Lauren+Bear

Kink, BDSM, and Cake

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Serran
3 hours ago, BumbleBri said:

By the way, I'm bumbly-bee on fetlife. We had so much fun! I got tied for the first time and I got suspended 😍 there were so many things to try! I really liked the wax, and they had a table with violet wands and a bunch of furniture and cupping... We think we're going to go again sometime :3

Glad you had fun! :)

 

The parties are a good way to learn and meet people who can teach you. 

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Copal_0
On 11/5/2017 at 4:14 PM, Arthur/Artie said:

I do... My girlfriend and I both do (both asexual)... She likes being tickled and tickling me, and I quite enjoy her holding me down while she does it... Add to the fact that we're both ageplayers, and we're domestic kink bliss... I mean full on littles here... I have a big dollhouse and she has littlest pet shop, and we play with them every time we're together... We also each have a pacifier, and often take turns "babying" each other when we're not playing together... Nothing sexual about any of it.

That does sound really amazing!

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otachi

I have a thing for tentacles. I don't mean animals, but monsters like the Kraken or some Lovecraftian one that is able to give consent. I'm not sure if it's sexual. I wouldn't like being wrapped in tentacles and get pleasured, I just would like to be wrapped in tentacles, period. It's the same for bondage. I like the idea of being immobilized and having the person doing whatever they want with me, but not in a sexual way. I actually get more gratification seeing someone else wrapped in tentacles (or ropes), but it's not sexual either. It's... aesthetic, I think?

 

I would very much like to be at someone's mercy with no sex involved, but I can't think of a way to do that without spanking and humiliation, which are both very hard nos for me. Related to that, I would like to have someone to take care of me. Not babying, more like roleplaying, I guess? And it's more emotional than physical - a "I've just gone through a trauma and I need comfort" type of thing.

 

Idk, these are just things I'm into non-sexually.

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Jabitw

👀

 

Very interested in BDSM and some branches of urophilia, also exploring some other fetishes (including some where I seem to be the only person with them) but repulsed by a lot of considerably more “vanilla” sexual practices. Thought I’d say hi. 👋. 

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manicmanner

Question: how do people deal with being asexual in the public scene? I'm a relatively active member in my local community and although I'm listed as asexual on fetlife, many folks don't realize I'm ace and I have a hard time with wanting to tell them. But sometimes I want to address it when an assumption about my sexual/play practices comes up. Should I bother coming out to people or is it more trouble than it's worth.

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CozyPosie
On 11/26/2017 at 11:08 AM, manicmanner said:

Question: how do people deal with being asexual in the public scene? I'm a relatively active member in my local community and although I'm listed as asexual on fetlife, many folks don't realize I'm ace and I have a hard time with wanting to tell them. But sometimes I want to address it when an assumption about my sexual/play practices comes up. Should I bother coming out to people or is it more trouble than it's worth.

I feel like overall, it can be tiring to talk to people about being asexual, especially when you're kinky. However, I feel like it's important that those you choose to play with need to know this. Otherwise, there might be a miscommunication. They may have the expectation (like many people I know) that being kinky with someone automatically means you owe them sex. Not everyone in the BDSM community disconnects sex and kink. Unfortunately, asexual people in BDSM communities are vastly over looked.

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Redshirt Jim

Hi :)

I'm new to this one and I took the test. Here are my scores:

== Results from bdsmtest.org ==
100% Dominant
100% Primal (Hunter)
98% Ageplayer
80% Owner
77% Rigger
72% Sadist
68% Master/Mistress
60% Boy/Girl
59% Degrader
49% Vanilla
43% Daddy/Mommy
25% Experimentalist
3% Submissive
1% Masochist
1% Primal (Prey)
1% Brat
1% Switch
1% Slave
1% Degradee
1% Exhibitionist
1% Pet
1% Voyeur
0% Rope bunny
0% Non-monogamist
 

I'm so happy to found others :)

Please help me, I'm still a bit new to this. 

🌻🔥 Live Long and Prosper 🔥🌻

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[noize:injekktion]

so me is still the only 100% switch here? :o

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Redshirt Jim

@[noize:injekktion]

I'm kinda a full dom. Sorry (What are you called now these days? I miss a lot of stuff.)

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[noize:injekktion]

so I'm just the one and only :D not even actively, though.

