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For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground


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AmazingGrAce
21 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

@AmazingGrAce, happy recent birthday ūüéā ūüéā ūüéä ūüé䬆

Thank you!

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On 7/8/2019 at 11:49 PM, kstitch said:

Just constantly unprepared. I hope to find my niche and be comfortable with what I work with. 

On top of that, I'm struggling in ÔĽŅthe relationship world but I don't think I can mentally handle a relationship anyways. Let alone a new one where I have to describe what's going on with my sexuality and career.¬†

I'm also moving across the country for this new position in a month, leaving my family and friends. 

 

I feel you! I'll finish my bachelor soon-ish and I've got no idea what to do with it and can't help but feel like I wasted all my time on my studies and I might as well not even do anything with what I initially planned. 

Moving far away is tough. My tip would be try to do some things where you can meet new people in the first weeks, even when you're exhausted. Because being apart from your usual social setting just gets worse when you check on social media and see them having a great time while you feel like you're all alone. So do a yoga course or join a class or something. Look out for events in your area and go there alone even if it seems weird at first. Good luck! 

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Asexual_Fujoshi

I'm 20, from canada. My friends have mentioned the possibility that I may be ace to due my confusion with people or my lack of interest regarding them. (Failed fwbs/dating) I laughed and said they might be right but I wasn't too sure at the time, they brought it up again recently (due to a rant of mine) sending me links about it. Which brought this site to my attention. As of now, finally started to be interested in learning more about asexuality. I'm comfortable with being ace, since I've found out the community that makes me feel welcomed. Aside from that,  I have no idea what to do with my life. No major interests really .

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On 7/18/2019 at 12:37 PM, Temeraire said:

I feel you! I'll finish my bachelor soon-ish and I've got no idea what to do with it and can't help but feel like I wasted all my time on my studies and I might as well not even do anything with what I initially planned. 

Moving far away is tough. My tip would be try to do some things where you can meet new people in the first weeks, even when you're exhausted. Because being apart from your usual social setting just gets worse when you check on social media and see them having a great time while you feel like you're all alone. So do a yoga course or join a class or something. Look out for events in your area and go there alone even if it seems weird at first. Good luck! 

Thank you! I will definitely try that. And nice username btw. One of my favorite series in high school. 

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WanderingKate

Hi all :) 

Figured I'd stop by and say hello- I'm currently 23 which feels like quite the odd, in between age. I have friends who are engaged and I have friends who are perpetually single and playing the field, and friends who have only been on a handful of dates in their lives. I have friends who are in grad school and friends who are working full time and friends who are in their high school jobs still. I have friends who are living at home with parents and friends who've moved out and are completely on their own and independent. 

 

Me, I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle. I graduated. I have a full time job using my degree that I enjoy and was able to escape from retail :D but I'm still at home and unsure when I should be moving out. I feel a lot of pressure both to go to grad school and not to go to grad school, and to stay home with my mom to save money versus to move out so I can try to be a real independent adult. I have a great credit score, manage my finances, do well at work, am starting a new QPR/relationship, but I somehow still feel woefully unprepared for life... I don't know what it is. I see people around me who seem extremely confident in their choices and I don't always. I still feel immature around my friends who are living on their own and who have sexual/romantic relationships that they talk about. I worry a lot about the future- I'm happy in my job but there isn't much room for advancement- what's my next step? A different job in the field or switch career paths entirely?- will I regret not trying new things? And if I don't go back for my master's degree now will I ever? 

 

Anyway...yeah, that's my life at the moment. I'm definitely overthinking and I'm mostly quite happy, happier than I've ever been. But what a confusing time :D

 

 

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sunflowersundae

Just dropping by and saying hi, I'm in my mid/late twenties.

 

The thing about having gone through a big chunk of this decade is learning that everyone's path is very different.

