Romance versus Strong Friendship - What's the difference?

[aucuncactus]

Hello lovely people,

How do you tell the difference between asexual romantic attraction and a really strong friendship? And where do squishes come into play? I am struggling with this one.

[LeaveOnYourColours]

Hmmm, I think there is a point at which these terms meet one another. But I also have a very friendly view of what I want romance to be...

With romantic attraction, I feel like I want this person to spend lots of time with me and be more than friends with me. Being more than friends might include physical closeness that one wouldn't normally associate with platonic friendship, kissing, exclusivity (or not) stuff like that.

On the other hand, a squish is a feeling of wanting to spend more time with a person just to know them and be friends because you might admire them, not because you find them particularly attractive.

[alpacaterpillar]

I think it may depend on the individual. For me, no matter how good friends I am with somebody, I will never want to cuddle them or sleep with them. That's a strictly romantic thing for me. But some other AVENites have mentioned how they would be willing to do those things as part of platonic relationships. Then again, I have suspicions that I have little in the way of platonic feelings, which I am led to believe is quite unusual...

[KanaraKazen]

I think this varies from person to person and their preference.

Personally, I think romantic attraction and strong friendship differ in the fact that with friends, you don't really see yourself together with them in dating, being a couple, marriage, etc. With friends, you don't feel the need or desire to be physical, kissing, hugging, cuddling, holding hands, etc. But with someone who you could be romantically attracted to, you could see yourself in all of that. You are willing to go further than just friends to something more. You'll want whatever romance settings there is. A dinner with someone you may feel romantically attracted to will feel different than from a close friend.

Of course, that is just my personal opinion. I've heard of close friends in purely platonic relationships that they do hug and cuddle. And I've heard of couples who are just like best friends.

And I'm trying to find out what a squish is too. Sorry, hope it helps.

[Cereal Tendencies]

Hope this answers your questions

[TheWheatOne]

Holy moly Dead Weight, I'm saving that for sure!~ Where did you get it? Is there more?

[Guest]

The difference is just the level of affection. You can fell very close to one, you share the same passions, ideas etc while romance is sth much deeper, you just feel you can stay with this person forever and live together. You can do more things like that than with your best friend.

[Cereal Tendencies]

Holy moly Dead Weight, I'm saving that for sure!~ Where did you get it? Is there more?

Saw it on an older thread (forgot what it was) decided to save the URL for reasons~

Glad it helped you ^_^

[noparlpf]

Hello lovely people,

How do you tell the difference between asexual romantic attraction and a really strong friendship? And where do squishes come into play? I am struggling with this one.

Romantic attraction and platonic friendship feel different. Romantic attraction is like an additional set of feelings on top of platonic friendship. The old stuff is all still there, but there are some new things too. For me, I want to spend more time alone with them than before, touch them more, get more of their attention. I get a bit jealous (and then beat myself up internally for being irrational). And some other complicated things that might just be my weird head doing dumb things, I dunno.

A "squish" is when you meet somebody and you're like hey this person seems super cool I want to get to know them and be friends. That's all.

[passionatefriend61]

Actually, squishes can be very intense. That was a term created by aromantics to describe something nonromantic that surpasses basic "I'd like to be friends with this person" feelings. I have a squish and have had others in the past and the emotional intensity of them are comparable to stereotypical romantic crushes, but the desire behind a squish is not traditional romantic couplehood.

You will not find a universal answer to this question, OP. The difference between a strong friendship and a romantic asexual relationship depends on an individual's personal perception of what is "romantic" and what isn't. There are aromantics who have feelings and connections as passionate, physically sensual, emotional, involved, exclusive, and committed as any romantic relationship and for them, those connections are friendships. There are people who can't tell the difference between "romantic" and "nonromantic" love/emotion clearly enough to even decide whether or not they're romantic or aromantic, and some of them identify as wtfromantic and some don't identify as anything. There are romantic asexuals who hate touch, and aromantic asexuals who love it. There are romantic people who don't have a jealous bone in their body and don't care if someone they're in love with is in love with another person or intimate with another person. There are aromantic people who get very jealous of their best friends/QP partners. There are even, rumored to be, romance-repulsed romantic people who don't actually want to be in romantic relationships, even if they want a partner or have a partner they love a lot. There are romantic people who don't want one life partner to fulfill them forevermore and are happy to be in a neverending series of short-term romantic relationships. There are aromantic people who want just one committed domestic partner to share a home and maybe even a family with.

