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NerdIsStrongWithThisOne
On 8/28/2014 at 8:48 AM, Artemis' Hunter said:

I don't know the statistics, but I would say there are A LOT more people who live with their parents for longer periods of time now than say thirty or even twenty years ago. The expectations that society has about this derive from the thinking twenty and thirty years ago though! I don't know what it's like in places outside the Midwest, but here it's almost shameful to still be living with your parents after the age of 22 or so. But a lot of people don't have another choice! I think a lot of it has to do with the economy, college expenses CONSTANTLY going up, the job market, and the shift in what's needed in the job market (more science/math/technology jobs now). Yeah, our generation gets the benefit of coming in just as the baby-boomers are going out, but it's still tough.

Also, all of my rants here are just from an American stand-point. Is there anyone here from another country? What's it like there? Are the expectations different?

I can actually answer this! In most non-American families, ie Asian, Indian, Slavic, etc, remaining at home as young adult was and typically is quite common. Check out the multigenerational family living, it's quite interesting.

Back to the US - it wasn't until about ~1940s that it became feasible for 18 year olds to get a solid, well paying job right out of high school. This coupled with a housing boom made it possible for young newlyweds to purchase houses right away, creating the nuclear family (single home contains only parents and children). The trend lasted just long enough for the mulitgenerational living habits to fade out of memory, unfortunately. With today's rising living costs and lack of available places to rent, more and more people are ending up back with their parents, and we're stuck dealing with the assumed stigma of a pattern that really didn't last all that long, in addition to not actually being feasible throughout history.  

Point is, in my understanding, living with your parents until you are in a position secure enough to afford moving out is incredibly common everywhere except North America. 

(I think all that made sense, it's been a really long day for me, sorry!)

 

 

I really just came here to introduce myself, but as you can see I got sidetracked 😂

Hey peeps! I'm mid 20s, dealing with full time school and full time work, so things are so far beyond hectic that I don't think I've seen real downtime in ages. That being said, I had planned on a proper introduction, but I'm out of time before I have to be somewhere! I'll be back when I can though :) 

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Hello. I'm later half of 20 years old. I have mental disorder. in my country, there are many hospital. but useful hospital is so few. I'm confusing.

 

at someday, I was thinking about people without marriage or lover. I thought that they are thinking about same thing of me. it is that I don't need lover and marriage. but many people need lover and marriage. I was confused. and I feel lonelyness and isolation. I serched on google about people don't need lover and marriage and sex. I found words about アセクシャル. アセクシャル is Japanese language of asexual. this word helped me. and I found AVEN forum writed by Japanese. I read about that forum. and I desided to join AVEN. other Japanese is inactive in AVEN. but I felt happy and laughing and glad. becouse some people is talking about anime and manga!🤩😍😊😉😆 I love anime and manga. my first post is in off-a. after I posted in welcome launge. 

I thought gay man people might to help my isolation. it is non sence. many gay feel romantic. many gay need lover. I can't understand about needing lover.

 

once, I thought many Japanese otaku might to help my lonelyness? it is non sence. in many shōjo-manga and shōnen-manga, and anime, there are romantic or sexual contents. I'm bored. I'm trying to draw manga. and I posted in my sns account. this is yaoi manga about not-asexual gay who want to have sex with a ace spectrum man. 

 

2019 Feb 23

Hi. I said that I try to draw manga. I stoped to draw. becouse drawing manga is difficult for me. I was tired.  

