LittleGoody2Shoes Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Kinky aces, I don't understand why when people have kinks that aren't actual sex how sexuals still see them as sex. I see the kinks as emotional intimacy and they don't sexual arouse me. What are your thoughts on this? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kelpie Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Well my kinks sexually arouse me so I'm not sure what you're getting at? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 Kinks do different things for different people, even sexual people. There's also a difference between being aroused and having that directed at someone. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 my kinks arouse me, too, but I don't feel like having sex anyway. so yeah, I guess this is where the difference lies. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted July 1, 2017 Share Posted July 1, 2017 I didn't mean to speak for all asexuals but to me my kinks aren't even sexual..they're emotionally motivated. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
manicmanner Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 18 hours ago, PostHuman said: I didn't mean to speak for all asexuals but to me my kinks aren't even sexual..they're emotionally motivated. That's me as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Well, for a lot of people, kinks = arousing, therefore, it's natural for people who feel that way to see them as sexual. They might not understand how one could do a kink and not be aroused, so they assume it's always sexual. So, to them, it's a sexual act, since that's how it is for them. It's hard for people to look outside their own perspective. To me, if it causes sexual response (arousal, desire, or other such things) then it is in some element, sexual. Even if nothing else happens. But, I know not everyone experiences these things when they indulge in a fetish. Some just find it a fun game. Or, emotionally fulfilling. One fetish involves cuddling, tickling is a fetish, the power play between a sub and their dom can be nurturing and about trust, which doesn't always have to cause any sort of arousal response even if being tied up / spanked might. It all varies so much. But, for example, my ex who I first tried BDSM with would always see it as a sexual thing. To him, BDSM is a turn on, a kink aimed at getting him aroused and the end result should be orgasm of some form. Getting him to get it not being sexual would be hard, because it's so tied to sex in his own head. I've experienced fetishes as fun games, arousing experiences and just a nice soothing emotional thing. So, it makes sense to me that they can be so many different things. It's harder for someone who has only ever experienced them one way. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Just Me! Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 Well, I like BDSM. If I said, "I'm into kink", people would assume that the term's synonymous with BDSM- and as many people know, BDSM really doesn't have to be sexual. Kink is just shorthand for BDSM in that sense. As an autochorissexual, I get turned on, but there's no way I'd ever want interpersonal sex. Some of my non-BDSM "kinks", on a similar wavelength to fetishes, are turn-ons: but I wouldn't want to explore them with other people, so it's not an allosexual thing. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LittleGoody2Shoes Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 7 hours ago, Serran said: Well, for a lot of people, kinks = arousing, therefore, it's natural for people who feel that way to see them as sexual. They might not understand how one could do a kink and not be aroused, so they assume it's always sexual. So, to them, it's a sexual act, since that's how it is for them. It's hard for people to look outside their own perspective. To me, if it causes sexual response (arousal, desire, or other such things) then it is in some element, sexual. Even if nothing else happens. But, I know not everyone experiences these things when they indulge in a fetish. Some just find it a fun game. Or, emotionally fulfilling. One fetish involves cuddling, tickling is a fetish, the power play between a sub and their dom can be nurturing and about trust, which doesn't always have to cause any sort of arousal response even if being tied up / spanked might. It all varies so much. But, for example, my ex who I first tried BDSM with would always see it as a sexual thing. To him, BDSM is a turn on, a kink aimed at getting him aroused and the end result should be orgasm of some form. Getting him to get it not being sexual would be hard, because it's so tied to sex in his own head. I've experienced fetishes as fun games, arousing experiences and just a nice soothing emotional thing. So, it makes sense to me that they can be so many different things. It's harder for someone who has only ever experienced them one way. The power play that's nurturing and about trust is what I'm mostly interested in. You explain this very well. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kevinnzcd Posted July 2, 2017 Share Posted July 2, 2017 On 7/2/2017 at 8:02 AM, PostHuman said: I didn't mean to speak for all asexuals but to me my kinks aren't even sexual..they're emotionally motivated. Me too. My kinks keep me grounded and sane 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 What do you guys think about fetishes? I mean having a particular "devotion" for an specific part of the body (example: Hands, feet, booty, etc) Do you have one? