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Raniiyya

Making up for the lack of sex: is there such a thing?

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Raniiyya

I should be happy. I've a successful, powerful, handsome husband.

Does that mean that the lack of sex somehow is 'made up' for?

Is it superficial of me to have all my needs met except for the sexual ones and still be this unhappy?

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Notte stellata

No, you're not superficial. There's no 100% perfect relationship, but it doesn't mean any unfulfilled need can be "made up" for. Some of our relationship needs are optional: it's nice to have them but no big deal to go without. But some needs are crucial and can't be substituted by other positive aspects. For some people, sex is one of the crucial needs, which is totally fine. It's just like some people see shared interests, intellectual conversations, cuddles, etc. as their crucial needs. None of them is more superficial than others.

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PeterDave

If you truly Need it, you need it.

And whether you work out a compramise or what, you have to respect your own needs. There's nothing superficial about feeling your needs, and there's nothing 'Holy' about forgoing them.

It's unhealthy- that's why they're called needs.

That said, there's often room for a comprimise, where you can have your needs met (or arrange to meet them yourself), and sacrifice some "wants". Nothing about it is easy. And maybe his Needs contradict yours and that will really suck. But you should talk about it. "Wants" can be bargained with. Needs can not.

As for 'making up for it': suffice it to say that if I meet someone who's suffocating, I don't start by offering them food or shelter. Helping one need doesn't fix the other. Wants can be made up for. Needs can not.

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