For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground

[Guest]

Sadly, there are relationships like this, and yes, I believe it is abusive. It's certainly a danger sign when one partner tries to control the other in this way. It really depends on whether each partner simply behaves with consideration for the other when going out, etc, or whether one partner consistently imposes their will on the other, which can lead to emotional and/or physical abuse.

Exactly. Telling someone whom you live with if you are going to be going out unexpectedly, so that they don't think you are dead in a ditch, is a matter of respect, whether you are in a romantic relationship with them or not. As soon as it comes to the other person insisting (either vocalised or implied) that you check in with them or don't stay out past a certain time, it starts ringing warning bells.

[Amanina]

Hey guys!

I'm 22, turning 23 this year (though seriously I'm still convinced I'm 19, what's with that?) and (hopefully) going into my last year of my undergrad! I'm taking Linguistics and Psychology, and they're both super cool fields to study.

I have a bunch of ideas and half formed plans for what to do after, including going to Japan for a year (at least), moving to the mainland (I live on an island) for a master's program in speech pathology and audiology, or just for more work opportunities, or possibly even switching gears entirely and going into event planning. But recently someone mentioned that in my region there's becoming hiring demand for people trained as speech therapists who can help trans individuals learn to speak differently, and I think that could be super cool. I have no idea where to get the training in that, though!

I've never really been in a relationship, so there's some intimidation from the idea of going it alone for most, if not all of this.

Anywho, I guess I'm at sort of that fun transitional stage between university and the real world. Not gonna lie, it's kind of scary.

[Come_Along_Pond]

I'm 21 and I just left uni. I don't know what I'm doing and there's no jobs going outside of working in an old folk's home. I have nothing against that, but it's not really what I was looking to do in the long run. My bank account is dwindling, I'm single, living at home and wishing so much that I wasn't and I don't know what on earth to do next.

So it's all fun times over here.

But oh well. At least I'm not being forced to marry Justin Bieber.

[Chemic]

I'm 21 and I just left uni. I don't know what I'm doing and there's no jobs going outside of working in an old folk's home. I have nothing against that, but it's not really what I was looking to do in the long run. My bank account is dwindling, I'm single, living at home and wishing so much that I wasn't and I don't know what on earth to do next.

So it's all fun times over here.

But oh well. At least I'm not being forced to marry Justin Bieber.

I'm in the same boat and I turned 25 a few months ago (graduated at 23, took me a year to find a (part time) job, got laid off from said job 7 months later, and now have a low paying job with a long commute as I have to live at home as I can't afford my own place, nevertheless figure out how I'm going to pay for my own health insurance next year). The only thing going for me at the moment? My car hasn't had any major issues... yet. It's at 195k miles though, so I know issues are just on the horizon for it and my pitiful savings is going to cry.

[Marshmallow Tree]

I'm 20 and have no idea how I'm going to get going in the world yet I'm happy to see others in a similiar position; it feels less lonely!

I've skipped university for now and have no idea if I should go. There's no career I have in mind at all. And what then, if I got a degree? Would I like the job when I finally got to experience it? Would I be wasting time? To be honest, I only yearn to go for the social side of it. I miss people around my own age. In jobs they're older and I feel like I've missed a step. I'm really introverted and anxious but the only jobs I can really get into easily are customer service jobs which I hate. I think of the future. where I'll have to work 9-5 Mon-Fri in customer service and that isn't a life I'm all about....

[Skycaptain]

Hi, everyone, and welcome all newcomers, both to AVEN, and this thread. Have our welcome :cake: :cake:

I'll just give this reassurance to those who are concerned that they haven't had relationships. I'm 43 and have never had a relationship, and there are many others older than me. Whatever you decide, don't be forced into something you don't want because of peer pressure. To feel that you want to find someone who will become a bit more than a houseshare, but not a bedshare is commonplace.

[LyraHW]

I'm 20 and have no idea how I'm going to get going in the world yet I'm happy to see others in a similiar position; it feels less lonely!

I've skipped university for now and have no idea if I should go. There's no career I have in mind at all. And what then, if I got a degree? Would I like the job when I finally got to experience it? Would I be wasting time? To be honest, I only yearn to go for the social side of it. I miss people around my own age. In jobs they're older and I feel like I've missed a step. I'm really introverted and anxious but the only jobs I can really get into easily are customer service jobs which I hate. I think of the future. where I'll have to work 9-5 Mon-Fri in customer service and that isn't a life I'm all about....

I skipped Uni. I actually went into an apprenticeship scheme when I was 24 but obviously that was pushing it a bit late for the sceme as I turned 25 (putting me out of that particular scheme's age category) a few months after starting it. I had friends on that course being sponsored by a number of different companies - IT, elctronics, construction etc and we all had jobs during and afterwards. Just to say that there is another option to combine the 'should I study or work?' thing. But you may wnat to see if there's a field you're interested in first ;)

When I was 20 I was doing bar work and shop work - it is limited on the job front to begin with but I found it helped me get an idea of what to expect (plus we were all the same age doing the same jobs that not all older people wanted - they were after 'careers' not 'jobs' or so they said).

