MusicAce Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I've read up on Lithromanticism as much as I can, and I'd like to make sure I've gotten this right. I'll probably identify with it if I've understood correctly: Lithromanticism is when you are romantically attracted to another person until they reciprocate your feelings. So you are only attracted to people who cannot or have not shown a responding interest. Lithosexual is the sexual counterpart (only wanting sex until it could actually happen, then losing interest). The reason I ask is because I only (and I mean only) get mildly attracted to fictional characters. So that's literally as far away from an actual partner as I can get, and obviously it will never be returned because they're fictional. ^_^ Unfortunately there's not as many lithros as asexuals and there's not much information on this identity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paperwishes Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 This is really interesting. Does anyone think this might have something to do with fear? Like, suddenly when the prospect becomes real there's a fear that the relationship could fail and that makes the feeling end? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malica Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 That seems about right, from my understanding. 2D-exclusivity represent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin L Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Though I don't really identify as lithromantic, I do fit the definition. I do get romantically attracted to others, but I don't actually desire to have a romantic relationship with them. It's not because of fear, I just simply don't want to. You have a point about fictional characters, but there are also people who get attracted to fictional characters, but still identify as aromantic. The argument is that fantasy is different from reality, like how asexuals can still have sexual fantasies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoL34 Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I identify as lithromantic, but now I'm wondering if it's just because I have trust issues. I like the idea of romance and think it would be nice, but once it becomes a definite possibility I get scared off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth Sprite Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 Lithromanticism is when you are romantically attracted to another person until they reciprocate your feelings. So you are only attracted to people who cannot or have not shown a responding interest. [...] The reason I ask is because I only (and I mean only) get mildly attracted to fictional characters. So that's literally as far away from an actual partner as I can get, and obviously it will never be returned because they're fictional. ^_^ Hmmm ... Necrophilia would match this kind of "lithromanticism" theory. Death corpse will never reciprocate feelings of his/her lover. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fly By Posted April 30, 2014 Share Posted April 30, 2014 I have never heard of this before and am now somewhat confused. Would this not fall under or be linked to being a Gray-A? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoL34 Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 No because it's a romantic orientation of sorts. It's kind of a subdivision of aromantic. Basically you like the idea of romance and you can have romantic feelings for a person, but once that person reciprocates those feelings you lose them. It's very, VERY aggravating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ponz Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Lithromanticism is when you are romantically attracted to another person until they reciprocate your feelings. So you are only attracted to people who cannot or have not shown a responding interest. [...] The reason I ask is because I only (and I mean only) get mildly attracted to fictional characters. So that's literally as far away from an actual partner as I can get, and obviously it will never be returned because they're fictional. ^_^ Hmmm ... Necrophilia would match this kind of "lithromanticism" theory. Death corpse will never reciprocate feelings of his/her lover. It does match, except that having romantic feelings for a lifeless corpse is a whole different thing altogether. o__o Lithromanticism doesn't really apply to inanimate objects, though it technically fits the no reciprocated feelings part. I kinda identify as lithromantic, but I'm not sure it's a permanent thing. In my case, it is an emotional issue. I don't trust romantic feelings towards me and shut down when faced with them. Fictoromanticism is being romantically attracted to fictional characters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha the Derp Posted May 1, 2014 Share Posted May 1, 2014 Lithromanticism is when you are romantically attracted to another person until they reciprocate your feelings. So you are only attracted to people who cannot or have not shown a responding interest. Lithosexual is the sexual counterpart (only wanting sex until it could actually happen, then losing interest). My answer kind echoes RoL34's. I count myself as Lithsexual. I find that the initial stages of a relationship can be great, though I think that's the buzz/adrenaline of thinking someone likes you. I struggle with relationships the moment that first bit wears off and I feel uneasy and mentally cumbersome within the relationship. My problem with relationships at any level/'base' is that my mind goes numb and I get overwhelmingly bored. I like the idea of romance and think it would be nice, but once it becomes a definite possibility I get scared off. I don't know if it applies to you to any extent; But the more you get scared off, the harder it is to come back to even try it? I've been in 2 (and a half) 'proper' relationships myself, and each time I feel less and less inclined to even try another relationship. Side Note: The main reason that I kept trying in the first place was because I wasn't sure about myself or my sexuality. Being Lithro is a fairly awkward one to work out when you have no idea it exists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robin L Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 I have never heard of this before and am now