Kink, BDSM, and Cake

[Alllan53]

On 6/29/2018 at 3:05 AM, Bloc said:

Does anyone have recommendations for books on rope play/bondage? I want to explore the dominant side more and want some inspiration and information on safety.

Better Bondage for Every Body by Evie Vane is a really good one.

[borkfork]

^^ @Bloc Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook is a must have

[Bloc]

3 hours ago, Alllan53 said:

Better Bondage for Every Body by Evie Vane is a really good one.

 

2 hours ago, borkfork said:

^^ @Bloc Jay Wiseman's Erotic Bondage Handbook is a must have

Thank you both. I will have a look after the exams this semester.

[ObsessedChaos]

Hey! 

I'm new to Aven, so surprised to see such a big and active Kinky Aces thread! 

I have a Closed Facebook group set up called Asexual and Kinky. I'm aware there's already a few of them- so we focus on the identity and community side of things, but also education in introducing people to kink concepts and safety.

There's more information written in the group description, so if anyone is interested in joining, the link is below:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1047732158712580/

[Naali]

Haven't visited this forum (or aven for that matter) much as of late, but I had quite an interesting text chat for hours last night with my new/longtime squish that brought me back here. It involved him successfully coaxing my non-vanilla side out and him being interested and actually reading about bloodplay (which I still haven't mustered up the courage to find a partner in any form of bdsm). I know it's one of the more extreme forms, but just the fact that I may be finally comfortable with someone to experience S/M with makes me giddy.

Also, I need to read though the board a few pages, but I'm glad for all the advice and help on here 😙

[Rosendust]

Me personally, I am a little. But everything is non sexual, I also have a number of other kinks as well. I am not in a relationship currently. My good male friend, he knows of both my asexuality and my kinks. 

[Rosol]

Hey guys. I'm new to bdsm. And I am dealing with the challenge of creating a bdsm situation that works for me, an asexual, and my girlfriend, an allosexual. I've been reading a lot of books and forums and things, but I could really use someone to talk to about asexual bdsm.

 

So if you feel led to share your guidance, or if you're new and learning too and you want to talk about it together, please private message me.

 

Thanks!

[123454321]

Just wanted to say that I really like omorashi

Plz don't kill me ;u;

(also this thread rocks!) 

[Just Me!]

Omorashi, my main kink hahaha.

[Just Me!]

On 5/29/2017 at 3:55 PM, Just Me, Myself and...Zie? said:

== Results from bdsmtest.org == 
97% Ageplayer 
74% Switch 
68% Masochist 
65% Rope bunny 
64% Dominant 
62% Primal (Hunter) 
61% Degrader 
58% Rigger 
56% Submissive 
55% Sadist 
53% Vanilla 
53% Voyeur 
49% Experimentalist 
43% Daddy/Mommy 
41% Owner 
40% Exhibitionist 
37% Master/Mistress 
34% Boy/Girl 
24% Primal (Prey) 
14% Non-monogamist 
6% Slave 
6% Degradee 
3% Brat 
1% Pet 

 

 

Interesting...

I felt like retaking the test I haven’t taken in over a year.

 

== Results from bdsmtest.org == 
98% Dominant 
98% Sadist 
95% Master/Mistress 
94% Ageplayer 
87% Rigger 
84% Owner 
78% Daddy/Mommy 
75% Pet 
74% Voyeur 
72% Degrader 
69% Boy/Girl 
64% Masochist 
63% Rope bunny 
63% Primal (Hunter) 
62% Switch 
62% Submissive 
58% Non-monogamist 
58% Experimentalist 
54% Primal (Prey) 
51% Brat tamer 
46% Brat 
44% Exhibitionist 
43% Vanilla 
35% Degradee 
1% Slave 
 

So, I think I’ve gotten kinkier...? Well then.

[Lycan]

On 7/30/2018 at 3:35 PM, Naali said:

Haven't visited this forum (or aven for that matter) much as of late, but I had quite an interesting text chat for hours last night with my new/longtime squish that brought me back here. It involved him successfully coaxing my non-vanilla side out and him being interested and actually reading about bloodplay (which I still haven't mustered up the courage to find a partner in any form of bdsm). I know it's one of the more extreme forms, but just the fact that I may be finally comfortable with someone to experience S/M with makes me giddy.

