For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground

[binary suns]

when I have uncertainty, usually i fail to make a decision. but when I feel the most successful despite uncertainty is when I just acknowledge the ambiguity and jump in and do something anyway and pretend like i wasn't uncertain at all xD

[binary suns]

this week I'm just focusing on getting in the pattern of washing dishes every night, and letting everything else I normally stress out about go. it's funny to wanna go to bed on time and say, "no let's not go to bed on time actually, the stress isn't worth it"

[deltaX]

Sounds like the 20s are a whole lot of uncertainty, which I'm not prepared for. I still have 3 years to go, yet I'm already feeling slightly apprehensive.

For me, 20s does have a bit of uncertainty, but it's not all bad. You still have some time though, so enjoy being a teenager while you can, and try not to stress too much about something that isn't coming for another 3 years.

[Crace]

I'm 29 and on the whole my 20s were good, the last year however has been difficult and put a big rock in the way. I now feel like I want to change my entire life.

Any well off homoromantics interested in a house husband? Happy to look after the kids/cats/dogs... I joke... mostly.

Has anyone here managed a life turn around and how did you do it?

[LyraHW]

I can't believe that I'll eb leaving my 20s this year :O I NEED to get myself sorted before August - start as you mean to go on & all that ;)

[Chihiro]

I'm 29 and on the whole my 20s were good, the last year however has been difficult and put a big rock in the way. I now feel like I want to change my entire life.

Any well off homoromantics interested in a house husband? Happy to look after the kids/cats/dogs... I joke... mostly.

Has anyone here managed a life turn around and how did you do it?

I am getting close to 30 and even I feel like changing my life. I love cats but I need someone to take care of them. If you had been hetero, you would have qualified, LOL :P

[booksoversex]

I got a 4-month job (full time) with a newspaper I've worked for before. It was a relief and I really love being back there, and it's good to know I have a solid job at least until april! One of the women in the office is pregnant, so I'm sort of crossing my fingers that I can fill her position while she's away for maternity leave from around June, too, but I shouldn't get my hopes up yet.

[binary suns]

oh we're advertising ourselves here? I'd say female 26 looking to be a housewife :p except I'm gonna be off the market for the next few years. I'm going through some major life changes, and gonna be focusing on myself first.

so but what's going on for me this week, is I'm oh wait lemme back up first.

so my counselor told me, habit-forming takes 21 days to fully complete, and if you don't focus on one habit at a time you just set yourself up to mess it up. so I decided that I'd focus on washing dishes daily first, because dirty dishes stink up the place and then a bunch of anxiety related reasons that washing dishes regularly would either address or create opportunities to address.

the first week I had a hard time keeping the habit, but I said to myself duh it's not gonna be a habit 'til next week really, and also The other thing I said to myself was that since this is my focus this week I'm gonna let the other responsibilities slide. if I mess them up it's nbd. and, suddenly I had a very real reason not to beat myself up over poor sleep habits or forgetting to brush my teeth or letting laundry or trash pile up- my focus was dishes. and the honest truth was nothing was different about those responsibilities - I'd fail em before, failing them for the sake of dishes wasn't any worse. and I noticed by the end of the week how much less my anxiety was.

then last week, I did dishes five out of seven days. nothing was really notable otherwise, except well I let my sleep schedule really get ruined, which I later realized was because I was neglecting my need to lay down in bed even if I don't sleep.

this week's what's really exciting - I've noticed I'm expanding the habit beyond just dishes without even intending to. Monday I figured out I can use the dish cloth after, to wash down not only my counter and desk, but also my bathroom sink. Tuesday I did the same and casually washed laundry without putting it off. today I also brushed my teeth when I went to wash the sink, and then realized doing dishes before bed time was a really good transition as a whole. I'm gonna try to start to get a regular sleep schedule now - and the thing is, it doesn't feel like a second habit, just a continuation/extention of the one habit. it's like it's a routine now - but it doesn't feel complicated and scary :o

[deltaX]

That's awesome Teagan!! I'm very bad at picking up new habits, so I think it's really impressive that you managed to pick up a new one so quickly :)

[Wonderment]

Recently graduated with a degree, and am stuck in that rut of trying to find something workwise that includes what I studied for.

But also. Depression. I think it's coming back to me. I don't like that it follows me around my whole life. I change my situation to get away from it, and it works. For a while. But then it comes back. I made many wonderful friends at high school, but because they were my life, I didn't focus so much on making new friends at tertiary school. Now I'm finding that me and the high school friends have all grown into different people, and I don't really find them as socially interesting as I once did. So there aren't many people I can hang out with these days. I made proper friends with like, one person at my course, and they live like an 8 hour drive away. I just wish I could physically spend time with people that interest me.