somewhat confused. Would this not fall under or be linked to being a Gray-A?I do think that it's a sublabel of grayromantic, but not everyone agrees, like not everyone thinks demisexual is a type of gray-a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Earth Sprite Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 My answer kind echoes RoL34's. I count myself as Lithsexual. I find that the initial stages of a relationship can be great, though I think that's the buzz/adrenaline of thinking someone likes you. I struggle with relationships the moment that first bit wears off and I feel uneasy and mentally cumbersome within the relationship. My problem with relationships at any level/'base' is that my mind goes numb and I get overwhelmingly bored. Hmmm ... Would that match Commitment Phobia? Adrenaline kicks & boredom as unconscious strategies to escape that horrible thing: a close mutual relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Star Bit Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 My answer kind echoes RoL34's. I count myself as Lithsexual. I find that the initial stages of a relationship can be great, though I think that's the buzz/adrenaline of thinking someone likes you. I struggle with relationships the moment that first bit wears off and I feel uneasy and mentally cumbersome within the relationship. My problem with relationships at any level/'base' is that my mind goes numb and I get overwhelmingly bored. From what you've said you sound Gray-romantic and not Lithsexual. Gray-romantic includes romantic emotions not lasting long, while Lith deals with the turn off by or indifference of returned emotions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha the Derp Posted May 2, 2014 Share Posted May 2, 2014 My answer kind echoes RoL34's. I count myself as Lithsexual. I find that the initial stages of a relationship can be great, though I think that's the buzz/adrenaline of thinking someone likes you. I struggle with relationships the moment that first bit wears off and I feel uneasy and mentally cumbersome within the relationship. My problem with relationships at any level/'base' is that my mind goes numb and I get overwhelmingly bored. From what you've said you sounds Gray-romantic and not Lithsexual. Gray-romantic includes romantic emotions not lasting long, while Lith deals with the turn off by or indifference of returned emotions. I see what you mean with that but i also see Lith as part of the GrayA. I may have also misunderstood the meaning of what lithromanticism is or explained myself badly but your description of lith explains me perfectly - the problem I find is that I LithSexeual sums me up better than lithrom' but people don't necessarily agree that it's a thing. My point about the initial buzz was more that fact that for the first few *insert time frame* then I was actually happy that a person was able to help do 'the fantasy' per se. having said that: Hmmm ... Would that match Commitment Phobia? Adrenaline kicks & boredom as unconscious strategies to escape that horrible thing: a close mutual relationship. I had never really thought about this as a thing but it's definitely food for thought ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MileZero Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I am wondering if I am Lithromantic/sexual too, though it's not something I am thrilled about by any means. I feel the same way that you do in that I seem to like the idea of romance and sex, and if it remains in the fantasy realm I can enjoy it and fap it out...but I keep it silent to the object of interest, of course. But during the rare times that my interest is reciprocated (usually because I met someone on a dating website), I find I don't really want to go through with it. My thoughts are usually that this is going to get complicated because they want too much too fast, it's not going to be as good as the fantasy, their flaws become more apparent on closer examination, etc. However, I always feel that if that person gave me time and space to adjust to them and feel like there is no pressure, then a sexual and romantic relationship is possible. So I am wondering if I am really just demisexual. Strangely enough, if the sex is impersonal and the romance is non-existent, then I can get aroused, because I feel like I won't have those issues...in fact, I don't even have to be aesthetically attracted to have a sexual encounter with that person. That is what is so hard to "rationalize". Is it an orientation? Or insecurity with emotions? I used to experience deep connections and limerence when I was younger, but after some disastrous relationships I find I've changed in my orientation at age 45, and I know from talking to other gay men that orientations can change (usually discussed in the context of going from hetero- to homo- after years of denial). I have always had a level of discomfort with romance since being a teen, even though I wanted it more and was willing to interact more as a younger man. Sex was actually easier. I would have just thought the way I am now is from acquired emotional insecurities that could go away with therapy....but I find I am basically happy as long as the romanticism and sexual connection are fantasies. It's when they become reality that I start to feel disinterested and uncomfortable. Also, I doubt most therapists would be interested in working with a homoromantic man. My answer kind echoes RoL34's. I count myself as Lithsexual. I find that the initial stages of a relationship can be great, though I think that's the buzz/adrenaline of thinking someone likes you. I struggle with relationships the moment that first bit wears off and I feel uneasy and mentally cumbersome within the relationship. My problem with relationships at any level/'base' is that my mind goes numb and I get overwhelmingly bored. From what you've said you sounds Gray-romantic and not Lithsexual. Gray-romantic includes romantic emotions not lasting long, while Lith deals with the turn off by or indifference of returned emotions. I see what you mean with that but i also see Lith as part of the GrayA. I may have also misunderstood the meaning of what lithromanticism is or explained myself badly but your description of lith explains me perfectly - the problem I find is that I LithSexeual sums me up better than lithrom' but people don't necessarily