Aromantics: What made you know you were truly aromantic?

[cali87]

I wavered a bit confused when first read about Aro, because i actually enjoy watching romance to a point, and i am a big OTP shipper lol however i have zero interest in dating and never have, like..not even a little.. I've HAVE dated..it felt like nothing and doing it again didn't appeal. I've never seen myself with anyone and have expressed my lack of desire for marriage for years. And romance beyond a certain point is annoying..as soon as it turns into a soap i can't watch anymore. I was always the weird one out with my friends..though i just thought THEY were weird lol

[Lyariage]

I wavered a bit confused when first read about Aro, because i actually enjoy watching romance to a point, and i am a big OTP shipper lol however i have zero interest in dating and never have, like..not even a little.. I've HAVE dated..it felt like nothing and doing it again didn't appeal. I've never seen myself with anyone and have expressed my lack of desire for marriage for years. And romance beyond a certain point is annoying..as soon as it turns into a soap i can't watch anymore. I was always the weird one out with my friends..though i just thought THEY were weird lol

I totally understand!

I don't mind watching some romance movies/shows, because I love seeing people fall in love. It's just all the drama and angst that seems to accompany most things that I just don't like. I also don't get romantic expectations either, cause I don't like being expected to love someone a particular way. Love has no limitations, in my opinion. Romantic love to me, seems to be full of limitations. It's hard to explain why I like watching some romance stuff on tv. I was a huge Tennant/Rose fan for instance.

I love to love. I love seeing other people expressing love. To me, love is freedom, love is shared with no expectations and love is not confined to just one person. And to me, love isn't something that needs to be expressed sexually (but that's just me, and I know other peoples' opinions differ on that). It's kinda hard to describe beyond that, because it's a feeling - it can't really be expressed in words.

[Royal Octopus]

I first thought I might be aromantic when I was reading an AVEN thread ("you know you're aromantic when...") and I found I could relate to some of the responses, which made me think about it.

I've never wanted to date anybody. I thought at times that I should try it, because it seemed like something I was "supposed" to want (ah, high school, land of expectations), but I never actually did it. I figured I'd want it eventually- I internalized that "late bloomer" stuff. Recently, feeling lonely, I found myself thinking about what my ideal relationship would be. I looked on AVEN and found out that there was a name for it: what I want is a queerplatonic relationship.

I have also realized that what I used to think were crushes were probably squishes- they were strong feelings of longing, with some "symptoms" or a crush, but I never desired dating, kissing, romance, or anything like that. There was aesthetic attraction, which was probably why I thought they were crushes. It's hard to know what exactly a "crush" is, because people just assume you know. In my squishes, I wanted closeness, but not the romantic kind.

I wish somebody had told me sooner that people could be aromantic and asexual. The first I heard of it was on Big Bang Theory, and even then, it wasn't named.

[Crowfather]

When everyone around me started dating and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. Not "That particular person", but just romance in general. And when I couldn't relate to any of the given reasons like "I just feel like I need him/her in my life, I couldn't immagine it any other way".

When all conversations are about are sex and all I can think of is what a hassle it is and it couldn't possibly be worth all the drama.

The idea of spooning and cuddling and the whole 9 yards of intamacy aren't gross to me, but it's just like: Why would I bother?

[GoldenaLy]

I had a lot of tip-offs. I remember making up crushes as a pre-teen/teen and waiting for the feelings to develop that my friends talked about having. When I was 11 or 12, I remember asking a friend what she felt when she had a crush on guys. "I want to be around them all the time, I want to hold hands with them, I want them to like me the same way I like them," she said - a pretty good description for that age. I didn't feel any of those things. I dreaded the idea that any guy I "liked" would like me back, because I didn't want to go on a date with them, didn't want to hold their hands, didn't want to have to pretend for the duration of the date.

When I was in high school, a guy asked me out and, put on the spot, I accepted - but I felt a sense of dread about it because again, I really had no desire to date him, kiss him, hold hands with him, or see him in any romantic capacity. When he called to set up the plans for the date, I backed out and immediately felt better. After I realized how much I didn't want to go on dates with guys, I never accepted one again.

For me, it's as simple as not having romantic feelings for people. I can clearly see that other people possess those feelings, but I do not. The first time I came onto AVEN and read posts from people who would now be called aromantic, I was like, "Yeah, that's me. Glad there's a name for it!" It was a relief to find it, but it was not a surprise. I know it's a bit cliched to say so, but on some level, I think I always knew.

