Jump to content

For 20-somethings getting their feet off the ground


binary suns

Recommended Posts

Skycaptain

@Lynnj. Welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 :cake::cake:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I'm Alex, I'm 24 and I'm asexual/aromantic. I've discovered my asexuality back in 2015 but I think I'm asexual since I was a kid. I had zero interest on girls (in a romantic way) my dad, uncles and older cousins always told me that I must like girls (I was like eight but I didn't like them. My only interests back then were play videogames, watch tv, etc. 

 

 When I was 12 I started to find girls visually appealing but nothing more. The pressure increased,  everyone telling me I have a girlfriend, you must have sex to be someone. I had many girlfriends back then but relationships were exhausting,  I hate contact,  girls were so demanding and still no interest in having sex. Despite hating relationships, I was acting desperate because I was insecure, had low self esteem, and had a fear of being alone and judged (I'm depressive and doesn't help at all) I have invented things like "I had sex with that girl" just for not being judged. My relationship were too short, they known me as a heartbreaker. Conclusion: everything was a facade.

 

When I was 21 I've stopped having short/casual dates. I had the need of relate with someone, having a connection but many girls wanted more than just friendship. It was hard. I was struggling with myself and tried to figure many things, for some reason I googled "asexual" and wow, I finally figured it out! I was so relieved but scared at the same time because people around me wouldn't understand. 

 

My family consider me as a lost cause. My cousins and brothers have girlfriends but not me. I told them that I will never get married or have kids and they got mad. My grandma told me that I must leave a legacy, my dad thinks I'm gay, my mom wanted to have grandchildren and my uncle mocks on me.

 

Leaving that aside,  I think this is a great discoverment and I couldn't be more satisfied with that. Knowing that, I can focus on more important things like self improvement and independence. 

 

Final words, I feel like I want to encourage people to embrace their asexuality and educate people about it telling them this is real. But I have a long way to go and I don't even know how to get out of the closet haha!

 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
LibraryLover

LOL I didn't realize I was an "older asexual."

I'm 28, I have a full time job and I live in my own apartment. I feel independent and somewhat stable for the first time ever! I spent most of my 20s very focused on school and career, and now that I have my job it's kind of like...okay, what now? I like the freedom though.

The only thing that sometimes sucks is I had to move for my job and I live pretty far away from my family, including my dad, who I'm very close to.

I have been feeling more pressure to date/marry now that I'm in my older 20s, but for the most part my closest friends and family haven't acted weird about it so that's nice.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 26/08/2014 at 1:37 PM, Ismira Daugene said:

Hi, Teagan! I'm Ismira and I'm 27, and totally lost is quite common at our age from what I hear!

I discovered this late in my twenties, but you really don't get things figured out until you're closer to 35-40... I thought my life would be all figured out by the time I got to 25! I would be done with college. I would have a husband. I would have a stable job. I would be paying down my school loans. I would be merry and happy and life would be good!

WRONG!

I'm still in college, haven't ever been in a relationship, have a job but it's part-time retail, paid down my school loans a bit but then went back for more, and while I am generally happy I also have a lot of stress about the things mentioned previously.

So... that's the twenties for ya! Full of stress, Ramen noodles, and trying to figure out why you don't have it figured out yet!!

omg sounds just the same as me hahaha. im even 27 lol! #ramennoodleclub 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

28. Only just recently admitted to myself that I'm ace/aro. I mean I like men.. many are very good to look at, but that's about it. I'll glance at a few women too, but it's mostly just observing eye color, jawline, hair, that sort of stuff haha. I think a few friends knew, but never said anything. Like many of you, spent my 18-23 years concentrating on school. Then the following 2-3 years on work. Then now what? I think I went on my first official date at 26. Didn't think much of it though. Friends asked how was it? Do you like him? Eh.. he was nice I guess. Haha. A few more after that, but never cared much for anyone. I work in healthcare and everybody from coworkers to my patients' moms would ask me if I'm dating or married or have kids. I'm actually much more interested in saving and buying a house. I need a yard so my dog can run around. Lol.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/20/2017 at 9:18 PM, Helo0421 said:

28. Only just recently admitted to myself that I'm ace/aro. I mean I like men.. many are very good to look at, but that's about it. I'll glance at a few women too, but it's mostly just observing eye color, jawline, hair, that sort of stuff haha. I think a few friends knew, but never said anything. Like many of you, spent my 18-23 years concentrating on school. Then the following 2-3 years on work. Then now what? I think I went on my first official date at 26. Didn't think much of it though. Friends asked how was it? Do you like him? Eh.. he was nice I guess. Haha. A few more after that, but never cared much for anyone. I work in healthcare and everybody from coworkers to my patients' moms would ask me if I'm dating or married or have kids. I'm actually much more interested in saving and buying a house. I need a yard so my dog can run around. Lol.