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JayDee1212 Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 Hi guys, so me and my partner have recently decided to try out a Dom/sub type relationship. The thing is, we're both aces, but we do enjoy a lot of romantic and sensual acts together. Basically we enjoy anything a sexual couple would that doesn't involve the genitals, if that makes sense. We still kiss and cuddle and all that. ...So I guess what I'm asking is, are there any other aces in a dom/sub relationship out there? What do you guys do together? Doms or subs... what do you enjoy? I guess we're just looking for tips, advice, suggestions...anything really! Any answers or insight is greatly appreciated! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 59 minutes ago, JayDee1212 said: Hi guys, so me and my partner have recently decided to try out a Dom/sub type relationship. The thing is, we're both aces, but we do enjoy a lot of romantic and sensual acts together. Basically we enjoy anything a sexual couple would that doesn't involve the genitals, if that makes sense. We still kiss and cuddle and all that. ...So I guess what I'm asking is, are there any other aces in a dom/sub relationship out there? What do you guys do together? Doms or subs... what do you enjoy? I guess we're just looking for tips, advice, suggestions...anything really! Any answers or insight is greatly appreciated! If you enjoy sensual, but not sexual, there are a lot of things you can do. Basically... everything is open to you, since most dom/sub stuff doesn't have to go sexual. If you are new to it, I would suggest starting with light things, like cuffs and blind folds. Maybe feather ticklers, or a very soft crop. Pinwheels can cause interesting sensations. You can find a checklist of activities online (just look up BDSM checklist, there are a lot of them, pick which one you like best) and go through it with your partner to see where your hard / soft limits and interest lie. Then try some of the things you are both interested in. What other people are into isn't really a thing that should matter, as everyone likes different things. For example, I don't really like pain, but others may love it. I don't really like rope on my skin, others like rope harnesses and intricate knots. So, what are you interested in trying with your partner? And is your partner interested in it as well? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 2 hours ago, Alexandmb said: What do you guys think about fetishes? I mean having a particular "devotion" for an specific part of the body (example: Hands, feet, booty, etc) Do you have one? eyebrows. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted July 3, 2017 Share Posted July 3, 2017 4 hours ago, Alexandmb said: What do you guys think about fetishes? I mean having a particular "devotion" for an specific part of the body (example: Hands, feet, booty, etc) Do you have one? Hair, beards and moustaches. As long and thick as possible, preferably just a bit wavy. I could probably spend a day with my hands in someone's hair and forget to eat or do anything else essential because hair feels so nice, and scratching the scalp carefully also makes a lovely sound. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kevinnzcd Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 On 7/4/2017 at 2:51 AM, Alexandmb said: What do you guys think about fetishes? I mean having a particular "devotion" for an specific part of the body (example: Hands, feet, booty, etc) Do you have one? For me its eyes, which can cause problems some times if I get lost in a nice pair of eyes for too long 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 30 minutes ago, kevinnzcd said: For me its eyes, which can cause problems some times if I get lost in a nice pair of eyes for too long Same here! A girl with a blue, green or amber eyes with a powerful and/or mysterious eyes is just beautiful (not to mention the eyes shape) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Just Me! Posted July 5, 2017 Share Posted July 5, 2017 I'm growing more and more convinced that I'm not asexual: I think I might just be one of those kinky "vanilla sex bores me" types. (Or is that a form of asexuality/grey-aceness?) Anyhow. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 6, 2017 Share Posted July 6, 2017 On 06/07/2017 at 6:34 AM, Just Me, Myself and...Zie? said: I'm growing more and more convinced that I'm not asexual: I think I might just be one of those kinky "vanilla sex bores me" types. (Or is that a form of asexuality/grey-aceness?) Anyhow. That's what happened to me!!! It literally took years, but I've eventually worked out that I'm a (very) sexual, very kinky person who just has literally zero interest in 'vanilla' sex and who also has absolutely zero interest in having sex with someone I don't have a deep emotional connection with. Also the types of sex I desire don't actually involve my genitals being stimulated by another person as I've never actually enjoyed that (though maybe I could learn to with a future partner!). I couldn't have a sexual relationship with most sexuals as I place very little importance on sexual intimacy and couldn't be happy knowing the other person does actually desire sex to be fully satisfied in the relationship - that would just put too much pressure on me!! But at the same time I'm extremely sexual when it comes to actually having sex and even just generally interacting with my partner, which would be very confusing for many people I think.. it definitely confuses me!! However I know there is someone is out there who will be perfectly sexually and 'kinkilly' compatible with me just the way I am Quote Link to post Share on other sites
