cijay Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 the "should you-should you not" -ness about it is a very personal thing and I don't know if anyone is in the position to advise. Some people are willing to compromise by either giving in a bit or letting his/her partner go elsewhere, others (me) are not. - Although I don't have feelings towards her as more than a friend (i.e. romantic), I definitely see the potential for those feelings to develop It certainly has happened that people HAVE developed these feelings over time, it's kind of like people who fall in love with drug dealers or abusive people - they marry/commit themselves to that person figuring they can change them. Yes it has happened. I think you need to be 10,000% sure you can develop these feelings rather than just "potential". Also, don't forget, a great many people think sex=love and, while giving yourself and 'experimenting against your comfort zone' is generous on your part, she may figure you don't love her. If she is hypersexual, then there's a good chance that's how she would gauge your relationship. I'd like body warmth too...but as I said above, cuddles, especially with someone you've committed to a relationship with are often viewed as foreplay. I don't find them safe from anyone who doesn't know me well enough to know it's not going beyond that. The decision is yours and yours alone but I've just added in a few things to think about. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Hu Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I'm inclined to think it would all end in tears, but that's just my gut reaction. Come to think of it, that's my gut reaction to an awful lot these days. Still, without knowing anything more about you two, I'm afraid Cijay may be right -- the most likely outcome will be that she will try to change you, and that can get nasty. Even worse than trying to change yourself. You know (here I go again), it's one of the great tragedies of life that the easiest way to develop as a person is through experimentation, but in matters of love and sex we must, by necessity, take two hearts into the lab. It's an age-old recipe for disaster. If I were in your situation, the last thing I would want to do is use a close friend as a test subject, particularly on such a risky experiment. If this was a real lab you'd be wearing a hazmat suit for this. Outside evidence already seems to indicate that a relationship between an asexual and a hypersexual is skull-smashingly difficult at best. But here's my real answer: it's clear from what you say that you're not even remotely in love right now (too much apparent brain activity for that!) It's not her you're attracted to, it's the prospect of testing your boundaries and maybe becoming more normal. I believe the biggest red flag of all in a relationship is when the other person becomes a means to an end rather than an end in herself. Trust me, you're better off with a friend than a Kantian moral dilemma. By way of further musing, if she is hypersexual, might her "feelings for you" simply be feelings of strong friendship and trust which she's expressing in the only way she knows? I know plenty of people who have simply been brought up to think the only way of becoming emotionally close to someone -- especially someone of the opposite sex -- is by having romantic and sexual feelings. Just a thought. I'm writing way too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Heartilly Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 All I have to say is don't do anything you think you might regret. Link to post Share on other sites
Arathorn Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 between an asexual and a hypersexual is skull-smashingly difficult at best. Why does opposites attract? For the first time in nearly a decade I am involved/in love? with a lady who really rocks my boat, but of course she will be a border line nymphomaniac! :shock: "Gives up trying to undertand God's sense of humour" just sits back and enjoy the ride :D Link to post Share on other sites
The Evil Cashew Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 I wish you luck with it and to be careful. IF you feel its worth a shot then go for it. but remember to stay true to yourself and not to do anything you don't want to. ~Cashew Link to post Share on other sites
zyralm Posted August 11, 2005 Author Share Posted August 11, 2005 . Link to post Share on other sites
Hexpiral Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Trust me, you're better off with a friend than a Kantian moral dilemma. That's definitely siggable, but I don't want to lose my messageboard. About the topic at hand, I really don't have much to say. Good luck, and tell us how it went! Link to post Share on other sites
Hu Posted August 11, 2005 Share Posted August 11, 2005 Trust me, you're better off with a friend than a Kantian moral dilemma. That's definitely siggable, but I don't want to lose my messageboard. Thanks, I consider that high praise coming from someone with a sig quoting Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius! I've been waiting for an opportunity to tell you how much that rocks. Anyway, feel free to use my sentence as you will. My moments of cleverness are too rare to keep to myself. Oh, and good luck Zrylam! Now, you realize, you have to give us all the details tomorrow. Link to post Share on other sites
zyralm Posted August 13, 2005 Author Share Posted August 13, 2005 . Link to post Share on other sites
lyrebird Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Especially compared to the not-so-great experiences of having people simply think there's something wrong that needs to be "fixed," it's just a [fill in gender]-hating phase, or any of the other myriad reasons sexuals just don't get it...having someone who stays open-minded and yes, believes, can make all the difference. Really glad it's going so well for you. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Hu Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 You. Are so. Lucky. Asexual or not, we all need friends like that. Lucky, I say! Link to post Share on other sites
Ranger Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 between an asexual and a hypersexual is skull-smashingly difficult at best. Why does opposites attract? For the first time in nearly a decade I am involved/in love? with a lady who really rocks my boat, but of course she will be a border line nymphomaniac! :shock: "Gives up trying to undertand God's sense of humour" just sits back and enjoy the ride :D Uggg... got a spare seat in that boat? I'm currently romantically attracted to a girl I know. Unlike most, this attraction is serious enough it could probably be considered a crush( usually I just acknowledge to myself I attracted to so and so at the moment,it will pass, end of discussion). Go figure with this one 1. There's the outside possibility the attraction is mutual(I wouldn't know how to know) 2. Although I would specify she doesn't sleep around sex is such a big thing for her she could probably make your border line nympho look asexual. If #1 is true lets hope silver is right What I'm getting at is that sex can be an aquired taste. the fact that no one turns you on doesn't mean that you can't learn to enjoy sex. otherwise my skull is about to get smashed. :-( Link to post Share on other sites
slatterly Posted August 13, 2005 Share Posted August 13, 2005 Seems I'm too late for any real contribution, but ZrylamIenvyyousomuchrightnow *green green* It's awesome to have friends like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.