For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground

[dragon_cake]

I'm 23 and have so much ideas of what I want to do but no encouragement or direction in life. I attended college but never finished with only three remaining courses I need to fulfill for transfer and have been going back and forth for the dmv, failing twice at the hands on driving test with driving anxiety and being completely discouraged by my mother when I failed the writing test in one day even though I passed on the second with some studying and help from an app. I've moved for the third time with my family in CA and they are trying to convince me to live with my grandmother in Korea when I only know basic Korean and not very fluent in it. All I'm sure I want is to be a translator, an illustrator, or a videogamer (or a reviewing youtuber?). We're currently living in my aunt and uncle's home and the only one who doesn't have to share a room is my older sister. Everything just feels hopeless when I don't have a stable job with a steady income and barely any cooking skills compared to others (I can only make spaghetti, dobuki, ramen from its package, and pancakes).

Not knowing when we might move or not also grips my fear of making any new friends since my last suspicion was right before we maybe settled at our relative's place. So far, pokemon go, along with other apps and the internet are keeping me from going crazy.

[Luftschlosseule]

24 and... going on. I am studying archaeology, which is fun. But I don't have the capacity for as much classes as I want to take, and can't work besides, because my health is not what I want it to be.

I want to be an author. And a flat with a garden, big enough for at least one dog to be comfortable.

In a few minutes my new flatmate will arrive to paint the walls and I only can hope that we'll get along well. That makes me quite nervous.

Books are a great help, I always need to read to wind down. Pokémon Go doesn't work on my phone, sadly, but I'd like to find a monster in the egyptology library. That would be awesome.

[Forest Spirit]

@Luftschlosseule: sorry for my stupid question, but I'm curious: which kind of author do you want to be specifically? Meaning, do you study archaeology for that purpse or is that more of a "just interest/passion"-thing? Do you take exta courses for writing?

Just asking because I'm currently trying to figute out exactly what I want to do as a job later...

^hopes this doesn't sound weird^

[Luftschlosseule]

@Luftschlosseule: sorry for my stupid question, but I'm curious: which kind of author do you want to be specifically? Meaning, do you study archaeology for that purpse or is that more of a "just interest/passion"-thing? Do you take exta courses for writing?

Just asking because I'm currently trying to figute out exactly what I want to do as a job later...

^hopes this doesn't sound weird^

Nope, that doesn't sound weird.^^

I want to be happy with what I do. Experience shows me, though, that I end up in the fantasy corner, because I don't see why an author should be restricted by natural laws. It's not that I depend on elves and orcs to fill my stories, more that I embrace every possibility. If the characters enter a room without gravity, what happens?

I am on a German platform for fanwork, where I started writing fanfiction but tendet to write original fiction, and I learned through writing. At the moment, I think I can write, but I have nothing to show you guys since I don't write fiction in Englisch.

The problem with writing is: You cannot plan. I like having enough money to buy food, so I need to start somewhere else while writing till I wind up having a novel.

The funny thing is: The school I first went to didn't include my a-levels (Realschule), so I had a quite a few trainings for applying for a job and figuring out what I wanted to do - but still didn't know what to do.

Then I had a internship at an excavation, and that was awesome. It's like the earth beneath you is a surprise bag and literally no one knows what you are going to finde. For me, the difficulty was that I want to do brainwork, but I also want to work with my hands. At the moment, I still don't know where I will work later on. But there are so many possibilities: I can work at a museum, or for a government, I can fix old broken things, and you can always become a journalist if you studied. ...if you studied anything else than journalism, that is.

And I started studying archaeology for Greece and Rome, and as a second class Egypt and Mesopotamia, although I wanted to become an anthropologist. I hoped that I could switch later on, but fell in love with learning hieroglyphs and about Mesopotamia. This semester, there was a class about mummies. Our local museum was given a mummy a few years ago - it was discovered in a school's cupboard! - and has been restored, so we were making a exhibition which will be on display in november and december. That was SO much fun!

That's why I want to stay. I won't get rich, just be able to pay bills, but at least I'll love what I do, and that's as far as I can plan now.