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TotalFreedom

For my entire life, I've always been turned on by the thought of being submissive - sometimes by choice and sometimes by force. I read a lot of erotica stories involving forced nudity, public nudity, humiliation, stripping, forced orgasms, etc. Doesn't really matter if the story is gay or straight, I just always put myself in the role of the submissive one. I'm not really into the whole pain aspect of it, but the submissiveness, humiliation, and being totally at someone else's mercy (or at the mercy of a group of people) is the only thing that turns me on.

....Funny thing is, I feel like if I actually acted any of these things out in real life, I'd just be ashamed of it and hate myself for it. I don't even know how I'd go about trying it in the first place. I know I could use a "professional", but something about that just doesn't feel very genuine or "real" so it loses all its appeal.

With this being the only thing that turns me on, I'm losing hope pretty quickly that I'll ever find anyone compatible. 

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Serran
On 12/25/2017 at 2:12 AM, TotalFreedom said:

For my entire life, I've always been turned on by the thought of being submissive - sometimes by choice and sometimes by force. I read a lot of erotica stories involving forced nudity, public nudity, humiliation, stripping, forced orgasms, etc. Doesn't really matter if the story is gay or straight, I just always put myself in the role of the submissive one. I'm not really into the whole pain aspect of it, but the submissiveness, humiliation, and being totally at someone else's mercy (or at the mercy of a group of people) is the only thing that turns me on.

....Funny thing is, I feel like if I actually acted any of these things out in real life, I'd just be ashamed of it and hate myself for it. I don't even know how I'd go about trying it in the first place. I know I could use a "professional", but something about that just doesn't feel very genuine or "real" so it loses all its appeal.

With this being the only thing that turns me on, I'm losing hope pretty quickly that I'll ever find anyone compatible. 

You would be surprised how many people are into BDSM. If you don't want to use a professional, you could try kink meetups and such to meet someone you click with. I am sure there are lots in SD! There are also kink clubs and such, where you can just go, have a few drinks and mingle. 

 

Shame tends to be common in people who see it as taboo, but there is nothing to be ashamed about. It's not traditional, but there isn't anything wrong with it. :)

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borkfork

@TotalFreedom Check out MALL (site may be flagged on work/school computers) for a list of local munches. Most are links to FetLife groups. If you're between 18 and 35 try looking for a TNG (The Next Generation). 

 

http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2012/02/guest-post-top-tips-for-new-friends-in.html

http://findamunch.com/newcomer-tip/

 

If you're shy try messaging the group leader to see if you meet with him/her beforehand. Many are happy to do so or set you up to hang out with another local member. People who show up just to pick up someone are frowned upon so don't worry about the atmosphere. There's usually talk about classes and seminars, too.

 

(Continuing what Serran said about meetups)

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TotalFreedom

You guys are awesome! I’m browsing Fetlife and your other resources. I don’t know if I’ll work up the courage but I appreciate the advice and sources! :D

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Sevrn

Awesome thread! 

I'm still reading and seeing what's generally talked about in this thread, but cool to know that there is a thread for kinksters.

 

I'm also on Fet. I'm not going to disclose my username yet.

 

I identify  (in vague, general terms) on the D/s spectrum, as a Domme. I haven't had a kink relationship yet, although, I know that what it is I am looking for in one entails my being in charge.

 

Maybe I'll get to know people here too. :)

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batmmann5

Well, Sevrn, in case you did not know, there is a Group on Fetlife called Asexual and Kinky that has like 2,600 members.  I am batmman on there in case you want to say hi.  Brian

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Sevrn

I am part of that group actually.

I mostly lurk the previous threads. I'm not really active there. There are some threads I want to start, but the questions are still vague in my head.

 

I'll say hi here for now. Hi :)

And happy new year.

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YuriAmethyst

Hi

im also into bdsm and for me it’s nothing sexual 

i love the sensations and the special space I’m in when I’m Dom or sub I’m a switcher by the way I go in a kind of trance state dunno how to describe it 

im on fetlife too but the most queer ppl there come from the us and the only queer friendly play party I know is in Berlin wich is too far for me to go there just one evening 

 Most of my queer friends that enjoyed BDSM have no problem with asexuality I have the feeling in Queerfeminist spaces theirs more awareness there 

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Cnyb

I have kinks and I'm not looking for sex, but what that means, I'm not sure.

 

Things can be thought of as 'sexual outlets' or replacements for sex... depending on how one deals with arousal, tension, frustration, release, sexual arousal may be redirected, channelled, transformed, disguised, sublimated, etc..