Yes, I'm exactly the same way! I didn't date anyone until I was like 18 and honestly, I never cared for it. It's almost annoying to me how much friends and coworkers care. And like you, I care way more about my job, finances, etc, than being in a relationship. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
shinyinternetalpaca

I'm 26 and I am just figuring out my sexuality. My life is a mess, but in a good way?

I mean, a 'real' job so I could have some stability and a less stressful future would be nice. But for now, I enjoy what I do, I have good friends, and I have all the cake of AVEN :cake:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/29/2017 at 10:37 PM, SophiaG91 said:

Yes, I'm exactly the same way! I didn't date anyone until I was like 18 and honestly, I never cared for it. It's almost annoying to me how much friends and coworkers care. And like you, I care way more about my job, finances, etc, than being in a relationship. 

Right?? I think the last date I went on was a year ago. Didn't really care for it. I only went because he reached out first and I thought why not.. maybe I'll actually like this one. He was a nice guy, but eh. Still house hunting! But everything in California is ridiculously expensive 😭

Link to post
Share on other sites

I realy like an idea, that people write their current circumstances and then after some time come and check how everything had changed :) I think I will do the same :D 

 

So, I'm pretty young - soon I will be 21.

 

Well, I did not had much shock when I got admitted to the uni since my family have lived in poverty all my life, so I knew how awful this adulhood thing is, so I had no dreams crushed :D However right now I have to survive myself and help my family out (yep, you read it right - I'M helping my own family), so it's pretty hard, because I also have to maintain high scores to keep my sholarship and don't pay for my studies (here we have a nifty system in which around 90% (the number depends on uni and state funding) of best students in the class doesn't pay for studies). I'm really happy that it's august, because I can spend only 1 euro and be fed whole day (Watermelon season is the best season). 

 

Sadly as I looked around I noticed that it's basically impossible to survive on your own, especialy when you start from almost complete bottom and have no aid from family. Most people in here rent rooms together with other people and that's really sad, because I believe that each person needs some privacy at least once in their lifetime. Actually, most people are afraid to live alone and even run into relationships so that they wouldn't live alone :o 

 

Also, when in grade 12 I started studying really hard (that year we have exams that dictates our future possibilities to study) I have lost contacts of ALL my friends (they still are in facebook, but we don't talk anymore) and for the last two years I have been all alone. I tried renewing contacts, but failed so I started volunteering in students organization and then I became lonely. (It's one feeling when you are alone and studying and other - when you are alonein the crowd of people who claim to be friendly and accepting yet they don't accept you - THAT is heartbreaking). So yeah, the only people who manage to be inclusive at least for a short period of times are anime fans and cosplayers. Who knew? 

 

Well, that's about it about my current circumstances as young adult  :D 

Link to post
Share on other sites
SamwiseLovesLife
On 08/07/2017 at 6:24 PM, Lynnj said:

Or a goat herder in New Zealand.

I second this. We can have conjoining goat firlds and talk about non-sexual things :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
DesiButters519x

Man this is a blessing for me! Ugh... I admit, I get sad when it seems like everyone around me has it figured out but me, I am in my twenties and I feel like such a loser at times, because I have gotten nowhere, I have not even gone to a full year of college, I had a job I hated for three years, and now I am still in the process of being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. When I was a tween, I imagined myself stable, healthy, with a career and happy, which is the total opposite right now. 20's suck, the only thing I am blessed in is that my parents still allow me to live with them, so I at least dont have to worry about rent. Luckily I have some money saved, but I still have to figure things out... ugh... where is a guidebook when you need one? To think that I thought being 20 would be awesome.... *sighs* 

Link to post
Share on other sites
princesa_calavera

22. I'm a student and I just barely figured out what I wanted to do in life. I knew Disney was my goal, but I didn't know how to get there. I feel the time during and after your senior year in high school is so confusing. You either know what you want, don't know, or know but don't know how to get there. Then, you might be dealing with identities still.

