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  2. CBC

    Sexuality explained to asexuals

    Oh for sure. Either that or, in my case, my mother would do her martyr act and I would feel like a guilty piece of shit. I don't think she even understands that's the effect it had, but she still does it to some degree now... and that's exactly why I try not to spend more than a few hours with her at any given time, perhaps two or three times a year. I've changed but she hasn't.
  3. gisiebob

    Gay but now I think I’m asexual?

    would you want to date someone if it did not lead to having sex?
  4. GatsbyGirl

    Horses and Equiestrian stuff

    I always found this odd because in the oooooold days it was frowned when women road lol but in my country I have actually never seen the issue with gender more of what methods you use and how much money you have got. What country are you from if you dont mind me asking?
  5. banana monkey

    Feeling Lonely

    I'm guessing you and your bf are officially in a relationship and not "just dating" because if you are you should really try and tell him about your asexuality as soon as possible. I know its hard, believe me but after reading most of the posts on here from sexuals I now think one should tell the other before starting a relationship with anyone. Many of the sexuals on here say that if an asexual knows before the relationship started and doesnt tell them they feel betrayed, lied to and all trust is broken. Having read all the posts on here I now understand that its really important for most sexuals to have sex in their relationships and so I think if I know I am asexual when considering a relationship its only fair I tell them beforehand so that they can make an informed decision about whether they can cope with it and deal with no sex or any form of compromise we may come up with or if its a dealbreaker for them (as it is for many sexuals). I think many (but not all) sexuals feel hurt that they have wasted there time on a relationship that never would have worked for them when they wouldnt have invested so much if they had known beforehand, because to them it was obvious it wasnt going to work without a certain amount of sex. At least if they know before hand, they can make their own choice as to whether to invest/waste time or not. From your OP, it certainly seems sex is really important to your BF (given that he wants it early on in the relationship) so I wouldnt be surprised if it may be a dealbreaker for him and be prepared for him to be really hurt, but I hope that it works out for you. With regards to friends - It can be hard when people talk about sexual things but it doesnt happen often unless you are really best friends and there are plenty of other things you can talk about. If you have the sort of close friendship where they are sharing that sort of stuff you should consider if you should try and mention about your asexuality so that they understand that some of these things go over your head. That doesnt mean they should stop discussing it though, I find when I am with a group that discusses that stuff, it helps them knowing because I just remind them that I dont understand that concept or that I'm just letting it go over my head but it does help me learn when they talk about it and sometimes I ask questions about stuff I dont understand (which often makes everyone feel awkward given that we are in public, so they just give me a look)
  6. gisiebob

    Asexuality and masturbation

    friend, consider who the authority in this is. all these words, well they aren't neatly shaped boxes for us to fit perfectly inside, no. they are things to help describe who we are to the world. if using one gives the world a good understanding of you, then that's probably a good word for you.
  7. AceMissBehaving

    Warning for Asexuals on Twitter

    I’d heard about this a little while back, I’m disappointed (but not surprised) to see it’s still going on.
  8. AllTimeBubble

    I made a poster for Aro Week

    Thank you, I'm always weird with semi colons aha and awh that's amazing I'm glad Lets spread awareness across both our unis!!
  9. AceMissBehaving

    Hi!

    Hi there and welcome to the forums!! 🎂 I’ve actually been looking for a new manga to pick up, and always looking for decent asexual representation, so I’m gonna look into picking that one for sure now!
  10. Yeah it’s those social media conversations that really should just be kept between each other in a text or other private message service. I’ve seen sexual RP that really should not be seen online. But I don’t mind those messages between myself and the boyfriend, it’s only between us in the end.
  11. Moderne Jazzhanden

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    In which case Red Four!
  12. AceMissBehaving