Also, I need to read though the board a few pages, but I'm glad for all the advice and help on here 😙

Hi Naali,

 

Blood play is super interesting! It is part of "edge play" and can be a lot of fun but is also very dangerous. I recommend at least taking one class in person with an experienced BDSM teacher before trying it just to get all the basics and safety figured out. 

 

I completely understand about finding someone that you feel comfortable with expressing this side of you. It is exciting! 

 

Can I make a few further suggestions? I know of a few Asexual BDSM peer educators online that can help a lot with exploring and resources. One is Morgan Thorne who is a Professional Dom (her book on BDSM 101 is amazing). She is coming out with another book soon that is all about medical play which, I hazard a guess, would include blood play as a topic... though it does really need to be taught in person. The other peer educator I really like is Evie Lupine who is a submissive/pet player. She is young but very informed and thoughtful. Both have hours and hours of free content on YouTube with so many topics. Tell them I sent you if you like their content!

 

I last thing here. I would suggest to anyone getting into BDSM do some research into "vetting" partners. Morgan and Evie both have videos on the topic.

 

Stay "safe, sane and consensual"! 

[Lycan]

On 6/22/2018 at 9:48 PM, Cup.of.tea. said:

Well, this is a question more related to discovery.

You’ll see, I like the BDSM world and I express it trough art (drawings an paintings).

I like the idea of exploring my dominant side with a sexual person. But I only feel comfortable if sexual practices are towards him/her/them and not towards me.

Am I still Asexual?

 

Thanks for opening this post!

Hi Cup.of.tea,

 

Yes, of course you can be Asexual and do a lot of sexual things either to someone else or having it done to you. Asexual is about desire, or rather lack/limited of, not actions.

 

As a side note, I am curious if you mean dominant side or top side in the post? The only reason I wonder is because you say, "sexual practices towards them". Which can be topping, dominant or both! "Topping" in a very limited definition is (generally but not always) the person who does actions to the bottom in a scene. It doesn't always include domination.

 

There is a term that's been bounced around on Aven (and online) called Stone Ace. It is a derivative of Stone Lesbain. It means a person that wants to do the touching or intimate acts to someone else but absolutely does not want it in return.

 

Do you put your art online? It sounds amazing. 

[Naali]

9 hours ago, Lycan said:

Hi Naali,

 

Blood play is super interesting! It is part of "edge play" and can be a lot of fun but is also very dangerous. I recommend at least taking one class in person with an experienced BDSM teacher before trying it just to get all the basics and safety figured out. 

 

I completely understand about finding someone that you feel comfortable with expressing this side of you. It is exciting! 

 

Can I make a few further suggestions? I know of a few Asexual BDSM peer educators online that can help a lot with exploring and resources. One is Morgan Thorne who is a Professional Dom (her book on BDSM 101 is amazing). She is coming out with another book soon that is all about medical play which, I hazard a guess, would include blood play as a topic... though it does really need to be taught in person. The other peer educator I really like is Evie Lupine who is a submissive/pet player. She is young but very informed and thoughtful. Both have hours and hours of free content on YouTube with so many topics. Tell them I sent you if you like their content!

 

I last thing here. I would suggest to anyone getting into BDSM do some research into "vetting" partners. Morgan and Evie both have videos on the topic.

 

Stay "safe, sane and consensual"! 

Thanks for all the tips. I've been reading about it all for like a year, but not too in-depth because of the no partner thing. I'll check out the educators.

[Roidgy]

I don't know if this makes me any sense but.... I like bdsm in a completely non-sexual way. Just like to know someone who has complete power over me won't abuse it and actually care about me. 

I uh..... like to slap fat tummies too. 

And i think suits of armor and robots are hot as hell QwQ

 

[Siimo van der fietspad]

So, I have a long-time question about the definition of 'kink': does it specifically refer to BDSM, bondage, domination, latex, rubber, gags, master-slave stuff and all that jazz or can it also be used to describe wider fetishes that may or may not involve the aforementioned? Eg a rubber rainwear fetish that doesn't involve actual bondage?

[Bloc]

As I understand it with my limited knowledge BDSM is a subset of kink. If you like wearing e.g. latex-suits it is also a kink even if they don't restrict your movements.

[Cesario]

On 9/9/2018 at 3:51 AM, Siimo said:

So, I have a long-time question about the definition of 'kink': does it specifically refer to BDSM, bondage, domination, latex, rubber, gags, master-slave stuff and all that jazz or can it also be used to describe wider fetishes that may or may not involve the aforementioned? Eg a rubber rainwear fetish that doesn't involve actual bondage?