You should try as much as you can, but only through doing it you will know what you want to do. If studying is an option, you can ask if you can attend a few lectures. Internships can be helpfull, too.

For me, it was important to... not to look to hard. Just look how something is, without constantly thinking about my future. Because I was so worked up that I didn't see anything.

[Forest Spirit]

@Luftschlosseule: sorry for my stupid question, but I'm curious: which kind of author do you want to be specifically? Meaning, do you study archaeology for that purpse or is that more of a "just interest/passion"-thing? Do you take exta courses for writing?

Just asking because I'm currently trying to figute out exactly what I want to do as a job later...

^hopes this doesn't sound weird^

Nope, that doesn't sound weird.^^

I want to be happy with what I do. Experience shows me, though, that I end up in the fantasy corner, because I don't see why an author should be restricted by natural laws. It's not that I depend on elves and orcs to fill my stories, more that I embrace every possibility. If the characters enter a room without gravity, what happens?

I am on a German platform for fanwork, where I started writing fanfiction but tendet to write original fiction, and I learned through writing. At the moment, I think I can write, but I have nothing to show you guys since I don't write fiction in Englisch.

The problem with writing is: You cannot plan. I like having enough money to buy food, so I need to start somewhere else while writing till I wind up having a novel.

The funny thing is: The school I first went to didn't include my a-levels (Realschule), so I had a quite a few trainings for applying for a job and figuring out what I wanted to do - but still didn't know what to do.

Then I had a internship at an excavation, and that was awesome. It's like the earth beneath you is a surprise bag and literally no one knows what you are going to finde. For me, the difficulty was that I want to do brainwork, but I also want to work with my hands. At the moment, I still don't know where I will work later on. But there are so many possibilities: I can work at a museum, or for a government, I can fix old broken things, and you can always become a journalist if you studied. ...if you studied anything else than journalism, that is.

And I started studying archaeology for Greece and Rome, and as a second class Egypt and Mesopotamia, although I wanted to become an anthropologist. I hoped that I could switch later on, but fell in love with learning hieroglyphs and about Mesopotamia. This semester, there was a class about mummies. Our local museum was given a mummy a few years ago - it was discovered in a school's cupboard! - and has been restored, so we were making a exhibition which will be on display in november and december. That was SO much fun!

That's why I want to stay. I won't get rich, just be able to pay bills, but at least I'll love what I do, and that's as far as I can plan now.

You should try as much as you can, but only through doing it you will know what you want to do. If studying is an option, you can ask if you can attend a few lectures. Internships can be helpfull, too.

For me, it was important to... not to look to hard. Just look how something is, without constantly thinking about my future. Because I was so worked up that I didn't see anything.

Thanks for the answer, it helped a bit to solve my internal chaos. My problem is that I never had a "dream-job", also because I don't see myself as the career-seeking-type. Somehow it even feels weird to me to get paid for doing something I can, dunno. I just want to do a job that I like doing, where I can apply my strenghts and earn enough money to survive basically (like you said: "to pay bills"). I started studying astrophysics last year and love it! But I constantly doubt everything... "Am I good enough? What am I going to work as later? Was this the right decision?" ... these kind of thoughts. I know that I shouldn't worry too much about the distant future, but my brain (especially when I'm not in the best mood anyway; HSP here!) just doesn't want to shut up! ^sigh, brains..^

I know pretty well what I want to do with the rest of my life (as in: everything non-jobrelated) but that part still gets me down too often..

Anyways, your post gave me a positive feeling, so thanks again :)

And by the way, one of my cousins also studied archaeology, it's really cool 👍

[Luftschlosseule]

Yes, well, these feelings have all the guys I ask. I have them, my friends at university have them. The brain doesn't want to shut up.

Astrophysics? Cool! So I need to ask you for a time machine? We really need one. Or two.

[Forest Spirit]

Yes, well, these feelings have all the guys I ask. I have them, my friends at university have them. The brain doesn't want to shut up.

Astrophysics? Cool! So I need to ask you for a time machine? We really need one. Or two.

