"coming out" as an older asexuals concept

[Tncaufield]

I'm absolutely new to this forum, if not to the topic, and felt the need to comment; please forgive me if

my concept is all over the board elsewhere.

I am a 47 year old woman; serial monogamist, in my past. Men really 'liked' me...but I didn't feel anything for them, sexually, except on very rare occasions. I did enjoy friendship and intimacy, but that wasn't enough for my partners.

I never noted the word frigid (snow queen, etc) in this thread. That is a teaspoon of what I was accused of. I was suspected of infidelity or clearly rejecting him, or perhaps being manipulative. And these were

not wealthy, powerful men; they were simply guys to whom I felt I could relate, and loved.

Back in the day, so to speak, an uninterested woman was called a lot of names, and while I can't speak for

men it couldn't have been much different. The bullying was severe; therapists sought a cure for the dysfunction.

I've known about asexuality for a long time, scientifically; at my age no one calls me names anymore, and

I am wise enough not to get into potentially sexual situations; I don't need to 'come out' (although I do

explain to friends) but the idea that that people are sharing the concept that we are not broken is awesome. I don't need a label now, but it sure would have been handy 20 years ago.

[angrybird]

I'm completely new here as well, female, 42. I don't feel the need to "come-out" as in bringing up the subject without provocation, but I believe that asexuality should be something that you can identify yourself as without ridicule. I was watching "(A) Sexual" and saw how some people at the pride parade were reacting to the asexuals: pretty irritating. I want to be able to say, if the topic comes up, "I'm asexual" and not have to worry that they'll think there's something wrong with me. I feel that if we lived in a world where it was safe to say, hey, I don't even have sex, then it might be a better world for everyone, because they might see it's not so damn important!

[littlepersonparadox]

I have a mixed opion on this. On the one hand, yea shouting "I'm asexual hear me roar" is a little intimidating and would cause a power balance that could cause the other person to be thrown and not likely want to hear what you say. So if i do come out it's when to topic of sexuality comes up and im in a relevant position to speak about it, if people ask who i am i will be honest and say i'm asexual and use it to educate people about it. I also help out with awareness projects because being alone in high school never feeling sexual attraction to an extend made me feel alienated. Also lead to some not so healthy decisions trying to figure out what was going on.

It isn't the most importatn part of me and i have lots of friend not based around sexuality. 85% of them don't even know becasue we have much more in common that it never comes up.

[Ghizwiz]

To me the most important reason to talk about asexuality with anyone who will listen is to help out the younger generation. I'm 48 and past the point of caring much about labels. But back in teens & twenties, heck even early 30's, it would have made my life so, so much better to know asexuality exists, I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't to try to fit in. It would have saved me so much confusion - and spared the few people I tried to "date" pain & confusion as well.

So if I can help anyone younger by "shouting from the rooftops" (okay I'd never do that, way too shy) or talking to as many people as I can, online or in real life, about asexuality, I will. I'm hoping the next gen asexuals have it *way* much easier than I did, thanks to AVEN and it's member's efforts.

[joolsCG]

What Dave B. said!

Here are reasons I come out as an over 40 (52) asexual

• to educate people about asexuality
• to discourage sexuals from pursuing me as a romantic interest
• to determine if someone I am interested in pursuing romantically would be OK with me being asexual

The OP does seem to have made a tactic assumption that older asexuals are done with pursuing new relationships which is not always true.

Cathy

Interesting you state to determine those from pursuing you romantically. The reason for interest is that being a man women I have approached in the past and also recently automatically assume I want to jump in bed with them. In part they would be correct, because the bed is a great place to sleep. The sexual element is the last thing ironically on my mind. So then a woman poses the question to me, "Are you gay?", I say absolutely not but I have another orientation that people are not so familiar with.

I'm very new here so essentially this does feel like I am coming out of the closet, so to speak. Its harder coming to terms with this is how I am and furthermore how come I didn't realise it before.

I'm quite scared to tell anyone, even my closet friends or family to be honest without being branded as "you're weird". But my ex wife knew it. She was the one that told me what my orientation was.

[Glueless]

I feel that if we lived in a world where it was safe to say, hey, I don't even have sex, then it might be a better world for everyone, because they might see it's not so damn important!

I think this is part of why I don't feel comfortable "coming out." If sex is so unimportant to me, then why should my personal feelings about it f be important to anyone else? I understand and admire anyone who is interested in visibility and education, but for me the apathy translates into a lack of desire to tell people about it as well.