Even despite what I know about people's paths and ways in life is that I still kind of feel somewhat behind compared to a few of my peers. I find people younger than me whizzing by a lot faster than I have; namely that they're doing things I really wish I could have done at their age. I tend to be among the older people in my work and education settings.. though I look a lot younger than my age so that tends to take others by surprise a lot haha. I used to give myself so much grief over my age and eh.. lack of relationship experience, I still feel pretty hopeless about it from time to time, but I've made great strides in learning how to accept myself. I'm also tired of doing nothing about it... so I'm going to try and be more proactive.. start attending meetups maybe? Though I still need to try and figure out how to gain the confidence to start lol, my previous attempts haven't bore any fruit.

 

Despite my hangups about my age and where I feel I should be, maybe I should focus on what I have done so far. I've accomplished a bunch in the past year. I graduated my local college (after like.. what.. 5ish years?) I'm about to start a new job soon (it's my first "real grown-up job" too so I'm really excited).

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SilverScales

Everything is foul, Lol. I grow tired of the exhaustion of fending off mindless fools who only think about pointless sexual based relationships and petty romance.¬†ūüė°

Disgracing my immortal potential. 

ūüėą

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colliethefurry

I have a job, but for the time being I still live with my mom. I have no idea when I'll move out. 

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As a non-twenty something :P staying with your parents until older is becoming more common due to the cost of housing 

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maddamebutterfly

I'm 20 something on the verge of 30. Thing's are a little hard for me now, as I work in a female dominated field and everyone is getting married and having babies, while they all look at me as the "one who does not fit". It can get a little stressful, but I refuse to live my life based on other people's standard. All I want it to be successful in the things I am studying, and maybe have a romantic partner to share my space with. I look forward to meeting anyone on here who feels the same. Or maybe doesn't feel the same but likes to chat about movies, comics, games, and the like! Feel free to message me to talk if anyone would like! 

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Figured I'd stop by and just info dump my thoughts as a confused 24 year old lone wolf without a clue. I am really torn on what I really want to do long term in life...

My story is that I entered college 1 year after graduating high school simply to do something instead of living at home as a NEET. It was a really wise decision on one hand because my self confidence was at rock bottom at the time and I just had to flee the nest and do something else than wasting my life in World of Warcraft. College tuition is also completely financed through taxes here in Sweden and the student loans for living costs don't carry the same predatory interest rates as they do in the U.S (Circa 0.2% here!). I ended up slipping on the finish line though due to a deep depression during my last year, combined with a complete lack of interest in the thesis project I chose.

 

I did get a pretty nice full time job offer long before that though, so cash is flowing in and I'm holding my own for now. The problem is just that except for finishing that degree some time I no longer have any goals and therefore meaning in life... Don't get me wrong because I'm far from depressed at the moment, but I've just realized that I need something to strive for in life as a human being. For most people a partner and kids make that goal really easy, but I've only ever felt romantic feelings for a person once in my life and I'm pretty sure that I don't want kids. I certainly don't feel like dating or hooking up at night clubs that's for sure. Especially since finding a compatible, asexual partner IRL is like finding a needle in a haystack.


My issues are pretty high up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs to say the least but they are still issues none the less... I've though about this for roughly a year now and I'm not getting far. I have played around with the thought of starting my own company or travelling the world more though. But one problem with both of those is my other imperfection in society's eyes: Asperger's syndrome :P Which doesn't go very well with the inevitable social interactions involved with starting your own company or travelling around in foreign cultures. I am good at reflecting over social interactions and bashing my own behavior after the fact but in the moment I can be painfully clueless about social cues...

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Squarebillies
On 1/12/2020 at 9:45 AM, MayonnAce said:

Figured I'd stop by and just info dump my thoughts as a confused 24 year old lone wolf without a clue. I am really torn on what I really want to do long term in life...

My story is that I entered college 1 year after graduating high school simply to do something instead of living at home as a NEET. It was a really wise decision on one hand because my self confidence was at rock bottom at the time and I just had to flee the nest and do something else than wasting my life in World of Warcraft. College tuition is also completely financed through taxes here in Sweden and the student loans for living costs don't carry the same predatory interest rates as they do in the U.S (Circa 0.2% here!). I ended up slipping on the finish line though due to a deep depression during my last year, combined with a complete lack of interest in the thesis project I chose.