There is just no way for anyone to say "this is romance" and "this is nonromantic friendship" and have those rules apply to everyone on the planet. Feelings and attraction are subjective experiences. Yes, there may be a big number of people who share in a common experience of "romance" or "nonromantic feelings" but no matter how many people are in that camp, there are people outside of it whose experience is different.

So it's up to you to decide what the difference is for yourself.

[abacct]

As a lot of other people have said, it depends on the individual.

I guess it's hard for me to say since I'm aromantic, but I do have one particular friend that I am very close with. If soul mates are real, I would definitely consider her mine. We are very close, to a point where I would be very interested in having a queerplatonic relationship with her, which is in between a weird realm of being friends and dating. However, I am not romantically attracted to her. There's a giant difference for me from being friends versus being in a romantic relationship. Obviously I can't explain it very well since I am romantic attraction, but from how I've seen other people explain it, I lack the whole "I want to hug you and kiss you and I'm head over heels in love." I am not in love with her. I do feel a very strong need and desire to talk to her frequently and would love to spend my whole life with her. It's not like how you see romance portrayed in romance movies. We're just very good friends.

[Diforto]

I have a deep feeling that my attraction aren't romantic. I feel friendly, huggy but never romantic.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Hello lovely people,

How do you tell the difference between asexual romantic attraction and a really strong friendship? And where do squishes come into play? I am struggling with this one.

Look up the term 'cathexis', it is key to understanding the difference. Often, strong friendships endure where infatuations fail miserably and abruptly. You may end up having a lot of lovers in your lifetime, but you only get to have a few superclose friends.

As another old saying goes, "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker". And strong friendships? Fine wine, aged to perfection!

[noparlpf]

I would consider infatuation and love to be different. I've never been infatuated. I totally don't understand "crushes".

[WhenSummersGone]

The difference is being friends with someone or dating/in a relationship with someone. So I would say the difference is feelings and intentions. I usually just hang out with friends but I'm dating someone that I'm romantically involved with until it's a relationship.

[Diforto]

The difference is being friends with someone or dating/in a relationship with someone. So I would say the difference is feelings and intentions. I usually just hang out with friends but I'm dating someone that I'm romantically involved with until it's a relationship.

Non romantic relationship don't exist, if a understand correctly what thou art saying…

P.S. thou art wrong about that.

[Artistofnoname]

My longtime childhood best friend is of the opposite sex. While we have the strongest emotional connection with one another then anyone else in our lives our relationship always has been and always will be platonic.

[WhenSummersGone]

The difference is being friends with someone or dating/in a relationship with someone. So I would say the difference is feelings and intentions. I usually just hang out with friends but I'm dating someone that I'm romantically involved with until it's a relationship.

Non romantic relationship don't exist, if a understand correctly what thou art saying

P.S. thou art wrong about that.

They do but they would be platonic. I was talking about romantic relationships and feelings.

[poindexter]

I've asked this before. I think the best way to distinguish between them is simply gut instinct - actions are symptoms of feelings.

[Satin]

What poindexter said. In the end it's how we personally feel about those relationships and this will naturally differ from what others feel. I'm now in a position where I can confidently say my friendships have always been purely platonic but trying to come up with a general definition of "this is as romantic relationship" and "this is purely platonic" still makes my head spin... so I don't even bother trying anymore.

[WhenSummersGone]

What poindexter said. In the end it's how we personally feel about those relationships and this will naturally differ from what others feel. I'm now in a position where I can confidently say my friendships have always been purely platonic but trying to come up with a general definition of "this is as romantic relationship" and "this is purely platonic" still makes my head spin... so I don't even bother trying anymore.

I agree. A romantic one to me is more based on those "in love" feelings rather than squish feelings.