[Skycaptain]

One of the great joys of humanity is that we are all individuals, and all different. Some may wish to "come out" for whatever reason, whilst other people prefer to keep their private lives to themselves. The most distressing circumstance, in my view, is where people are trying to live their lives privately but feel compelled to declare their (A)sexuality to others in order to quash speculation.

For the record I chose to be open about asexuality off my own volition.

[biace_inyourface]

As someone who has come out with 2 different orientations, I've seen a bit of both sides of the LGBT issue. I've been labeling myself as bi for a long time now. Even now that I'm married to a man, I will still tell people that I'm bi. People tend to see coming out as the person bursting out on stage and telling everyone in the life "I'm x sexuality!" But coming out is a lifelong process. It's also usually very quiet. For me, it tends to be me casually dropping it in conversation. "yeah, my ex-girlfriend..." "there was this girl I liked..." "actually I'm attracted to girls too..."

I don't like that people assume I'm straight, even though I am in a "straight" marriage. It makes me feel as though a part of me is invisible. Being bi is something I'm proud of and unless I point it out, most people won't know it exists.

I've only very recently started telling people I'm asexual. I've been treating it much the same way. Just the other week a friend was making a comment about how I probably wanted to see a certain person naked. At first I laughed and said yeah, but then I said "actually no, I'm asexual." It's much the same. People will assume I'm sexual. They'll make comments about me and my husband's sex life. A part of me is made invisible and I feel like I'm lying when I don't say anything.

Of course, there are many differences between the experience of being bi and being ace. And I would feel very uncomfortable if a hetero ace person was calling themselves "queer".

[coyote55]

Ghizwiz states this very well:

back in teens & twenties, heck even early 30's, it would have made my life so, so much better to know asexuality exists, I'm not the only one who feels this way, and I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't to try to fit in. It would have saved me so much confusion - and spared the few people I tried to "date" pain & confusion as well.

This was definitely true in my case. A general awareness of asexuality would help a lot of people; the outreach doesn't need to be strident or political. Just a message that it's a viable state of sexuality, neither better nor worse than any other.

[blondie12]

I enjoy reading other peoples prospectives on the subject of "coming out." My own person opinion on this subject is, that it's my own business about who I am and how I feel. If I want to share that I'm Ace and proud of it, I will. Otherwise, it's really nobody's business about my sexuality. Additionally, I believe AVEN is a great forum in which to share our issues, ideas, and unique prospectives on a variety of topics.

[jksummer]

Whether the term 'coming out' is used, or some other term, I wonder if the goal is not so much forcing it down other's throats, as much as it is accepting ourselves as we are. And perhaps disclosure is necessary for this in some cases. And perhaps the more often this is done, and the more visible asexuality becomes, the less it will be subject to ridicule, and eventually become accepted in the general culture. There really was no sense of this when I was in my 20s, and I muddled through them as best I could. It would've helped to know that I wasn't the only one. There is value in this, but of course, every individual has to make their own decisions.

To remark on Tncaufield's remark. I have heard 'frigid' used towards some women as well as the other terms. Men would largely just be assumed gay. And it wasn't quite so accepted as it is today.

[joana1]

should you declare to someone you are "comming out" then do not be surprised in the real world if someone says...so your gay then?

This is a very fair statement !

As much as we may not like it, the truth is, if we want people to recognize and respect our community for what it is, then we should stop trying to make our community a part of someone else's community that represents SEXUAL people.

I read in an academic paper recently (I think written by a researcher who identifies as asexual) that some sexual people already assume we are gay or lesbian. Although there is nothing on the outside (except for the occasional black ring) that can identify us as asexual, we do interact differently (huge generalisation I know, but bear with me) in groups than most sexual people.

Since we often don't participate in the banter that says 'I'm interested in having sex with you, or with that other person, or whoever' then straight people (usually in the majority) will pick up that unspoken communication and assume or at least wonder if we are gay/lesbian. This, because straight cisgendered people assume everyone is like them, unless they aren't like them, then they are probably gay.

I am not talking about the wonderfully aware, those who have looked around and beyond themselves who celebrate and enjoy diversity, I am talking about the average unaware, blinkered, ones who make up a sizeable chunk of the population.

Thoughts? Reactions?

Anyone who would like to read the paper let me know and I'll see if it is possible to get it available on line.

