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Adogg

What did you think was "wrong" with you before you knew the word asexual?

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Wish Bear 🌠

@Lucas Monteiro It's cool, I can see how someone would take that the wrong way.

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Shadowstepper

I was so obviously different in the way I could recognize attractiveness, but not feel the attraction, that I started questioning if maybe my mind just didn't process information in a way that allowed me to be attracted to anything. 

 

Like, if I can't be attracted to people, do I really have cravings for specific foods? Do I actually have a favorite color? Do I have a favorite song? Or are all of these things just instances where I've recognized positive aspects and assumed that meant I liked it? Maybe I am just unable to have strong feelings toward anything.

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012
On 3/6/2017 at 5:57 PM, Puck said:

I think it just shows that we don't fully understand how sexuals feel.

Yup, very true.  And they can't understand how we feel lol

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Falcon7

I was aware of being X gender since I was a kid, but eventually i came to know there is something that cannot be explained by just  'X'. One of my good friend told me that there are group of people who are called 'Asexual' but at that time I was still like 'Yeah...?' - untill one of my old friends brought up a topic of fwb. It was completely a new concept for me and I realised I've never had such kind of feelings and senses. This topic caused a great confusion.  Then I found this website.

That person said something is wrong and I'm just too stubborn to change, but this comment itself opened my eyes - NOTHING is wrong with me, it's my personality and this is who I am, no matter what. 'Ace' gave me an opportunity to explore identity and gave me a certain sort of confidence.

 

It was lucky to have you guys here. 

 

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Fiete

I thought I was ahead of the others. I deemed myself so mature that I would simply not fall for this thing called teenage love, which was (obviously!) stupid, because it never wasn't meant to last. I thought this strange teenage love was simply not a true love.

 

Later I realized that I was totally wrong. It was just the beginning ^^. And the amount of love (and sex) expressed in contemporary music wasn't exaggerated at all*. It was just the natural order. (*I still deem the description of it in the music highly unrealistic though.)

 

In the end, classic literature helped me to understand the people around me better.

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dizgirl2017

I thought that I was just weird and that I just wasn't emotionally ready, no matter how old I was getting (now in 30s) I hoped it would change as I grew up but it didn't. I wondered if I was a lesbian....still do at times even though I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman... I just think they are nicer looking than guys. I still find myself confused but I think I just thought I was messed up.

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em3
On 3/20/2014 at 12:58 AM, Adogg said:

I've always known I was ace, but had no word for it. All the signs were there looking back now (never had a porn collection, never have been to a strip club) there was just no interest. I always figured it was some kind of chemical imbalance, some biological defect that just made me want to have sex. An actual orientation never occurred to me. What did other people think about their asexuality before you knew the word, not so much in what did you call it, but what did you think was the cause of your lack of desire?

Same. I thought it was that I was chronically depressed. I thought it was a hormone or neurotransmitter imbalance. Boy was I wrong! Lol, I've become a scientist but see no reason to think that anymore.

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BlazeG.

Well... I’m not sure if I am actually asexual or just a late bloomer (I’m still a teen, it’s possible) . But before considering that I could be asexual, I thought different things:

1- People my age aren’t actually interested yet, just pretending/joking.

2- People my age are being premature.

3- My parents raised me to be that religious gentleman kind of guy. I may not be entirely a gentleman but it may be how they raised...

4- Me and some other people my age just aren’t there yet (still think is possible) 

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oldgeeza

An interesting question this, as someone who basically reached puberty by the early 80's, (old fart alert!!!), I just knew I didn't have that urge, desire, need whatever to have sex, I was a late developer all round, I was the last of my peers to get a girlfriend, the last of my peers to try having sex, once I tried having sex, I hated it, because back in the 80's it wasn't accepted to be different, if you didn't like sex, you were gay, gay people weren't an accepted part of society, so, I tried, I had a few relationships, they didn't last long which was a godsend, not long enough to have sex, I worked long hours doing 2, 3, 4 even 5 jobs a day, 7 days a week, I aIways looked far older than I am, to be honest , even if I say so myself, I am ugly, so relationships, as I learned were just women cheating on their partners, so for a long time I just put it down to the fact I'm ugly and don't want to be cheated on, I did go through a phase of feeling I was broken as I was going to weddings, I went on a bit of a self destruction spree for a while, then I just thought, this is me, I can't change it.

 

It was 2007 before I discovered the term asexual which guided me to this site, that's when it all became clear.

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nate-1234

I thought everyone else was weird and I still do.