Edited by pH.bacon
my plan is end.
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I meant to introduce myself, but now I finally have the time! I'm in my mid twenties and identify as asexual when it comes to 3D people but identify as fictosexual when it comes to 2D men. When I was in middle/high - college I didn't have much interest in dating and only tried it out because I thought it's what everyone did. I couldn't last a week with any of the guys because it just didn't feel right to me, and I disliked intimacy. I couldn't really understand why everyone else loved dating so much honestly, and it bothered me for a while that I had zero interest in "real" people but had more of an interest in fictional characters. I loved writing fanfic, I even made up my own characters sometimes, I'd draw pictures of them, I'd play their games and get totally immersed in their worlds. I loved those feelings I felt with those characters, and there were a couple that I had very strong platonic/brotherly feelings towards. There were also a couple I had romantic feelings towards as well, but I found "my guy" and have been "with" him for almost a year now! It made me happy to finally figure out my sexuality, and I felt and still feel right. I also feel quite happy to be in this community and that I found this site! I felt kinda left out and like I didn't fit in sometimes because everyone else is into dating/etc, but I'm not so it makes me happy to be here!! I look forward to talking to you all and getting to know everyone.

 

 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey, I wasn’t sure whether to post here or pull up a chair in the 30 somethings. I’m 28 (almost 29) and I’ve very recently, ie within the last fortnight, realised I’m asexual. I mean obviously I knew I wasn’t “normal” as I experienced no sexual attraction but I didn’t realise there was a name for it let alone a Community. I also kind of thought maybe one day I will just feel different, but the older I get the more I realise that’s unlikely. 

 

About 2 years ago I gave myself permission to relax on the whole finding a relationship front and just live as a single gal, but now finding out there is a name for it and so many other that feel this way is awesome. 

 

Im still not really sure how I am feeling though, on one hand it’s great to know that this is a real thing and I am not just a spinster weirdo, but on the other hand I feel it cements the fact I will never have a partner. I would call myself sex repulsed so I don’t want sex and I thought initially I was aromantic but I think as I learn more about the definitions of the labels I think I might be more on the panromantic side. I wouldn’t ever be comfortable with stuff like kissing/making out but I’d love to find a friend to do life with, somebody that cares about me and worries about me and vise versa. I worry this will never be a reality though as I’ve never met another asexual and I still feel like if I “came out” to my parents, family and friends they’d look down on me.  It’s probably in my head. A lot of my family and friends know about the journey I am on to be a solo mother by choice using a sperm donor and having an insemination and that this was pretty much my plan a, so maybe they wouldn’t be too suprised. 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

Sorry for the long post, once so started it appears I can’t stop. This is all new to me so it helps to put some of it into words. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi everyone,

I'm halfway my twenties and it's been a few months since I started suspecting I am ace. It turned my life upside down, in a good way because I understand myself and my feelings much better, and in a hard way because I've been in a relationship for 3 years now. Still trying to figure out what my boundaries are and if we can make it work. It's so confusing for me to dissect what kind of intimacy I genuinely enjoy and what I really don't and have just been doing because it makes my partner happy. I believe now my boundary is kissing - tongues are too much.  And even though he is very sweet and supportive, I have this nagging feeling that he is still hoping it's just a phase and everything will go back to the way it was before. Anyway, it's been such a relief to find this community, being able to read people's stories, finding similarities and support!

More general stuff about me: I'm a graduate student working in biomedical sciences and have a job as a fashion model, so I'm travelling a lot and I really enjoy it! And I'm also a cat person, like many of you it seems 😉

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I just turned 24, I've been on AVEN for awhile now, but..the topics I post about usually don't give away my age, I think? And I don't really think I've posted about any age related struggles I have, but, I've known I was aro ace since I was 21, and it was extremely scary, then I found AVEN and lurked around reading really random crap...then I decided to join to start posting my own really random crap, lol.

 

Right now, I'm feeling the struggle of being a millennial. Like how Monopoly has a new Millennial game where real estate isn't really around "because we'll never be able to afford it anyways , and most of our money goes towards 'experiences'", yeah. That rerun episode of Black-ish where Ta-Nehisi Coates is on there and they're talking around and about BLM and around police violence is me all of the time, because my mind won't shut up. And I'm still scared of life- I don't want to do anything because the world is so dangerous, if you go to work or to school there might be an active shooter, if you take an Uber, you might be sex trafficked. People say that my mom coddles me a lot...but doesn't she have a reason? I'm always thinking about "the usual" way Millennials are thought of making money (YouTube, Instagram, blogging), but I'm hesitant to start because of listing fears above ☝, plus I've already been stalked before, but I'm extremely fearful of disparaging comments about my appearance. I also just wanna live in a blanket burrito and watch cartoons for the rest of my life.

