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There is hope!


Percivel

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It's very hard to come to terms with. Its also hard to battle the negative thoughts. I even developed sensitive teeth from clenching them so much over the years. I had to make a conscious effort to stop clenching my teeth. It took time, but I eventually was able to catch myself most of the time. When I was clenching I would feel the teeth pain and then relax my mouth. Like clenching my teeth, catching negative thoughts and self talk as soon as you can is important so they don't build up and become unmanagable and take a life of their own. It took65 a lot of practice, and failing, til my thoughts started to calm and I was able to control my thoughts better and stay positive. It took me nearly three years to get to this point.

I, too, grew tired. So tired of it. So weary. It takes everything out of you.

My motivation was that I was just making my wife miserable and I had to change. I couldn't always keep my anguish and depression from her. Most of the time she knew when I was miserable, though I was able to keep most of my dark nights from her. If my understanding of love was true...wanting anothers' good...then I had to learn to love without expectations. I had to learn how to be happy simply because she was happy. Her good had to become my good...by itself.

Accepting my wife as who she is was huge. There is understanding...and there is accepting. Understanding isn't enough. I needed to accept her and I needed to accept a relationship with little or no sexual intimacy. That's coming to terms with it. Controlling thoughts and feelings becomes easier when you can accept and come to terms. In fact, I don't think we can make progress unless we come to terms first.

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Earth Sprite

Self control. They say that the game of baseball is ninety percent above the shoulders. More than all the team sports, baseball is a head game. It takes plenty of physical skill but even more mental conditioning to be good at baseball. There is lots of "down" time in baseball. The physical action happens in flashes - the swing of a bat, the dive for a ball, the sliding into second base. The rest of the game is staying focused...controlling the mind. In baseball, negative thoughts are the enemy. When a player thinks negative thoughts, bad things are more likely to happen. If a batter starts to get nervous at the plate and starts worrying about the pitchers curve ball and how he won't be able to hit it...the chances are that he won't hit it. If the batter is confident and imagines how he is going to knock that curve ball out of the park, the likelihood he will hit the ball increases greatly. Why is baseball often a game of rally's? Because when a team starts doing well, the other team starts thinking bad thoughts, lets their nerves gets to them, confidence drops and they start playing poorly while the team that is doing well gains confidence and positive thoughts. When a player thinks negatively, the body responds negatively...and vice-versa. The mind controls the body. All coaches know this.

Also, emotion is not good in baseball. If you look at the players in the dug out during a game, they are mostly somber and stone faced. That is because they are trying to stay focused on what they need to do, thinking positively, and to keep the bad thoughts out. Batting slumps are usually caused by the head. In baseball, control is everything. There is no place for emotion during a baseball game. That is why there are more sports psychologists in baseball than any other sport. There is a book out there called " The Psychology of Baseball" that talks further about all this. It's not a textbook or medical book, it's a sports book that can be applied to pretty much any area of life.

What I learned from coaching and teaching is that we can control our mind. We can control our thoughts and emotions. We can control our bodies. Like learning any new skill it takes time, dedication and practice. We won't suddenly be successful...but little by little we can get there. Children don't see or notice themselves getting bigger or taller. But they do get bigger and taller. Children certainly don't feel themselves growing and getting smarter. But grow they do...and sometimes they even get smarter.

In our business, the business of mixed relationships, I needed to control my thoughts and my emotions. I'm now getting pretty good at catching every negative thought and feeling as soon as it pops in my head, and dismissing it immediately. The longer it stays, the more it festers and gets fed by more thoughts and negativity. The more I control my mind, the better I can control my emotions and my body. By focusing on staying positive and happy, thinking good and happy thoughts - like Peter Pan, I am able to be more positive and happy.

Dear friend Percivel,

Please, would you listen one minute. I'm very suspicious now.

I know something about coaching. It is very hard for me to try to understand your mental journey described above by the terms of self control & excluding emotions.

I wouldn´t trust on trying to control our world & trying to escape our emotions. I would trust on expressing our true emotions & breeding mutual communication with our significant others.

Peter Pan was positive and happy, but that was a fairy tale, in which he never became an adult. We are adults, and we are living our real life.

Love, be free,

Earth Sprite

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Hi Earth Sprite! That's a great question and I will do my best to respond!