Good to hear that I'm not the only one with these feelings (good in the sense of "not feeling alone with this/hopeless").

A time-and-space-machine is on my list ;D (TARDIS style) that would be such incredibly awesome <3 ^dreams happily ever after^

And thanks to you I found my will again to write a bit on my own! This summer is a really intense "finding to my true self again"-time :D

[Luftschlosseule]

You're welcome. (:
I feel better, too, after finding this forum and talking to you guys.

[Forest Spirit]

Thanks☺

Totally relate to that. AVEN has become sort of my therapist and second home wish you a good stay and all the best!

[deleted_account]

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[SithAzathoth WinterDragon]

I'm 26 and part Swedish, Scottish/Irish, Alaska native, German,Icelandic, Welsh and Danish. I am Homoromantic Asexual and Heathen. I follow my Swedish ancestor Gods and path. Nothing has ever got me stressed or depressed for who I am. I never had sex and never want to try it, I feel comfortable around women more than males. I do talk with males but not openly since none are close friends. I do not trust males and never really have trusted them, my interests in life are for my career in volcanology/geology or the Medical field. I do my own volcano studies through a program that I'm a member of, I prefer staying single.

[Varadis]

I keep all my financial ducks in a row these days, I'm actively looking for work and as a result have made efforts to behave in a more professional manner, I drink much less than I did in my early twenties...It's true I'm 28 and maybe too old for anime, but I feel like if something is funny, then I'm going to laugh.

That sounds pretty "grown-up" to me! I'm tossing in my two cents about never being too old for anime. It's art and storytelling. Although I do avoid the hypersexualized youth ones. I really don't want to hear/see anything about that.

[TerrysAwake]

No offense..but I thought this forum was for at least 40 year olds.

[deleted_account]

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[Starfire_KTreva]

So I'm 28 and have literally (like last week) just left a bad marriage of 6 years. I have 2 kids one toddler one about to start school. I'm about to move city to be closer to them and try and get them back and work out a custody agreement with my ex, as they live with their paternal grandparents (who hate me) currently. I have been unemployed/stay at home mum since I got married and have no qualifications. My two dream jobs are singer in a rock/metal band or a veterinarian. Unfortunately there is only one place in my country to study vet which is not where my kids are and it's a 5 year course. I'm actually going for the rock/metal band at the moment just got a gig with a serious band in the city I'm moving to who are good. so we'll see what happens there, not the easiest career with kids but I hope I could make it work if we managed to get successful.

I'm terrified that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life though. My ex was emotionally abusive and I have no self confidence anymore when it comes to myself as a person. I don't much like myself so how could anyone else ever like me enough to stick around for long.

Sometimes I feel like I've got it and it's like:

*yea, I'm adulting so well. I've got this*

But most of the time I'm more like:

*OMG. WTH was I thinking. I can't do this I'm a terrible person. My kids would be better off without me around.*

And I have fibromyalgia and depression (in case you didn't guess from above)

[Forest Spirit]

@Starfire_KTreva: ^sends hugs^ hope it'll all turn out well! I can only imagine how hard it is to leave a bad marriage. But you see, you already did something very adult!! Not everyone manages to do this..

Self-doubts are something horrible (have them myself, and many others too) but just keep moving :)

Wish you all the best!

[ambivalent4422]

i'm 27 and i've been sick my entire adult life. i grew up in an abusive home and everything after that seems exceptionally easy. my symptoms are just now going into remission too, which is an incalculable relief but also a little new and scary.

i struggle with myself because i'm gifted, but because i'm also sick i can't really do anything with it. i tried school a couple of times but couldn't find a supportive doctor to go up to bat for me when i missed deadlines. the whole experience has left me feeling very alienated and nihilistic about the way society works. i now feel school is a waste of time and dislike working in unskilled jobs even worse. i don't seem to fit in anywhere. my parents are always up my ass about being more ambitious but when i tell them about the barriers to fulfilling x goal they tell me what an entitled shit i am, "expecting the world to revolve around me". i try not to talk to them.

