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For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground


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Hi! My name is Rebecca :) 20 something. New here!

 

Suppose I should add a little more!

 

I'm due to graduate as a physiotherapist in a few months which is fairly exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I hope to specialise eventually into a subtype of neurophysiotherapy which I'm excited about, but we'll see where life takes me in the next few years.

I suppose what brings me here is looking for a sense of community of people whom I can relate to. I have lot's of amazing friends whom I love who are sexual, but I'd love to interact with some people who are on the asexual spectrum. I've had experience testing the waters of the dating world, and have always come back fairly apathetic about the whole thing. 

The same phrases 'things'll be different when you find the one' have been things I've regularly heard. I think somewhere along the lines I started to realise I wasn't quite wired the same as my friends. Especially when the conversation topic is about wanting to have sex, and I realise I have nothing to add.

I hope to make some friends on here, and who knows maybe something more! 

 

Off the subject of asexuality, and sexuality in general I really like cats. Suppose that makes me a crazy cat woman! 

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I'm 28, I found out about I was asexual only about a few years ago. I wish I found out before since I got into a few of arguments due to being so disgusted by people's attractions for certain body parts on a some boards. I feel like I should have realized that I'm asexual since I never found anything attractive.

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karatekid34

So I guess I'll write stuff about me after skimming a few posts. 

 

I'm newly 25 and don't have a clue really what I'm doing.  So in terms of my sexuality.. I think I started thinking about it in my early twenties. Seeing about it on Tumblr made me think I might be Ace. And now I identify as asexual but hetero-romantic. My friends know but my family don't and I don't see it as a big deal they know because since I'm not in a relationship it's not a problem.

 

So I work two jobs both part time and while I live by myself I feel behind like many 20 somethings my age. I got my degree in History and probably should go back to get a teaching degree but am not 100% sure I'd like that.  

I've never been in a relationship and while that's not the worst thing in the world it gets lonely sometimes. I thought 25 I'd at least be in a relationship but no.. I do like someone but I don't think they like me back so.

 

It's nice to be able to vent about this and see that despite everyone struggling we press on and can improve ourselves and just take things one day at a time. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
DeathCanoeIV
On 3/4/2018 at 11:33 PM, karatekid34 said:

So I work two jobs both part time and while I live by myself I feel behind like many 20 somethings my age. I got my degree in History and probably should go back to get a teaching degree but am not 100% sure I'd like that.  

 

If you would go back out of a sense of obligation to do something with your degree instead of actual interest, I don't think it's worth it. I also have a degree in history that I've done nothing with for six years. I only picked history because I was in my junior year of college, had to pick something, and decided on the subject I was most interested in despite having no career plans for it beyond "maybe I'll teach." Good for those 18-20 year olds who have it all figured it out, but that was not remotely me. 28 and still don't have it all figured out. I've been fortunate to have some good opportunities come up and to be in a position where I can take them, but I definitely still struggle with feeling behind other people my age. It's only recently I've started caring less about that/realizing it's not really the case. I don't have any advice for getting past it or figuring it out or anything, but your words resonated. Good luck to you. 

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Guest Jetsun Milarepa

Hi,

I really admire you all, starting out on the Ace journey, I'm  just popping my (almost 60 year old) head round the door to say how I wish AVEN had been around when I was at your stage and to give you all a round of applause.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello all!

 

I fit this age group, so I figured I might as well post here. I'm 22 going on 23 later this year. I've considered myself asexual since I was about seventeen, but I really embraced the label when I was 19. I was hesitant at first because the other asexual person that I knew wasn't exactly like me. I figured that I was just a repressed heterosexual or something for a while haha.

 

But anyways, I feel a lot more comfortable calling myself asexual now, and I'm glad to see so many folks growing more comfortable with their own sexualities as well!

 

The obligatory about me: I work full-time at a library and am a part-time student majoring in graphic design. I am a cat person, though I can aesthetically appreciate dogs. Dogs are just too loud for me though [you can thank my cousins for having such annoying and loud dogs].

 

I'd love to hear more about anyone that is willing to talk! :D

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It's nice to see fellow 20-somethings in here, maybe we can revive this channel a bit.

 

I'm currently doing an undergrad in chemical engineering with the occasional part time job. I've considered myself to be probably asexual for a while now but only ended up joining recently.

 

On 4/10/2018 at 11:04 PM, darvyn said:

I am a cat person, though I can aesthetically appreciate dogs. Dogs are just too loud for me though

I'm also most definitely a cat person. I can appreciate certain cute dogs as long as they stay away from me but I have to admit to having trouble understanding the dog craze.

