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I'm confused about my gender identity?


Fire & Rain

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Fire & Rain

First of all, thanks for reading :)

I'm having a difficulty separating my own gender identity and my distaste for gender roles. I'm biologically female and I think I feel female most of the time but I'm not entirely sure. I have no problems with my body. In fact, I don't care about it at all. I prefer gender neutral pronouns (most people refer to each other like that here) but I don't mind female pronouns either.

The thing is I look feminine now and I like to dress feminine atm (I used to dress like a boy, had short hair and looked tomboyish) but I don't feel like I did any of those things to be masculine or feminine. I just liked doing them because I felt like it. Does that make sense at all?

Ever since I was a little kid, I have had troubles accepting gender roles. My parents used to tell me "You're a girl. Don't do this." My response was always "Why? Boys do it. Why can't I?" I still can't wrap my head around why we need to be classified as male or female to this day. I also remember I told my parents once that I wouldn't mind being a male and getting married to a woman.

Any thoughts? Maybe share your experiences?

Can you also explain a bit more about demigirl? I'm not clear on that.

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Personally I never really had trouble with gender roles because although they are very traditional in my country, my parents never really tried to enforce them on me or my siblings. I've had periods of traits associated both with masculine gender roles and feminine gender roles and my gender expression varies very much so according to what I feel like wearing, but I never really worry much about trying to portray something in particular or how others see it. I'm not bothered by any pronouns either though I'm bio-female. If someone asked me what I identify as I'd say genderqueer for now.

What I wonder is, what are you looking for exactly? You don't really seem bothered by how others refer to you or see you, mostly just the constraints or limits placed by the perception other people have on typical gender roles and well that's something that would take a lot of social and cultural restructuring on a global level to be changed (not that we can't try :D) but is it a sort of label to explain others how you feel?

Also, sorry but I can't help you with demi-girl :( I don't know much about it either.

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Personally, I take a similar response to gender roles. If someone tries to tell me I have to do something because of them (I'm trans, so it comes up an unfortunate amount actually) I strain against that. The funny thing is, I would be incredibly happy in what are considered female roles as long as they weren't pushed on me. So your disdain for those doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your gender :) Otherwise, sorry, not up on much stuff like demi-girl and such :( Luck :)

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I might be able to give a little insight on the demigender thing. I use this definition myself (from the Aven gender master list post thing)

Demigirl: 1. someone assigned female at birth who feels but the barest association with that identification, though not a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria

There is a grand total of four things about myself that I view as feminine. Everything else that I do I view as agendered, even though society might try to say that it's a feminine or masculine thing. I don't have an issue with having a girl body. I prefer girl pronouns because I assume when someone says 'she', they are referring to the fact that I have female genitalia. While I am mostly practical in my clothing choices, it doesn't bother me if the clothing I'm wearing flatters this body, as I don't feel inclined to hide the fact that I have a girl body.

The big thing that helped me when figuring out my gender identity was determining which aspects of myself I views as feminine and masculine and which things I felt didn't have a gender at all. For example, I have very short hair. Some people would feel that long hair is feminine. Other's might think that short hair can be feminine too or that having short hair doesn't make them any less feminine. I have short hair because I want it and it has absolutely nothing to do with femininity or masculinity for me.

Hopefully that helps clear up a few things. Feel free to ask me questions if it didn't make sense.

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I've also seen Demigirl defined as being bigender between female and something else, usually nonbinary, which is the definition that I prefer as I see myself as female and agender. I'm a bit fluid between the two, but both are pretty much always there just at different degrees. I hope that this doesn't confuse you further.

I do get dysphoria, but it tends to be fairly mild. I've never been one for gender roles. I just kinda do what I like. I also hate it when someone says I can't do something because I'm a girl

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My gender is kind of weird, because overall I'm neutrois, but depending on the day I might have a different label. Some days I'm completely agender, and I want to remove my sex-specific body parts and be referred to as they/them/their. Some days I'm completely transgender and I want to remove my parts again and be referred to as he/him/his. And lastly there are times where I'm actually feeling okay and don't mind being referred to as a girl, and that would be my demigirl state. Basically, I don't really feel like a girl, but I don't really care if people use female pronouns on me. It's kind of this mindset like, "Eh, I don't really think I'm a girl but if people want to keep calling me that, let them."

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Fire & Rain

I might be able to give a little insight on the demigender thing. I use this definition myself (from the Aven gender master list post thing)

Demigirl: 1. someone assigned female at birth who feels but the barest association with that identification, though not a significant enough dissociation to create real physical discomfort or dysphoria

There is a grand total of four things about myself that I view as feminine. Everything else that I do I view as agendered, even though society might try to say that it's a feminine or masculine thing. I don't have an issue with having a girl body. I prefer girl pronouns because I assume when someone says 'she', they are referring to the fact that I have female genitalia. While I am mostly practical in my clothing choices, it doesn't bother me if the clothing I'm wearing flatters this body, as I don't feel inclined to hide the fact that I have a girl body.