 

But mostly "mer".

 

Because it's a weird funny mouth sound.

 

Being an adult is hard. Especially when we're inheriting such a screwed up world.

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@beecell My wife and I went through the same thing when I learned about asexuality 4 years ago. It took over a year for us to find a place that we were both comfortable with, and she still wants a bit more from me at times. I just never initiate things. If you have a lot of open communication, things can work out for you.

 

@The Dryad I'm 36, so I'm at the very upper end of Millenials, but I still have similar issues. I was raised in a city that has consistently been rated the most dangerous in the US, and it wasn't safe to even go out of your house much. I love Blackish, and even though I only have a small part of African ancestry, my Puertorican family members have similar taboos and experiences like they go through on the show. It can be tough to really get yourself out there, and it took until this year for me to decide to go back to school and work toward a degree that I can use to work from home. When I was your age, I was just getting out of the military and had no idea what to do with myself. Happy belated birthday, though. :D

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@Spotastic lol thanks, and thanks for telling me some of your story. School is long and tedious and expensive, but it seems to be our only salvation, brilliance is wasted without certification, so massive amounts of debt as supposed to help I guess? Idk I'm extremely skeptical of the whole system, but I know you have to play the game to win, and I hate it.

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@The Dryad Luckily for me, I have the GI Bill from the military to pay for my school, but I totally get you on the debt front. Part of why I joined the military was to get college money (also I wanted to get out of New Jersey, and I was pissed off after losing family from 9/11) after not being able to go to the school I got accepted to after high school because I couldn't afford to get there or pay for it. I have found in my life nothing happens the way I plan for it, but I get by anyway.

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I'm not particularly new to AVEN, but I also haven't posted in a while. My name is Tatsuya. I like video games! I'm 26 years old, but I realized I was asexual during high school. Now that I'm not in high school anymore, I find myself struggling with the pressure of "having not grown up" way too much, as most of the people in my life are either getting married or forcing themselves to stay in relationships they aren't truly happy with and my parents are still waiting for me to get married and start cranking out babies like my older siblings did. I'm from a pretty small, rural town, so while a lot of the teenagers that have internet access are really open-minded and involved with LGBT+ topics, most adults over the age of 20 are very against it.

 

Basically, I'm returning to AVEN because real life was getting too lonely to deal with, lol.

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  • 2 weeks later...
mercuryofmars

Hello you fellow twentysomethings. I've got less than two years to belong to this age bracket so I'll make myself known while I can. I'm Justin, a 28 year old Ace from the southern US. Spent most of my time in high school and college playing hop scotch when it came to determining my sexuality, but around four years ago I began looking into and felt comfortable identifying as asexual. I also identify as heteroromantic, though I did have a few, I suppose you could call them aesthetic crushes on a few male classmates in college when I was still figuring out everything. Since recognizing my ace side, nothing's changed much. I didn't date much beforehand and my average is about the same (one a year I think it was last I checked lol). It'd be nice to have an asexual group to join locally, but there aren't any that I can find. I looked at Meetup and was honestly surprised it's not a free service, so one goal for the next year's to try and find some connection with other nearby aces (at least in state if not my city, I'd even take the Southeast region 😌

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13 hours ago, mercuryofmars said:

I looked at Meetup and was honestly surprised it's not a free service

It should be a free service... I was just checking at it to make sure and when I signed in, I was able to view and respond to meetups without paying anything. You went to meetup.com, right?