Am moving cities soon (even further away from new friend :I), and I very much would like to move in with my aunt so I can get used to the new city in a comfortable manner, which my mum has been saying for the past three weeks that she'll sort out, and she hasn't.

Because I'm moving cities within the next month, I haven't been looking for work in my current city, and because I'm not working, I'm using the government to help pay my life, which they get really shitty with if you don't look for work. And i'm freaking out thinking they're going to cut my funds and I won't be able to move.

[deltaX]

I understand the depression thing; I'm in a similar situation right now. I hope that the move goes well though, and that everything works out for you!!

[arthurh]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

[Chihiro]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

[arthurh]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

I have anxiety and driving while people are the road causes me to have panic attacks and freak the hell out. Due to this I have not been able to do alot of things I want to in life (mostly due to mental illness).

[deltaX]

I actually have the opposite anxiety symptom- I have to drive because of my anxiety. I always feel very anxious if I go somewhere without my car (whether it's because I took some form of public transportation or I got a ride from someone else), because I feel like I'm trapped and unable to leave if I need to. This fear is totally unfounded, but I always insist on being the one to drive whenever I go somewhere in a group, and I'll take my car over public transport whenever I can (even in situations where it doesn't make sense).

That being said, not being able to drive doesn't make you any less of an adult. I'm 21, and a lot of my peers can't or won't drive despite living in an area where driving is common. Some of these people are infinitely more adult than I am, and not being able to drive doesn't effect that at all.

I can't really comment on the rest of it, because I'm also struggling with mental illness. If I had a cure for that I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in right now. But you're not alone, and I hope everything turns out well for you!

[Thranduil]

I'm in the same boat as you, arthurh. I don't drive, either, due to my own issues. Though for me it's more that I don't want to cause an accident and end up hurting other people, if I have an episode of visual impairment.

I still live at home, because I went through high school in a rural area that didn't have many job opportunities, nor were those places very safe for a teenager. So I mostly ended up working privately, and have only recently begun to work for other businesses. I also dropped out of college because I couldn't pay for it, and neither could my parents, but I've never been that interested in school so I don't mind.

Sometimes I feel like I should have it all together, at the age of 24. That's what my 22yo ex believed and claimed they were more independent than me, which was laughable because they constantly ran to other people for help every time something went wrong, no matter how small, and relied on my financial support. They were pretty narcissistic so I'd rather think that I've made better life choices because of my personal situation, by not making it worse, somehow.

I'm going to inherit property from my parents, so at least I'm capable of running a house and everything that goes with it, because I've learned valuable things in the long run. But it still seems like I should have my own place, and be on my own, the economy and expenses be damned. :lol:

[ambivalent4422]

I also dropped out of college because I couldn't pay for it, and neither could my parents, but I've never been that interested in school so I don't mind.

does this ever really piss you off

i am in this horrible rut where i feel like there are only a few options open to me and none of them i want. i hate school probably as much as you but apparently everything else is exponentially worse, to the extent that most employers don't want me around because can't stand my shitty attitude.

[Thranduil]

I also dropped out of college because I couldn't pay for it, and neither could my parents, but I've never been that interested in school so I don't mind.

does this ever really piss you off

i am in this horrible rut where i feel like there are only a few options open to me and none of them i want. i hate school probably as much as you but apparently everything else is exponentially worse, to the extent that most employers don't want me around because can't stand my shitty attitude.

It doesn't upset me as much as it used to, since jobs I get don't care much about my lack of a degree. As long as I can do my job and get it done, it's fine. But in your case, maybe take a step back and relax. Getting mad over things outside of your control isn't healthy in the long run. I don't mean to overstep my bounds, so if I have I apologise.

[marauders]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

I have anxiety and driving while people are the road causes me to have panic attacks and freak the hell out. Due to this I have not been able to do alot of things I want to in life (mostly due to mental illness).

I used to have super severe anxiety about driving. I put off getting my license for two years (I kept failing the written test on purpose), until my mom figured me out and dragged me down there and forced me to go through with it. I was always terrified of driving; I would constantly have to pull over because I was having a panic attack. It was even worse at night, when I would be driving home from work or school. It eventually got so bad that I ended up having to go to the doctor for anxiety medicine, and I also ended up going to counseling. I had mostly overcome it by the time that I finished my undergraduate degree, and now I only get anxious driving under really stressful circumstances. It took me a really time to do that, though. I just wanted to share because I really feel you about the driving thing--even now, I'm not a big fan of driving, and I will jump at the opportunity for someone else to drive.

[AlwaysADreamer]

Hello. I'm also one of these 20-somethings, but just barely. I'm only 20.

