Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[Cnyb]

@spazzticsoda, there are different sorts of domination and submission.  With some activities there is a bit of technical know-how, skill, and safety components required, definitely, and you'd want to be taught by someone with experience.  If you are interested in and particularly enjoy some types of role-play or fetish-play, your personal sense of fun can make all the difference to someone with those interests.  Some people wouldn't want to be laughed at, while for others it would be a turn on.  Some people do foot-modeling, and enjoy receiving 'foot worship', for example, and some foot fetishists wouldn't want to be made fun of for it while others might actually desire teasing and derisive comments, depending on the individual/their mood, it's the sort of thing that is negotiated.

[Hippeastrum]

Hello all!

 

I have had a asexual friend and a cuddle buddy about 2,5 years now. I do not feel need to be in an relationship with him. He has other woman friends but not anyone to cuddle with, so he feels quite dependent on me cause cuddling is very important to him. He is seeking asexual partner or fetisist partner, a woman with whom he do not have to be in intercourse. He has said he has kolpophobia. He would love to live together with someone he loves. That is fine to me, and I hope he can some day find a right woman for him.

For my surprise he has asked me to join his sexual fetish in order me to satisfy his sexual needs, but I don't want to do so. Been there and done that (not with fetish but ordinary heterosex) enough in my past relationships and marriage before I knew about asexuality. I identify myself as Gray-A. I do not know what the definitions say about this, but I personally feel that it is not asexual behavior if you desire someone to partisipate your fetish in order to have sexual pleasure and orgasm. Luckily he do not pressure me, but I get an awkward feeling about it. Is there any opinions on this matter?

[batmmann5]

On 2/26/2018 at 12:21 AM, spazzticsoda said:

I kind of just want an easy way to make money without having to take all  my clothes off or have sex with someone, to be honest. I wonder if being asexual /the apathy- indifference would actually be a plus for some people? Maybe I am just hard on cash right now ; I probably won't do it, but I've been curious . I also really like role-playing  online and have had interest in acting in the past, so putting on a performance would be fun. I also am naturally curious/ a voyeur .

I don't blame you.  Sounds like a good gig.  Just some of the people you have to deal with would not be fun I imagine.  I have actually thought about asking a woman who goes to rope nights if she would be interested in such an arrangement.  No sex, just play.  Oh, and when I mentioned laughing and such, I meant in a fun way, not a degrading way.  I hate degradation.  So, you have done nothing along the lines of bd/sm yet?  Role playing on-line?  Are you on Fetlife?  Brian

[soda59]

14 hours ago, Hemerocallis said:

Hello all!

 

I have had a asexual friend and a cuddle buddy about 2,5 years now. I do not feel need to be in an relationship with him. He has other woman friends but not anyone to cuddle with, so he feels quite dependent on me cause cuddling is very important to him. He is seeking asexual partner or fetisist partner, a woman with whom he do not have to be in intercourse. He has said he has kolpophobia. He would love to live together with someone he loves. That is fine to me, and I hope he can some day find a right woman for him.

For my surprise he has asked me to join his sexual fetish in order me to satisfy his sexual needs, but I don't want to do so. Been there and done that (not with fetish but ordinary heterosex) enough in my past relationships and marriage before I knew about asexuality. I identify myself as Gray-A. I do not know what the definitions say about this, but I personally feel that it is not asexual behavior if you desire someone to partisipate your fetish in order to have sexual pleasure and orgasm. Luckily he do not pressure me, but I get an awkward feeling about it. Is there any opinions on this matter?

Ohgggg boy this is a confusing conundrum, but I can speak to it I think......Well we can try to pick it apart because it seems like a fun code to crack... I do believe there are sexual people who only prefer very specific sexual acts (for example there are gay sexual people , and probably even some straight, who are not into penetrative acts). I don't think this makes them any less sexual....Saying that, there may be some kind of gray area for all I know between that and people who find others attractive but don't wish to engage in sex with genitals..Maybe it's more....masturbatory than that? Uh....I don't know.. This kind of gets into what you actually consider intercourse to be.

