What did you think was "wrong" with you before you knew the word asexual?

[Starlit Sky]

(Some of you are repulsed by mentions of genitalia, so watch out!)

THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY VAGINA!!!

[gymgirl]

I never thought there was something wrong with me, as in our family tradition females are invariably expected to be completely asexual and strictly raised accordingly. Having strong family bonds I was (and am to this day) surrounded by girls and women who consider sexuality an unpleasant necessity at best and for many of them celibacy is the better (sometimes only) and readily accepted option. So the attitudes in general society were put into perspective. Whenever I was with my peers outside family, e.g. at school, with friends etc. I knew I was different, of course, but I did not automatically feel that the majority (society in general) was right. Today I realize that my personal attitude is a bit radical even against the background of our tradition but otherwise I still agree with it wholeheartedly.

[Rexcaliburr]

I never thought about it, really. Only when the term came out did I realise hey, I may just be that.

[Tja]

I just thought I was really bad at sex. The more I did it, the better it would get.

So wrong! So dumb! But, then, I've been rather clueless, for most of my life. :P

[pocketrocket]

I always just assumed people could enjoy sex with strangers/people they didnt know that well and i didnt (always thinking that I needed a strong bond or really "fancied" them) and that the majority just seeked to satisfy their sexual desire....

Ofcourse by the end of high school i was all but one of the only virgins in my friendship group and my curiosity about sex was large enough to eventually experience something very short and painful with a guy over summer.

Ive also had a handful sexua/ intimate experiences over the years with some guys that i deemed "attractive" both mentally and physically but i never got particularly aroused or had the desire to go further - i always put this down to not liking the guy enough or the alcohol or something....

[Magickal_Faerie]

I just thought that I was unattractive to men, they didn't want me and I hadn't met the right person. Despite having had two relationships and every time it got close to that I would shut off emotionally and physically, and not understand why (beyond the fact I was scared and repulsed by it).

Until I researched asexuality and found AVEN, I almost had myself convinced it was OK to not want it but that I would have to do it anyway because that's what socially acceptable.

[Guest]

Having autism myself.. I already knew I was different from everyone else and accepted that. I didn't feel I was wrong because of that.

I'm just beautiful in different ways ^_^

To learn and read that you can have a relationship in your own way without the standard predefined normal ones is really comforting. And not to be alone in that, yay!

Yes, it does limit the amount of people that you can be compatible with. But it's better than none!

And to know this what you're looking for yourself, makes it also easier to lookout for stuff that you do not want. :)

[anodyneinsect]

I thought that everyone was different in their natural needs until I was interrogated by a really bad doctor. Then I thought even if it is something wrong with me I don't care, it is not life threatening, I don't want it, I don't miss it and since I didn't have an interest in breeding, even more benefit. There is nothing wrong with people just a few closed minded professionals who will tell you otherwise.

[patronusmagic]

I thought that everyone was more or less like me and that sex was mostly a social thing that they did to be popular.

I was never popular or very physically attractive so I never really had to deal with people being sexualy attracted to me, because of this I never really realised that I was different. I always just assumed that I was a bit more grown up than my classmates, who I thought were just trying to act like the people in the movies.

I also thought that I might just be a late bloomer.

[IceKitsune]

I never really thought about it because I didn't understand how different I was. I thought that once the right person came along I would be sexually attracted to them. I thought that was how it worked for most people! I'm happy that I was able to learn more about myself but if I tell others about my orientation they'll probably say I should have my hormone levels checked or something.

[kvo]

The thought of having a sexual relationship only entered my mind around age thirteen. Prior to this I had imagined being in a relationship but sex was never part of it. My sexulity awakened alongside a desire for men, and I considered myself gay up until my first sexual and romantic relationship last atumn. I were excited and scared at the thought, but my boyfriend is a gentle lover, and very much turned on by me. I were so disappointed. I tried again and again, still do, but nothing. Now I am not even turned on by him much. This bothers and troubles me. I don't dare discuss my possible asexuality with him, I don't want to hurt him, however if I don't he will merely assume I have found someone else or don't want him any more or something like that, so I have to say something sometime.

Truthfully I am annoyed at myself for not having sex before, for not slutting out a little and discover that sex wasn't my thing earlier. Then I could at least say with confidence that I am asexual. Now I am constantly entertaining the notion that maybe it's him.

I thought it was my low self confidence and self esteem that caused me not to enjoy the sex. Now I fear I won't like it at all. I have always masturbated now and then to some fantasy or picture or story or porno - I have never been involved in my fantasies though - and been attracted to guys. This has always felt more like a primal urge, a function, a need for release more than anything. And Though I might have had sexual thoughts about men i've found attractive, I haven't wanted to bed them myslef, I want someone else to do it. So for a bit, some years ago, I just assumed I were damaged, or perverted and some sort of voyeur who could only get it off when watching. Which is sort of true, but that doesn't mean I can have a wank session with my bf or watch him wank and get excited by it. It must be removed from myself to work, and arousal only happens now and then, sometimes months apart.