I believe and understand that emotions, generally speaking, are a byproduct of our thoughts. Yes, emotions (feelings) come and go and in and among themselves are neither right nor wrong. What usually brings on emotions are thoughts....what we are thinking about. Often thoughts just pop into our heads, too. When thoughts and emotions suddenly pop up, what we do with them is often under our control.

If someone says something to us that makes us angry (eg. calls us a derogatory name), we have several options of which to respond. We can ignore or dismiss what the person said (because he's just being an idiot), we can argue with the person (maybe call him a name back or punch him in the nose), or we can try to discuss the matter with the person to resolve the issue. There are other options, too. What we do with the thoughts and feelings that arise when someone makes us angry is up to us. We can put a quick stop to the anger we may feel by no longer thinking about what the person said. Or, we can "feed" the anger feelings by continuing to think and stew about what the person said.

I know that some emotions are so powerful that they are very hard to control (eg. sorrow from the death of a loved one), but generally, I believe we can steer most of our thoughts to effect or change how we feel. Haven't we all felt anger or sadness or fear at times when only to discover later that those thoughts and feelings were based on our own misunderstanding of a person or situation? Haven't we all experienced having an absolutely terrific day only to have it suddenly ruined by one little incident?

Emotions are very important to have and experience because they are part of being human. Even God experiences emotion. But, if we were only guided by our emotions I don't think anybody would be able to stand being with anybody else because it would just be too "dramatic." Runaway emotions are not so good. Emotions need to be tempered or we would all end up in the psych ward. We temper emotions with our thoughts.

In my experience, we can (and should) try to control and decrease negative feelings. What helps me do this is by controlling negative thoughts. I try to dismiss negative thoughts and feelings as soon as they pop up so I don't dwell on them, feed them and let them grow. Often negative thoughts grow and can become unmanageable. When I experience negative thoughts and feelings I try to immediately think of something else...usually something positive.

I try to apply this the greatest in my relationship with my wife. If I see a beautiful lady in tight clothes walk by, she will get my attention. I can quickly turn away and think and do something else or I can think "Woo-hoo! " and start picturing her naked and how I'd have sex with her. Getting myself worked up will not be good for me. It's negative thinking eliciting negative emotion (physical passion). My horny thoughts could then lead to negative thoughts about my ace and it can go down hill fast from there.

A better example would be if I suddenly start feeling lonely and thinking about how I haven't had sexual intimacy in a while. I try to immediately dismiss and ignore those thoughts and those feelings because if I continued to feed those thoughts then it would lead to thinking how my wife is being selfish and doesn't love me as much as I love her and how bad it stinks not having sexual intimacy. For me, that's bad negative thoughts and feelings that lead to depression and dark nights. That's the kind of stuff that keeps me from being happy...and keeps my wife from being happy.

For me, it took practice and practice and conditioning to have considerable success in controlling sexual and intimacy thoughts and feelings that create that negativity in me. It's simply self-discipline. But it's working splendidly!

Our pop culture and the advertising world like to preach that we should always try to satisfy our drives, our cravings, our passions, our wants and to never go without. They say our feelings are the most important part of us...that they are our "true self" and desires should always be fulfilled because that is healthy and will make us feel good and bring us happiness. There's even a psychology to that way of thinking. I don't subscribe to it. I think it's poppycock.

Life is good and we should enjoy it. But, I believe that our mission in life is not that we live for ourselves...but that we live for others. Love isn't love 'til you give it away.

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Earth Sprite

Hi Earth Sprite! That's a great question and I will do my best to respond!

I believe and understand that emotions, generally speaking, are a byproduct of our thoughts. Yes, emotions (feelings) come and go and in and among themselves are neither right nor wrong. What usually brings on emotions are thoughts....what we are thinking about. Often thoughts just pop into our heads, too. When thoughts and emotions suddenly pop up, what we do with them is often under our control.

If someone says something to us that makes us angry (eg. calls us a derogatory name), we have several options of which to respond. We can ignore or dismiss what the person said (because he's just being an idiot), we can argue with the person (maybe call him a name back or punch him in the nose), or we can try to discuss the matter with the person to resolve the issue. There are other options, too. What we do with the thoughts and feelings that arise when someone makes us angry is up to us. We can put a quick stop to the anger we may feel by no longer thinking about what the person said. Or, we can "feed" the anger feelings by continuing to think and stew about what the person said.