[fuzzipueo]

should you declare to someone you are "comming out" then do not be surprised in the real world if someone says...so your gay then?

This is a very fair statement !

As much as we may not like it, the truth is, if we want people to recognize and respect our community for what it is, then we should stop trying to make our community a part of someone else's community that represents SEXUAL people.

I read in an academic paper recently (I think written by a researcher who identifies as asexual) that some sexual people already assume we are gay or lesbian. Although there is nothing on the outside (except for the occasional black ring) that can identify us as asexual, we do interact differently (huge generalisation I know, but bear with me) in groups than most sexual people.

Since we often don't participate in the banter that says 'I'm interested in having sex with you, or with that other person, or whoever' then straight people (usually in the majority) will pick up that unspoken communication and assume or at least wonder if we are gay/lesbian. This, because straight cisgendered people assume everyone is like them, unless they aren't like them, then they are probably gay.

I am not talking about the wonderfully aware, those who have looked around and beyond themselves who celebrate and enjoy diversity, I am talking about the average unaware, blinkered, ones who make up a sizeable chunk of the population.

Thoughts? Reactions?

Anyone who would like to read the paper let me know and I'll see if it is possible to get it available on line.

I'd like to read the article.

Your idea is a good one. While I've only had one person come out and ask if I was lesbian (because he's a charmer and draws female attention like no one else I know and I was not responding to him in the same way), I've never really had anyone actually pursue me as a romantic partner, probably for exactly the reason you give. And, no one's ever bothered me about the whole marriage/kids/white picket fence thing. Makes me wonder if I just don't throw off the right signals.

As for coming out as an asexual concept? Why not? It's a process like any other and it's something our younger colleagues are dealing with, especially in this world where being sexually aware and hip is part of the everyday meme. If you're comfortable with who you are and don't give a rat's backside about whether other people know, that's cool too. Personally, I have told a number of close people and it's been one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but it was also one of the most rewarding things too. So, whatever floats your boat. :)

[tristan1250]

For the longest time, I did not know there was any sort of definition to my sexuality. I was raised very conservative. I knew that I was different than everyone else. The topic of 'coming out' does not make sense to me in the context of my life because for some reason, while being a lesbian or a homosexual male is somehow acceptable now, being someone who has no sexual attraction to either sex is considered ghastly for some reason. I have never said directly that I'm asexual but whenever conversations come up regarding my being single, my never having a boyfriend, my not having sex, my disengagement when people go on and on about their sex lives, my lack of desire for a relationship etc, and I firmly insist that there is nothing wrong with me and that I choose to live this way, I get everything from complete confusion, to anger, to "You'd rather be alone for the rest of your life?!'. I find that it is impossible to explain to people asexuality. It is very much more comfortable for people around me to assume I'm a closeted lesbian than someone who does not have a sexual attraction to anyone else. It's simpler on their minds. At any rate, twenty years ago I would have never thought it would be acceptable in our society to have the LGBT community so strongly supported, so maybe in some generations to come our sexuality will be recognized as legitimate. Fundamentally, it is not my priority to exhaust myself trying to validate my existence, feelings, and perspective to the larger community. Coming out is pointless when people cannot comprehend lack of sex as a happy existence.

[Too Old for this Site]

I haven't had a date or a romantic interest in almost ten years. I think "coming out" as asexual now would just be redundant.

[Tortitude]

What is the point of loudly proclaiming anything? If the topic comes up in polite conversation, that's one thing, but just announcing it for the sake of announcing it seems a bit obnoxious to me (and definitely not my style).

I live in an area very rich with gay, lesbians, and transgenders. Some are quite outspoken to the point of being obnoxious, while most just quietly mind their own business and wish the rest of us would mind ours. I work with a woman who just happened to mention in conversation something that happened to her ex-wife; up until that point, I had no idea.

So, unless I have a reason to say something, why bother? (What I do say - and have all along - when people ask about a partner or children is "I have a cat. Does that count?")

[Yebanth]

Its been really interesting reading each individuals point of view on "coming out" as it does seem to fairly situational as well as personal choice. I liked the notion that being here on these forums is part of the process!!

I'm in my 30's, I'm happy with my life, been single for 17 years, working life doing fine and it had not crossed my mind to discuss my sexual life with anyone else! Changing jobs and finding myself surrounded by staff who are (to me seem) very sexually orientated and I suddenly find I cannot join in all the conversations, or I say the wrong thing... This is why I started looking for advice on talking to others...