I am glad he did not pressure you into participating in his fetish. That is a brownie point for him.

 

8 minutes ago, batmmann5 said:

I don't blame you.  Sounds like a good gig.  Just some of the people you have to deal with would not be fun I imagine.  I have actually thought about asking a woman who goes to rope nights if she would be interested in such an arrangement.  No sex, just play.  Oh, and when I mentioned laughing and such, I meant in a fun way, not a degrading way.  I hate degradation.  So, you have done nothing along the lines of bd/sm yet?  Role playing on-line?  Are you on Fetlife?  Brian

I don't think I"m into anything enough to be on fet-life. That and I'm not interested in having things even cyber-ly directed towards my body. I think it's part of a sort of sexual dysphoria or something , so in roleplay I can circumvent that by adopting a character. (I also tend to take on the persona of a man or a hermaphrodite too; I'm not really trans , but I think that helps me disconnect more) I guess with a dominatrix type thing it would be like I was playing a character maybe so it's possible it wouldn't be so bad.  Also haven't done anything actual bd/sm...I've only had one sexual experience where I gave someone a handie and I really didn't care for it, but it wasn't horrible. I found it kind of funny, to be honest, but I was trying not to laugh because I didn't want to be mean :/ . I mean the guy was letting me experiment around. Yeah my problem is if they would get too emotionally attached or fear of them trying to escalate the situation or something.

 

 

[Hippeastrum]

 

@spazzticsoda Thank you for your answer, nice to have someone elses opinion and thoughts than just mine and my friends. Liked that "fun code to crack..." In the backgroud there might be some false perception that asexuality means the same thing that you do not want to do penetrative acts. And because I do not gross genitalia, I could satisfy his needs just like I give him a hug. It would be a friendly thing to do. But for me it's not at all the same.

 

He do not pressure me to participate these sexual things, cause it would lead me not want to see him anymore, but almost every time we visit each other, every 6-7 weeks, he wishes that I could walk with high heels he has I don't know how many pairs. Sometimes I agree to do so, even little annoyed, but not sure if that is something I should do for myself. For me it's more than ok that he has this fetish thing, and has had it since childhood. Like any other sex thing, I don't mind it if I do not have to be part of it. 

[AAlexis]

I'm highly sensual and big into kink. For a long time I've known that I prefer "kinky fun without sex" (into), but I just now realized that it's part of a bigger picture of demisexuality. I always hated the pressure I felt when I found a kinky partner I enjoyed and I knew they would try to have sex with me or do and say sexual things. I wish I was able to have said "no" so many times in the past, or I wish I had the ability back then to understand my lack of sexual attraction and desire and be up front about it. 

 

I like topping a lot because I make the rules. I had an intense relationship with a sub last year and it really helped me understand feelings that I had for a long time, but felt I couldn't express. Feelings like, I don't want to take my clothes off, I don't  want to see your genitals or touch them. I had the experience of imposing orgasm denial, and it was a very affirming and fun experience.

 

I'm on FetLife also, and it always bothered me that people listed sex acts as their fetishes, especially because a lot of it just ends up looking like an acceptable form of violence against women or the feminine.  I think the biggest fetish is actually  hyper femininity and  toxic masculinity. 

[batmmann5]

19 hours ago, AAlexis said:

I'm highly sensual and big into kink. For a long time I've known that I prefer "kinky fun without sex" (into), but I just now realized that it's part of a bigger picture of demisexuality. I always hated the pressure I felt when I found a kinky partner I enjoyed and I knew they would try to have sex with me or do and say sexual things. I wish I was able to have said "no" so many times in the past, or I wish I had the ability back then to understand my lack of sexual attraction and desire and be up front about it. 