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OrangeSky

I thought I was just very very shy. When it comes to sex, I could never think of myself as part of it. In my mind "me" and "sex" were two unconected thing. They still mostly are. So, I thought that was something I must work on - to relax, to overcome my shyness and anxiety - and it will all turn out to be alright. I really tried. I even made myself have sex when I didn't want it. But after a while, I realized that this connection that I was missing will probably never come. I wondered if everyone is like that and they are just faster to overcome this problem. I thought I was very sloooow and was really disappointed in myself...

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Liddyogrady

Legit thought all crushes were squishes, and kissing was just some sort of relationship initiator thing, not a constant thing. The idea of sex didn't even cross my mind.

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Ytterbium

Nothing. I've never found popular stuff particulary appealing in general, so I've always consider sex an example of this. Also, I'm diagnosed with Asperger's, so I'm used to being different. I personally think sex is very overrated and a waste of time unless you want children.

Edited by Ytterbium

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James121
On 20/03/2014 at 4:58 AM, Adogg said:

I've always known I was ace, but had no word for it. All the signs were there looking back now (never had a porn collection, never have been to a strip club) there was just no interest. I always figured it was some kind of chemical imbalance, some biological defect that just made me want to have sex. An actual orientation never occurred to me. What did other people think about their asexuality before you knew the word, not so much in what did you call it, but what did you think was the cause of your lack of desire?

How did you rule out the chemical/hormone imbalance?

i would say that this is what asexuality is. Different levels of hormones and testosterone, chemicals etc creating zero interest in sex.

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Ficto-Witch

Personally, I thought I was basically too different or too stupid (or too ugly) to understand my peers and their high interest toward sex.

I was a teen, and I still couldn't get it. It was all about sex.It seemed like something that fascinated everyone.Boys wanted some action, same for girls, and me ? I felt left out.If you wanted to fit in, you had to know about sex, like it, and want it.

 

And even after seeing the term "asexual"...Well, I never thought I was asexual, I just thought I was a prude, I felt like an alien, out of place.A lot of people my age were into sex, wanted to have sex absolutely...And I couldn't understand why I was uncomfortable as hell every time they talked about it.

And after researching a little more about this term that was still unknown to me....Well, it all made sense !

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Salted Karamel

I thought I was too sexually repressed to be interested in sex or enjoy sex. Frequently drugged myself with various substances trying to "lower my inhibitions" so that I could force myself to have sex with physically attractive people and then surely I would enjoy it and find all that personal fulfillment that society says you're supposed to get out of having good sex with hot people. Turns out disconnecting yourself from reality and forcing yourself to have sex doesn't really qualify as sexual attraction (or desire).

 

I also thought aesthetic and romantic attraction were what was supposed to be sexual attraction. Oh hey, that person is quite attractive and I'd be interested in dating them. Surely I must be sexually attracted to them— everyone says you're supposed to want sex with pretty people that you'd like to maybe date. I didn't know that sexual attraction was a different thing that people felt that I wasn't feeling. I thought I was just...not doing things right. Because I was too repressed to realize how much I wanted sex. Something like that. I just needed to "get out of my shell" and develop a taste for it. I'd roll my eyes at any stories of virgins liking sex right away or even really wanting it before they'd ever had that time to develop a liking for it, because that was so unrealistic and very damaging to make people think it actually happens that way.

 

I also thought that people who slept around with strangers just had poor self esteem and wanted people to think of them as someone who was sexy and spontaneous and a "player," rather than considering that they might have been doing it because they actually enjoyed it. That was a foreign concept.

 

Oh yes, and when I was still a teen I just thought "not ready yet" because they say that's a thing, and I've also thought "I just have really high standards," and "maybe I'm a lesbian" but realized I have no attraction to girls and wanted to date boys. I've blamed it on birth control hormones, and I've blamed it on past partners "not being good in bed." I've blamed it on introversion and social anxiety. I've blamed it on men for generally being sloppy and unappealing. I've blamed it on having specific kinks that few people met. I've blamed it on pretty much everything before it ever occurred to me that it was okay to just not like sex.

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tygersongbird

I never thought that there was anything wrong with me. I figured everyone else was weird. I kind of in a sense thought that sex was like this "Hollywood Black Market" agenda to get people to do stuff or exploit business. Sex sells. I didn't think that it was a real thing. It was like this whole "dark arts" thing that people really aren't that into. I never thought it was that important. However, I now know that to everybody it is important and I am the weird one since it isn't.

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HobbyHorse

I was raised in a very traditional christian home, so I just thought I was exactly how I was supposed to be.  No sex til marriage?  No Problem!

 

I've also had mainly male friends for most of my life, so I think if my friend group had been discussing sex I just put it down to a 'guy thing' and didn't really participate in the conversation, and they didn't expect me to either so it was a non-issue.  I knew I was a little different from other girls, but I thought it was just a christian upbringing vs the rest of the world thing. 

