more accurate, more informative content than cracked, and people actually go to Listverse looking for an information piece, as opposed to a humor piece (cracked being a humor website) .. only downside to Listverse is they pay 100US instead of 200US.. but yeah, I personally think a great info article like yours (that is actually interesting and informative)will be taken more seriously on listverse than on a humor site like Cracked, but then again I am VERY biased because I write for Listverse heh, so of course I'm going to say Listverse is a better place to publish a quality article like this one :p

Yea, Listverse is much more biased.

But hey, Cracked is about dick jokes, silly puns and witticism. I personally turn my brain off when I visit it.

Just one thing worries me about this: Trolls, dbags and all the like.

It seriously worries me. They tend to cattle and migrate, and destroy everything in their path.

Might be worth getting ready for the attention from them as well.

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Looks great, and it looks like a Cracked article! :D

A few things though:

Under section #2, something should be added in to affirm aromatic asexuals. You say that many asexuals fall in love (not all), but it should be added that it's okay to never fall in love too.

Under section #3:

You might want to be a bit more clear what "gray-a" is to the readers (or rather, as gray-asexuality, and then mentioning that gray-a is a shortening of it), briefly explaining that it's the gray area in between asexuality and the rest of sexuality.

When describing demisexuality, you should clarify that they only experience sexual attraction to someone after a strong emotional bond is formed, or that's the only condition in which they can experience sexual attraction.

The wording used for describing romantic orientation implies that it's one and the same thing for most non-asexual people, when they just happen to line up for most non-asexuals. Do you mean many asexuals have a romantic orientation that's different from their sexual orientation?

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Here we go, thanks for all the suggestions and feedback everyone! :D

I've taken on every suggestion and edit I think, because they were all good ideas, but I've left the caption thing untouched (after much thought). I think, essentially, that if I can show that the captions aren't serious early on in the article, then the cuss won't be as confrontational than if they were.

Thanks again for your feedback, here's draft 2! :wub:

5 ridiculous myths you probably believe about asexuality

As a sexual orientation, asexuality is surrounded by a lot of stereotypes and misunderstandings. Most of these are a result of genuine ignorance and/or confusion, both of which can be very easily rectified. Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which you feel no sexual attraction to anyone of any gender, shape, size or ice cream flavour. For a more in depth definition of what asexuality is, please see the resources here, here and here. Back to the present though, I shall now personally attempt to whack some of those stereotypes on the head with my mighty hammer of knowledge for your enjoyment and education.

GdgBw2.png

Behold

Things like...

5) Asexual people don’t reproduce by budding

First things first, asexual people aren't any more plant than you or anyone else.

VIzHDo.png

Though the percentages of cake composition are still being analysed

It may sound obvious to you, but a surprising amount of asexuals still get the 'so does that mean you're an amoeba or something?' response when they come out. Asexual reproduction is a thing too, but completely separate from asexuality as a sexual orientation (where reproduction occurs in the traditional human fashion, more on that later though).

While this idea can seem silly on the surface, it can lead to some pretty horrible assumptions about asexual people at large. Like what you say? Things like asexuals being thought of as inhuman for instance.


LUXD6L.png

Because apparently elaborate boning is all there really is to separate humanity from the rest of the animal herd

Make no mistake, many people don’t think this of asexuals, but the fact that I have included it is tribute to all those who have lost friends, partners and even families due to this 'silly misunderstanding'.

On to lighter things...

4) Yes, asexuals are capable of love and relationships (so no, they’re not robots either)

'But wait, if they don't feel sexually attracted to people, how can they ever fall in love? Does this mean they'll be alone forever with no love, no partner and no chance of happiness?'

Good question bright-eyed curious reader! Remember my sarcastic comment earlier pointing out that there is more to humanity than the boning?

UDPBXa.png

Oh you don't read the captions? Fuck you then

It's the same story with love and relationships: everyone puts priority on different things in a relationship, and no one experiences love in quite the same way two times running. Many aces (a shorthand term for asexuals) fall in love with people, desire a relationship with them, might even want to get married, have children with them... Just like so many other non-asexual people.