 

Also, where "in the south" are you? I used to live in southeast Texas with my wife until we moved to Wisconsin 3 years ago. Also also, age isn't a strict requirement, as I'm 36 and periodically pop in here while frequently chatting in the 50's thread. It's more a guideline for the general types of topics covered. But welcome! :cake:

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mercuryofmars

@Spotastic, I think to join the site and other meetups is free, but when I looked into creating an asexual meetup for my city and surrounding areas, I was taken to a page that gave me different payment options for creating a meetup. Granted I haven't really used the site much beforehand, so I may be missing something.

 

I'm also in South Carolina :)

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19 hours ago, mercuryofmars said:

@Spotastic, I think to join the site and other meetups is free, but when I looked into creating an asexual meetup for my city and surrounding areas, I was taken to a page that gave me different payment options for creating a meetup. Granted I haven't really used the site much beforehand, so I may be missing something.

 

I'm also in South Carolina :)

Ah. I've never tried to create anything. That is probably the difference. That sucks.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm 27 and from Norfolk in the east of England (The top of the bit that sticks out). I kinda felt like everyone just thought sex was weird and a little gross (I look back and think 'how did you maintain that believe for so long?!?') until the last 18 months or so when I realised that no, people really do want to have sex. After a failed relationship in 2017 which definitely was in part due to anxiety about sex I decided to work on my anxiety and be truer to myself. I kept circling around to asexuality and finding a way to dismiss it but eventually gave in and accepted it and it's really helped me feel comfortable with myself which is a good thing.

 

My 20-something dilemma now is that I've got more confidence than I ever had when I was 21/22 but am also starting to feel a little old. Part of me wants to save up for a house so I don't have to rent and can 'settle down' and the other part of me is screaming that this is our last chance for adventure and that we missed out on it being an anxious early 20s-er and that we should just quit our job and go travel for a bit or go and live in another country for a few months. One day I feel I've decided one day and the next I've decided the other way!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm 21 and graduating in the spring (yay!) but I'm also stressed because what happens next??? What if I don't get into grad school? What if I can't find a job? Being a real adult is stressful.

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I’m 25 and only recently discovered the community and really wish I found it sooner. I spent so long ignoring my ‘feelings’ that it still feels a little weird to be talking about and labeling them (but it’s a really good kind of weird). It has been really helpful reading everyone’s stories on here though. Feeling less alone for sure. 

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On 2/2/2019 at 8:37 PM, 1_1 SnailXD said:

I’m 25 and only recently discovered the community and really wish I found it sooner. I spent so long ignoring my ‘feelings’ that it still feels a little weird to be talking about and labeling them (but it’s a really good kind of weird). It has been really helpful reading everyone’s stories on here though. Feeling less alone for sure. 

I'm glad so many people go through this at this age too, I always felt alone in my young adult years and only recently started opening up to people. I really do hope I'll feel comfortable with myself someday soon, and finally be confident in who I am and what I can do. 

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  • 1 month later...

I'm 25. Death is a challenge that may be faced, stick to your beliefs and you may overcome. Nothing gets me down, what gets me by is just taking things as they come. My plans don't have a certain outcome though I'm proud of my achievements as a being.

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 I can only connect to people who had a open knowledge about the world. I must say I was trying to find this, but my old thread is missing so basically : I really enjoy company, if you're smart, so welcome! I enjoy learning (especially about music ;). That's it haha

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On 8/26/2014 at 6:17 AM, Float On said:

Life is tough, and we didn't really understand this until now. Everything is scary, and everything is confusing.

What challenges do you face? What solutions have you found? What gets you down, what gets you by?

Share your pains, spread hugs and pass around cake, and more than anything announce with pride your accomplishments!

whatever you wanna post, post here, for fellow 20-somthinites to hear!

I'm between 25-30, never dated or had any kind of sexual experience. The greatest issue for me is the feeling of being totally isolated from your peers. Since my teens I started to become more and more separated from my peers, gradually feeling like I have nothing in common with majority of them. It saddens me to not to be able to casually relate with people of my age. I still sometimes feel like I should feel some sort of regret for not having "the normal" lifestyle of people of my age... but I don't. So far the greatest help was to find out about asexuality. This forum have been so important for my sanity :D

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  • 5 weeks later...
On 2/3/2019 at 3:37 AM, 1_1 SnailXD said:

I’m 25 and only recently discovered the community and really wish I found it sooner. I spent so long ignoring my ‘feelings’ that it still feels a little weird to be talking about and labeling them (but it’s a really good kind of weird). It has been really helpful reading everyone’s stories on here though. Feeling less alone for sure. 