Learning to be independent really sucks when you have a lot of other ish to deal with - classes, depression, anxiety. But I prefer not living with my parents. I like being "on my own". I put that in quotes because I'm still living in the dorms at my university, so I'm not technically out in the world yet.

A year from now, if everything goes as planned, I will have graduated with an undergrad degree. I am simultaneously looking forward to and dreading this. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like I'm falling behind the rest of my family and my old friends. In my family, I should be a few years away from starting a family. My older brother already has a job and an apartment. My friends are all getting engaged or married. I feel like I need to catch up.

I feel like I'm putting off real adulthood by going to school. The thing is I understand that this notion is totally bonkers, but I still feel bad.

I think I'm having one of those quarter-life crises.

[AppleSeed]

At 27, I've had to lose a lot of what I had and start again. It makes me very vulnerable. :(

I totally hear you :(

[Pizza Seawitch]

I'm 29 and on the whole my 20s were good, the last year however has been difficult and put a big rock in the way. I now feel like I want to change my entire life.

Any well off homoromantics interested in a house husband? Happy to look after the kids/cats/dogs... I joke... mostly.

Has anyone here managed a life turn around and how did you do it?

I am trying to manage a life turn around. My physical & mental health are in the balance.

My biggest focus is looking at *my* future. Not my future with friends or family but MY future. I can't live the rest of my life vicariously through my friends. I need to be a person who, 10 years from now, can be satisfied with the things they've accomplished alone. The Ace population here is non-existent and I know the odds of me being alone are high. But I don't want to be the same depressed, sad guy 10 years from now. I want to be doing things I want to do. I don't want to be waiting on others to have fun or to enjoy life. That's not fair to me.

So, cheers, here's to us. Good luck!

[Autumn Sunrise]

Well said, pizzawitch! :D Your life is the most precious thing you have, and there are so many wonderful things you can do, if you have the energy and the courage. Best of luck to you!

[deleted_account]

deleted

[matt22]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

I have anxiety and driving while people are the road causes me to have panic attacks and freak the hell out. Due to this I have not been able to do alot of things I want to in life (mostly due to mental illness).

I also don't drive because of my anxiety. My anxiety and depression used to be quite bad a couple of years ago. Asking for help was very difficult for me, but with support from friends and my sister I was able to start seeing a therapist. It was probably the best thing I have ever done for myself. Over the course of a year, I was able to overcome my depression. I'll always have anxiety, but it is a lot more manageable for me now. Driving is still something that makes me incredibly anxious (I have taken Driver's Ed and can drive, I just don't feel comfortable doing so), but I know it is something I plan on tackling when I'm ready. I don't feel shame about it anymore; if someone asks me why, I tell them. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limits. You are most definitely not alone.

[arthurh]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

I have anxiety and driving while people are the road causes me to have panic attacks and freak the hell out. Due to this I have not been able to do alot of things I want to in life (mostly due to mental illness).

I also don't drive because of my anxiety. My anxiety and depression used to be quite bad a couple of years ago. Asking for help was very difficult for me, but with support from friends and my sister I was able to start seeing a therapist. It was probably the best thing I have ever done for myself. Over the course of a year, I was able to overcome my depression. I'll always have anxiety, but it is a lot more manageable for me now. Driving is still something that makes me incredibly anxious (I have taken Driver's Ed and can drive, I just don't feel comfortable doing so), but I know it is something I plan on tackling when I'm ready. I don't feel shame about it anymore; if someone asks me why, I tell them. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limits. You are most definitely not alone.

This is the most difficult part for me. Every time I try to get the words out of my mouth relevant to needing help I have to literally jam my fingers to get words that are difficult to say out(unless I just want to open my mouth and nothing happen). I also recently had a conversation with my mom relevant to depression and she doesn't believe in it and thinks it is bullshit. On top of that my anxiety kills me mentally so... it has been fun XD.

[matt22]

I am kind of a mess....

2014 was the best year of my life I found a girl a fell madly in love with I found a very nice job for someone my age and a year and a half later everything went to hell and I lost everything important to me. Afterwards my anxiety sky rocketed to a whole new level. On top of this I have been trying to figure out how to deal with being ace/panromantic. I don't know if I even want to bother risking losing the few that I do have in my life because I would likely go breakdown if everyone left me.

-I can't drive

-I am constantly afraid of losing my job because of not being able to drive and my anxiety mostly because I don't know how I will get another job with the issues I already have.

-I become extremely depressed when I am around people for too long/ away from home

-I am extremely isolated/alone

-I have dreams/aspirations far from my reach

-I need to be at home or my mental stability kind of decreases

-Nobody is proud of me and I can hear/see the disappointment on their faces constantly

-I have dreams but mental illness is really holding me back and get this.... I am anxious to ask for help because people get mad at me for asking for rides but I need the help

if someone knows how to function like a normal 22 year old without mentally breaking down a bit let me know

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this! May I ask why is that you cannot drive? I understand if you do not want to talk about that. Maybe you can offer to pay for gas or take them out for lunch or something in return for the help! Make some kind of formal carpool arrangement with them.