And from what I can tell, it all comes down to persoanl choice. I can say something or I can tell people to butt out.. Its been good to read these posts and remember I have the choice!

[Kalith]

Well, I realised recently that I'm Asexual and I told my kids and parents.

I told them, because I don't want them to worry about me being alone when I'm older. I am happy by myself, I am happy not in a relationship. That isn't "normal" for most people and I know it would really upset them in future to think of me living by myself unless it's what I prefer.

[Cici1971]

Hello,

I'm new here as well. I am 43,and I know this is really dumb,but until recently I didn't even know there was such a thing as asexuality. I thought my whole life that there was something wrong with me.

I went to doctors and therapists,and none of them ever mentioned the idea of asexuality.

I have two children,and have been married twice. I have always been disinterested in sex,but thought that eventually,things will change. Things haven't changed,and now I know why.

I am so happy to be able to say that I am normal -well,about as normal as I can be anyway.

[Skycaptain]

Cici1971, welcome. I have a sneaking suspicion that every medical person you have encountered automatically dismissed asexuality because of the children. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong at all, asexuality is an orientation like all the others. It takes different people varying amounts of time to discover their true orientation. Me, I didn't know until I told a counsellor I was still a virgin at 42, and they suggested asexuality and AVEN. Don't be too normal, different is much more fun, and less inhibiting!

Note. I have edited this because I noticed that I had made a silly spelling error

[Laika]

I don't have any problem with the term or idea of "coming out" if a person believes that is appropriate for them. I think I understand a bit of what the OP is saying and have felt myself that maybe the value of "coming out" is different for older people than it is for young people, and certainly the value of "coming out", in the way that I think most would think of it, is maybe different for asexual people than it is for LGBT folks.

For a gay or lesbian person in their teens or twenties (or whatever younger age), the concept of "coming out" might mean a greater freedom to interact with like-minded peer group, without restriction of worrying who might find out they are of a different sexual orientation. For asexual people, it's not like "coming out" will mean that we can hang out and meet new people at all the asexual bars and coffee shops without worrying who will see us there because there are no asexual bars and coffee shops. From what I've experienced, asexuals' interactions with each other occur mostly online. The local GLBT group no longer tries to have asexual meetups because there is nearly zero participation. I'm not really sure what to make of this, other than to maybe theorize that asexual people possibly don't desire to be under the GLBT umbrella, or maybe feel that being part of online communities like AVEN is satisfactory.

:idk:

.

[Garin]

On the importance of coming out for LBGTQ;Now Is the Time to Come Out

Granted some of that doesn't apply to aces as we're not yet denied any particular rights and freedoms by virtue of being openly ace (unless you also happen to be homo/bi/pan-romantic and/or trans*) but some of the general concepts do still apply.

For asexuals coming out allows at least two important things; (1) more opportunity to educate and inform others that asexuality exist, and explain what it is. (2) To stop others from treating you like you're anything other than asexual, how this affects your life will depend on your circumstances and the people around you.

Neither of these is trivial but not everyone will feel either is enough reason and that's fine, but to suggest that no one be openly honest about their asexuality (ie; 'come out') is to imply there ought be some shame in being ace and that it ought be kept secret.

Shout from the roof topes? Maybe not, but explaining things to your friends, family, and especially partner? yeah, at least for me those are all good ideas.

Keep in mind your example of privately sharing with your spouse IS coming out to someone.

[IDesign]

For me, coming out is/was vital for several reasons.

I grew up in a very strict religious family. Since I didn't know that a homoromantic asexual was a thing, all I knew about myself pointed toward my being gay. When that realization struck, it became a crisis of faith and a bit of a crisis of identity. I told my pastor about it and he said, "You have two options: you can never act on that and never tell anyone else... or you can leave my church." I was 12 at the time.

And up until that point, I was what one might call a "Hitler Youth-level Baptist." We were at church five nights a week. It was a big part of my identity. And now I was being told that something I felt was inherent was incompatible with God. And so I left.

His reaction set me back a few years. I didn't come out to anyone else until I was 16, for fear I might be rejected, beaten up, kicked out of my house, etc. All the horror stories you read about kids coming out as gay.