20 is never a good age to try and believe you should know something/anything about what to do with your life.

[Nes7]

Sometimes I see the future very dark. I am not an easy person to have a relationship with and adding the fact that I am asexual (and to some extent aromantic I think) makes me even more afraid I will never find someone. I mean, a person who truly likes me without knowing I am asexual is hard to find.

I'm not sure if I'm stable enough to become a good mother and wife later on.

I am neither -never was, I think I'll never be- very ambitious to become a "business woman".

So, I now and then think, what's left for me to be?

I just lack a vision... Maybe hope as well that there's a good future for me.

This may sound a little more dramatic than its meant by the way, the future just scares me I guess.

[Elspeth]

Hello! I'm new to this group and I'm looking forward to meeting people here! I'm 21 and about five months from graduating from university. I'm super nervous about it, as it is in a degree that mainly receives an "oh, what are you going to do that" degree. It's sociology. And I love it! I love my major. I love learning about how social groups come together and organize themselves and how it effects various different people. But I'm scared what I'll be doing afterwards. I know a lot of people with my major take a year off and travel and volunteer with that group, so I'm thinking about doing that. I'm really excited to travel, so I'm considering doing Americorps.

I have considerable fears about whether I'll be able to come to the life that so many around me have already. A nursing or engineering or biology degree seems to gather so many more feelings of confidence in the job market. And these friends I have are all so happy with their boyfriends/girlfriends and job offers. And I'm just sitting here kind of still figuring it out. It's frustrating that both my personal life (being asexual) and professional life are both so uncertain.

[Autumn Sunrise]

Taking a year off to travel and volunteer sounds like a good idea, Elspeth, and you never know what opportunities could open up for you if you keep your eyes and ears open, and make as many contacts as you can. If you do decide to do this, I hope it turns out to e a wonderful experience for you.

[PerformativeSurprise]

Elspeth, I completely agree with Autumn Sunrise--traveling is a wonderful experience. Go for it if that's what you wanna do! I know it can be difficult to feel like everyone else has got it figured out while you're taking your time, but I'm of the firm opinion that exploring your options is worthwhile. Plus, you're still young; you've got plenty of time to figure it all out ;)

Hey guys!

I'm 22, turning 23 this year (though seriously I'm still convinced I'm 19, what's with that?) and (hopefully) going into my last year of my undergrad! I'm taking Linguistics and Psychology, and they're both super cool fields to study.

I have a bunch of ideas and half formed plans for what to do after, including going to Japan for a year (at least), moving to the mainland (I live on an island) for a master's program in speech pathology and audiology, or just for more work opportunities, or possibly even switching gears entirely and going into event planning. But recently someone mentioned that in my region there's becoming hiring demand for people trained as speech therapists who can help trans individuals learn to speak differently, and I think that could be super cool. I have no idea where to get the training in that, though!

I've never really been in a relationship, so there's some intimidation from the idea of going it alone for most, if not all of this.

Anywho, I guess I'm at sort of that fun transitional stage between university and the real world. Not gonna lie, it's kind of scary.

I have a BA in Psychology, have been living in Japan for the past year, and will be attending graduate school for linguistics this fall! The transitional stage between college and real world is scary, but I think the key is to focus on what is best for you. It's easy to feel pressured and try to play it safe, but at least in my case, that would have been a major mistake. I chose to abandon my plans to go straight into graduate school for psychology, took some time off, decided linguistics was a better fit, and moved to Japan to teach English for a year before grad school. And life has been awesome :)

[afflitto]

I've posted here before, but I'm just kinda wandering around AVEN at the minute and found this thread again. I'm excited to see that several other people are also in graduate school in this thread! Glad I'm not the only one!! (What kind of things do you do to earn a degree in psychology? I'm clueless about all programs other than biology). I'm also glad that I'm not the only one who hasn't gotten things figured out (tho I suppose at 24 I have some time, maybe?).

Updates: I found red couches (I saved up for AGES!) and they are perfect and SO very comfortable, but I had to make a car insurance payment for the next 6 months (I don't know how to make it monthly instead of biannual) so I have to wait a bit before I find a coffee table. I'm new to this decorating thing, but it's kind of fun? Pillows came with them, and they aren't white like I wanted, but they have nice teals and greens on them and that is nice. They...match the colour scheme of my Apoptosis and Autophagy poster that I randomly pinned to the wall back when my apartment was barren. I also bought and constructed the Norden table from Ikea and that was so much fun! It's a quirky little drop-leaf table that can fold up into a narrow tower of drawers. I'm in love!