[Peachyy]

Oh, well, one day i figured there was something off with my connection to romance when I finally counted the ( countless) times I had the involuntary desire to eat glass whenever I was around it. I figured, hey now, perhaps I may just hate this stuff to the core. And of course I find that I'm so disgusted with it because I've spent so much time trying to create feelings for something that literally d o e s n o t ex i s t in my systems settings, that I'm angry at both myself and others (not directly, they can do whatever) for building up a wall of things I should want, but don't want, because i don't have a natural "want" for them. Which is very confusing. But wanting to ingest glass tips me in the direction that i should stop trying to push myself in that direction--the direction that makes me want agonizing death. It's really just like forcing yourself to a eat a food you don't find appetizing in hope of that you'll, like, suddenly change your mind, but instead you just vomit over and over again because of the horrid taste, and yet keep trying to force more down. At some point you have to stop and know its a painful effort that has no importance to you.

Basically.

[jimerman]

i am still fighting with definitions, i don't really know if i am aromatic or if i am Philophobic (the fear of love). i have never really wanted to be in a relationship my entire life, but when i was in college i decided to find out "what i had been missing" so i dated one girl for around a year and she was really abusive and [trigger warning] one night she even handcuffed me to the bead when i was sleeping and raped me. [end trigger warning] i think that my experience with her expanded my aromanticism to the point where i don't even want to give "love" a chance. i have even wrote up contracts with mycelf that stated that if i ever feel a desire for more than a friendship i would sever all contact with that person. its depressing i know and it may stand in the way of my happiness, but i just remember how unhappy i was in the relationship not only in the abusive parts but just the regular lovey dovy bullshit that relationships bring.

[binary suns]

I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience jimerman :( I wish you much luck as you try to figure things out

[Princess_Rhaella_Stark]

The fact that I have never had a real crush, that I've had to ask myself what a crush is and my inability to define it without referring to clichés has sort of lead me to believe that im aro.

I mean I've never dated or particularly wanted to in general. At times, I had this vague idea of perhaps starting to but honesty I find that it doesn't interest me a great deal. Now maybe this will change in future but part of me doubts it. I'm kinda a lone wolf and I prefer it that way.

It's hard to date when you've never had a crush and have no romantic feelings towards others. I mean that's how people start dating, they find one another attractive and how am I going to that ? I tried flirting once and acting interested towards this guy and honestly I have never felt more fake and stupid and ridiculous in my entire life.

its depressing at times.

[Homer]

The fact that I'm very, very close to my best friend. I happily give everything that I can, there's really nothing more that I could throw in when it comes to feelings and our relationship still isn't romantic.

If this kind of relationship doesn't make me develop romantic feelings, I don't know what it takes (and I'm not keen to find out.)

[TiffanyJung]

Never had a crush (currently 20 years old)

Never understood relationships -> looking at couples and thinking "how are they not sick of each other?" "Oh, right, they're probably having sex"

Seeing relationships as too much social effort (I blame my introversion on this one though)

Feeling like you lost a friend the moment she tells you she has a boyfriend/fiance/husband/2 kids (and I'm just sitting here, single and happy while my mom-who's grandchild hungry-stares holes into my back)

Seeing "love" as some sort of overrated genre that sells into book, movie and Hallmark holiday franchises

Seeing "love" as some sort of disease -> Delirium Amora Nervosa (it's the scientific name I decided to give it, it's not real, no point in looking it up)

*Trying to stop myself from snapping at you and failing miserably*

You do realize that you've called 99% of the population diseased simply because we fall in love right?

Okay I've really had it. I don't care whether you experience romantic attraction or not, I don't care if you (As in all aromantics ) experience sexual attraction or not because in my eyes that doesn't make up the person.

However, I do care when people do what you just did. You have absolutely no right to say that love is a disease because it isn't.

Tell me do you love your mother? Would you protect her from harm?Would you like to make her smile? Do something for her birthday? Would you console her when she's hurt?Would you be there for her when she need you?

That's love for you. Except when it comes to us romantics it's usually a hundred times more intense and usually directed at a single person.

Oh and love has nothing to do with sex. It's so much more than that. I don't know what gave you the idea that sex is the only thing that romantic love constitutes.

So please don't call love a disease . It's not. Love is love. The only difference between Romantic and Platonic love is the intensity.

[Homer]

The only difference between Romantic and Platonic love is the intensity.

I highly doubt that, at least as a general assumption. (I still agree with the rest of your post, though)

[TiffanyJung]

I see no single logical reason how can someone feel anything romantic upon another person or whatever else. Why? What's the reason for doing so? If you like something that other person has, that you lack, you should try to emulate this trait in yourself. What's the reason to like something that you don't actually possess? Well, in other words, if I like someone, I'll try to isolate whatever I like in that person and try copy that trait into myself.

It's not about lacking something.It's far more complicated than that.

[SkyWorld]

Ah, I must have missed this somehow.

Locking this thread for necromancy, it's well over a year old. If you wish to continue this subject, feel free to create a fresh new thread.

SkyWorld

A/romantic Orientations Moderator