About the children you say though, wouldn't that require having sex? It might, or it might not, adoption being a thing. Even biological children are a possibility, since alternate methods of fertilisation exist and work. A person may still desire children, either with or without a partner, even though they may have no desire for sex. Or, an asexual might decide to have sex, specifically in order to have children!

There are also asexual people who identify as aromantic, lithoromantic, grey-romantic, demiromantic or WTF-romantic. These people may not experience the desire to have romantic relationships like described above, or they might only experience that desire under certain conditions, with certain people, or for no reason at all. In the case of aromanticism, there is no urge to seek out a romantic relationship with anyone, and there may never be, but they are still capable of great love, and often value friendship and other non-romantic relationships very highly.

A lot of assumptions often get made about what an asexual person wants in their life just by them coming out, even if the person they come out to has known them for a long time. Assumptions also get made all the time about what an asexual person will and won’t be comfortable with, like conversation topics, media and even boundaries in already established relationships. Simply by them coming out as asexual.

Y7DfRi.png

"So does this mean it's okay that I banged your brother last week?"

Nothing has changed about the person, it’s just that they’ve decided to share with you a certain personal aspect of themselves that is probably pretty important to them. If you’re still wondering what you can and can’t broach with them, or feel uncomfortable, you could, you know, ask them what is and isn’t okay.

Talking to them is actually a good idea, because…


3) Asexual people vary a ridiculous amount over the spectrum

Ah dick jokes. Everyone loves them. Except some people.

23rzWM.png

Those sad, laughless people

I personally love a good dick joke, but not all asexual people do. There is an incredible amount of variety within the asexual community, even within things like the asexual label itself. The word ‘asexual’ is actually an umbrella term, and designates an entire spectrum ranging from totally repulsed, won’t-go-near-a-set-of-genitals-with-a-10-foot-pole asexuals to asexuals who have and even enjoy a good romp to asexuals who might even feel sexual attraction sometimes (known as 'grey asexuals' or 'grey-aces'). There are also demisexuals (people who experience only secondary sexual attraction, that is, sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond is formed with someone).

And there’s more! Many asexual people identify with a specific romantic orientation such as hetero-, homo- or a- romantic, which designates who the person might be romantically attracted to (as in, for example, they might want to date and have a romantic relationship with) or not (in the case of aromantics). Did you know that allosexuals (people who do feel sexual attraction) can have a different romantic orientation to their sexual orientation too? For example, someone might be heterosexual but also aromantic, meaning they are sexually attracted to the opposite gender, but not interested in a romantic relationship with any gender.

Like I said before, some asexual people may want children, just as some others won’t. Some may want a romantic relationship while others won’t (or may want another form of relationship, such as a queerplatonic passionate friendship for example), some may be sensuous and enjoy kissing or cuddling, while others… won’t.

hQ4KgU.png

Just as there are kinks, fetishes, deviances, preferences, repulsions among allosexual people, there are similar differences and variances among asexual people. This is important to realise because there is potential for a lot of hurt and offense if you make a mistake in what someone will or won’t be okay with, even if you’ve talked about similar things with another asexual who was totally cool with it.

The situation where this has the most potential for hurt is usually in a romantic sexual relationship, when discussing compromise (a very loaded word in the asexual spheres). Some asexual people are willing to have sex or perform sexual activities to satisfy their sexual partner, while others aren’t. This leads on to…


2) No, asexuality probably won’t change with time or the ‘right person’

Quick! When was the last time you turned pansexual! Yesterday? Okay, go have fun being pansexual.

nLwdSW.png

Those guys throw excellent parties I hear

If you’re like the vast majority of us though, your sexuality is not so easily changed, and you’ve probably been interested in the same gender/s since you hit puberty, experimentation aside. Well, since asexuality is a sexual orientation like any other, it tends to follow that rule too, so no, your asexual boyfriend/girlfriend/partner will probably not become the horny raging beast of your fantasies, and don’t expect them to. Neither should you expect an aromantic to start feeling romantically interested in people one morning, just as you wouldn't expect a homoromantic to start being interested in dating the opposite gender at the drop of a hat.