I found this forum to get some answers and I am getting those as I read through the threads. I guess in the end only I can know what I am. I just hope I won't hurt my dearest friend more than neccessary and an somehow solve that before it blows out of proportions. And in the future have purely romantic relationships, because I like the closeness, the flirting and the dating( love dating, getting to know people is such fun, especially with some innocent flirt into the mix).

[polyglot1992]

I was sexually abused many times during my childhood. I always thought that this was the only reason that I was scared of sex and that it was just something that I had to 'overcome'

I was sexually abused many times during my childhood. I always thought that this was the only reason that I was scared of sex and that it was just something that I had to 'overcome'

[Icelime]

-It didn't even phase me, I knew I didn't want sex.

-and I knew I was normal.

[Member106624]

.

[UndeadWeapon]

I didn't feel like I was broken or anything, but I did feel I wasn't the same as most other people - I wasn't really interested in sex, so just assumed I had a very low libido, but I didn't care about getting myself "fixed" - relationships are just a hassle for me and I wouldn't have had a clue how to find or approach suitable partners either. I'd only be open to having sex if it was within a relationship, but even then I wouldn't care if I never had it again. I can definitely live without it.

I have had sex for the first time this year, but it was more to satisfy my own curiosity and to make my boyfriend happy at the time (he was very respectful and not pushy about it, so I was open to it). Now I know about my grey asexuality/possible aromanticism, certain moments in my life make a lot more sense. e.g. one of my exes said "I hope my (army combat) trousers are going to see some action tonight" and I wasn't really sure what he meant by that. Did he mean he was going to apply for the army again? XD (I do realise what he meant by it now, but I never felt that desire in any case). I've outright stared at some of my boyfriends before, waiting for that feeling of 'sexual desire' to fire up, but nothing happened.

[King Al]

I thought I was gay. Didn't know gay sex existed too at the time though. Sex was said to have only been done between a man's parts and a female's parts and I was like "pfffftttt, well I'm gay then..."

I never told anyone I was "gay". The funny thing is that they all think I am gay though.

[SylviaDragon]

I never thought anything was wrong with me. I thought it was everyone else that was a little off. When friends commented on my lack of interest/innocence i just chalked it up to growing up in a Christian house. When people got mad and called me a freak for telling them their advances made me uncomfortable I didn't think I was broken. I just assumed they were saying that in an attempt to hurt me because I had turned them down, so I ended up having a lot of encounters where my reaction was: "What? i'm not wired! your weird! fight me!"

I always described myself as someone who affections were extremely platonic. I figured that was super common and that I just had to find "the right one" to awaken my sexual interest.

It wasn't until i was talking with my best friend that he offhandedly said something that finally made me pause. He basically said that he knew a ton of funny stories he would like to share with me but they were all about sex acts so he made an effort to keep our conversations a little more clean because he noticed that unlike everyone else he knew, i never showed any interest in that stuff at all and he didn't want to unintentionally make me uncomfortable.

I immensely appreciated the effort but it was also the first time someone had said that to me in honest, simple terms without trying to use it as a guilt trip... and it sort of surprised me.

TL:DR i didn't think I was broken. i thought It was the rest of the world that was broken. Learning that I am ace has forced me to accept that my chances at romance are going to be far more difficult than I expected- but it has also helped me to better understand sexuals whereas before there was a communication gap I was not aware of because I didn't know it had a name.

[iitu2]

Well, in high school I was convinced I was just a late bloomer and generally just awkward with people.

At some point around 18years I was considering I was bisexual because I did get more jealous over my girl friends than any "crush" I ever had.

In university I started feeling generally just broken, immature and weird. I thought I might have intimacy phobia but every article I read on it assumed that I had a relationship which I had problems with. My problem was that I couldn't start relationships, or have one night stands. I also realised I didn't like sex at all when I tried it few times.

I had heard the term asexuality pre-AVEN but I never thought it applied to me. I am heteroromatic and I have aegosexual traits so before I found AVEN, I certainly did not fit my narrow and negative image of asexuality.

[=NolePtr]

i actually was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder before I came to terms. I was constantly questioning my identity and it was changing constantly, making me very angry and upright.