 

I did get a pretty nice full time job offer long before that though, so cash is flowing in and I'm holding my own for now. The problem is just that except for finishing that degree some time I no longer have any goals and therefore meaning in life... Don't get me wrong because I'm far from depressed at the moment, but I've just realized that I need something to strive for in life as a human being. For most people a partner and kids make that goal really easy, but I've only ever felt romantic feelings for a person once in my life and I'm pretty sure that I don't want kids. I certainly don't feel like dating or hooking up at night clubs that's for sure. Especially since finding a compatible, asexual partner IRL is like finding a needle in a haystack.


My issues are pretty high up on Maslow's hierarchy of needs to say the least but they are still issues none the less... I've though about this for roughly a year now and I'm not getting far. I have played around with the thought of starting my own company or travelling the world more though. But one problem with both of those is my other imperfection in society's eyes: Asperger's syndrome :P Which doesn't go very well with the inevitable social interactions involved with starting your own company or travelling around in foreign cultures. I am good at reflecting over social interactions and bashing my own behavior after the fact but in the moment I can be painfully clueless about social cues...

Hi, 

 

I am not sure we are in the same boat but a lot of what you posted resonated with me. Than you for sharing.

 

Bless Sweden's education system! The US is lagging in that department. I tend to focus on my career developments and travelling. I have recently been having that same daunting feeling of what's comes next. I graduated from Uni a year ago, I have a stable job, an apt and friends... but I feel incomplete at times. I have thought of relocating but it is only a temporary detraction. For me, I think I just want new experiences. 

 

I have never met another asexual person in person but it is also not something that comes up often. Maybe I have met one and don't know. It can feel isolating at times, especially when a lot of my friends have gone on to start their own families or talk about how they want to. I don't want to find meaning in life through another person but it seems that is what a lot of people do. 

 

I say do whatever you want to become the version of you that you aspire to be. Don't let the feeling of rejection stop you! I know it's easier said than done but if you have enough determination it can be done. Maybe find a partner that can take on the social tasks. Or travel with a mate. 

 

 

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colliethefurry

Anyone else have massive trouble keeping up with housework?

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2 hours ago, questdrivencollie said:

Anyone else have massive trouble keeping up with housework?

Yep, despite being way beyond my 20s ūüėčūüėč

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Real Jazz Hands

I do the dusting/hoovering maybe 4 times a year. It's enough I think. When it really needs to be done, it is done. Eventually... 

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@MayonnAce :) Hi. You mentioned thinking about travelling, and I saw, from your profile, that you're in Sweden. So, I just thought I'd let you know that, in case you're interested, @Kimmie., who also lives in Sweden, has organized an International Meetup (it's in the Meetup Mart Forum), where a group of AVENites from around the world will meetup in Stockholm, in March (and visit museums, restaurants, etc.)

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Real Jazz Hands
26 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

Yep, despite being way beyond my 20s ūüėčūüėč

And I'm some way beyond you...¬†ūüė謆ūüė謆ūüėč

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Princess KittenSparkles

I am soon-to-be 25 and wooo boy little kid me would be very disappointed to find out that I have not accomplished a single thing I thought I would have accomplished by now. Still in college. Still am not working in my dream career. Still live at home with my parents (and I'm thankful, truly, but FUUCK do I hate it). 

 

By now, I thought I would be rolling in money, married or at least in a long-term loving relationship, have my own little house with cats and having everything under control.

 

I have the cats down part at least! Got two babies¬†ūüėď

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Low End Things

On the upper end of the age range here (28 but will be 29 in a few days). Playing music and working in audio full-time as a freelancer in NYC. My days consist of going to or working in museums, playing shows at night, and seeing movies/hanging with friends/going to ace meetups in between, all while always worrying when my next job is gonna come in...Fairly happy with where I am after years of intense self-reflection and dedication to live the life I know I want to live.

 

VERY happy to not have to deal with homework or tests ever again (at least in the context of school). Not completely tied to the ace label but happily acknowledge it's the best way to describe myself.

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20 years old, so I just qualify for the 20-somethings group.