litanies Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 I'm demi-pansexual and very kinky. But my interest in kink is largely non-sexual. I made a post about this on my blog a couple of years ago: http://mileagedoesvary.blogspot.com/2014/05/you-asexual-deviant-you.html . Someone shared it here, not sure whom (thank you, to whomever it was--I wasn't active here at that time). I thought I'd link to it again since it's been some time and it seems like this topic is gaining a lot more traction than it was back then. Which is awesome--I feel so much less alone. I hope some people find it useful. I am going to be writing an entire series on this topic soon 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 31 minutes ago, litanies said: I'm demi-pansexual and very kinky. But my interest in kink is largely non-sexual. I made a post about this on my blog a couple of years ago: http://mileagedoesvary.blogspot.com/2014/05/you-asexual-deviant-you.html . Someone shared it here, not sure whom (thank you, to whomever it was--I wasn't active here at that time). I thought I'd link to it again since it's been some time and it seems like this topic is gaining a lot more traction than it was back then. Which is awesome--I feel so much less alone. I hope some people find it useful. I am going to be writing an entire series on this topic soon this is one of my favourite posts now. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 So as a few of you may have heard I'm in a poly QPR now, and the one member of the V who functions as the vertex point is very much a sub... so I guess I'm trying out this whole "dom" business now Sometimes it's difficult since I don't hardly know what to do, and being so commanding and such is a lil embarassing but I think I'm doing a decent job. He's lucky he has 2 very protective and caring doms... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ms.Agape2 Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 Hm I tried bdsm. I just felt stupid lol Maybe I could be a french maid that gets bossed about. Idk Depends on who thinks im pretty the way im feeling right now. Or maybe ill get a slave to feed me cake. Im trapped somewhere between youll do whatever I want and love it and daddy tell me im a good girl. Lol. I dont think its sexual though. Yeah that would creep me out. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 I just realised how much I like seeing bruises, welts and whatnot on skin, both on mine and other people's. It's both aesthetically pleasing and also tells me that the person has been doing something, not just sitting on their ass. It could actually be really nice to do some completely non-sexual...spanking I guess, but also without the discipline element. Discipline is a real turn-off for me, but I'm really intrigued by a sort of "I bet I can take more that you" session. It could even end in taking photos of those sweet marks... Being bruised makes me feel strong and proud. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ChillaKilla Posted July 10, 2017 Share Posted July 10, 2017 @swirl_of_blue I never realized how much I liked marking until I was putting concealer on my sub's neck I might be a little more exhibitionist than previously aware of... I'm a HUGE fan of showing my risky conversations to anybody who wants to know (given I trust them) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandmb Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 I have a strong fetish with girls with glasses. I dunno why but I find them really appealing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 23 hours ago, ChillaKilla said: @swirl_of_blue Reveal hidden contents I never realized how much I liked marking until I was putting concealer on my sub's neck I have always been a biter... My first boyfriend found it out very quickly, and was quite surprised and almost overwhelmed by it, as I was in almost every other way extremely shy and self-conscious and not willing to try most things or take charge in any way. I don't know if he was the type that bruises very easily, or if I was being less careful than I thought... 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
J. van Deijck Posted July 11, 2017 Share Posted July 11, 2017 I like being bitten sometimes. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
batmmann5 Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 Yep, I love being bitten, not too hard though. Always thought vampires were very seductive, sensual, etc. I like nibbling a bit too. Smile. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lifesaver Posted July 12, 2017 Share Posted July 12, 2017 On 7/3/2017 at 4:06 PM, swirl_of_blue said: Hair, beards and moustaches. As long and thick as possible, preferably just a bit wavy. I could probably spend a day with my hands in someone's hair and forget to eat or do anything else essential because hair feels so nice, and scratching the scalp carefully also makes a lovely sound. May I offer my head for your services? I adore having my hair played with and would likely sit there for hours. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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