 

I can become very aroused and might seek hydraulic release :) however, not being interested in hooking up for oral sex or intercourse... I can identify as not being so personally sexually driven, or as lacking ordinary sexuality/attraction.

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Selket

So, is this a thing? 

 

I'm pretty asexual (I felt sexual attraction once, at age 26, which is now 14 years ago - never before, never since) and I'm contented with being solitary, but I DO have this thing for submissive men. I don't mean that I want to see or dominate these men in sexual scenarios, but I kind of get a mental thrill when I know that men are interested in me but are aware that they can't have me. I think this may be connected to a feeling of anxiety around the lack of control that women often have over their own sexuality in the wider world, but I have this feeling that I might really like to just have a naked, obedient man sit in the corner for a while while I read or go about my business. I don't want to smack him or anything, and I definitely don't want to have him touch me in any way - I might tie his hands but otherwise I just want a naked, docile man to sit there and not bother me. 

 

I'm not sure if this a kink or whether it's a mental exercise in reclaiming female agency in a time when we hear so much about men abusing women.  I work in a field where I travel a lot and am in a lot of situations where I'm constantly having to tell myself that assault is a risk that I run and I need to be at peace with that, not to mention the constant exposure here in the US to the public litigation of whether or not women have a right to bodily autonomy and freedom from assault, or whether we're all just accessories for powerful men to toy with. So maybe it's just about soothing those anxieties.

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batmmann5

Well @Selket, I can kind of relate.  I love being tied up by women.  I just love the feel of rope.  It doesn't have to involve pain.  Just to be tightly bound and to feel cared for, is enjoyable.  I go to rope night every Thursday for that reason.  I have even got to the point where I let guys there tie me up, which for me, was a big step.  You are not alone in this.  I would love to find a woman who just likes rope.  Smile.  Brian

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Cesario

Hey....

 

So, I'm new here. I guess I have a fetish but I'm just curious what it's like for people who are asexual but also have a fetish.

 

Do you guys just use it to masturbate, so you don't involve another person? I feel like that's how I use mine. Which is why I think I could be asexual, I don't really feel a need to involve any girlfriend I've had or might have or wanted. It's like I just want to date for the emotional side but can take care of my sexual needs myself.

 

For what it's worth, my fetish does kind of involve another person but I don't want to physically do it at all, it's like I just like it in the abstract. I just like to read stories or write my own and that's what gets me going I guess...

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Ricecream-man

It makes always makes me happy to come back and see that this thread is active (albeit sporadically).

 

Used to be active in Asexual and Kinky myself although I've stepped away a bit as there a few people who post in there that just irritate me a little more than it should.

 

Just know that there are quite a few kinky aces out there! Met a few fun people through it who I've become friends with.

 

 

Also, repeating it again but please take comfort in the fact that in any good kink community kink and sex are not required to be tied together. I've been active for a little while now and I've only had it become sexual twice. Both times were when I was topping.

 

Not once have I felt like there was any reason for concern when I was bottoming. Plus, the communities I was part of had people who were just waiting for someone to breach consent so they could string them up and beat em. (Not in the fun way)

 

Always happy to talk kink so feel free to send questions whenever.

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Eragon_00

Hi everybody, I'm Pietro and I'm new of the forum. Seeing that topic I feel very happy. For fetishist It's simple to feel wrong. 

 

I'm 17 years old and I'm italian, I'm a introvert person. I have never had a relationship of any kind. 

 

I like being submissive by men, and I like male feet. I would like to have a BDSM relationship with another boy, or only a romantic one, without BDSM (I'm Homoromantic).

 

For a lot of time I felt wrong, feeling strainge and abnormal, I know that I'm not alone now, and that I'm not wrong.

 

Bye bye ^_^

 

 

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Aesir Code
On 11/12/2017 at 3:46 AM, BumbleBri said:

By the way, I'm bumbly-bee on fetlife. We had so much fun! I got tied for the first time and I got suspended 😍 there were so many things to try! I really liked the wax, and they had a table with violet wands and a bunch of furniture and cupping... We think we're going to go again sometime :3

I'm glad you had fun 😇, it sounds like a perfect first experience! My first munch was so awkward and horrible I never went back even though I wanted to fit in 😭.

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LookingGlassAlice

I have kinda wondered if I might like BDSM/bondage as I have fantasized about some related things in the past. The main reasons I'm not sure are because I don't know if I would be willing to be on the receiving end and relinquish that control to someone else and I don't think I'd be suited for the other side. I don't know own if there is counts as a kink but I recently discovered estim.

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