Don't isolate yourself. Feel free to PM people on AVEN and talk to them. Most people here are nice and waste their time posting on AVEN anyway, LOL. I'm sure they will talk to you readily.

I have anxiety and driving while people are the road causes me to have panic attacks and freak the hell out. Due to this I have not been able to do alot of things I want to in life (mostly due to mental illness).

I also don't drive because of my anxiety. My anxiety and depression used to be quite bad a couple of years ago. Asking for help was very difficult for me, but with support from friends and my sister I was able to start seeing a therapist. It was probably the best thing I have ever done for myself. Over the course of a year, I was able to overcome my depression. I'll always have anxiety, but it is a lot more manageable for me now. Driving is still something that makes me incredibly anxious (I have taken Driver's Ed and can drive, I just don't feel comfortable doing so), but I know it is something I plan on tackling when I'm ready. I don't feel shame about it anymore; if someone asks me why, I tell them. There's nothing wrong with knowing your limits. You are most definitely not alone.

This is the most difficult part for me. Every time I try to get the words out of my mouth relevant to needing help I have to literally jam my fingers to get words that are difficult to say out(unless I just want to open my mouth and nothing happen). I also recently had a conversation with my mom relevant to depression and she doesn't believe in it and thinks it is bullshit. On top of that my anxiety kills me mentally so... it has been fun XD.

I understand. I had difficulty not only telling people, but also making the call. I honestly had to leave my apartment, go to nearby park and call when nobody was around. I felt shame and embarrassment to ask for help. I'm sorry your mom has not been supportive, but many of us on here are! I personally started by telling on of my closest friends how I was feeling (the best I could, I was a pretty bad communicator, and still working on it), but she helped me by supporting my decision, and on occasion asked if I had contacted a therapist yet- she knew I would procrastinate, but asked from a place of love and care, not to add more pressure. I'm forever grateful for that, and if you don't have a supportive friend nearby to talk too, I'm confident there are people on AVEN that would be able to help you. ^_^

[Autumn Sunrise]

arthurh, I'm really sorry to hear that things are so tough for you at the moment. I know how mentally crippling it feels when literally nothing seems easy, or even doable. I made me very sad that you said "no one is proud of me", but believe me, I'm proud of you for taking a big step and reaching out for help on AVEN - I know how hard that is when you feel paralysed by depression.

I think mattpepperoni has some really good advice - it would be very helpful for you if you had a therapist to support you. Do you have a regular doctor who could refer you? Or if not, maybe you need to go to the nearest medical centre and talk to one of the doctors there about referring you. I do understand that, with your anxiety, this will be a difficult step for you to take (do you have a friend or relative who might be willing to go with you?) - but I think it could make an enormous difference for you.

Whatever you decide, remember that there are many people here who understand and can relate to what you are going through. You have friends here who care and want you to be happy and well. Please keep talking to us, and let us know how you get on.

[arthurh]

arthurh, I'm really sorry to hear that things are so tough for you at the moment. I know how mentally crippling it feels when literally nothing seems easy, or even doable. I made me very sad that you said "no one is proud of me", but believe me, I'm proud of you for taking a big step and reaching out for help on AVEN - I know how hard that is when you feel paralysed by depression.

I think mattpepperoni has some really good advice - it would be very helpful for you if you had a therapist to support you. Do you have a regular doctor who could refer you? Or if not, maybe you need to go to the nearest medical centre and talk to one of the doctors there about referring you. I do understand that, with your anxiety, this will be a difficult step for you to take (do you have a friend or relative who might be willing to go with you?) - but I think it could make an enormous difference for you.

Whatever you decide, remember that there are many people here who understand and can relate to what you are going through. You have friends here who care and want you to be happy and well. Please keep talking to us, and let us know how you get on.

I have told friends I need therapy but I only told them about the driving part which a few of them seem to be ok with now.... However the other issues are much harder to bring up and I honestly don't want to talk about them in the forum because I will get in trouble for it. Unforunately I would need my mom to take me to my therapist if I did get one so that seems to be the biggest hurdle at the moment. It is kind of funny that I have been hiding my true self for a while though. I don't want to deal with all the bs that comes with identifying as something(ace biromantic) on top of my mental health lol.

[Autumn Sunrise]

It sounds as though you have a number of issues that could benefit from talking with a professional therapist. Is there some way you can convince your mum to take you? Or perhaps another family member or friend. It's hard to take that first step, I know, but once you do it things usually get better.