It's exactly what I feel right now.

 

 

I'm 27 years old and I tend to hesitate about writing posts about such delicate feelings because it's all new to me. I'm just starting to reconsider all I've ever thought about (a)sexuality. I'm grateful for words and the way you share here your inner world. Thanks everyone. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'm 27 years old and from East Yorkshire, UK.

I only discovered the term asexual a couple of months this ago but it was like a revelation! 

I've only ever been in one relationship and that was 7 years ago and since then I have wanted a relationship but never found the 'right person' and I think that's because I expected to feel sexual attraction but haven't done - for now obvious reasons.

It's nice to know there are others out there that feel the same and have similar experiences, even if they may feel frustrating.

I think I would consider myself hetroromantic as I do crave a relationship, maybe I could be demisexual, I guess I wouldn't know until I met the person but I would be just as happy in an asexual relationship I think.

Anyway, I don't know about other late 20 something romantics but all my friends are settling down, buying houses with partners and having kids and I can't help but feel a bit jealous as all that feels like a distant dream to me!

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@AHAL, welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm 22 and I just had my first taste of real life professional issues. I had my first professional meeting  and I was highly unprepared for it, despite studying (I studied the wrong area) and came out of it crying because I felt I was not cut out for this area and ready to quit my new career before it even started. Thankfully, I did not, but now I'm afraid that this is real life. Just constantly unprepared. I hope to find my niche and be comfortable with what I work with. 

On top of that, I'm struggling in the relationship world but I don't think I can mentally handle a relationship anyways. Let alone a new one where I have to describe what's going on with my sexuality and career. 

I'm also moving across the country for this new position in a month, leaving my family and friends. 

Not griping, just trying to understand how to do this adult thing. Anyone have any advice other than just weather the storm? 

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AmazingGrAce

I just turned 20 last month, so I believe this thread is where I belong now!

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@AmazingGrAce, happy recent birthday 🎂 🎂 🎊 🎊 

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AmazingGrAce
21 minutes ago, Skycaptain said:

@AmazingGrAce, happy recent birthday 🎂 🎂 🎊 🎊 

Thank you!

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On 7/8/2019 at 11:49 PM, kstitch said:

Just constantly unprepared. I hope to find my niche and be comfortable with what I work with. 

On top of that, I'm struggling in the relationship world but I don't think I can mentally handle a relationship anyways. Let alone a new one where I have to describe what's going on with my sexuality and career. 

I'm also moving across the country for this new position in a month, leaving my family and friends. 

 

I feel you! I'll finish my bachelor soon-ish and I've got no idea what to do with it and can't help but feel like I wasted all my time on my studies and I might as well not even do anything with what I initially planned. 

Moving far away is tough. My tip would be try to do some things where you can meet new people in the first weeks, even when you're exhausted. Because being apart from your usual social setting just gets worse when you check on social media and see them having a great time while you feel like you're all alone. So do a yoga course or join a class or something. Look out for events in your area and go there alone even if it seems weird at first. Good luck! 

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  • 3 weeks later...
QueerAroAce

I'm 20, from canada. My friends have mentioned the possibility that I may be ace to due my confusion with people or my lack of interest regarding them. (Failed fwbs/dating) I laughed and said they might be right but I wasn't too sure at the time, they brought it up again recently (due to a rant of mine) sending me links about it. Which brought this site to my attention. As of now, finally started to be interested in learning more about asexuality. I'm comfortable with being ace, since I've found out the community that makes me feel welcomed. Aside from that,  I have no idea what to do with my life. No major interests really .

Edited by Ace_Fujoshi_Passingby
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