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I'm 23 and i  only heard the term asexual for the first time earlier this year. does anyone else ever feel frustrated that their schools never covered LGBTQIA stuff in SPHE [health] classes [question mark key broken]

i feel like my teenage years and life in general would have been so much different if i, and the other kids around me, knew what asexual and aromantic  were, and a lot of trouble and stress could have been avoided.

i'm irish and i went to an all girls catholic secondary school, and it's only when i got to college that i realise how much i wasn't taught that everyone else around me knew.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Ms. Carolynne

@Amy94 I definitely do. Where I live schools don't teach about LGBTQ at all. From sex ed to adult roles, everything is taught from a heteronormative point of view with nuclear families being the focus.

 

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@Amy94 Preach! I feel the same freaking way. I didn't even hear the term Asexual until my best friend told me she might be last year. I remember the whole conversation and just mentally checking off things that I felt. It was like everything was clicking into place, and I was SO miserable about it. I started to understand why I felt so broken and that there ACTUALLY WERE other people out there feeling the same way. Without knowing that Asexuality was a thing, I just kept fooling myself that I was a "late bloomer." If my school actually introduced the idea of non-heterosexual identities, SO MUCH pressure and confusion and self-hatred could have potentially been prevented. I mean if a kid, who is in their teens, where people are reportedly supposed to be at their most hormonal and "sex driven," is not feeling anything, there's a chance they might not be sexual, and they shouldn't just be left in the dark about it.

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It's especially frustrating when you go to a school with especially bad SPHE/health classes and then you go to college, where there are lots of other students who all have a lot of knowledge and experience you don't - because going from a two storey secondary school to a campus literally the size of a town [I go to UCD, university college dublin, biggest one in ireland] isn't scary enough!

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I'm Emma, 21 years old. Always knew I wasn't interested in or attracted to someone sexually, but didn't know there was word for it or that it was a orientation until last year when I was 20. Everyone growing up thought it was weird I don't see anyone that way and I thought something was wrong with me, but now it all makes sense. I'm a Political Science major in university and I'm also pursuing a minor in Peace and Social Justice. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh hey, I'm actually 20 now and I can finally be able to contribute to this thread. :lol:

 

For those who might not know me, I've actually known I was asexual when I was about late 17 or early 18. Currently still have very little experience with relationships. Still in college, and still have a few more years to go. Not looking forward to student loans when I get out of the community college. Though, I'm definitely looking forward to when I'd hopefully be more independent the sooner the better. I do have a part-time job.

 

Still can't believe I'm 20 and would actually be turning 21 in 5 months.

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I think it's pretty normal to not really 'know' until you are 18 or so , just because you spend a lot of your teens thinking 'anddddd now'....15 passes 'annndddd NOw' ....17 passes "mnn...okay...well I just , I'll find a friend one day and maybe something will happen...yeah..maybe ' 19 comes 'ohp nope , okay ...yeah , this isn't happening. '

 

I still have a lot of self doubt that springs up. I don't know if anyone else has that.  It is like I KNOW it is true, but I am still very much like 'well maybe I'm just scared', or 'maybe I haven't met the right person'. Basically all that crap that people throw at you when you say you are asexual, I sometimes get running through my head.

 

I also like the idea of a romantic relationship, but I just have never felt it. It sounds really nice to have a special person you are super super close to . I think I just want affection from people, but not really romantic affection and it's leaking over into me feeling like I can't have it like other people do because I don't feel a spark for anybody.

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4 hours ago, SkyWorld said:

Oh hey, I'm actually 20 now and I can finally be able to contribute to this thread. :lol:

HA HA YOU'RE OLD (kidding, welcome to your roaring 20's! Remember to roar a lot)

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When I was 17, my plan was to go to school for Astronomy. When I was 19, I was joining the Marine Corps to fix radar on fighter jets. Now that I'm 35, I'll be starting school next month for Business Analytics. Your path in life can change a lot over the years.

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I'm a 20 something also. xD

i'm 22 years old, i currently live with my parents still but i plan to move out soon and hopefully i'll finally go and be a police officer. i haven't really went to college at all since i didn't have a reason to do it .

more about me i just recently discovered that i'm demisexual well demi-heterosexual actually  though years before now i always wondered why i never really felt primary sexual attraction towards random people or right off with those i dated... except one person i actually felt sexual attraction and that was my ex girlfriend that left me months back. before all that i always wondered why i perceive sexual attraction differently and never get how sexuals can just mindlessly flirt at each other and be sexually attracted to people they don't know nor they would end up with. everything like that seemed foreign to me but i hated that i just shaked it off and just pretend that i'm a normal heterosexual when i'm not, granted i never heard of demisexuality while i was growing up but asexuality yes but i never explored it.