 

People would ask me why I hadn't had sex yet, and I would just say I was never in a position where I had the opportunity to say yes or no to sex.  I didn't understand people who said it 'just happened', as if someday some invisible force was going to make me do it without my consent. 

 

I would privately laugh at guys who tried to hit on me at bars, because I knew they might as well be banging their heads on a wall when it came to me, they weren't even getting a phone number!  Silly boys.  Somehow I never really considered it odd, I wasn't interested, I was never interested, so what?

 

I guess I had some self-psychoanalysis-types of theories as to why I was always single, but I didn't really buy any of them as absolute truth.

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Born Stoic

Being a skeptical, asocial and extremely introverted Aspie I thought that:

- I had very high standards while simultaneously being somewhat callous and aloof towards any potential 'partner'.

- I wouldn't be able to have a 'normal' romantic/sexual relationship because of my disorder.

 

 

Luckily getting to know the terms asexuality and aromanticism saved me a lot of headaches and keeps me going on my eternal search for wisdom.

 

 

 

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Vlakorados

The usual stuff like "not being enough" and "not being a real man if I don't desire sex". As soon as I realized that the ones making me think like this were the ones being wrong, I didn't feel wrong anymore.

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E is for E

Study of people showed that I was an outlier to what was standard and it didn't bother me since from day one I was always an outlier to the norm. I didn't see anything wrong, just different.

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StartedWithAQuestion

To be honest, there was a part of me that thought at times a sexual assault incident in my past is what led to my lack of interest/desire in sexual relations.  But, thinking past that incident and earlier I've never really had an outward sexual interest, at most it is just a "heat of the moment" thing.  I never really felt like there was something wrong with me (and no, being different from others isn't wrong), at most there were feelings of the skeletons in my closet swaying/scaring me away but I see now that's not even the case.  I just never knew how to describe myself.

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Chaoticsmith

I always thought I had a low sex drive, considered that I had ED etc but after thinking about it a bit I found I just didn’t have the urge to have sex with anyone, I could take it or leave it... I preferred to leave it to be honest. I did think I just had a cuckold fetish at one point but that was inaccurate - it’s just I’m really competitive. I even went to the doctors about it because I couldn’t for the life of me work out what was wrong.

 

I enjoyed the intimacy of forplay and the amusement of a tease but beyond that I’m fine. Eventually I started reading about asexuals and then things fell into place and I worked out I’m somewhere in the grey area of it.

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plasticapollos
On 12/20/2017 at 6:24 AM, dizgirl2017 said:

I thought that I was just weird and that I just wasn't emotionally ready, no matter how old I was getting (now in 30s) I hoped it would change as I grew up but it didn't. I wondered if I was a lesbian....still do at times even though I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman... I just think they are nicer looking than guys. I still find myself confused but I think I just thought I was messed up.

SAME! THEY'RE JUST SO MUCH PRETTIER but like. I don't want to date one. LOLOL

 

I just assumed I was either scared of men or just so picky and distracted by other things that I put priority over that eventually I would be old enough to have that all settled and embrace a more loving, solidified man.. Then I was in a relationship where I couldn't understand why the guy always wanted to hug and kiss me when I just wanted to have a conversation. I eventually snapped and said "NO!". To which we both looked at each other like "Why did you say that?"

 

Because I'm so ace it hurts and you bore me with your sexual needs, is why. 

 

Then I looked at woman like "Maybe I like you guys romantically atleast?" But no. Alas. No. Ugh. I didn't ask for this HAHAHA ow

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Red_Star

I've always had a libido. But back in high school I never really wanted sex. I thought it was because of stuff that happened to me. Who knows, maybe I am demisexual and demiromantic because of my life experiences. Doesn't really matter why. I am what I am. For me I didn't feel broken in the same sense as other aces. I felt broken because of my earlier, younger life

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LittleLillie

I never thought something was wrong with me, I used to think others were weird for liking stuff I find too lewd due to my ignorance. I really didn't understand why people felt that way towards others since I lack any form of attraction.

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the_rebecca

I thought I was an emotional robot. 

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Tirisilex

I felt alienated. I thought I was the only guy who thought like this. All of my friends spoke about sex a lot and I didn't feel comfortable to be around them at times. I discovered I was Asexual in spring 2017. Been Asexual since around 2005

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the_rebecca

In addition to thinking I was an overt analytic robot who didn’t understand human emotion, I also made a point to reiterate to everyone in my family who asked about my love life that I just am not interested. It’s not a priority for me. It’s not even on my list of LOW priorities. I blamed my lack of attraction on my lack of emotion, which doesn’t jive at all because I’m totally an empathetic person.

 

Realizing I was asexual was the biggest relief because I didn’t feel broken. 

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StormySky

I thought I was "going to grow into it someday"

They still say that.

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