a lot of women my age have already had kids and i realize my time is running out for this sort of thing but on the other hand i could really give a fuck. as far as i know i'm hetero but most guys bore the crap out of me. i hate children too; if i had one i'd probably end up in jail for infanticide, or at the very least, neglect. i see moms pushing around grocery carts of screaming toddlers in the supermarket and wonder what mental illness they must have to willingly subjugate themselves to that.

a nice woman told me today, "27 is a hard age, you are questioning your life choices". it was comforting but the truth was i made no choices, i just did my best to navigate dangerous or inappropriate situations. i took jobs because they were there, i went to school because it was there too. when they were no longer there, i stopped going. i've learned that you really can't control most things in life, you just do your best with the circumstances that present themselves.

[Toothlesss]

i struggle with myself because i'm gifted, but because i'm also sick i can't really do anything with it. i tried school a couple of times but couldn't find a supportive doctor to go up to bat for me when i missed deadlines. the whole experience has left me feeling very alienated and nihilistic about the way society works. i now feel school is a waste of time and dislike working in unskilled jobs even worse. i don't seem to fit in anywhere. my parents are always up my ass about being more ambitious but when i tell them about the barriers to fulfilling x goal they tell me what an entitled shit i am, "expecting the world to revolve around me". i try not to talk to them.

I'm 24 and I hate the way society works too. :(

I have direction in writing and art- at the moment it's a matter of figuring out all the taxes and legal stuff of running a business for selling art, while I write my stories. _{(I don't even know if they will be anywhere near novel length so I'm hoping for novellas.)}

My backup plan is part time day jobs, but- I never liked the idea of working for someone. I fear the whole job searching process and applications. Aside from fearing it- it's a huge stress and anxiety inducer.

[Forest Spirit]

My backup plan is part time day jobs, but- I never liked the idea of working for someone. I fear the whole job searching process and applications. Aside from fearing it- it's a huge stress and anxiety inducer.

^this! So much!-.-

[Sylvastor]

22 and a half.

Long story short:

Have Aspergers and some health troubles I'd rather not talk about which resurface when I need it the least (sometimes even preventing me from getting a study application done in time), making it difficult for me to simply move out and have an easier time moving forward, especially since having a specialized, competent doctor nearby is in a way necessary.

The only family in a radius of 1000km are my parents and brother, who try to support me if possible.

I'm repeatedly told I'm gifted, but don't feel like people are being in any way serious, since when it came from universities and I later applied, I got "Nope"s and "you're not creative". In search for a solution to a lack of study now.

My fallback plan if it won't work out next year is probably trying to be a freelancer working through the internet while living at home. <_<

Also, long post version (with maybe TMI) in case anyone's remotely interested in reading it:

I took a break of a year after I was done with school to recover from health issues so I'm all fit before tackling some recommendation my art teacher gave me to apply at a certain university as I'd have "good chances" and would "get in easily".

Currently, I'm stuck in my hometown location (which has nearly nothing of interest to offer, despite being in a populated area) due to aforementioned issues, so having a doctor I trust and my parents and brother nearby (who are my only family in a radius of about 1000km) is in a way important for me.

I know very well what I'd love to do, precisely even since I'm a child, and I'm very convinced this would benefit me in many ways (mentally and in terms of health likely as well), so meanwhile I'm almost desperately trying to find a study that would help me get paid properly for what I want to be doing so I wouldn't have to check every cent twice. Just a bit troublesome as there is nothing in this area that offers anything like that, which means I would have to move out in any case.

Representatives/Teachers of universities I talked to at conventions always claim I'm "at the very least of the skill of someone in third semestre, if not more" and "awe" at how I'm just selftaught and how big my portfolio is and want to see me apply, claiming I'd get in with no trouble. Some of those studies, I couldn't ever afford though (private).