well now i'm here and i hope to make some great friends here! :) other info i'm autistic, highly functioning autistic and i have a deep love for cowboy hats and anything western haha. i love both cats and dogs but my bias is cats though for some reason but that's me. i'm also a techie as well. other than that, hi! :)

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  • 3 weeks later...
SilentRose

I'm 23... the most confusing year yet for me. Some days I like my job, some days I come home feeling empty and like I need something more. Either way I know it's not something I want to do forever. Currently trying to figure out if I should live at home or move out, trying to buy a car and figure out the confusion that is bills and healthcare. Also i recently got out of a relationship and am in a new sexual relationship, navigating it as someone who's desire is very sporadic has been confusing. Friends are all over the place, some relationships after college fell apart but my core three girls are still there for me :)

still a bit afraid because i have no idea what I want out of life. Anyway, that's me, hello all :)

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Skycaptain

Welcome all the newcomers 🎂 🎂 

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Guess who's been here for a while and never posted on this board? It me.

 

Anyway, hey all! I'm currently 21, 22 in September. It's weird, in the month leading up to my 17th birthday, I was extremely sick. We didn't even know if I'd make it to that birthday. But here I am, 5 years later, still alive and (kinda) functioning. I live with my parents and am only taking two online college classes per semester, but that's better than it could have been. Even though I'm not on death's door anymore, the treatment left me with long term side effects, and now both my legs are totally crapping out on me. It's kinda scary to know that, even if/when I get joint replacements, I'll still never be able to keep up with my age group when it comes to physical activities, even something as basic as running. I've got the 'grandma shuffle' totally down though.

 

I guess, with all these health problems and doctor's appointments and not being able to take care of myself fully, I'm a bit glad I'm aro/ace (or at least as far as I can tell). It leaves me with one less thing to worry about or to keep me preoccupied thinking about.

 

Though really, my sexuality is more of just a 'there's other things to think about' sort of thing. Like, even in middle school and high school, I procrastinated thinking about potentially being ace for years because I was too busy thinking about other stuff like classwork and books and music. 'I'll think about that later, got something more important to focus on.'

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Hi everyone I’m 26 :). I’m only new to the group but I’m glad I found my way here.

I found it difficult the last few years of high school until a few years ago when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Before I found out I was demisexual and their is nothing wrong with how I am. Everyone is so supportive and help me realise I should be proud of who I am and not ashamed of it or worried what other people might think.

 

I just wanted to say thanks. I’m not very good at giving advice only really know about plants and animals lol but if I can help anyone I’ll give it a shot. :D 

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Wait...being in your 20's makes you "older asexuals"? 

😮 

Anyway hi I'm 20 and finally moving out. I need advice on how to get a job fast? I have retail experience. I need a new job because my new place is in another state, so I quit the one I was at for a while. 

Oof. Rant. 

Spoiler

Also since this thread is about challenges of adulthood...can I just say how freaking hard it is to get a license. Most people had parents to teach them or had access to driver's ed before needing to get a job. My parents didn't teach me, driving lessons are expensive as all hell, and driver's ed conflicts with work schedules. But I paid over $600 for the limited amount of lessons, hoping it would be enough. I am still not a confident driver. I paid for the lessons because they are pretty much all I had to practice with. It should not be this difficult just to practice driving. When you have no one who drives who has time to sit in the car with you while you practice, learning to drive is difficult. Infuriating. I am doing everything I possibly can, using any resources I have, and it's not enough. Getting a license feels impossible sometimes, and it sucks because I am trying so damn hard for this basic thing most people got easily in their teens and here I am, no longer a teen, and struggling. It's not fair and I'm sick of it. 

People tell me "Just take the test." "Practice. practice. practice." It's not that simple and most people just don't understand. Not having access to this simple thing that would make doing things like working so much easier has brought me to tears a few times. Nothing seems to work out. 

 

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@Mewtwo I would suggest applying at a fast food place. I was a shift manager at Taco Bell for a year and a half, and right now all of the younger employees are getting ready to go back to school, so they're looking for replacements for their summer workers. I may be biased by suggesting Taco Bell or KFC, but I really enjoyed my time working there and that can't be said for a lot of fast food places.

 

And yes, 20's are older on AVEN because a whole lot of confused kids flock here. Also, this provides a place to talk about things like work issues and finding a house that the younger AVENites have no experience with.