[Tainted]

When I was younger I imagined that sex was just tedious and that someone had pretended a few thousand years ago causing the peer pressure aspect...in later life I decided it was probably a hormone imbalance (though recent blood tests proved otherwise) or that I was gay (which I thought I had disproven but since I only freaked out when it came to sex I'm thinking I could be bi romantic)

All in all I felt broken but prior to my marriage it wasn't a massive problem. The girls I dated seemed to love the effort I put into making it good for them and took my satisfaction in that as satisfaction in the act itself. My wife isn't quite so disinterested in my side which ironically has proven to be more painful...

[christinawardd]

well, at some point I thought it was normal? my dad kept telling me, it will change when i get older. But i"m 20 and I've never had any sexual desire, so i was like this is normal right? I've been around so many people with like sex addictions I just thought not wanting it, was normal.

Then my friends kept saying how they wanted to have sex, etc. and i then thought, well what's wrong with me? I'm just so uncomfortable at the thought of it! I'm still struggling to come to terms that it's okay, and that i feel like i will never find someone who accepts it!

[henshin]

I used to think I was not a proper human being.

Thankfully that's over now.

[AmandaD]

The word broken has entered my brain more often as i get older, but I realized that I didn't have the same urges or attractions as my friends when i was in high school. I always assumed that I was very picky in who i found attractive or that I was too shy. I did have a big crush on a friend, the second crush i can say I've had, but no interest to take it any further. No one in my life, not my parents, brothers, best friends, friends or acquaintances have ever questioned why I didn't date, otherwise I probably would have questioned my motives earlier.

[Juniper Rose]

I always questioned my sexuality so when I came to the conclusion that I wasn't lesbian or bi or pan, I just went with 'Straight By Default'. Wrong.

At one point I believed what someone else told me; that I just hadn't found the right guy. I thought that was it, but then when I did date a good guy, I never thought about sex.

I didn't think I had a hormone imbalance.

I guess I didn't even realize other people didn't find porn boring and sometimes a little gross. I figured that not a lot of people masturbated. I didn't know other people looked forward to sex.

I just thought I was like everyone else. But when I realized I wasn't, I looked up what asexuality was and it cleared up a lot of confusion.

[ben8884]

I dunno if wrong would describe it but I knew I had no interest in sex. At first I thought maybe I just wasn't interested in promiscuous sex and assumed that once I got into a relationship I would of course want sex. Then I started thinking that I probably still would have no interest in sex even if married. I was in my mid 20's. I didn't feel there was anything wrong with this exactly but it was on my mind. Then I researched asexuality and I was like "Oh, right then."

[Voyager_2]

I had always felt a tad bit confused when people said things like "omg he/she is so hot" but I just assumed that some people were a bit more interested in sex than others - I assumed that everyone who didn't openly talk about how attractive others were was just like me. It wasn't until I realized "hot" is a feeling rather than an aesthetical category for pretty looking people that I began to question if I was different. I was also under the impression that people didn't usually care about sex before they fell in love with someone. And it was just a bit odd that I couldn't develop a crush on anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Stitchies]

To be honest, I felt, and sometimes still feel, like there's something not right about the way I feel. Not that asexuality is inheritantly linked with being broken or wrong, not in the slightest. I found terms that described me and had a "holy fuck that really clicks!" moment, and I'm still glad I have them, but at the same time I just feel like I got placed behind a locked gate that I can't open. And it's frustrating. It was worse before I realized what asexuality was, but even after I found them, it's still biting me in the butt. 

Of course I'm sure a lot of it has to do with how sexualized society is and the reaction some people gave me when I told them. 

Maybe there's something "wrong" with me but I don't know any other way than this, so it's normal.

[Maristine]

On 9/17/2016 at 10:53 PM, TheLeafBunny said:

Honestly, for much of my life I just thought it was my religion, or taking the idea that I needed to be chaste perhaps too seriously. Mormons are taught from as soon as we're deemed old enough to understand that sex is not a thing you do until you're married. The older I got, though, the more I realized that even other Mormon youth like me thought about sex, even if they were following the straight and narrow and not acting on it. I've been privy to some conversations I never thought would transpire between BYU freshmen women. But they did. Meanwhile I was the oldest person in that room and kind of uncomfortable. Still, I just thought I was a prude or exceptionally sheltered (though the rest of my family are no strangers to dirty jokes) until I finally researched what asexuality actually entailed.

Same. For a long time I thought I was better than everybody else because I was not tempted by such impure thoughts  haha. I was honestly shocked to find out that my Mormon peers actually felt sexually attracted to other people. Honestly thought attraction was a choice. I think Mormons and other extremely conservative religious people are some of the horniest people on the planet simply because they're told they can't have sex and so they want it that much more.

[Maristine]

Edited. Oops, posted twice!

[Scott1989]

I just thought I was far too shy and was waiting until I was definatly punching above my weight (which I was too shy to do).

 

After discovery of asexuality, all that disappered!