Nope.

 

A kink is just enjoying something that has nothing to do with sexual organs in a sexual way.

 

A fetish is needing that something that has nothing to do with sex in order to climax.

 

So, someone with a food fetish could not climax unless feet were involved or they were thinking of feet. If someone had a foot kink, they would just enjoy feet in a sexual way but wouldn't need them involved during sex.

 

That all being said, I think people often use them pretty interchangeably. Those are just the technical definitions.

[pma01]

@sana, Iam not really sure what Iam am. What ever play I do is all solo, I know I don’t wasn’t to involve sex though, I feel I would like to be spanked, or tied up while someone uses a feather, so possibly on the submissive side

[Bloc]

1 hour ago, pma01 said:

@sana, Iam not really sure what Iam am. What ever play I do is all solo, I know I don’t wasn’t to involve sex though, I feel I would like to be spanked, or tied up while someone uses a feather, so possibly on the submissive side

Except beging spanked this sounds like fun to me. However I am more like an switch, even I am lacking experience in tying somebody up.

[pma01]

@bloc I practice spanking on my own, I occasionally will do some genital bondage. But I lack the experience and also a partner. I really do wish I could find a partner

[HurricaneKitty]

== Results from bdsmtest.org == 
100% Degradee 
100% Rope bunny 
99% Submissive 
97% Brat 
96% Masochist 
82% Boy/Girl 
75% Pet 
63% Primal (Prey) 
61% Slave 
59% Voyeur 
50% Exhibitionist 
48% Degrader 
46% Ageplayer 
45% Daddy/Mommy 
38% Owner 
30% Rigger 
25% Vanilla 
25% Experimentalist 
25% Switch 
4% Primal (Hunter) 
3% Non-monogamist 
2% Sadist 
2% Brat tamer 
1% Master/Mistress 
1% Dominant 

[123454321]

== Results from bdsmtest.org == 

96% Vanilla 

79% Boy/Girl 

75% Pet 

71% Ageplayer 

60% Primal (Prey) 

53% Submissive 

49% Slave 

48% Experimentalist 

46% Brat 

44% Degradee 

43% Rope bunny 

33% Masochist 

19% Rigger 

1% Brat tamer 

1% Master/Mistress 

1% Owner 

0% Primal (Hunter) 

0% Exhibitionist 

0% Daddy/Mommy 

0% Voyeur 

0% Dominant 

0% Degrader 

0% Sadist 

0% Non-monogamist 

0% Switch 

 

I actually like omorashi ;-; 

 

[Alllan53]

On 8/23/2018 at 12:32 AM, Just Me, Myself and...Zie? said:

I felt like retaking the test I haven’t taken in over a year.

 

== Results from bdsmtest.org == 
98% Dominant 
98% Sadist 
95% Master/Mistress 
94% Ageplayer 
87% Rigger 
84% Owner 
78% Daddy/Mommy 
75% Pet 
74% Voyeur 
72% Degrader 
69% Boy/Girl 
64% Masochist 
63% Rope bunny 
63% Primal (Hunter) 
62% Switch 
62% Submissive 
58% Non-monogamist 
58% Experimentalist 
54% Primal (Prey) 
51% Brat tamer 
46% Brat 
44% Exhibitionist 
43% Vanilla 
35% Degradee 
1% Slave 
 

So, I think I’ve gotten kinkier...? Well then.

I'm not a fan of how this test measures how "vanilla" someone is. The questions which I think correspond to that score are things like "I would leave everything to live my BDSM lifestyle".

 

But that's just a pet peeve of mine.

[jay williams]

I have dreamed with BDSM thoughts all of my life (and I am in my 60s). I identify as a submissive, and I never, ever have yearnings for PIV sex. I have always been attracted to women who never wanted intercourse. I find that intercourse with a woman messes up my submissive head space really big. I don't think that there are many kinky women who don't like intercourse, but there must be some out there. Any such women, or any guys have experience with such women? I visit collarspace.com, where there are two older women who make clear that no sub or slave will ever have sex with them! These women are, to me, hot, hot, hot! Too bad they don't live near me!