I know that some emotions are so powerful that they are very hard to control (eg. sorrow from the death of a loved one), but generally, I believe we can steer most of our thoughts to effect or change how we feel. Haven't we all felt anger or sadness or fear at times when only to discover later that those thoughts and feelings were based on our own misunderstanding of a person or situation? Haven't we all experienced having an absolutely terrific day only to have it suddenly ruined by one little incident?

Emotions are very important to have and experience because they are part of being human. Even God experiences emotion. But, if we were only guided by our emotions I don't think anybody would be able to stand being with anybody else because it would just be too "dramatic." Runaway emotions are not so good. Emotions need to be tempered or we would all end up in the psych ward. We temper emotions with our thoughts.

In my experience, we can (and should) try to control and decrease negative feelings. What helps me do this is by controlling negative thoughts. I try to dismiss negative thoughts and feelings as soon as they pop up so I don't dwell on them, feed them and let them grow. Often negative thoughts grow and can become unmanageable. When I experience negative thoughts and feelings I try to immediately think of something else...usually something positive.

I try to apply this the greatest in my relationship with my wife. If I see a beautiful lady in tight clothes walk by, she will get my attention. I can quickly turn away and think and do something else or I can think "Woo-hoo! " and start picturing her naked and how I'd have sex with her. Getting myself worked up will not be good for me. It's negative thinking eliciting negative emotion (physical passion). My horny thoughts could then lead to negative thoughts about my ace and it can go down hill fast from there.

A better example would be if I suddenly start feeling lonely and thinking about how I haven't had sexual intimacy in a while. I try to immediately dismiss and ignore those thoughts and those feelings because if I continued to feed those thoughts then it would lead to thinking how my wife is being selfish and doesn't love me as much as I love her and how bad it stinks not having sexual intimacy. For me, that's bad negative thoughts and feelings that lead to depression and dark nights. That's the kind of stuff that keeps me from being happy...and keeps my wife from being happy.

For me, it took practice and practice and conditioning to have considerable success in controlling sexual and intimacy thoughts and feelings that create that negativity in me. It's simply self-discipline. But it's working splendidly!

Our pop culture and the advertising world like to preach that we should always try to satisfy our drives, our cravings, our passions, our wants and to never go without. They say our feelings are the most important part of us...that they are our "true self" and desires should always be fulfilled because that is healthy and will make us feel good and bring us happiness. There's even a psychology to that way of thinking. I don't subscribe to it. I think it's poppycock.

Life is good and we should enjoy it. But, I believe that our mission in life is not that we live for ourselves...but that we live for others. Love isn't love 'til you give it away.

Hello Percivel,

Thank you for your long letter. Our opinions are very different concerning the emotions & self control.

Emotions give us information of ourselves & our environment. We learn by our emotions. Emotions are also necessary for us to communicate with other people.

Turning down our "negative emotions" would be harmful & damaging as a rule. Instead of that, we need more sensitive articulacy to express our emotions.

Kind regards & All the best for you,

Earth Sprite

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Earth Sprite, Perhaps I just don't understand how controlling certain negative emotions can be harmful. Can you explain?

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Lady Girl

I think a perfect example of a negative emotion that needs controlling is chronic anger and the management of it. We don't let children throw temper tantrums repeatedly because they don't get their way and sometimes adults need to address the same issue in their lives. Allowing anger to become or remain chronic is unhealthy. I found this awesome site that talks about why we should control anger and sometimes depression and how to do it.

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Earth Sprite

I think a perfect example of a negative emotion that needs controlling is chronic anger and the management of it. We don't let children throw temper tantrums repeatedly because they don't get their way and sometimes adults need to address the same issue in their lives. Allowing anger to become or remain chronic is unhealthy. I found this awesome site that talks about why we should control anger and sometimes depression and how to do it.

Thank you Percivel & Lady Girl. I will answer for you both in this letter.

I am quite sure, that we have different meaning for 'emotions'. (Maybe we have the same kind of thoughts of handling/expressing these emotions, however?)

I will do a distinction between 'emotions' & 'moods', that is very important for me. Emotions are short-timed (e.g. anger, storms, fury, indignation, or crush, admiration, confusion etc. etc.). Moods are long-term (love, or hate).

Expressing our short-timed emotions is necessary for us, because they give us relevant information of our situation in our environment. If we don´t express our emotions, we cannot communicate openly enough. And that will be harmful, because often unpractical, even dishonest in many cases.