 

I like topping a lot because I make the rules. I had an intense relationship with a sub last year and it really helped me understand feelings that I had for a long time, but felt I couldn't express. Feelings like, I don't want to take my clothes off, I don't  want to see your genitals or touch them. I had the experience of imposing orgasm denial, and it was a very affirming and fun experience.

 

I'm on FetLife also, and it always bothered me that people listed sex acts as their fetishes, especially because a lot of it just ends up looking like an acceptable form of violence against women or the feminine.  I think the biggest fetish is actually  hyper femininity and  toxic masculinity. 

@AAlexis, in case you didn't know, there is an Ace Meet Up in Portland.  There are several Ace Meet Ups a month with that Group.  I live in Eugene, so I don't go that often.  Oh, I am batmman on Fetlife, if you care to say hi.  Brian

[DeleteThisProfile666]

A lot of my friends are active in the kink community here. I am interested! Being a single mom, I can't go to the kink club they go to on the regular with them. I'd love to explore the world but I'm kind of scared to. I've been on a kink community website and almost everyone who messages me asks me to sub and hookup. Some of them get really offended when I tell them I'm in no way looking for a sex partner. How do you go about exploring the community when most of the people you encounter are asking for sex to be involved with the play?

[Ousel]

On 3/23/2018 at 6:47 PM, WierdoSansBeardo said:

 How do you go about exploring the community when most of the people you encounter are asking for sex to be involved with the play?

It's hard to be in the minority. Sounds like you're on FetLife? The thing I like about the kink community is you can be super specific about what you want. Like, sensual play only. Or rope stuff *only*. I've certainly known, even sexual people, who have gone for non-sex kink relationships. It's totally a thing. I just find that dealing with unknown persons on FL is the worst, and getting out to community events and meeting friends of friends etc. is the real way to meet reasonable humans. My 2 cents. 

[DeleteThisProfile666]

Oh, you won't catch me going to meet up with someone new without my friends. We have a meet up every week and I've told a couple people that if you'd like to meet, we'll do so at the weekly meet up. They end up not showing and that speaks loud and clear of their intentions. 

My friends are much more experienced than I am and they've been helping me to sort through what I may like, past traumas and how they can affect you and the way you should feel during play. It's still very alluring to me! But I can't seem to find a babysitter that I trust while still having all of my friends together for my first night out. We'll figure it out. 

 

P.S.: I've been trying to disconnect from online life and enjoy the absolutely beautiful weather lately. Sorry for the delay.

[SunflowerKit]

Happy to see this thread! I'm a grey-a kinkster. I'm a non-sexual little/kitten with a Daddy and a Mommy. I'm submissive most of the time, but am also a sadist/top.

[pma01]

Ian kinky. I have a get account under fred64. But Ian unable to access it right now. I like some self bondage, cbt, orgasm denial, self spanking, some pain

[Sana]

You don’t necessarily have to be dominant or submissive. I identify as a rope bottom, so I enjoy being tied up but the d/s dynamic doesn’t really play a role in the same way it does in a Dom/sub or Master/slave relationship.

[Sana]

On 21/07/2014 at 2:24 AM, LadyNobody said:

*raises hand*

I'm a bit kinky. Unfortunately, the majority has to exist in my fantasies because I don't feel comfortable with the idea of involving a partner (my enjoyment of things BDSM-related have very little to do with the actual relationship part; I'm neither very submissive nor very dominant) but also find most things I'd be interested in to not be feasible as solo activities. Sadness.

Ah well. At least a vivid imagination helps a bit.

 

[Sana]

A lot of play partners have a purely platonic relationship.

[manicmanner]

I feel like I have ALL THE QUESTIONS for this thread as I figure out my identity, so I apologize in advance.

 

I do identify as a bottom-leaning switch with submissive tendencies. My best friend jokes that I'm BDSM-sexual as outside of a D/s dynamic I have no interest in sexual activities, and even then I'm not necessarily attracted to the person I'm with as much as I'm attracted to the power exchange element. I like being forced to do things, and sex for me can be negotiated as one of those activities (except for any sort of penetration as my body has a difficult time getting aroused enough for that sort of thing.)