[Brahmacarya]

I have a kink and asexuality question -

I have a SEVERE paraphilia issue. This is categorically destroying my life and has done for decades. Now, I may have the opportunity to end it, but the interventions are pretty extreme. I felt a bit of a twinge that if I went ahead and ended the fetish, I would also have to "give up" identification as queer - but then it hit me that it's not attraction to people, it's attraction to the fetish, which is completely nonsexual. I had thought I was bisexual, because the fetish could cause unwanted arousal whether related to men or women. But if I imagine removing that fetish aspect, I wonder if any attraction or sexual desire for normal, every day sex with anyone is actually there under it at all, or all natural sexuality had just been overtaken and destroyed by the fetish at a stupidly young age. I thought getting off to a kink meant you weren't asexual, because you were feeling sexual arousal and engaged in masturbation. Maybe not so?

The idea of engaging in normal sex doesn't interest me in practical terms. It works in very occasional fantasies, but in real life I don't think I'd be into it. I don't know. It may not matter for much longer.

[Just Me!]

On 10/24/2018 at 2:16 PM, Brahmacarya said:

I have a kink and asexuality question -

I have a SEVERE paraphilia issue. This is categorically destroying my life and has done for decades. Now, I may have the opportunity to end it, but the interventions are pretty extreme. I felt a bit of a twinge that if I went ahead and ended the fetish, I would also have to "give up" identification as queer - but then it hit me that it's not attraction to people, it's attraction to the fetish, which is completely nonsexual. I had thought I was bisexual, because the fetish could cause unwanted arousal whether related to men or women. But if I imagine removing that fetish aspect, I wonder if any attraction or sexual desire for normal, every day sex with anyone is actually there under it at all, or all natural sexuality had just been overtaken and destroyed by the fetish at a stupidly young age. I thought getting off to a kink meant you weren't asexual, because you were feeling sexual arousal and engaged in masturbation. Maybe not so?

The idea of engaging in normal sex doesn't interest me in practical terms. It works in very occasional fantasies, but in real life I don't think I'd be into it. I don't know. It may not matter for much longer.

Aceness is meant to be about sexual attraction to other people, or lack thereof, right? So if you aren't attracted to anyone and don't want to have sex with anyone, then yep, you can pretty much call yourself ace.

 

Hope you end up in a better place regarding your fetish. Might be good to ask around forums/sites for other people with the fetish (if it's not too niche, and such places exist)

[Brahmacarya]

4 hours ago, Just Me! said:

Hope you end up in a better place regarding your fetish. Might be good to ask around forums/sites for other people with the fetish (if it's not too niche, and such places exist)

Weirdly the vast majority of fetishists like the fetish and want to enjoy and engage in it. Which is absolutely understandable and fine with me - whatever floats your boat and doesn't harm you or others, go for it. It is extremely rare for people to hate and want rid of it, and for whom the kink is involuntary and unwanted - like me. So not much common ground with other kinky people there. Unfortunately I've been told any form of therapy is virtually useless and there is nothing that can be done.

[123454321]

Again plz don't kill me ;-; yes, I already told that I am into omorashi but, did you know I am also into daddy kink? (sort of) and no I don't like to do it irl! I just like to think of it in fiction. 

 

And I drew well "someone" (embarrassed to tell) as a little baby 

[queenofaces]

On 10/28/2018 at 9:07 PM, Brahmacarya said:

Weirdly the vast majority of fetishists like the fetish and want to enjoy and engage in it. Which is absolutely understandable and fine with me - whatever floats your boat and doesn't harm you or others, go for it. It is extremely rare for people to hate and want rid of it, and for whom the kink is involuntary and unwanted - like me. So not much common ground with other kinky people there. Unfortunately I've been told any form of therapy is virtually useless and there is nothing that can be done.

Ugh, I feel you. I'm a paraphilic as well and constantly feel like there's something wrong with me : ( Can I ask what your kinks are? If you're comfortable with sharing

[Brahmacarya]

9 hours ago, queenofaces said:

Ugh, I feel you. I'm a paraphilic as well and constantly feel like there's something wrong with me : ( Can I ask what your kinks are? If you're comfortable with sharing

Unfortunately I'm not comfortable with anything about it, including sharing what it is. I find it all horribly shameful and embarrassing and deeply messed up. I'm pursuing treatment for it at the moment and that's even worse.

I don't want to depress you but if you're a paraphiliac and the kink causes distress, there is something wrong with you. I commiserate, as there's something wrong with me too.