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  2. Are 20 minute therapy appointments common in France? Here in Canada my sessions in the past have always been close to a full hour and that was my partner's experience in the UK as well. 20 minutes doesn't seem like a lot of time to really go very deep into a discussion without having to stop pretty soon and take it up again next time, which seems kind of disruptive. Anyway, that's all beside the point but caught my attention. That does indeed sound like an uncomfortable evening, yeah, but it's definitely progress nonetheless. I used to be someone who probably couldn't have put a na
  3. WhiteCatandcherries

    Opinion on Asexuality and Porn

    Also @AlarisBlack I see this is your first post on Aven. Welcome!! 🍰🍰🍰 (the cake is customary). I hope you have a good time here and learn more about yourself and the community (whatever you choose to identify as).
  4. WhiteCatandcherries

    Opinion on Asexuality and Porn

    Personally I feel you can define asexuality both as feeling no sexual attraction (finding people sexually interesting / pleasing etc) and having no desire for partnered sex. I know Aven officially uses the sexual attraction model, but some people also believes that that involves desire and the definition debate can really go on forever. I think as a person who find people sexually attractive but never want to have sex is not really that close to the allosexual experience and I personally think you should be welcome to call yourself asexual, or maybe greysexual (more sexual than strictly
  5. Windmills of My Mind

    Lonely and tired

    I agree with @AloneTogether And you deserve praise for talking Liara, despite your reluctance and history. You are a brave woman and you try to do the best you can. We all have limitations. You are aware of yours and do the very best you can under the circumstances. You have my admiration and support. Being different than most or many other people does not make you wrong. You are not a bad person. You try to understand your partner and attempt to communicate your feelings. You support other people here at AVEN with your view and experiences. You give me yet another perspective on r
  6. LucyKaven

    Can the right dildo do the job?

    It just goes to show how different toys can cater to everyone's unique preferences, regardless of sexual orientation. It's totally understandable to be cautious about investing in something that might not work for you, especially with a higher price tag.
  7. FJO8

    Opinion on Asexuality and Porn

    I don't agree with that. As far as I know, Asexuality is about the desire for partnered sex (which may fluctuate in allos as well) and therefore is not influenced by the consmation of porn
  8. Purplegems3

    No wonder I love cake so much ...

    Welcome
  9. I don't know about morally wrong, I think it's morally neutral, but it can be psychologically harmful for someone to repress their sexuality. I think that's the message we're supposed to be getting -- that it's harmful to suppress who you are (whether in terms of orientation or general sexual preferences) and to live inauthentically, with shame or guilt or fear of being yourself. I've never heard anyone say that they think sex positivity is about giving yourself permission to lose control over your actions and force yourself on people or pester them or manipulate them or whatever just to get s
  10. DearMice

    DearMice

    I've ended up introspecting on my gift-giving style yesterday and today... Is it truly irrational to leave gifts for the recipients to find, but never mention having left the gifts for them? I can only gift things this way (anonymously).

    Sure, if the recipients figure it out I'm the gifter or flat-out ask me if I was, then I'd probably own up to it, but I'd much rather there be some ambiguity - even if it means someone else fibs and takes credit for the gifts. The point, for me, is that the recipient receives the item that I believed they would enjoy!
    Nothing else matters to me; least of all awkward, publicly-broadcast scripts of gratitude or, worse, the burden of obligation being placed onto the recipient to reciprocate in the future.

    Maybe this is a bit "insane", as my parents put it. I never was good at withstanding the pressure of receiving gifts, either.

  11. Welcome here, you are in the perfect place for that. You are not alone in this. Have you asked your husband about asexuality? He can sincerely think he will try later... and never do because he just can't, without knowing why. And he will never change. He doesn't need to change. But your want is totally valid. Would you be interested by an open relationship? That's an option.
  12. s1ck.br4inz

    • s1ck.br4inz
    •   
    • FJO8

    Ohhhh you're from Germany?