(Note: Maybe feelings would be better term in English for these short-timed emotions? In that case we would have the hypernym 'emotions' for all emotions, whether short-timed, or long-term, and there would be the hyponyms ´feeling´ for the short-timed emotions & ´mood´ for the long-term emotions. English isn´t my own language, so I must translate my Finnish thinking in your language.)

I think a perfect example of a negative emotion that needs controlling is chronic anger and the management of it. We don't let children throw temper tantrums repeatedly because they don't get their way and sometimes adults need to address the same issue in their lives. Allowing anger to become or remain chronic is unhealthy. I found this awesome site that talks about why we should control anger and sometimes depression and how to do it.

Thank you Percivel & Lady Girl. I will answer for you both in this letter.

I am quite sure, that we have different meaning for 'emotions'. (Maybe we have the same kind of thoughts of handling/expressing these emotions, however?)

I will do a distinction between 'emotions' & 'moods', that is very important for me. Emotions are short-timed (e.g. anger, storms, fury, indignation, or crush, admiration, confusion etc. etc.). Moods are long-term (love, or hate).

Expressing our short-timed emotions is necessary for us, because they give us relevant information of our situation in our environment. If we don´t express our emotions, we cannot communicate openly enough. And that will be harmful, because often unpractical, even dishonest in many cases.

(Note: Maybe feelings would be better term in English for these short-timed emotions? In that case we would have the hypernym 'emotions' for all emotions, whether short-timed, or long-term, and there would be the hyponyms ´feeling´ for the short-timed emotions & ´mood´ for the long-term emotions. English isn´t my own language, so I must translate my Finnish thinking in your language.)

One more try to define in foreign language:

Short-timed emotions (feelings, like anger), if not expressed openly, can develop to long-term emotions (moods, like hate), and after their expression become dammed in time, they can appear out-of-control acts (deeds, like rage). I use the word 'deed' in this third case, because out-of-control rage is always an act of violence, either verbal or even physical.

That´s why we need more sensitive articulation of our short-timed emotions (feelings). We have a social requirement to handle & communicate our feelings by expressing them in time, before it´s too late for rational expression, but irrational archaic violent explosion only.

Of course, we can´t express our feelings in whatever manner in whatever situation. That would be just that irrational archaic violent explosion we are trying to avoid.

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Earth Spirit,

I understand most of what you say about emotions. Emotions are a gauge. They tell us about ourselves, our interactions and our environment and are very important. And, emotions (negative or positive) can build up and create deeper rooted emotions or moods. They can also seem to take on a life of their own and we can lose control over them. Expressing ourselves is also important.

I have experienced plenty of emotions and built up emotions through my experience with a mixed marriage (and life in general). I have experienced the positive and negative results of withholding emotions and of not withholding emotions. There is a time and place for withholding and a time and place for not withholding. Deciphering which is best can be difficult.

I'm going to stick to my definition of love, though..."wanting another's good." Emotions are often associated and paired with love, but love is still an act of the will and not just an emotion (or mood). If love were just an emotion then there would be nothing special about it. Those who love a lot would be no different than those who don't..or even than those who hate. If we think about all the emotions/feelings we experience when we are "in love", we find that they are only temporary and can also be experienced in other situations with other people (eg. excitement, goosebumps, feelings of wonder, etc.) These can be experienced when going on a date or when a favorite actor or movie star is in your presence. To me, real love is being able to love when you aren't experiencing those giddy feelings...hen you actually don't feel like loving...even when you are angry at the person. This is how committed partners stay together for the rest of their lives...because they choose to love even when it is hard to love. This is how family members still love each other even though they know each others faults.

And, hate, it's the opposite of love. It's a choice. A decision. Not just feelings. Love is other-centered. Hate is self-centered.

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Lady Girl

I thought that maybe it might be something along those lines Earth Sprite. I still think some of the terms are being mixed up...as well as what they do for us. I'm just going to give some quick definitions as I look up the words in the dictionary:

-emotion: a strong feeling (such as love, anger, joy, hate, or fear)

-mood: a conscious state of mind or predominant emotion...a prevailing attitude...a distinctive atmosphere

-chronic: happening or existing frequently or most of the time

-disposition: the usual attitude of a person...a tendency to act or think in a particular way

I think negative emotions are to our minds like physical pain is to our body. They tell us something and they might be telling us about the environment around us or about ourselves.