So yeah, people claim I'm gifted, but eh. I'm still not sure they're being serious though, which is also a kick into the sensitive parts of my self-conscious. Why? Well, because so far none of those who has praised me so much has even let me past the portfolio application stage saying "I didn't make it", am "not creative" and scored too low... "But artistically it's superb". Thanks a bunch. <_<

It's not all completely "hopeless" though as I've gotten an offer of trying to get me in as a late-comer, but I'd have to move far from my home, which is, as I've stated before in this post, problematic in its own ways. Even if I should get in, I'm currently not exactly healthy and stress can make things worse - and this would be more than just a bit stressful. On top of that, add Aspergers as another hurdle to master. I may be high functioning, but that doesn't mean I don't run into troubles others would consider easy and laughable. I need a plan.

Overall, I'm tempted to just retry it in spring at the ones I tried before and some new ones I came across. There's no way I'd be able to accept the offer in my current state.

If nothing is going to work, I'll probably just have to fallback to being a freelancer without any graduation. Still have to figure out the tax stuff though, just like cowgirl326, and what's considered appropriate payment for what work.

As for having a family/kids, I'm absolutely indifferent about that, so that's none of my worries at all.

Sigh... I have to agree though, life in the 20s is not easy. -_-

Those who posted before me, have some cake.

I can sympathize with many cases.

[Lexikat]

I'm 27, 28 in a few days and feeling stuck. I work part time retail, cannot seem to find full time work that won't aggravate my sport and past injuries. I did no extra schooling after high school and I live at home with my parents in one of the most expensive cities in the world. And because of that i cannot move out with out first finding a full time career. But i have no clue what i want to do. I don't want to be a teacher, even though i have been told that i would excel at it. I enjoy customer service but slowly dieing inside from the job i have.

Realisticly i should move away from the province I'm residing in and move to the other side of the country. But that would mean leaving all my friends and family behind.

I am almost 28 and feeling lost. Sorry if my post seems to ramble on.

[.lannah.]

I am currently in my late twenties. In my early twenties I felt like I had a lot of expectation and pressure to 'succeed' by the people around me. It was extremely stressful and overwhelming. Although, I realised that most of the pressure was from me, and trying to conform to what people expect out of a twenty something year old. I was extremely hard on myself, when I didn't need to be. We all have our different pace, and shouldn't feel like we need to meet certain expectations because of our age. Let's not be so harsh on ourselves. Life is complex, it is irrational, it is transitory and no one is perfect. One of the most important lessons I have learnt is to be kinder to myself. I have experienced so much; happiness, love, real love, disappointment, heart break, emptiness, hopelessness, losses greater than words and I have come face to face with hatred and death. I believe it is not by what happens to us in life that we are measured, but by how we react to these things.

Even though I have achieved so much and I am enjoying where I am at the moment in terms of my career and personal life, a lot of things are still very scary and confusing. I just see it as part of my life. I would be worried if I was too complacent about things.

[Forest Spirit]

I'm just 20 but constantly have to tell myself again and again that I DON'T have to already have everything sorted out. This pressure to already be the perfect adult, which comes from 'somewhere', is really suffocating me.. And I'm not even sure where it comes from!? My family just wants me to be happy with what I do and never said sth like:" you must have a job and (insert everything adulty here) when you're (insert age)".

I do have parts of my life (meaning: what I want to do/be in a certain area) mostly sorted out. Like a plan thats not 100% clear but I'm totally ok with that.

But I still struggle with the career-part and the social-part.. I never "wanted to be (insert profession)" and honestly I have no idea what to work as later. Jobs always seemed to me like "that things adults do" but I don't feel like an adult and just can't see myself doing an "adult-job". I also find it .. weird to get paid (like cowgirl326 said above) and well, thumbs up for social anxiety!

On the social-part the main problem is me, my personality and stuff. I'm just so incredibly bad at relationships, it sometimes feels like I'm the worst social person on this planet. I try and fail at it constantly and I always see it as being my fault. Having to be surrounded by people (university and such) makes it even worse because I see "happy social people" every day. When I'm in a good mood it doesn't bother me much, but when I'm down I'd wish to just stay in my room forever. It's this "they have sth I'm apparently incapable of but still desire"-feeling that really hurts (because even though I'm not really sociable, I do desire a very close friendship, sth like a soulmate-thing if you understand what I mean).