    That's cooool

    (me too)

    Anyways have a nice day

  13. Today
  14. I only just searched for the term out of curiosity, but serial dater/dating does have a somewhat negative connotation, so that might influence who self-identifies that way. Just to be clear though, cheating is a specific behavior; people can do that without ever having one night stands. And going to sex workers is a distinct behavior; no doubt there are such folks who likewise have never had casual (unpaid) sex and who have not/would not cheat on a partner. The way any/all negative or problematic behavior related to sex gets automatically bundled with having many part
  15. First off, I am so grateful to have found this site. As an educated, successful and sexual woman, it's shocking that until now, I had no idea there were other people experiencing the same levels of despair as I have with (I suspect) an asexual husband. We've been married 24 years and he is an incredibly kind, warm and thoughtful man. The first 8 years of marriage were the "easy" years - no kids, building careers, traveling, but sex was almost non-existent. Wasn't this supposed to be the "best years"? Intimacy happened only if I initiated it and in hindsight I recognize my husband couldn
  16. Have you tried asking allo people? There's a dating site/app called OKCupid & there are some sex-related questions on there which helps with potential compatibility. For frequency, I've seen some men answer with "Every day" or "One to two times a week" - don't know if they'll answer you honestly but you can try asking (?)
  17. Epitaph

    No wonder I love cake so much ...

    lost a few fictos from here a while ago, but I think there's a few knocking around the forums somewhere that are still here. You'll meet friendly folk for certain. Not all of them ace, but they'll be friendly regardless. Hope you find what you're looking for here boss.
  18. I think that a lot of men have sex with multiple women because culture tells them that they can. I do not believe that men are genuinely unable to control their sex drive. Everyone can do it at least to some extent. But in older times, women were supposed to be "chaste", but men - particularly those in power - were given permission to "sow their wild oats", traditional sexual morality was not marked by supposed "Puritanism" (broadly, generically understood), but by hypocrisy. And now some things are better, but some have gotten even worse: all that some people take from sex positivity (which I
  19. Anomaly Q3Xr

    No wonder I love cake so much ...

    Hi, welcome to AVEN, nice to meet you
  20. AutoFiction

    No wonder I love cake so much ...

    Hi everyone, I'm a nearly 50 year-old woman, been married for over 20 years and have two teenaged children. My husband is Allo. I realised our mismatched libidos were a bit more complex about 5 years ago when I learned more about Asexuality and myself. We're still navigating through this as an ace/allo couple. I'm a daydreamer, writer, and artist. I love music, my favourite band is Suede. All my life, my most fulfilling romances have been in my imagination and stories I write. I often examine the blurry space between fantasy and reality. I hope to meet other friendly ac
  21. AloneTogether

    Lonely and tired

    @Liara I know it can be very hard talking about deep feelings. I struggle with it too. However I think it’s a very positive thing that you’ve taken a first step. I think, if you keep going, you’ll find it just a little easier each time. You don’t have to say everything in one go, and yes maybe sometimes things will come out a bit awkward and convey a different meaning from what you meant, but you have the opportunity to explain and I’m sure your partner can understand that this is difficult for you and you’re making an effort. Try not to say things in an accusatory way
  22. Myssterry

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for making us work on this thread on Good Friday.
  23. The most I personally feel missing is feeling like I can't offer most people what they'd want from a committed partnership, namely romance and sex, but I still want my own designated human to share my life with, but I don't want the romance or sex to go with it. The main way I love is just by like treating someone like family and having that deep bond that way, but I want to skip past the romance-y and sex parts and just have that unshakable bond, and I don't know if I could ever find someone who'd be looking for that and not want the other stuff, too. <Da I don't know how I'd even go about
  24. A part of the problem maybe could be solved when knowing why you don't want to have children. I mean, that's a valid thing actually, if you don't want you don't want. But as you are talking about having anxities and being in the autistic specturm it might be possible (from my POV) that the reasons are somehow illogical or not thought far enough with enough realism. Despite that, even if you'd not want children that would usually not make you being largly afraid of abuse. Usually you don't want abuse because it's very shitty in general. So if it's really you not wanting children wha
  25. Yesterday evening was awful. My partner and I were talking about something pretty harmless and I tried, for once, to tell her something personal. Her reaction was a little rude and hurt me. I told her and she asked me if I was not a little susceptible... For context, I usually never shared anything personal with someone IRL. I grew up in a family where, if I shared something like that, my parents or my brothers 1) didn't listen or 2) laugh and mock me or 3) didn't understand at all. So I learned to never share and that's obviously a problem for relationships (I heard the term toxic independe
  26. WanderingPurpleDragon

    Quickly, Before They See!

    1
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