Other than that...I am questioning whether or not I'm aromantic. I should probably make a post in a more appropriate thread about this--I'm just not even sure what romantic feelings are to gauge whether or not that is something I experience. I do fall in love with people, but it's more of a kindred spirit kind of thing.

[Ruqiah]

I'm 21, no longer on probation at Uni, so I can take the classes I want to take this fall. Downside, I lost my scholarship, which means I have to take out a loan. I also only have enough money left to live here for 4 months. My work won't give me more than 15 hours a week, and I can't seem to get hired elsewhere. The only thing that will save me is a winter internship or taking a semester off to work.

Financially, my situation is pretty dire. The only good thing about it is that I don't have to pay anymore for food. I have enough stockpiled to survive the next four months. But also, I'm the happiest I have ever been in a few years. I don't know why, I should be even more depressed, but I'm just content as a fish in water!

[.diva plavalaguna.]

I don't remember if I ever posted in this thread... but I'm 24, just graduated uni in May. I had a part-time job but I quit it because it was progressively making me angrier and more hostile and depressed. At this age I don't really know which direction my life is going in. My degree will go to waste. I never imagined living past the age of 18, I just never really thought about it. And now I am here trying to make money so I can move out and be independent. I want to be independent, especially financially, but I just don't see how it's going to happen honestly. But the problem is I don't want a job. At all.

What I want is to work on my business day in and day out, and be married to an enterprising handsome man who can support me. It's a stupid dream, especially for an ace who isn't super attractive and does not really understand the first thing about romance/relationships. I haven't even been in a real relationship before. I couldn't imagine telling my parents that's the life I want. I can't even believe I'm saying it here! How many people would just laugh at me, and then criticize me for not going out enough or not making myself attractive enough in order to get a smart man like that? Even me having a business isn't being taken very seriously and probably won't until I start turning a profit.

I'm afraid if this doesn't work out I will have to go back to the part-time job. I have thoughts like I used to when I was younger. I feel like an idiot if I tell people I have depression, because I don't have an expensive doctor to back it up with. Just around 15 years of emotions ranging from self-hatred to hatred in general to wanting to die and mostly feeling worthless and disgusting. During the day I try to be excited about at least taking the chance with this business and my other endeavors, but at night I am really hurting. It's starting to be a lot for me to handle and now I don't have anyone who can do anything about it.

Sorry I probably just made this thread way more sad than it needs to be D:

[Yuki]

I am now 25 years old, but I I cant feel a age for myself. I cant say that I feel like an child, teeny, adult or whatever.

Any of you also get the comment : "You are like a robot." often?

[deltaX]

I am now 25 years old, but I I cant feel a age for myself. I cant say that I feel like an child, teeny, adult or whatever.

Any of you also get the comment : "You are like a robot." often?

I get what you mean about not feeling an age for yourself. I definitely don't feel like I am an adult, so I usually refer to myself as a child, but I don't feel like a child or a teenager either. It's like I'm in some weird in-between place where ages don't exist and everyone knows how to act their age except me.

[Cee]

Hi I'm Cee. 25, asexual and growing up is the dumbest thing I ever did. HAHA :D

How can people decide who they want to spend the rest of their life with? I can’t even decide what to eat next!

[KendraPM]

Hello!

I'm Kendra and I'm 26 and I am just now getting my life even a bit figured out. It's the scariest feeling, feeling like you're falling behind on you life track because you don't have anything figured out, or you haven't done any of the things your friends are doing (my best friend, whose the exact same age has been married twice and is having a baby and I'm just like "I found Hello Kitty stickers!")

I'm still in college, with my major figured out about a year ago. I thought I'd be married by now, be starting my career, have a place of my own and looking towards the next "phase of my life" if you will. Instead I find that I've moved back home, working full-time (but at least in the same general feild as my career when I finally graduate) and since I've just begun hammering out a 20 year-plan, looks like even after I graduate in three years and start my career, I'll be staying in school for roughly another 4-6 years. Oh, and I've been single for about a year, and haven't been super serious about a guy in about seven years. And I don't feel anywhere near 30, which seems to be fast approaching.

[Autumn Sunrise]

Hi Kendra, it sounds as though you're doing some good planning for your future.

I'd just like to say, don't feel you have to rush to have everything settled, or to do the same things as your friends. Societal expectations work on the assumption that everyone is sexual, and that makes the future "unknown territory" for aces. I was married at 22, and as it turned out, it wasn't a very good marriage. I've since realised that probably my main reasons for getting married were that I thought that was what everyone did, and also that I wanted to have my own home and gain independence from my rather controlling parents. Neither was a very good reason for getting married! (although I do have three great kids :) )

Good luck with your your planning, and I hope things work out the way you want them to!

