Why is sex such a big deal for me?

[Neostar]

Why is sex such a big fucking deal for me? I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SEX DRIVE! When I do like once a millennia? It's on such a small and minute scale that it shouldn't even make a difference. Hence, why I'm Gray-A. The first day I started going out with my current girlfriend was the first and only day I've ever felt horny in my fucking life! I didn't even know what horny was until then!

So... why do I have to push sex in every relationship I ever have? Why do I act like a sex crazed 12 year old (FYI when I was 12-18 I wasn't sex crazed, nor am I. I've just pushed it and had it pushed on me since I was 17 and it's a figure of speech) during ALL of my fucking reationships?

Yeah, It's resurfacing in my current relationship with a fellow asexual. I bring up sex more times than a sex crazed 12 year old and I feel like I make her extremely uncomfortable and I probably, am. Then when she basically says "I don't want sex and it probably will never happen." I push it over and over and over again! Not to mention? It isn't even fucking relevant in this stage of our relationship and wouldn't even be applicable until we're married or at least living together! I 100% agree with her that we wouldn't have sex for at LEAST a year and a half. Yet, I can't let the subject just fucking drop and it pisses me off every time I get a rejection. I'm just... so.....fucking......weird!

Then she says random stuff that makes me get my hopes up like someday we'd have one. Then I start thinking and wishing we'd have a sex life yet, it shouldn't even fucking matter because neither of us really have a sex drive! I'm just.... so fucking confused and idk wtf to do. I know the common solution would be "Stop pushing sex on her because it's making her uncomfortable" but... I've tried that over and over again and it's causing so much tension in our relationship on my side. It's almost like I want her to say "I'll bang your brains out someday" but if she said that, it would only make the matter worse? Because, then she'd be forcing herself to do something that she doesn't want to do. Something she'll never enjoy and it'll just become something obligatory. She's screaming for more in all of my ambitious thoughts. It would only be a temporary solution with a conclusion of a breakup. So... yup stuck on wtf to do.

[eched]

Maybe you're like me. You're turned on by sex itself, but not sexually attracted to your partner. So, you are trying to relate it to your partner and your life, cause sex turns you on, but it just turns everything wacky cause you aren't into her that way.

I had to say to myself that my interest in sex and my sexuality were two different things. After that I started to fantasize about stuff that weren't related to myself at all. This made me a lot more comfertable cause I was respecting the fact that I was ace, while at the same time being ok with sex itself being a turn on.

You should explore your interest in sex cause it's important, but not with your partner because that is also important! Have you thought about 'dealing' with your sex drive? Maybe getting a sex toy for yourself? You could also check out porn or maybe read erotic books. Try out fantasizing about different things. If your girlfriend asks what's up just tell her like it is, you have an interest in sex, but it's just personal.

That's what I would suggest.

[Zerο]

I'd second guess your gray asexuality. Being horny (towards someone very specific in this case) and not having a sex drive seems like a contradiction to me. It's not going to end well if she doesn't want sex and you keep pressuring the matter.

[Guest]

I'd second guess your gray asexuality. Being horny (towards someone very specific in this case) and not having a sex drive seems like a contradiction to me. It's not going to end well if she doesn't want sex and you keep pressuring the matter.

Agreed. I use "sex drive" essentially synonymously with horny. If you want to have sex, you have a sex drive.