One of the most common things an asexual person hears upon coming out is that they simply ‘haven’t met the right person yet’, which sounds romantic in a way, but is kind of creepy if you think about it. The idea of someone out there with the power to totally change your sexuality, an intrinsic part of you, so fundamentally that you become straight or bi or pan… What if you’re happy being asexual? That, I believe, is where this response comes from, a combination of pity and misplaced empathy: “I know that I personally would hate not feeling sexual attraction to people, let me reassure them that there is someone out there for everyone”, not realising that, hey, the ace might already be happy as they are. Furthermore, said ace may now be annoyed that instead of their coming out being seen as a sign of trust between the person they’re coming out to and themselves, it’s been interpreted as a cry for help or sympathy at best, or a total invalidation of their sexuality and capacity to know themselves at worst.

PnucMU.png

That could be a well-meaning friend, family member or colleague on the left there, but the result is still the same.

Bear in mind, however, that some asexuals are unhappy with their sexual or romantic orientation, just like some straight, gay, bi or pan people might too, see variety within the spectrum.

For our final point, let’s move on the one of most common questions people ask asexuals…


1) Yes, some asexual people masturbate (and sometimes with porn content!)

“Woaaah there” I hear you say, “You say some asexuals can fall in love, some want kids, some enjoy sex okay, but masturbate? Why would they do that? Doesn’t that mean they’re sexually attracted to people? Especially if they watch porn while doing it!”

Well, no.

There’s a bit of a difference between libido (your sex drive) and sexual desire. One is what you satisfy when you masturbate, the other, when you have partnered sex (though technically you can satisfy both with partnered sex if you’re an allosexual). One of the primary differences between an asexual and an allosexual is that the asexual has no sexual desire for partnered sex (masturbation still counts as sex, even though it’s by yourself), and in general, an asexual would prefer to satisfy any ‘itches’ by themselves (as oppose to most allosexuals).

So what does this mean? Basically it means that when asexuals masturbate, they’re satisfying a biological need of their body that they can’t control, and it often isn’t even connected to sex in their mind. It also means that they aren’t fantasising about what they’d like to do to the boy next door while they do it, they might not be thinking of anything in particular at all.

Now for the porn…

gaQKR8.png

Bring it on

It’s actually pretty simple once you wrap your head around this one idea: Sometimes, your body gets aroused without any stimulation at all (stimulation including photos, thoughts, sounds, touch, smells, videos…).

For asexuals who need to masturbate, if they choose to watch porn, it’s not because they want to ‘insert themselves’ into whatever’s going on in the video, it’s because the sex going on in the video makes masturbating easier. Get it? They’re not watching it for the pretty ladies or hunky men, they’re watching it because the visual stimulation of having sex in front of them helps them get masturbation over with faster or make it slightly less boring. Yes, boring, I said it. In fact, most sexual activity and talk is boring for asexuals.

JOrH5Z.png

Except when it concerns cake, asexuals are totally into cake

If you're interested in reading more about asexuality, please see the Asexual Visibility and Education Network website. There are resources there for people who think they might be asexual, might know someone who is asexual, or interested in supporting asexuality. There’s also a lot of discussion about gender and sexuality in general, feel free to come look around or join!

V identifies as Asexual, Aromantic, Homosensual, Nonlibidoist, Sex-positive (when it's safe, consensual and enthusiastic!), Panaesthetic-appreciatiative and extremely cuddly. They also like laundry lists of labels.

I was thinking about using my AVEN name, but that would just be inviting the aforementioned trolls to come and swing their clubs I think. :huh:

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Love it!