[InariYana]

Only quite recently I've realized that I'd probably enjoy being dominant and... dressed up as a nurse or doctor, with some heavy boots on (I got a perfect pair at home!) Walking down the corridor, with a bag full of bandages, dressings, ointments, maybe some rope. Entering my patient's room with a cold expression on my face, giving instructions, examining the patient...   

I've been on dating sites for quite a while and (perhaps based on my sweet, innocent-faced profile pictures) people always assumed I could potentially be up for some BDSM in submissive role. That's one thing I'm sure - I would not enjoy being a sub at all, but then again being the one in charge... That could be fun  Especially in this "medical" setting...  

[WhiteWolf1]

Hello, I'm 28 yo male.

I like, cuddling, hugs, CFNM, body painting(I'm ready to be body painting model or draw art or photography model), teasing, tickling, ropes, bondage, humiliating and exhibitionism.
I'm exhibitionist, I like to be a model for drawings/paintings, nude art figure, photos, naked model and body painting too.
You can ask me whatever you wish

 

[arotomato]

Hello

I made this account hoping someone can maybe help me. I am an asexual and aromantic individual. Lately I was wondering if I have a kink or if BDSM was something for me... I came to this conclusion because sometimes, I really can't handle my life. I sometimes have the feeling that I need a mom around to tell me what to do and to tell me what is wrong and right. I think it might be because my birth mother kinda left me alone. But this desire is not at all sexual. And it is also not ageplay from what I heard about it (I don't want to be a baby and also don't want to wear diapers and so on). And I also don't want a "daddy", more like a "mommy" (trans or cis woman). I think I am mentally stuck in the age between 10 to 15 y.o. And I would really like to grow up and overcome this phase. And I think what might help me is a mom who teachs me how to behave and how to be a good person. Does this belong to bdsm? And where could I find such a person? I think the website fetlife you people proposed would be too explicit/heavy for me.

I hope someone can help me and answer my questions

 

Pauli

(a trans man)

[Ousel]

@arotomato   Hi there Pauli,

                              Absolutely this exists, and you are even in the right place. If you were able to find a woman whose fetish this was, it would be great right? Sadly, I think the chances of you finding that are pretty slim. (Search "women emotional labor" on google and I think you'll see why.) The good news is this is totally what Pro Doms get paid to do. I'm sure a LGTBQIA friendly Dom would love your patronage. I don't think FetLife is the place to look. In fact, with sex workers getting booted off CL, I'm not sure where you find Pro Doms online these days. Often you need to know someone who is known to the pros already. I've known Pro Doms and Subs in the past, but it's been a long time, and I'm not sure if any of the "houses" are still going. I bet you're resourceful and good at searching the internet, so you will totally be able to find what you need. Good luck!

[arotomato]

11 hours ago, Ousel said:

@arotomato   Hi there Pauli,

                              Absolutely this exists, and you are even in the right place. If you were able to find a woman whose fetish this was, it would be great right? Sadly, I think the chances of you finding that are pretty slim. (Search "women emotional labor" on google and I think you'll see why.) The good news is this is totally what Pro Doms get paid to do. I'm sure a LGTBQIA friendly Dom would love your patronage. I don't think FetLife is the place to look. In fact, with sex workers getting booted off CL, I'm not sure where you find Pro Doms online these days. Often you need to know someone who is known to the pros already. I've known Pro Doms and Subs in the past, but it's been a long time, and I'm not sure if any of the "houses" are still going. I bet you're resourceful and good at searching the internet, so you will totally be able to find what you need. Good luck!

Hi Ousel!

 

Thanks for your answer, it actually helped me a lot now realizing that I somehow belong here (even if I'm still not sure what I should think about that - I think I'm still in a phase where I somehow deny that part of me...).