 

On the driving front, I'm 35 and don't have a license. Granted, by the time I was 28 my back problems and the pain medication I needed prevented me from driving anyway, but I get the frustration. My wife hates driving and gets bad anxiety while doing it, but she was the only one who could teach me. I had a permit for a while, but failed the driving test. My wife doesn't know how to parallel park and couldn't teach it to me. I don't really have any helpful suggestions, but I can empathise.

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Melanie Skye

Hey! I'm Melanie. I'm a 3L in law school (I'll be graduating this coming February!) and I taught high school for four years before going to law school. I'm new to the group here but I've considered myself to be ace for around 5 years? I still have zero idea what my romantic orientation is. I've experienced crushes or squishes on people of any gender but very rarely. I'm turning 30 in January. 

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Steph_Catherine
On 1/13/2018 at 2:58 PM, PurpleFlower said:

For me it’s because I always thought that I’m just really late bloomer, I haven’t found “the one” yet, or something like that.

 

Also I didn’t know I could be asexual, because I have libido, sometimes strong and sometimes almost nonexistent.

I always put it down to me being a late bloomer as I never really got the whole crush thing, the whole dating thing, the whole sex thing. I'm now 23 and have only just realised this week that I identify as an asexual and now my whole life makes complete sense. I'm still a virgin but to be honest, the idea of sex has always made me feel uncomfortable and icky. I don't like kissing either. Been kissed twice and found it gross 😷

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  • 2 weeks later...

The 20's are hard enough as it is, when you're expected to have everything figured out. It's like you're supposed to graduate college, get a job on the spot, get in a relationship, get married, move out, the whole deal. And it feels like the way all of that comes so easy for other people, when we don't meet those expectations it's almost as if society's looking at us like we're failing.

Hi there, my name's Lori. I'm 28 and i figured out i was ace about ten months ago, open about it (and my questioning romantic orientation that comes with it) for about six months.

Right now i'm a part time retail worker, and some weeks it feels like i live in the store and other weeks i don't have enough hours to do anything. I went to school for graphic design and English, which had always been my plans. But my dad died three years ago and it basically put my whole life on hold. All i did was work and didn't care about anything else. And while everyone else was off with their full time jobs and significant others and families, i felt like i was left behind. Figuring out i was asexual helped me understand why that was and i think i just wished there'd been a way for me to find out sooner, so maybe some things i could've figured out sooner or it wouldn't feel like i was so far behind.

I've never had an actual crush or been in a relationship. I only recently learned that squishes were a thing and i still don't know the difference, if i would recognize either. Not having any form of life together is confusing enough, but adding the question mark makes it more so. I'm fortunate that my friends, as well as my mom (and i know my dad would have) accept me but i know it's not always gonna be that way. But feeling like i don't have the whole answer on top of dealing with customers almost every day and asking me what i'm doing working in a chain store instead of what i went to school for doesn't help, and the latter is hard enough to explain on a daily basis. And it's nice to see that it doesn't seem like i'm the only one in either position. I'm looking forward to hopefully finding a place where i can learn more and feel like i can fit in, that i fully belong somewhere and can talk about things like this when it doesn't always feel that way irl.

Sorry, that was probably a bit too long of a way of saying hi 😝 I we can still become friends :3

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  • 3 weeks later...
Steph_Catherine

My name is Stephanie, I'm 23 and I only realised I was ace this year. As in, last month. I've never been interested in sex but I just put it down to me being a late bloomer. Clearly, that was not the case. But hey ho, I have a word for it now and my whole life makes so much more sense now :) So hi, guys! Nice to meet you all!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey guys I'm 23 as well, trans and asexual. I've struggled with feeling attraction and being confused about sexuality (and romantic love) throughout my teenage life.
Identifying as lesbian (as I still thought I was female) or straight never felt entirely right or correct. I always felt like I was missing something. This only added to me facing troubles with falling in love and participating in sex.
I finally fully accepted the fact I'm attracted to personalities, not sex or gender. What I'm absolutely sure about is that, most of the time, I experience platonic attraction. I also know what it feels like to have aesthetic attraction and, though rarely, sensual attraction.
Now that I've settled a little on aven, I'm starting to accept my "lack" of sexual and romantic attraction as well.
When I found out about asexuality (and aromanticism) I felt relief and was amazed how much I was able to relate to the experiences of aces and aros.
A brief phase of grief followed, feeling lost and like I'm worth less just because of my emotions (don't have much self-esteem overall). But now I do feel better and I'm very glad not to be the only one with this kind of struggles.
Reading the book "The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality" by Julie Decker helped a lot, too.

I never came across a more understanding, friendly and considerate platform than aven!

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I just turned 20 a couple of months ago. I'm asexual and unsure of my romantic orientation, but at the moment I'm not interested in a romantic relationship.

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