Some people might Disney as too childish or that I need to be realistic. But, I know that's my number one goal. I'm aroace because of trauma and now my self diagnosed ptsd kinda has a say in my identity. I didn't even realize that I was ace until my 20's or so! And then dealing with identities while dealing with college! And then since I'm Latina, that's another factor.

And then, being in your 20's is that weird time when you're kinda sorta adult but not.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It has been a little while since I post on here. I was finally able to find a job. It isn't in my field, but I think I am doing well. The pay isn't so great, but it is helping me to get over my fear of being in public and talking to people. It is also allowing me to take a more responsible role in providing for my parents and little sister, so that is a plus. I just hope that I can keep this job because I was promised a pay raise after three months and a good holiday pay as well.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
imaginarybatman

I'm about to be 20 in a month. I'm in school for my BS in Biomedical Sciences, I'm married, and I still don't have it together yet since we live with my parents. I've got $1800 in debt and not a single means of paying it. But that's alright. Still breathing and that's good enough for me. :lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites
Gryffprefect

On the outer-cusp of being a 20-something year old but still count I guess. I'm 29, only figured out that I'm asexual when I was about 27 when realised that I've just never felt the need or want to be in a relationship, and when I have dated and tried to do anything sexual, it just didn't feel right in a lot of ways. I also realised last year that I would identify myself as being transgender and currently in the process of exploring that. But being 29 year old virgin that is asexual and transgender is a little hard to explain as a lot of people cannot seem to differentiate between gender and sexuality. I also still need to tell my dad, whoops!

 

When I was a teen, I always thought that I would be successful in anything that I pursued as I was always very good at school, went on to university and got a degree in chemistry but life after university was tough and I ended up taking the first opportunity that came along. Ended up working as an accountant for nearly 5 years but got to a point where I was just surviving and not really living. I ended up becoming someone I didn't recognise being confused about everything in life and questioning why things seemed so straightforward for everyone else. That and a whole lot of other things lead to a nervous breakdown, a suicide attempt and 2 months in a psychiatric hospital.

While that all sounds incredibly depressing and rather bad, my time in hospital helped me. It gave me the time I needed to take a step out of the fast stream of life and really examine myself without pressure. I'm currently still on the road to recovery and currently being looked after by a community mental health team. I've got a long way to go but I'm glad I'm starting to finally address and let go of the things that were inhibiting me before and embracing things that may help live my life going forward. Although, couldn't this have all happened earlier as I feel I've wasted the best years of my life!

 

That's me so far in a pinch. If you managed to read it all, have some cake :cake:

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
itsmeelysemarie

I'm 27. Very recently figured out that I'm both demisexual and demiromantic.

Link to post
Share on other sites
colossalpenguins

I'm 29 so juuuust fit into this group. I've spent the last 3 years living and working in Japan but as of next summer I'll be heading home to the UK and so I have just under a year to try and work out just what I want to do with my life. As it stands I've got no real idea, just something that gets me enough money to exist and doesn't make me spectacularly miserable. My list of things I don't want to do is much longer than my list of things I do want to do but overall isn't super helpful! I don't want to be a teacher (I've spent the last 6 years teaching English or working in schools in some capacity), I don't want an office job, and I don't really want  to go back to uni (although that's not completely off the table). 

Realistically I know that I'll probably have to revise this list to actually find a stable long-term grown-up (etc, etc) job. But for now I can but dream.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Forest Spirit

I just read my post again from a bit more than a year ago, it's really helpful to see how I was back then and what has changed and what hasn't...

So the past year has been good and bad. I do feel as if my social skills have improved a bit, I've opened up to a couple of people, came out to my mum, sister and two friends, am not as anxious anymore about hanging out with people (although I still struggle with initiating it) and just generally don't feel as if I suck at relationships all the time anymore (but still often enough, especially with close ones). Have to add that (after two years now) I'm still "recovering" from my shut-in phase as a teen which (I do realize that now) was quite bad for my mental health and social skills...

Uni is going quite well, and most of the time I feel as if it was the right choice. Career plans are still "well.. something!?" also because I often feel as if I'm not good enough or worth it even if I AM good at something and even if people tell me that. Self worth problems I suppose.

Over summer I've managed to focus again on a couple of things that are actually important to me but which I've neglected for quite a while now. Sometimes I still fall back into that behaviour but it's definitely gotten better!