 

And I think you're absolutely right with the emotional labor part, tbh I haven't thought about that  but it makes absolutely sense that (barely) noone wants to do that work for another person for free. (I think this might also be why my former relatioships didn't work out, because I put all the emotional labor on the other persons).

Unfortunately, I don't really have the money for a professional dom. And also for me I think I need an asexual one, I would feel quite uncomfortable with a sexual one. But I can see that it can become difficult to find someone like that. So I think I have to leave it with my dreams for a while ;). Or who knows, maybe I'll find someone who needs the same things as I do so we could take turns in being the dom and sub :).

Thanks for your answer anyways,

Pauli

[Ksenia]

I am submissive. I like fetishes which   emphasize submission like collars, also I like tight undergarments, corsets. 

[bluefon]

I kind of like the idea of throwing verbally degrading things at someone whilst whipping or slapping them. I’m probably a bit of a sadist. Lol

[corpsecollector]

whenever im feeling omnisexual, im hella into kink, and bdsm. i think that its super appealing because of the potential of intensity you can experience from it all, whether you're a sub or dom. personally im into kittenplay, ddlg, knifeplay, waxplay, gunplay, bondage, blindfolding, whipping, spanking, & et cetera. im a dom 90% of the time & a sub the other 10% (whenever im feeling omnisexual that is).

[Cup.of.tea.]

Well, this is a question more related to discovery.

You’ll see, I like the BDSM world and I express it trough art (drawings an paintings).

I like the idea of exploring my dominant side with a sexual person. But I only feel comfortable if sexual practices are towards him/her/them and not towards me.

Am I still Asexual?

 

Thanks for opening this post!

[Bloc]

I recently discovered rope play. I really enjoy being tied up. Also tying somebody is fun, but also exhausting as I still have to think about every bit. Do you know some good resources to get inspiration for simple but fun ways to tie somebody?

[Guest Scarlet Spider]

I can't remember if I posted here before. 🤔

 

Anyway, I haven't had much sexual experience but given the chance, I would definitely experiment with many different kinks. 

 

Not entirely sure about joining an all kink-community though. Do you meet people there? Like a dating site but only for the kinkiest of members. I don't understand. 

[Bloc]

Does anyone have recommendations for books on rope play/bondage? I want to explore the dominant side more and want some inspiration and information on safety.

[thegadaboutbard]

This thread makes me SUPER happy to see!  

 

I wanna say that for the most part, if I have any sexual attraction to someone, it becomes that much stronger if we are compatible along the kinky scale because that is what turns me on the most in regards to having sex.  

 

I'm a sensual goddess/domme and bondage, body worhsiping, whipping, spanking, scratching, cross-dressing, forced orgasms and...well a lot more really turns me on.  But I can only really initiate kinky sex if I've bonded with someone.  And regular sex...well, I prefer a heavy make out session and cuddling over that.  I think because I'm a more dominant person, I enjoy making the rules of play and therefore I can make sure that whatever kinky and sexual acts are performed will end up being pleasurable for both myself AND my partner. Having regular vanilla sex...it's strange because sometimes that ends up frusterating me.

[Alllan53]

On 10/6/2014 at 6:30 AM, Wyrmcraft said:

Upon researching, I like body worship as well. Necks, backs, hands, and feet mostly. I actually really like backs, I am probably more attracted to a nice back, neck, and hands than I am to the usual breast/butt that most guys seem to prefer. There is just something so beautiful about a back and the interplay of muscles along it, the tension, the shape of the spine, etc.

I've done a little bit of body worship, thoroughly enjoyed it! Alas, I'm lacking a partner at the moment, and that's really only the sort of thing that you can do with a regular partner

 

Also enjoy wax (top and bottom), and rope (bottom, although I do want to learn a bit about topping, mostly just out of interest). Also want to try impact, protocol, service, humiliation, electro and maybe needles one day.