    Feeling Lonely

    Connecting with other people isn’t always so much about having exactly shared experiences, it’s more about sharing an interest in each other’s experiences, and that’s something that can be mutually reciprocated no matter how ace one person is and how sexual the other person is. I know it’s a move that can hold a lot of risk, but I can say for myself becoming open about my asexuality definitely tore down a lot of that disconnect I used yo feel with other people. No one e or tacky me to “get it” any more, and I’m no longer working on my “cover”. Obviously I still feel “different”, but that difference doesn’t feel as important. This might be too much for some people, and will depend on the people involved as to how likely they are to be accepting. The boyfriend unfortunately there’s no way around it. You really do have to disclose to him the fact you are asexual because it’s something that is always going to be an issue in the relationship. He might be ok with it, he also might not, but it is something he should know going in and be able to give consent to being ok with. Things can get better. It can feel lonely being ace, but places like these forums are great for meeting people who share your experiences, and that’s a big start too.
  13. Starbogen

    Have you ever?

    Yes, but I'll keep them general XD Trash reality tv, some really cheesy and cliche scifi/fantasy shows, and certain kinds of fanfiction. HYE drawn a self portrait?
  14. with the way you fantasize, would you say you are personally involved in them? there are plenty of asexual people who experience sexual fantasy and many have them in this sort of 3rd person perspective, where the brains doing some gymnastics saying 'this act is good. but it is not good when personally involved. so it is good between these two actors who are not me' there's a word for this, but I can't remember how to spell it for the life of me another helpful thing to question might be if it all might as well be bumping elbows for you, and that's all you ever get out of it, is that something you still want to do? I would absolutely search for an assistant in these experiments, a companion who you can explore with, someone who can care about you, but with one caveat: they gotta be a companion to you as you are now first, not whoever you might be later.
  15. Overall, I feel like the “token friend” concept has negative connotations and makes people look at you as their “straight friend” rather than just their friend as if there’s some alternative motive or basis behind the friendship. It’s not something I’d wanna be known as. I feel like calling you the token straight friend is at least a bit of erasure to your asexuality because your asexuality gives you some difference to life compared to who they’re comparing you to (not denouncing your straightness either; I see it as like saying you’re part of the “oppressing” group versus simply applying the straight label to you) This probably was confusing but I hope my response wasn’t a complete waste
  16. Perspektiv

    What is hard work?

    I think that hard work definitely plays heavily in the effort. I think consistent hard work, is where I would determine an individual in being hard working as an actual means of labeling them as such. I don't think emotional labor is necessarily hard work, however. I have worked with people who would get overwhelmed having to deal with two customers and would be so stressed they would red line, and forget how to do a basic task. Or struggle with the most simplest of tasks due to lacking common sense or basic intelligence (yet be perfectly functional adults). Are they working any harder? No. Their anxiety to me, is making their job way harder than it is. At the end of the day, they will have accomplished nothing by the end of their day, yet be far more taxed than me emotionally, having put through 20 times more work through. Essentially forcing others to pick up their slack due to their basic incompetence. I also don't agree trying one's best is hard work. If you're truly incompetent at something, your effort will be irrelevant since you are doing the job poorly. If someone used sandpaper to buff out your car because they are idiots, doesn't matter that they worked up a sweat. It will create 5 times more work to fix. Something they clearly can't do right in the first place. You're going to trust them to fix it? I also feel the output plays a huge role, as a result. I have done desk jobs, technician jobs, managerial etc. I often saw that those at the bottom, complained about working the hardest due to the physical toll their job took. Those at the top, saw the amount of impact their work had on the actual business (even though the impact your growing a business is irrelevant if your laborers aren't putting quality work through). Something that often wasn't seen by others because their job isn't blatant (or appreciated). For me, numbers don't lie when it comes down to determining actual effort (but this is also misleading, as per George Carlin due to:"most work just hard enough not to get fired, and get paid just enough not to quit".)
  17. Starbogen

    Alphabet Song Titles

    Somebody to Love - Queen
  18. E

    What is hard work?