The big thing that helped me when figuring out my gender identity was determining which aspects of myself I views as feminine and masculine and which things I felt didn't have a gender at all. For example, I have very short hair. Some people would feel that long hair is feminine. Other's might think that short hair can be feminine too or that having short hair doesn't make them any less feminine. I have short hair because I want it and it has absolutely nothing to do with femininity or masculinity for me.

Hopefully that helps clear up a few things. Feel free to ask me questions if it didn't make sense.

I relate to this a lot! That's also how I view most things I do. I don't see them as masculine or feminine. If I feel like doing it, I'll do it.

My clothing choice is also focused on what looks good on me and what is comfortable. I wear dresses lately because I found out that my figure looks best in dresses. I have short legs lol and you are free from the burden of shopping two pieces of clothes and matching them lol

So thank you and everyone who replied. This is all very helpful :D

I've also seen Demigirl defined as being bigender between female and something else, usually nonbinary, which is the definition that I prefer as I see myself as female and agender. I'm a bit fluid between the two, but both are pretty much always there just at different degrees. I hope that this doesn't confuse you further.

I do get dysphoria, but it tends to be fairly mild. I've never been one for gender roles. I just kinda do what I like. I also hate it when someone says I can't do something because I'm a girl

No, it's not confusing at all. That actually explained what I'm feeling. I think I'm also fluid between female and agender. Thanks. That clicked with me instantly lol

My gender is kind of weird, because overall I'm neutrois, but depending on the day I might have a different label. Some days I'm completely agender, and I want to remove my sex-specific body parts and be referred to as they/them/their. Some days I'm completely transgender and I want to remove my parts again and be referred to as he/him/his. And lastly there are times where I'm actually feeling okay and don't mind being referred to as a girl, and that would be my demigirl state. Basically, I don't really feel like a girl, but I don't really care if people use female pronouns on me. It's kind of this mindset like, "Eh, I don't really think I'm a girl but if people want to keep calling me that, let them."

You sound gender-fluid. That's cool. I think I am too :) I feel like a girl sometimes, not always and other times I don't feel like I'm any gender at all. I've never felt like a male. So I'm guessing I'm demigirl and agender like Kishira.

The pronouns I prefer could be just a cultural influence since most people from here use gender neutral pronouns.

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My gender is kind of weird, because overall I'm neutrois, but depending on the day I might have a different label. Some days I'm completely agender, and I want to remove my sex-specific body parts and be referred to as they/them/their. Some days I'm completely transgender and I want to remove my parts again and be referred to as he/him/his. And lastly there are times where I'm actually feeling okay and don't mind being referred to as a girl, and that would be my demigirl state. Basically, I don't really feel like a girl, but I don't really care if people use female pronouns on me. It's kind of this mindset like, "Eh, I don't really think I'm a girl but if people want to keep calling me that, let them."

You sound gender-fluid. That's cool. I think I am too :) I feel like a girl sometimes, not always and other times I don't feel like I'm any gender at all. I've never felt like a male. So I'm guessing I'm demigirl and agender like Kishira.

The pronouns I prefer could be just a cultural influence since most people from here use gender neutral pronouns.

Honestly, I figured out my preferred pronouns are however I look, act, and sound like on that particular day. If I start transitioning, then I'll probably use male pronouns more, but for now female works too.

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I can understand you completely. I recommend you look at all the options, because whatever gender you identify by is because YOU want to be identified by it, not the world. When I was confused, my friends all told me this, and the ones who said this was gender fluid and the other one genderqueer.

I can completely understand how you could be confused, because I never accepted gender roles, and being biologically female, I would always play with the boys, and most of the time, the boys tend to complement me on how I can keep up with them, and how I can take injuries without crying my eyes out. (ex. Hit in the temple(head) by a baseball at a high speed, not even a tear shed.) I just used to always assume I was a mixture of male and female by how little female features I have (what's necessary to be a female, and facial features.).

I say look into everything. You be what gender you want to be. It's YOUR choice.

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Lambda Corvus

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I say look into everything. You be what gender you want to be. It's YOUR choice.

Except, gender is not a choice, anymore than sexual or romantic orientation is. It's what you are born with. It is not physical, but mental. Some people are born genderfluid, though they may not recognise it until later, if at all. You don't choose your gender, but you can choose how you label it, and only you can know what the right label is for your experiences. When labeling one's own gender, it is feelings that matter, rather than behaviour, looks, or physical parts.

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