We can get hurt by traversing rough terrain unprepared (information about the environment and ourselves) or we could trip and fall on the sidewalk because we're not paying attention (more about ourselves than the environment).

We feel sad and hurt at the loss of a loved one (information about our circumstances and our personal reaction to it). We chronically feel sad and hurt because we know our spouse is asexual and does not enjoy sex (information about ourselves now that we know). How we deal with this information might depend on our disposition.

Earth Sprite, I think perhaps we might have similar ways of thinking except in that expression of what you call short-termed emotions. Always expressing anger (especially when driving) is not a good thing by any means. Learning to relax or take deep breaths is a common technique for taking a step back to see if what we are feeling is justified.

I think we would all agree that if our feelings are not acknowledged in a relationship, sadness or hurt can turm into resentment. I think the point that we differ on is open expression of these feelings. Acknowledgement and right action in regards to them can take place internally without reeking havoc on everyone around us.

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LG,

I really like how you speak and make your points! Always simple, practical and friendly. Well said!

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Earth Sprite

Earth Sprite, I think perhaps we might have similar ways of thinking except in that expression of what you call short-termed emotions. Always expressing anger (especially when driving) is not a good thing by any means. Learning to relax or take deep breaths is a common technique for taking a step back to see if what we are feeling is justified.

Two more points of view to compromise:

- Succeeding in to express our feelings by a sensitive & well-articulated manner will often diminish our need to express them any more in the future.

- There is quite often situations in our life, when it´s better not trying to express our feelings at once, but to delay the communicative expression.

Personally, I have never in my life expressed my anger when driving, for sure. (I have never had any driver´s license ^_^ )

Thank you for expressing your thoughts & emotions by such a sensitive & well-articulated manner.

1. I have experienced plenty of emotions and built up emotions through my experience with a mixed marriage (and life in general). I have experienced the positive and negative results of withholding emotions and of not withholding emotions. There is a time and place for withholding and a time and place for not withholding. Deciphering which is best can be difficult.

2. I'm going to stick to my definition of love, though..."wanting another's good." Emotions are often associated and paired with love, but love is still an act of the will and not just an emotion (or mood). If love were just an emotion then there would be nothing special about it.

3. And, hate, it's the opposite of love. It's a choice. A decision. Not just feelings. Love is other-centered. Hate is self-centered.

1. That sounds quite practical, as a rule. ... We have different personal emphasis by that common rule, then, in different situations.

2. This is a big thing. And my words cannot be, but a modest proposal to explain my own point of view to perceive ... Love as a conscious long-term state of mind means three things for me. Love calls for our altruism, our endurance & our resilience. We are giving our love as a gift, there isn´t love without duration & there isn´t love, whether we cannot change.

3. Hate is fear. Fear is hate. Only the direction of hate is outward, but the direction of fear is inwards.

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We seem to be saying quite similar things. I'm not sure if I agree that hate is fear, though. I think fear can lead to hate, but there are good fears and bad fears. I don't like to drive 95 mph on the highway because I'm afraid that I will get a ticket and I'm afraid I will crash or cause an accident. I also don't like tight rope walking because I'm afraid I will fall. There's also fear of God (a respectful, wonder and awe) which, as the good book says, is the beginning of wisdom. These are good and healthy fears.

Too much of a fear is what can cause problems. If someone is so deathly afraid of driving a car because they are afraid of getting into an accident...so they refuse to drive at all can be difficult. So can phobia's. Phobia's are fear caused by something triggering the brain that brings about great unrealistic fear that causes an extreme effect on the mind and body that is difficult to control. I think we overuse the word phobia today and it does an injustice to those with true phobia's.

Hate is a willful act that can be caused by fear. I don't know if it is always caused by fear. I suspect other things like pride and self-centeredness can cause hatred. If hate were just an emotion then why is it so bad? If hate were just an emotion then someone who truly hates should not be held wholly accountable or frowned upon for hating.

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Earth Sprite

We seem to be saying quite similar things. I'm not sure if I agree that hate is fear, though. I think fear can lead to hate [...] Hate is a willful act that can be caused by fear. I don't know if it is always caused by fear. I suspect other things like pride and self-centeredness can cause hatred. If hate were just an emotion then why is it so bad? If hate were just an emotion then someone who truly hates should not be held wholly accountable or frowned upon for hating.