Luckily, I went to a fairly liberal high school and my parents were amazingly supportive. As I met other people, though, I got the feeling they were more aligned with my church than with my friends and family. People seemed to have an idea of what a gay person was. It was what they saw in the media, whether that be flamboyant leather queens in a pride parade or any number of infirm AIDS victims on the news. Granted, I've never marched in a pride parade and I don't have AIDS, so I couldn't understand why their opinions about me would be based on those stereotypes. More and more, as I came out to the people I knew, I was either the only openly gay person they'd met or they'd say something like, "you don't seem gay."

So to me, coming out became very important, not because it was about shouting from the rooftops and attracting attention to myself, but because the only way I could change the hearts and minds of those I knew was to make sure that if they cared about me, they cared about a gay man. It became much easier to say, "You don't hate gay people. I'm gay and you like/love me."

Now that I've found an orientation that more closely fits what I am (homoromantic asexual), it is important that the people who know me know about that. Because again, unless I can educate them about it, how will they know what that even is? They may hear something like demiromantic grey asexual and think you may as well be saying Level 4 sympathetic casting dragonmaster.

I don't shout from any rooftops and I haven't planned any parades, but I don't shy away from talking about it. Because again, hearts and minds. People need to know we exist. That we're the people they know and love. And that there isn't anything wrong with us.

[nycisme]

I'm new to this site. This is really freeing to read through these various forums. I'm 54 and divorced. I never have been interested in sex and could never understand the excitement around the whole event. I always dreaded it. The whole evening on a date and I'd worry how to balance: being interested yet distant; funny and cold--all for fear that if I was too affectionate that my behavior might be misconstrued that I was interested in more.

I was married for 20 years to someone that was 180 degree polar opposite--and that was not only because he was 10 years my junior. Turns out, he's a freak and I'm so not. For the longest time, I thought that I must be gay. My ex ran with that one and I would do my wifely duties, but, his appetite was seriously. . .well, let's just say we were opposites and after awhile, I left him alone and he left me alone. I wondered if I was gay. But I didn't think I was--I had plenty of opportunity when I was in college in the early 80's to hook up with any one of either gender I wanted--I just never even thought about it. And if I did think about it, I would become really anxious. So I drank more, but that was a long time ago and I've not drank in 25+ years. But I digress. I wanted to be married and have kids because I thought that was what I was missing. I married at 33, had 2 children and never wanted to have sex again. People would tell me, "if you met the right person blah blah blah". The right person that wants an intimate, loving relationship minus sex? That right person? I never thought asexuality was ever an option, so reading these posts is very, shall l say, grounding or stabilizing. There's nothing wrong with me. I like that even if it took awhile to accept. I never really believed anyone could truly enjoy sex as much as some would say. LOL--probably just like they can't believe that I have absolutely no desire to "do it" ever. Promise. Sex seems way too much--too personal--too embarrassing. The few times I do feel a twinge, I can handle it.

So people that are really into sex just seem odd to me; always have seemed that way. I remember being disgusted to see my parents kiss. PDA generally makes me feel uncomfortable. Not hand holding but heavy smooching which you would think people would grow out of but don't. And times when some one did arouse me, I remember feeling angry or maybe irritated is a better word. Not sure if that's a normal response. Reading this I sound like an old bitty. At 54 I guess that could be the case, but I'm just feeling a lot better about a lot of things. This being one. I'm 2 years divorced and so relieved. Oh, and I did try to date women and that just confirmed it for me. I don't want sex with any one, male or female. I like the company of either but if I had a partner, I would like a guy, but I wouldn't disregard a solid female relationship. Basically, it's the answer you give when you find out you're going to have a baby--it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl--just as long as it's healthy.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I don't know why "coming out" is even associated with asexuality, but I guess it has to do with AVEN leadership's desire to be included in the LGBT(A) movement.

Asexuals seemingly rarely know that they are that way since most are not even aware of the concept. Homosexuals are indeed aware that they are homosexual and they make a choice to become public, hence the term. Asexuals have the options of saying things like, "i'm not a relationship person," or "I enjoy my independence," etc.

If anything, the turning point for an asexual should be "The Realization," or that point where asexuality actually became known to the person.

[Sally]

AVEN's "leadership" doesn't really exist -- we're all simply members. Moderators and Administrators aren't leaders; they're unpaid workers. They don't influence members' opinions. Some AVEN members think asexuals should be active participants in the LGBTA movement; some don't; some don't care.

[wait...what?]

I'm very new here so essentially this does feel like I am coming out of the closet, so to speak. Its harder coming to terms with this is how I am and furthermore how come I didn't realise it before.