    Way to ask some interesting questions Cone. Think I've got an answer for them. We can all agree that in life, there's a certain degree of what we can consider being hard and easy. For the average human being, lifting a cup is easy. But let's say you're the person with a shattered arm trying to lift the cup. The task becomes difficult. This introduces a key factor into what we consider difficult. Circumstance. Everybody's circumstances are different, therefore, what they find difficult will all vary. What I think defines hard work, and will always define it, is the core to what hard work is. Hard work is overcoming barriers, be they physical or mental. And that's all there is to it. The greater the difficulty experienced to get over the barrier, the harder the work is. The actual specifics of the barrier don't matter. Just that it exists as a barrier, and it gives you difficulty to face up to it.
  19. Guess like veryone else, the usual "you should see a doctor/therapist" "you need the meet the right man" But I think the worst came from my mum, who was the first person I told, and I was still feeling super insecure about it, and she told me "You need to find the right man. Had I known about asexuality when I was your age, I would also have tought I was asexual, but look at me now. It's just a phase, it will pass" Ouch thank you mum, that hurt, just outright denied my asexuality and dismissed it...
  20. Arodash

    Horses and Equiestrian stuff

    The helmets are soooo espensive! Lol
  21. I guess you would have to talk about it with them if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I can somehiw relate to what you said in the sens that I used to be called the "innocent" friend. Because I was totally clueless about sex when I was in high school, my friends affectionnately called me "innocent", "naïve", "cute" and so on and so on - they never meant to do me any harm or anything, and at that time I didn't know about asexuality, but it really frustrated me and made me wonder about myself and why I was so clueless about sex. In a sense, it helped me realised later on that I was ace If you don't like them calling you the straight friends, you can ask them to stop - if it's about your asexuality, only you can say how much you want to tell your friends. Then again, straight does not necessarily refer to your sexuality, it can also be your romantic attraction, so I wouldn't say they're denying you asexuality. Best is to talk about it with them, and find what makes you most comfortable.
  22. Arodash

    Horses and Equiestrian stuff

    Actually its a bit of a gender issue in the states too. People give me this weird look when I, a man, tells them I like horses and plan to learn to ride. And then the stupid stigma around mental health. So they think its weird therapy and horses have been combined. Even though countless studies show they are great for your health
  23. The Abhorred

    Ambivalence

    Hello First of all, you have used such beautiful words to describe your self, your worries and wants. Have you tried to speak to someone else openly like in here? Not necessary about talk about your innermost desires, just use this kind of vocabulary. It may sound irrelevant but learning to speak this way may help you get what you want. You said you are social awkward, try to fix this first by trying to be this person, that it is in here in the forum out there in the real world. I am trying that myself. It's not easy and you won't get results fast enough but you will eventually. And in the mid time maybe you will meet that special someone. I don't think you are depressing for wanting to have that someone, I think is very common with humans. It also happens that I know the word ambivalence and what it means that a part of you is ashamed of needing someone. Maybe if you change the words from needing, to like to. You can be happy on your own, you said it, but now you will like something new, something different. It's not so bad now, right?
  24. Christmace_liv

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

  25. AceMissBehaving

    I'm sexual but...

    I always wish I had the amount of money required to just throw it away like that, but then wouldn’t throw it away. I once worked at a bridal expo for a friend, and the organizers stated that they expect the average attendee to spend between $30,000 to $60,000 or more on their weddings. It blew my mind
  26. Kersenne

    Horses and Equiestrian stuff

    I work in equine tourism and love it :) And even though the equine community can be difficult when you don't know it, I think it's mostly because it's still very traditionnal, despite the numerous changes that are being brought to it (I'm thinking about natural horsemenship, women riding more than men, new teaching methods, etc). Well, this is valid for France, I don't how it is in other countries! But if you like horses, you'll have no problems making friends, all horsy people love to talk about horses. I hope you'll enjoy your time around those big, lovely creatures!
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