Am also thinking, that fear leads to hate. Hate is the long-term manifestation or mood of fear, which was born in our unsafe childhood or insecure environment.

I would see self-centeredness as fear, too. In the meaning of insecurity to be in mutual companionship.

I wouldn´t see hate as willful. Mostly hate is irrational & unconscious, for sure.

Hate isn´t just an emotion, but it´s repressed emotion & long-term mood. That´s why it can unconsciously lead to irrational violent acts.

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Lady Girl

Hate is an emotion. It is a deep and extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals (the two boys seemed to hate each other), entities (she hated big government), objects (he hated all the big factories in his town), or ideas (they all seemed to hate the idea of working longer on Saturday and planned to protest it). It's often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility. I believe hate can become willful or fostered in some instances.

Sometimes we hate things we should hate (like being stung by a wasp), other times not so much. Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat and can save our lives (or prevent us from getting stung by a wasp...if we get away from it quickly enough). Both emotions can be justified or irrational depending on the person or situation.

Hatred and fear are not the same thing, but sometimes they can be felt at the same time. Sometimes, fear is instinctual and hatred is developed. A Psychologist client of mine told me that homophobia is not actually a fear (although in some cases it can be), but was coined as a term to indicate that those who insist on intolerance and hatred are 'sick', not the people they hate.

These are just some of my thoughts on the emotions/feelings of hate and fear.

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Earth Sprite

Hate is an emotion. It is a deep and extreme dislike that can be directed against individuals (the two boys seemed to hate each other), entities (she hated big government), objects (he hated all the big factories in his town), or ideas (they all seemed to hate the idea of working longer on Saturday and planned to protest it). It's often associated with feelings of anger and a disposition towards hostility. I believe hate can become willful or fostered in some instances.

Sometimes we hate things we should hate (like being stung by a wasp), other times not so much. Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat and can save our lives (or prevent us from getting stung by a wasp...if we get away from it quickly enough). Both emotions can be justified or irrational depending on the person or situation.

Hatred and fear are not the same thing, but sometimes they can be felt at the same time. Sometimes, fear is instinctual and hatred is developed. A Psychologist client of mine told me that homophobia is not actually a fear (although in some cases it can be), but was coined as a term to indicate that those who insist on intolerance and hatred are 'sick', not the people they hate.

These are just some of my thoughts on the emotions/feelings of hate and fear.

Asking for advice: Would my personal thinking above be more understandable for English speakers, whether using 'hatred', instead of 'hate'?

I have these difficulties with your language (both English language of the native speakers & the argot/vocabulary of the professional psychologists).

The core of my thinking is, that short-timed emotions unexpressed will manifestate as dangerous explosive long-term emotions. The original short-timed emotions will encapsulate in that process (like 'anger' becoming 'hate/hatred'). They can also transform in that process (like 'fear' leading to 'hate'/'hatred'). Maybe we need still another term for the out-of-control explosive action phase (like the original 'fear' leading to'hate'/'hatred' manifestating as 'rage').

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Lady Girl

Asking for advice: Would my personal thinking above be more understandable for English speakers, whether using 'hatred', instead of 'hate'?

I have these difficulties with your language (both English language of the native speakers & the argot/vocabulary of the professional psychologists).

The core of my thinking is, that short-timed emotions unexpressed will manifestate as dangerous explosive long-term emotions. The original short-timed emotions will encapsulate in that process (like 'anger' becoming 'hate/hatred'). They can also transform in that process (like 'fear' leading to 'hate'/'hatred'). Maybe we need still another term for the out-of-control explosive action phase (like the original 'fear' leading to'hate'/'hatred' manifestating as 'rage').

I believe hate and hatred are synonymous. I think you do really well expressing your thoughts. Sometimes you probably just have to say it a couple different ways. I think we are all in agreement that negative feelings left to simmer or not properly addressed can lead to stronger emotions. I probably wouldn't go with short-timed emotions, just because it's not the way I would express the concept of initial 'smaller' negative feelings. I wouldn't say that anger becomes hatred.

For example, many small irritations can build up and become an angry or enraged feeling, or one unexpected misfortune could make one instantly furious.

I think a person's disposition and sometimes lifestyle choices have a great deal to do with how they handle negative feelings/emotions. Sometimes the same person has a different reaction to the same thing on a different day!

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