Relating to the coming to terms part here! I've been finding that the largest sense of coming out has been the internal experience where I've been faced with the shattered belief systems - It feels to me as if it's harder to come out to the personal self than to others. I don't live in their heads after all! Mine however...

I have been and intend to continue speaking about it where it's relevant, whether that's in conversation or faced with a potential romantic partner who deserves to know the score (or non-score? ) I think that as I get my bearings I'd like to put some energy into assisting visibility. I really feel that it's important that the ace spectrum become understood and familiar to everyone so that it doesn't have to be a big deal to anyone in any way. So that people don't need to spend umpteen years confused and hurting. It can just be simply a way to describe the way some of us are without the emotional charge that is currently associated with it. As neutral as saying "hey, I like chocolate!"

So I guess I'm all for coming out as a means to the end of the need to come out.

[genderirrelevant]

I've told a few people but it didn't really feel like 'coming out' because I wasn't trying to hide anything. One friend thought she was shocking me by saying she was polyamorous but I think she was more shocked when I said I was asexual. I laughed when another friend said a third party told him I was gay (no idea where he got the idea from other than I wasn't chasing boys in high school). I've never specifically told my parents but it's gotta be pretty obvious to them since I've lived with them most of my adult life. Occasionally I've had the feeling that I may appear gay to others who haven't known me very long but I don't care what others think as long as they don't come on to me or try to fix me up (with either sex).

I think more visibility is a good thing so that aces will get hassled less in the future. Maybe next year I'll carry a sign in the local pride parade. I've been to 3 pride events in the last year but just as a spectator so people probably have assumed I'm an ally (true) and/or gay (not true but I don't care).

[Moonchaser]

I don't like the term "coming out" very much, but for lack of a better term I can see why people use it. To me, though, coming out seems to make sense as a more public thing than simply sharing a personal matter with a couple of people. I've only shared that I'm asexual with my spouse and sister, and to me that was not "coming out" - but it appears from reading this thread that others define the term in different ways. I would consider announcing my orientation to everyone I know coming out. But my friends and family don't all talk about our intimate matters that openly, so that isn't likely to happen - frankly it's none of their business.

I'm liberal and have always been somewhat vocal in my support of gay rights, women's rights, same-gender marriage and so forth, as well as animal rights and rescue and my various other political opinions, so I don't think it looks too odd to people if I share about Asexuality Awareness Week, or links to articles or information. People probably just think, oh crap, she's getting political again. If someone asked me point-blank am I asexual, I'd be truthful, but I also wouldn't share anything unnecessarily beyond that. I do tend to hint about it more and more, so I can see that happening one of these days. I always have links ready to send anyone who wants information about asexuality, what it is, the variations, and so forth. I'd rather people read about it than ask me - as I can only answer for myself, and I consider my love life personal.

Others are free to do as they please, and I have nothing against others being more public than I am about being aces, in fact I'm grateful to those that have, because otherwise I might never have learned there are others like me. I'd still be ignorant about this important part of who I am, if others had not been more courageous. Now maybe for some people it isn't courage so much as being more outgoing or attention loving or something, but so what? No matter why they did it, they have provided a service, and probably faced a lot of awkward questions and judgments from others as a result.

The most valid reason, in my opinion, for coming out to any degree is to help spread the word that asexuality exists and to help others like us realize they're not alone and should not have to feel they're wrong or broken or dysfunctional in some way. I know that I felt alone for a long time, and I did worry something was wrong with me, as did my spouse. I was married for 25 years before I learned there was a term for people like me, and in fact that term is still quite new in this use. Of course my asexuality affected my marriage - not just my life but my spouse's as well - and it would have been so nice if both of us had known that I was asexual, and realized what that meant, before we ever committed to our relationship. We are still together, at this point, but if I ever found myself single again and seeking a relationship I'd be up front with the other person about my asexuality from as early a point as seemed to make sense, because it's only fair.

[FindingMyWayNow]

Wait a minute, wearing a black ring on your middle finger? which hand? can it have stones or is it just to be plain black. I have never heard of this before but I do love to look at jewelry. just like I love to look and meet new people, I just wanna look, not wear it home. I have found over the years that when someone asks me if I'm dating anyone or they want to set me up with someone, I just say "no, I'm single and I love it." what I or anyone does privately is not a concern of mine. that's why labels don't make sense to me, you could get a paper cut trying to figure yourself out. and may that be a wondrous journey and adventure. the seasons change every three months, and who knows? I may want to also.