 

I've pretty much known I was asexual since I was 12 years old, but figuring out the other parts of my sexuality took a bit. I only realized I was arospec and lesbian like three months ago and that I identify as nonbinary last week.

 

Things take time! Things come later! And that's okay.

 

Depression with a side of anxiety can also make figuring out your sexuality/gender identity a lesser priority. The best I can say about that is to find a solid support system, whether that's a therapist or two or more friends.

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On 8/26/2014 at 12:17 AM, Float On said:

Life is tough, and we didn't really understand this until now. Everything is scary, and everything is confusing.

What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found? What gets you down, what gets you by?

Share your pains, spread hugs and pass around cake, and more than anything announce with pride your accomplishments!

whatever you wanna post, post here, for fellow 20-somthinites to hear!

Ok so I'm 20 going on 21 and just now I discovered that "Older Asexuals" are not for 40+ aces. 

I'm a strict ace and two years ago I was trying to figure myself out. I didn't have any information about asexuality beside "virgin people that isolated themselves" and I was like "Of course not, I've had sexual atraction so I can't be ace." And then I discovered demis and gray-a, so I tried to use the label but still wonder if I really had experienced sexual atraction, and I didn't. My teenage years were filled with "Why aren't you dating?" or "Don't you wanna kiss someone?" and I was fine at first but the pressure of finding someone was there. My senior year I was totally Greta Garbo, wanting to be alone and left alone. I always had the feeling that I was too young to have sex, but growing up this feeling never left me. 15? Too young. 17? Nope, I'm still at high school. Now? Guys this is still soon.

So my wake up to being ace was not groundbreaking. I just started to notice some things about me and then one day in september 2017 I was telling myself : I'm a strict asexual. That's it. 

 

 

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I know this thread is not really for me, but don't take your age for granted.  I recall being in college at age 25  and hearing a fellow student say he was 27 and  that he felt really old. I recall thinking that I am only slightly younger and feel really old.

Wait until more time goes by.  You will wonder how you ever thought that being in your 20s was a "too late"  time of your life, even if you are a younger person living in a world in which much older people have watched change  throughout the decades and to you is  the here and now. 

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Just re-applied to uni, hoping this course might be a better fit and not leve me drained on the verge of depression like the last one did. Having to look for a job, dealing with taxes and that hecking drivers license all while an epidemic is going on and I don't know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow. I feel like I'm slowly turning into someone else. I can barely recognize myself these days.

 

Everyone else seems to have a dream, a long term goal to strive towards, a vision of where they want to end up. I can't even think of what I want to eat tomorrow. Life is good.

 

 

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On 3/21/2020 at 4:56 PM, Asterias said:

Everyone else seems to have a dream, a long term goal to strive towards, a vision of where they want to end up. I can't even think of what I want to eat tomorrow. Life is good.

Takes time. And how you find your dream can't really be explained. All through my teens to late 20's I didn't know a damn thing what I wanted to do. But it's always been there. Now, I know... and it's actually a very simple thing. The fog will clear

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bast_lilithaen

Being 20 is great.  I am completely self-sufficient, and I'm actually somewhat in control of my life.  I get to choose where I live, how I eat, when I sleep especially right now with online classes.  In some ways I am better than ever before. In other ways, life sucks.
Like right now, I'm looking for a house to live in for the next year and I was thinking, you know what? I want to live with other people, no more studio apartment.  Problem. Apparently I have a very close-minded view about general cleanliness.  Why is it so hard to find a place with housemates that I dunno... sweep? clean the toilet on occasion? put things away?
And as a person who has had maybe three or four friends total in the past two decades, how the heck do you know if a person is a friend or not?  Can you actually build friendship relations when you feel seriously indebted to anyone just because they spoke to you and like you need to repay them in baked goods and homework answers?  Yet at the same time you desperately wish you had someone to hug and be 'normal' with.

@Asterias That was totally me my first two semesters.  Trying to remember if there was a point in my life that I ever actually would have preferred living over the nothingness.  Just had to persevere and engage with the educational life.  Spare time at open lectures, club meetings, reading scholarly publications on my phone at work, etc.
 