Let me know when it goes up (I refuse to say 'if', darn it!), and I'll add my support - hopefully a thoughtful reply will make any potential trolls stumble. Who knows? I haven't been on Cracked as regularly, so please send me a PM in case I miss it! :)

And good luck! :D :D :D

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Niice! Pretty good!

Can't wait to see it there!

<3<3

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One thing I just noticed: Cracked articles tend to count down instead of up. So maybe reverse the counting order, starting with 5) and going down to 1) (which is your 5) now), which is humorously meant as the biggest revelation anyway. Eh, hope you know what I mean :unsure:

Otherwise, I love it :D

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

One thing I just noticed: Cracked articles tend to count down instead of up. So maybe reverse the counting order, starting with 5) and going down to 1) (which is your 5) now), which is humorously meant as the biggest revelation anyway. Eh, hope you know what I mean :unsure:

Otherwise, I love it :D

Good point! I can't believe I missed that :o

EDIT: Fixed now!

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Preparing the pitch now, exciting, exciting...

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Cereal Tendencies

Guess I'm a little late :unsure:

I wanted to suggest that you could mention some of the other hilarious responses from people when asexuals come out, as if trying to figure out the cause of their asexuality, and why these causes are false- 6) Asexuals are born this way

  • Have you been molested/abused as a child?
  • Maybe it's because you've been to an all girls/boys school and haven't been exposed to the opposite sex properly
  • Maybe you're secretly gay
  • You're just repressing your sexuality

and so forth :blush:

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Would be nice to do some article like those ones they do with people.

The ones that talk about their experiences and stuff.

I don't know if I'm being able to tell or if you guys are understanding, I'm too tired to think right, but I'm talking about those experience articles, y'know?

If yall ever feel like writing an article again, this would probably be good, to change format and shit.

And then, add the points right above my ranty little post, I think it would be more coherent and stuff.

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Guess I'm a little late :unsure:

I wanted to suggest that you could mention some of the other hilarious responses from people when asexuals come out, as if trying to figure out the cause of their asexuality, and why these causes are false- 6) Asexuals are born this way

  • Have you been molested/abused as a child?
  • Maybe it's because you've been to an all girls/boys school and haven't been exposed to the opposite sex properly
  • Maybe you're secretly gay
  • You're just repressing your sexuality

and so forth :blush:

Not at all! :)

What I've submitted is the article pitch, which basically means that if the mods like it, they'll consider it. What we then have to do is come up with a first draft (which is where you can add more stuff). They usually like list-based articles to be around 2000-3000 words, and ours is just a bit under that at the moment (good thing too, or it might be too long to be considered seriously as a pitch! :O).

A sixth point detailing the responses you've come up with would be perfect for getting it the right length, and could be made pretty funny too!

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The one I got was "There must be something wrong with your hormone levels!"

My mother (who works in hormone replacement therapy) claimed at one point when I was trying to explain asexuality to her that if my hormone levels were 'normal' that I would be attracted to other people because "I'd see auras around them". Lol, wtf? :blink: Aren't hallucinations a bad sign? But yeah, it can be frustrating/annoying/terrifying to hear someone working SO HARD to change you into something you don't want to be. (She sent me an article yesterday, same topic, thinking that if I just read enough literature that I'll see she's been right all along...yet she'll dismiss any literature I share in return because they "just don't know enough yet". Double standard!)

Sorry...ranting.

Anyway, the other one I've heard is that claiming to be asexual is "just for the attention". Sigh.

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Cereal Tendencies

Guess I'm a little late :unsure:

I wanted to suggest that you could mention some of the other hilarious responses from people when asexuals come out, as if trying to figure out the cause of their asexuality, and why these causes are false- 6) Asexuals are born this way

  • Have you been molested/abused as a child?
  • Maybe it's because you've been to an all girls/boys school and haven't been exposed to the opposite sex properly
  • Maybe you're secretly gay
  • You're just repressing your sexuality

and so forth :blush:

Not at all! :)

What I've submitted is the article pitch, which basically means that if the mods like it, they'll consider it. What we then have to do is come up with a first draft (which is where you can add more stuff). They usually like list-based articles to be around 2000-3000 words, and ours is just a bit under that at the moment (good thing too, or it might be too long to be considered seriously as a pitch! :o).