[KendraPM]

Thanks, Autumn!

Yeah, I just feel like I got a late start. That and I'm super in debt. Trying to pay it off, but it feels like I no sooner start to get it all on some kind of plan than something comes along and throws it out of wack, making me want to pull a "if I ignore it, it's not real and can't hurt me."

That was the reason for my friend's first marriage as well. A big part of me is nowhere near ready for that level of a relationship. There's so much I want to do before I get into that serious of a relationship.

Me too! And lots of luck to you and your kids. :)

Your 20's: All about realizing you are not really an adult but you're not a child either.

[Saraya]

Im about to turn 23 and about to get kicked out of University because my grades are bad. I hate what Im studying so on one hand Im overjoyed but on the other hand Im gonna be in debt so ugh. Idk where my life is going.

[Member 92789]

Im 24, Ijust discovered this site because I found it on google. I wandered if im asexual. I've been doing alot of research on it bc im confused. Im so glad I found this site! I feel at home here and that people understand my struggle. It's tough being different in a sexual world, where people look at you funny because you don't wanna sleep with everybody. Try living in a family full of sexually charged people and being the only different one there. I often remove myself when they watch sexual movies or talk about it..it makes me so uncomfortable. It seems everyone in the world is obsessed with sex. I just don't think it's the most important thing in the world. I never experienced it or been a relationship, so im inexperienced, but I still don't find it that important. Even in music, I can't listen to the graphic lyrics, they bother me. Anyways im a college student and Study psychology, I love it!

[Member 92789]

I am now 25 years old, but I I cant feel a age for myself. I cant say that I feel like an child, teeny, adult or whatever.

Any of you also get the comment : "You are like a robot." often?

I get what you mean about not feeling an age for yourself. I definitely don't feel like I am an adult, so I usually refer to myself as a child, but I don't feel like a child or a teenager either. It's like I'm in some weird in-between place where ages don't exist and everyone knows how to act their age except me.

I agree! Im 24 and feel like a child. It's weird.

[Tozby]

I am now 25 years old, but I I cant feel a age for myself. I cant say that I feel like an child, teeny, adult or whatever.

Any of you also get the comment : "You are like a robot." often?

I get what you mean about not feeling an age for yourself. I definitely don't feel like I am an adult, so I usually refer to myself as a child, but I don't feel like a child or a teenager either. It's like I'm in some weird in-between place where ages don't exist and everyone knows how to act their age except me.

I agree! Im 24 and feel like a child. It's weird.

To conclude, the most accurate way to feel like you're in your mid-twenties is not to feel like you're in your mid-twenties at all. Problem solved!

Those people who look as if they know what they're doing at this age are probably just better at masking their insecurity. That, or they are statistical anomalies and can therefore be ignored.

[Guest]

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[Member54880]

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[Rubyballoon]

Hi all.

I can't believe there's a thread for twenty-somethings in the 'older asexuals' category. Anyway! I'm twenty four, and a year into my PhD. I went through a rather rough patch at the end of last year...Moved across the country for grad school, left my whole support network on the other side of the country, discovered grad school is terrifying and finally got that anxiety disorder officially diagnosed.

Things have been much better this year. I've discovered the only way to deal with grad school is not to let it become you're entire life, and that at the end of the day my support network are really only a phone call or a bus ride away. Accordingly I'm doing my best to experience the world. Money is tight, but I'm making a concentrated effort to save enough to indulge my wanderlust for short periods of time on a regular basis.

I'm not really sure where life is going. Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding in school, avoiding the real world for another few years.

For the time being though, I'm enjoying the ride ^_^

[Cee]

It seems everyone in the world is obsessed with sex. I just don't think it's the most important thing in the world.

I TOTALLY AGREE!

It's hard to be an asexual in a very sexual world. Sigh.

[Guest]

Uhhhhh.

For me it's actually not hard at all.

I mean, of course I'm bugged when people come tell me it's a phase I'll grow out of, but so do I when they tell me that I'll definitely want kids. I don't see society as oversexualised, personally. I just think that there is a biiiiiiit too much of an assumption that everyone likes and wants the same things, and that applies to more than just sexuality alone.

</unpopularopinion>

[Spotastic]

Uhhhhh.

For me it's actually not hard at all.

I mean, of course I'm bugged when people come tell me it's a phase I'll grow out of, but so do I when they tell me that I'll definitely want kids. I don't see society as oversexualised, personally. I just think that there is a biiiiiiit too much of an assumption that everyone likes and wants the same things, and that applies to more than just sexuality alone.

</unpopularopinion>

I have to agree. Sexuality in general is something that doesn't even pop up in my mind. It's a complete non-issue. I only notice things when people are completely fixated on them. There are definitely problems with people's general assumptions, but that's the case in everything.