@florie_reh Your surety is inspiring.  I still have an edge of doubt about being ace, and I know if I let it go, I might be happier but I still feel like I have to try a bit longer with the grey and demi spectra.  Ah, to be a Queen.

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florie_reh
On 4/20/2020 at 10:46 PM, bast_lilithaen said:

Being 20 is great.  I am completely self-sufficient, and I'm actually somewhat in control of my life.  I get to choose where I live, how I eat, when I sleep especially right now with online classes.  In some ways I am better than ever before. In other ways, life sucks.
Like right now, I'm looking for a house to live in for the next year and I was thinking, you know what? I want to live with other people, no more studio apartment.  Problem. Apparently I have a very close-minded view about general cleanliness.  Why is it so hard to find a place with housemates that I dunno... sweep? clean the toilet on occasion? put things away?
And as a person who has had maybe three or four friends total in the past two decades, how the heck do you know if a person is a friend or not?  Can you actually build friendship relations when you feel seriously indebted to anyone just because they spoke to you and like you need to repay them in baked goods and homework answers?  Yet at the same time you desperately wish you had someone to hug and be 'normal' with.

@Asterias That was totally me my first two semesters.  Trying to remember if there was a point in my life that I ever actually would have preferred living over the nothingness.  Just had to persevere and engage with the educational life.  Spare time at open lectures, club meetings, reading scholarly publications on my phone at work, etc.
 

@florie_reh Your surety is inspiring.  I still have an edge of doubt about being ace, and I know if I let it go, I might be happier but I still feel like I have to try a bit longer with the grey and demi spectra.  Ah, to be a Queen.

Oh thank you! I'm happy and flattered to hear that you find me inspiring in any aspect, but think about this : Who ever said you need to be sure ? Spend some time with yourself and think about your feelings. Only time and self-knowledge will show the answer.

 

Now about friends : A friendship, like any other good relationship is build by confidence and confort. If you don't feel confortable, it's just not right. Friends are open to talk, they understand you and even if they don't, they will try to. And you also have to try for them, it's an eternal exchange of experiences if the friendship is real. It's funny sometimes, the most common things for you could be made in a entirely different way by them. Like going to the grocery store : I talked about it with my two friends once and they were skeptical with my methods. 

 

Not sure if I helped you¬†so... have a cake :¬†ūüćįūüćįūüćįūüćįūüćį

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I've never had anything to say in this thread, but now I think I do :) I've always lived in rent apartment and I've slowly started to dream about owner apartment. I've never felt like I had "a reason" to think about my own apartment, since a. I don't have a partner b. I'm not about to have children. I mean, I feel like all my friends and work mates have only started to think about their own apartment after either of these two cases. 

 

Well, I started to check out apartmerts for sale on my area just for fun and I actually started to feel like it would be the time for me. Anyhow, it raises a lot of thoughts about my life and future plans. Do I want to stay in this city, and in which area? What kind of space is enough/too much for me now/10+ years forward from now? What services I need/want close to me? What kind of community is good for me? Also, it would be nice to have an apartment with two bedrooms, to be able to comfortably house relatives/friends when they visit me, but it feels like it was too privileged for person like me, living alone.

 

Well, this post was nothing but just sharing my feelings on this topic :) how does it feel to buy an apartment alone, etc? It's kinda a way to announce that I'm not in the "in-between" state anymore but am going to keep the life style I have, also in the future.

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Skycaptain

@naakka, reference buying property alone. I have, and friends have, done so. My reasoning is that I'd rather be investing than paying someone rent. In the long term, should I get to old age and be running out of money, hopefully there'd be asset value in the property to draw down on and start renting if necessary. The two biggest provisos are, do you have the money for a deposit, and is a mortgage payment going to be more/similar/less than renting. Another benefit of ownership is that if you need to borrow money in the future, say for a car or, like now, to get through an economic crisis then interest rates are lower 

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Deedee amelie

Hi am 24 and procastinating, that's wats going on.. I did my ug and post graduation and know wat I want as a career..but just couldn't start any work towards that..I mean I evn have a list of movies I wanted to watch and evn that I can't see to do.

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