agree that it's a thing. My point about the initial buzz was more that fact that for the first few *insert time frame* then I was actually happy that a person was able to help do 'the fantasy' per se. having said that: Hmmm ... Would that match Commitment Phobia? Adrenaline kicks & boredom as unconscious strategies to escape that horrible thing: a close mutual relationship. I had never really thought about this as a thing but it's definitely food for thought ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasha the Derp Posted May 8, 2014 Share Posted May 8, 2014 I am wondering if I am Lithromantic/sexual too, though it's not something I am thrilled about by any means. I feel the same way that you do in that I seem to like the idea of romance and sex, and if it remains in the fantasy realm I can enjoy it and fap it out...but I keep it silent to the object of interest, of course. But during the rare times that my interest is reciprocated (usually because I met someone on a dating website), I find I don't really want to go through with it. My thoughts are usually that this is going to get complicated because they want too much too fast, it's not going to be as good as the fantasy, their flaws become more apparent on closer examination, etc. However, I always feel that if that person gave me time and space to adjust to them and feel like there is no pressure, then a sexual and romantic relationship is possible. So I am wondering if I am really just demisexual. Strangely enough, if the sex is impersonal and the romance is non-existent, then I can get aroused, because I feel like I won't have those issues...in fact, I don't even have to be aesthetically attracted to have a sexual encounter with that person. That is what is so hard to "rationalize". Is it an orientation? Or insecurity with emotions? I used to experience deep connections and limerence when I was younger, but after some disastrous relationships I find I've changed in my orientation at age 45, and I know from talking to other gay men that orientations can change (usually discussed in the context of going from hetero- to homo- after years of denial). I have always had a level of discomfort with romance since being a teen, even though I wanted it more and was willing to interact more as a younger man. Sex was actually easier. I would have just thought the way I am now is from acquired emotional insecurities that could go away with therapy....but I find I am basically happy as long as the romanticism and sexual connection are fantasies. It's when they become reality that I start to feel disinterested and uncomfortable. Also, I doubt most therapists would be interested in working with a homoromantic man. I decided not to quote everything cause it was getting a bit much ^_^ You kind of skirted the idea of being Lith, but felt you were could also be Demi, so in 'answer' to the question you didn't really ask I thought this might help your thoughts - http://asexualscience.tumblr.com/post/77763685103/is-it-possible-to-be-some-variation-of-demi-and I would say I'm similar to you up to the point that sex as it does nothing for me :) Also, insecurity of Emotions may effect you, however that doesn't mean it's not how you feel per se. I often find that my first 'proper' relationship has hurt my opinions of how others are going to go. I would say that it probably did effect my orientation, however those emotions are what I feel, even though it is different to how I did before. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MileZero Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 You kind of skirted the idea of being Lith, but felt you were could also be Demi, so in 'answer' to the question you didn't really ask I thought this might help your thoughts - http://asexualscience.tumblr.com/post/77763685103/is-it-possible-to-be-some-variation-of-demi-and I would say I'm similar to you up to the point that sex as it does nothing for me :)Also, insecurity of Emotions may effect you, however that doesn't mean it's not how you feel per se. I often find that my first 'proper' relationship has hurt my opinions of how others are going to go. I would say that it probably did effect my orientation, however those emotions are what I feel, even though it is different to how I did before. :) ********************* I don't know if I am lith or demi...your link hinted that it's possible to be both, but in my mind it is a continuum and maybe I am just waking up in different places along that continuum on a day to day basis. However, I do have a libido so it confuses things. Understanding it is great, but I do feel that under the right circumstances I could be in a relationship. Unfortunately, now that I'm older and now that my willingness to become sexual again is diminished, it's harder to meet people. I know I don't get a choice about an orientation and you are what you are...but I'm hoping I'm more demi than lith....lith sounds almost impossible to overcome as a barrier to a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smiley100 Posted May 15, 2014 Share Posted May 15, 2014 Forgive me I was going through this board to learn the meanings of terms and I have to say something that is on my mind. I hope this is not considered a sexual orientation because in my mind it is not. This is a mental disorder that really has little to do with sex. I am certainly not sitting in judgement and I have my own mental flaws that I deal with. It just so happens that whatever you issues are, they affecting your sexual life or lack thereof. To say you want something, then when you see you can have it, so now you don't want it has in itself nothing to do with sex.....it just so happens to rear its ugly head then. I am most certain there are other issues at play and you will do yourself a real disservice to latch onto this one title to explain it all. If I have learned anything in my life it is that nothing is simple and often there are many factors that come into play to makes us what we are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sindi Posted May 16, 2014 Share Posted May 16, 2014 I hope this is not considered a sexual orientation because in my mind it is not. Well, I thought that it was supposed to be a romantic orientation all along, not sexual. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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