Link to post
Share on other sites
InsomniacAnna

I'm 21, but I'll be 22 in like three months. I'm gonna have  ADHD and learning disabilities diagnosed now, on my third year of university. And I really don't know how I made it this far without having a heart attack, but well, I did. None of my friends know this, and I don't even know if I'll tell them, because I'm a pretty private person. I don't even know what I'm gonna do after university.

 

And yet, things are better than when I was in high school, which was basically hell. And I'm so glad I met my current friends, who know I'm ace and stuff. And even if they are super social and like to go to parties and discos and I don't, they always plan something for all of us to have fun every now and then, which is pretty cool. Still, I have a lot of things to deal with now, but in other aspects it has gotten so much better. I hope that when I get diagnosed with all those things, I'll be able to find a solution, or something to help. At least my professors are very nice in general, and if I have any problem they'd tried to adapt, which is nice.

 

I also wish I would find a weekend job or something, but things are pretty complicated in my country now. Guess I'll wait till summer, let's hope I find a job next summer :/

 

And for all the people that commented here, I wish all of you the best, and even if things are good, I just hope they get even better!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...

Hmmm, interesting when I read some of these posts. So many people feel like they figured out their orientations late, eh :P

 

I would assume it's because asexuality isn't very visible so people didn't even know it was an option...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...

More because it wasn't an option - I was 55 before I read the first article in a daily paper and realised it was me. There were fewer than 3,000 members when I joined in 2004...so, not a lot knew about it :)

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
On 11/7/2017 at 11:55 PM, Puck said:

Hmmm, interesting when I read some of these posts. So many people feel like they figured out their orientations late, eh :P

 

I would assume it's because asexuality isn't very visible so people didn't even know it was an option...

Late discovery can also be a product of self-denial. A personal refusal created through a desire to meet the expectations of others (social media, family, local community, etc).  In some cases, "late acceptance" maybe a suitable term. :P

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Tyro said:

Late discovery can also be a product of self-denial. A personal refusal created through a desire to meet the expectations of others (social media, family, local community, etc).  In some cases, "late acceptance" maybe a suitable term. :P

That's totally fair. I went through, like, 5 years of knowing what asexuality was but straight up not wanting to be ace :P But it just makes one more miserable to deny it. Yeah, I won't have a normal dating life and it's made even harder to find a partner, but better that than marrying and inevitably disappointing some poor sexual because I didn't accept myself...

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, Puck said:

That's totally fair. I went through, like, 5 years of knowing what asexuality was but straight up not wanting to be ace :P But it just makes one more miserable to deny it. Yeah, I won't have a normal dating life and it's made even harder to find a partner, but better that than marrying and inevitably disappointing some poor sexual because I didn't accept myself...

This is what I have come to conclude as well. It is better to find a partner accepting of asexuality than to live in a dollhouse playing to others expectations.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...

Lost 27 year old soul here. When I was younger, I thought I would graduate from college, get a good paying job right off the bat, and be able to live in a house by age 24. Those thoughts are laughable to me now.

 

I haven't been able to secure a good paying job since I graduated college. The highest wage I've ever gotten was $16/hour. I still live with my parents because housing is so expensive where I live. I find that my current job as a medical technician is not what I want to do for a career, even though there are opportunities for advancement. I bought a really expensive book to study for a certification, but I can't seem to pick it up and put some hours into studying for said certification. I currently have no idea what I want to do.

 

I do have some goals I'd like to achieve this year. I would like to meet up with aces since I'm relatively new to the scene, and recently came out to my best friend who lives in another state. I am saving up for a house/townhouse, but it's going rather slowly with how little I make. It's infuriating. I want to be more comfortable with dating. I've never liked dating, even when I was younger. I found it too stressful and anxiety-inducing. Adding the ace thing makes it even more tempting to just hide in my room. :/

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 8.11.2017 at 6:55 AM, Puck said:

Hmmm, interesting when I read some of these posts. So many people feel like they figured out their orientations late, eh :P

 

I would assume it's because asexuality isn't very visible so people didn't even know it was an option...

For me it’s because I always thought that I’m just really late bloomer, I haven’t found “the one” yet, or something like that.

 

Also I didn’t know I could be asexual, because I have libido, sometimes strong and sometimes almost nonexistent.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I forgot to introduce myself.

I’m 25 years old, I’m practical nurse and have been working on that field for about 6 years now.

Currently I’m living at my moms, while trying to find my own apartment.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi ..I am Uzii in my late 20s..stuck...sometimes completely lost, sometimes dead,sometimes so busy. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...