I know what I want in life apart from these two things, but often loose focus of the things that are important to me because I feel like I'm dissapointing(?) everyone when I can't sort these two parts out too. As if I would be selfish or sth (which doesn't even make sense but.. brains right!?).

Well, sorry for letting this turn into me venting about my feelings... (I actually just wanted to add sth to the post about pressure from .Iannah. but anyway).

[Sylvastor]

Maybe it's just in my case, but when I went to school, there were (way too often) statements being made by teachers and "job counsellors" all throughout the years, which I suspect could be causes for such perceptions of "I got to be x", "I must have y", "I must prove that z". You get to hear it so often that your subconscious adapts to it and starts nagging you once school's over...

Nice that they're trying to remind us to think of our future, but I felt they were doing it a tad too often. Especially near the end.

I can sympathize with you, Quasar.w, I also don't really feel like an adult and I'm probably quite bad with relationships too. :lol:

Sometimes I wonder if I want to study because of being repeatedly told that this will improve chances on the job market, get you a better payment, etc. and that I'm only wishing to do it just to do it. But then again, I don't want to study for the sake of studying, I do wish to learn something and increase my knowledge in certain areas that I find highly interesting and as a side effect get a degree of some sorts that shows others that I'm in fact "worth something".

If I really wanted to do it just for the sake of doing it, I'd probably make a dartboard with various study fields and blindly throw a dart at it.

So I guess I wasn't affected by that school talk as much as some other people.

[Forest Spirit]

@Sylvastor: I'd like to sign the 3rd part please!

[BookTVLover]

I'm 24, and I'm currently working on my graduate degree. I've never found my niche in college. Both undergraduate and graduate students are into partying/nightlife. I'm introverted, and those things don't appeal to me. Most graduate students are married and older than me so that's an interesting dynamic as well.

[deleted_account]

On 9/10/2016 at 4:34 PM, BookTVLover said:

I'm 24, and I'm currently working on my graduate degree. I've never found my niche in college. Both undergraduate and graduate students are into partying/nightlife. I'm introverted, and those things don't appeal to me. Most graduate students are married and older than me so that's an interesting dynamic as well.

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[Ester]

I'm 26. I have a degree in Japanese culture and language, graphic design and I'm studying to become and architect now. I have worked at an IKEA, at a business consultant company, at a newspaper, but I can't find my place.

I think it would be easier if I left home for a year or two to become independent, but I love my family too much to leave for a longer period. All of my uni so far was an hour away from home, and I live separately now, I can go home whenever I want.
I can't find my place

[Randomchaos]

21 and I wish I could turn 12 :P first year I'm out on my own, my parents are backing me but I'm in charge of my rent, insurance and school. They help out when I need it but I'm currently w/out my best friend's, and the only friends I have here I don't really meet outside of school, either A.) Because I don't really want to or B.) Because they are really busy.

I'm currently a Junior and am getting to the point where if I don't find a professor who is looking for undergrad students to help with research I'll be screwed when looking for a job. I can't drop any of my classes and if I don't get at least a C I have to pay the gov't back a shit ton of money...

YAY being an adult is so fun.... Can't wait to be out from under my parents..... T_T NOT I want to go back to being a kid o.o I don't want to grow up anymore :lol: seriously though... Being alone is weird :o

[Skyla]

I'm 20. The toughest challenge is being inbetween your childhood and the adult part of your life for me. I feel like I'm still a child. I want to watch anime all day long and get excited over Pokemon still. Yet, I am an adult, with perfect grades and a great resume with a few interviews coming up for an internship. I feel like I am a child, but I am also ready to move on to the next stage of my life.

What keeps me going? My writing. I write almost every day. I post roleplay posts, I write short poetry, and I have a schedule to keep me working on my book. Fantasizing about my characters and their troubles help keep mine away. I can be taken to a faraway place as long as I have an imagination. I often go for walks and try to imagine the new adventures my characters are going to go on next. I know this dream can become a reality of mine to be an author, as I have been published twice in literary magazines already. All of my works do not work out, but I grow from each and every single one.