A sixth point detailing the responses you've come up with would be perfect for getting it the right length, and could be made pretty funny too!

Oh good! :D I was a little worried haha

I'm glad my contribution helped with adding to the length

I'm excited for this! Really hope they like it :)

Ps: a hilarious suggestion would be to replace the hammer in the first pic with Thor's hammer Mjölnir :P

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I've found a few of these online (and around AVEN) which list some more options for the potential #6...

asexual_bingo_by_alien_network-d4r7v1l.j

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Notte stellata

I may be reading too much into it, and I'm sure you don't mean it, but the title of 4), "Yes, asexuals can fall in love (so no, they’re not robots either)" seems to imply that people who can't fall in love (i.e. aromantics) are robots. How about changing "asexuals can fall in love" to "asexuals are capable of love and relationships"?

But, very good job overall! :cake:

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

I may be reading too much into it, and I'm sure you don't mean it, but the title of 4), "Yes, asexuals can fall in love (so no, they’re not robots either)" seems to imply that people who can't fall in love (i.e. aromantics) are robots. How about changing "asexuals can fall in love" to "asexuals are capable of love and relationships"?

But, very good job overall! :cake:

You're absolutely right, it does sort of erase the aromantic side of the community. I'll go change that now.

Thanks for that :)

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IMO, six items is always better than 5 anyway... that'd end up as three items per page, stretched over two pages. And I'm a sucker for symmetry. :blush:

Indeed.

However, there is a thing to notice.

Cracked articles used to be lenghty.

But right now they aren't going really much farther from four items.

I don't really know why, but they are keeping their articles tiny nowadays, so there's that.

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IMO, six items is always better than 5 anyway... that'd end up as three items per page, stretched over two pages. And I'm a sucker for symmetry. :blush:

Indeed.

However, there is a thing to notice.

Cracked articles used to be lenghty.

But right now they aren't going really much farther from four items.

I don't really know why, but they are keeping their articles tiny nowadays, so there's that.

Hmm, I haven't noticed that... but I click around in the flashbacks and the linked ones at the bottom a lot, so I end up reading older stuff every time I'm on Cracked - that may well cloud my perception. :mellow:

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Mycroft is Yourcroft

Everyone,

While waiting for a response from Cracked, I see no reason why we shouldn't start on our next article :) I think it should be '6 Characters We Wish Would Come Out As Asexual' with the list presented above (I'll edit it in in a sec). Even if our current article is turned down, we've still got two other concepts that may get accepted (they might actually prefer the characters one to the myth article).

EDIT: Here's the list we decided upon:

"6 Characters We Wish Were Asexual'

  • Dexter EDIT: Elsa
  • Sheldon
  • Bilbo Baggins
  • Lord Varys
  • Sherlock Holmes
  • The Doctor


I'll get cracking on the characters I know: Elsa from 'Frozen', Lord Varys from 'Game of Thrones', Sherlock Holmes from 'Sherlock' (the only adaptation I know pretty well) and The Doctor from 'Doctor Who'.

That means we need information about:

  • Sheldon (from The Big Bang Theory)
  • Bilbo Baggins (from 'The Hobbit' and 'The Lord of the Rings')
  • Sherlock Holmes (any adaptation) It's possible we may only be able to focus on one adaptation, since there are stupid number of portrayals

Any information would be helpful, even if it's in dot point form, feel free to present things you've noticed about any of the other characters in the list too! :)

We're doing well guys! :cake:

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Well, maybe a good idea would be that if we do the fictional characters we address each of their elephants. Like, we have a side note for Sheldon saying some people also think Sheldon might be part autistic and we say how that's not seen as directly related to being asexual, but that wouldn't make him not asexual. Same thing goes for Lord Varys and his deal.

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