WOW. Help. My GF Just told me after 2 rough yrs, 4 total she is asexual

[riverwater]

do you need a completely sexless marriage ?
A . I don't know but I think I do
B. Yes and i don't want to see your nasty ass without clothing . Go find a hooker .
C. I am willing to try but my limits might change and i understand yours might too.
D. we are fucked and just fooling ourselves "fucked" not in the physical way of course
E. I'm not ready to answer this question but I want you to walk down the road to find out so I can answer it for us both

Why do I want you--I would classify myself as a romantic asexual.

A,C or E I am willing to love you, share my life and kids with you, communicate better(you too)....I want to try with my limits

..........with your limits ? so you are willing to try and affectionately hold and touch me. my skin in the swim suit zone and out because you want to give me pleasure? and feel close to me . and with your limits i don't go inside you panties or bra but can touch and kiss you without you wanting to vomit?

• • Yes ma'am and you do not make me want to vomit
  • .........."compromises" What does that mean to you . I feel Like I have compromised under the self defeating pretense , so do i ge bonus points or something ? or maybe tokens ?
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    Ok so Communication is something to work on top of all this. I am a 38 year old female in love with a 45 year old mother of three. We have been raising kiddos buying a house paying off bills and running them back up again. so we are pretty normal, right . Well yesterday she came to me and said she is asexual and doesn't want to lose me but she has a "no go zone" , my own name. I respect that but I have been killing my own self-worth and emotional well being , sad i know , because she has had to figure her stuff out and push me off like a yearly calf on a old mamma cow.
    Can this work ? Looking back at her history i can see this was her state all along, and I love her anyway. But having been the one that feels lied to Ill be selfish a bit and ask what is she willing to do for me, I've been willing to stay and feel like shit for two of our four years, to feel as if I'm not worthy of intimacy and love from her. So i'll ask what is she willing to do?
    I have began using terms like "swimsuit area" and "NoGoZones" and I feel a bit stupid but i understand. I do think i understand. I spent some expensive time in safe places and i understand the importance of limits even though i don't understand where they come from. I still find myself wondering if its just a way out in a stair step form and just going to be a messy painful life experience that she is keeping drawn out to save me or punish me one or both.
    Im hurt and Im trying to understand and i don't want to be made a fool of further.
    
    Anybody got anything for me ?
    
  • Compromise to me is to meet in the middle
  • ha ha ha . we have not been near the middle
  • I know cause their has not been any compromise or communication until the last 72 -48 hours
  • We are both horrible with communication
  • .........That article says it all honey. Why do I want you--I would classify myself as a romantic asexual. A,C or EWhy do I want you -- ?
    
    Because you have my heart
    
    Why do you want me outside of sexually
    
    im in love with you with the woman that was sweet and sassy and intriguing. that was sporty and fun and adventurous. i want to be close to you and i want you to want to be close to me .
    
    i want you to be in love with me . to want our skin and warmth to be important. i have a warped sexual id its my row to hoe but i need to hold you at night and for that to be something good for you too .
    
    I do want to be close to you....
    
    you can't be rid of me by simply saying you cant eat pussy, finger, toy or touch my panty area and breast . I didn't sign up for your junk . so if this is your way of sliding away then you are doing it wrong
    
    That is what I want is to hold each other
    
    This isn't my way out of anything
    
    so if you want to be held and to hold me . and i want to be touched ?
    
    where is the compromise ?
    
    THEN I WILL TOUCH YOU.
    
    but how will that make you feel ?
    
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    How will that make you feel, its an unfair question at this point . Everything is new and everything is outside a lie that hurt us and away from anything we are familiar with ........

[Lady Girl]

It can only work if it's what you both want. Sexual compromise can sometimes be quite difficult, both partners have to be willing to make it work and accept what each has to offer.