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  2. I absolutely do not judge or treat those who come out negatively or differently, and I never even assumed coming out was immature or odd I only try to understand their motives, because I have my own and I wish to know what makes people want to come out (as long as they're okay with sharing that).
  3. theV0ID

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    ... no not really. My life is plenty complicated regardless, and I'm kinky so I have to worry about the ramifications to my career of that getting out even if it doesn't involve sex. Also I'm not going to assume that sexual's lives are all that complicated and full of temptation anyway.
  4. daveb

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    Just wanted to say I am reading everyone's posts and trying to take it all in without getting defensive or taking anything personally. I hear a lot of disgruntlement, and won't argue that there is no cause for it since obviously there is. I am also interested to hear constructive criticism and suggestions for things we might be able to do to improve things, generic is fine, but specific ideas/steps would be even better. I know some of you have mentioned a few and I hope one outcome of this thread will be a list of the suggestions. We can always try to do better, even if perfection is unlikely/impossible. Please keep the input coming. And thank you to everyone who contributes here (and everywhere on AVEN for that matter)!
  5. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    Definitely, for sure. I don't mean to imply that asexuality is easier, or better, or that all asexuals have it better than some allosexuals or some asexuals have it better than all allosexuals. I just mean that personally I appreciate that there are some things I don't have to deal with. Maybe I can edit my original post to make that more clear.
  6. I agree with you and I think you do have a good point. I always imagine coming out like sitting down with your friends or family and going how you have something important to say. Perhaps it looks that way for some. I think I don't consider it coming out, because my friend follows me on twt, where I am very open about my sexuality and of course I can't quote the entire conversation, but it felt more like she stating an opinion or a fact about herself and me agreeing with her that ''yeah, me too'' haha. I'm glad it was this casual that it didn't feel like coming out at all
  7. Firefly8

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @fragglerock I think it depends on the individual person: their life circumstances and how they deal with things. There are many sexual people who are very happy with their relationships and lives. There are also many asexuals that have complications in their lives because of that. I'm going with the idea that it's all relative.
  8. I wouldn't hide it, but I also don't go out of my way to discuss it either, the sort of people I work with are very narrow minded, childish, even homophobic, I can't be dealing with idiots like that, if they want to make up something about me, that's fine, whilst they're making up stories about me, they're leaving someone else alone, but it's a very childish menatality in the transport industry, especially in the west country, they don't tend to bully me now though as I put them in their place, but if you're of a mild nature, they'd have a go
  9. Not at all, it's too much hassle so I don't mention it at work.
  10. Hello my situation is different but I'm dating a guy that's sexual and not ace at all and I stay with him because he's honestly the best guy that ever came into my life and it makes me happy knowing that he's there with me. I even told came out to him 6 days ago about being aroace and he thought it was cool and interesting and that it didn't put him off at all. I'm fine with having sex (in fact I love it :p) though I'm starting to consider that I'm probably not ace my because I do feel sexual attraction towards him but not romantic and I don't feel sexual attraction towards anyone else so ghsdfjshd
  11. Yes allowsexual feels a lot better. I as well as everyone is multi faceted and sex is a big issue it’s not all I am. we love each other very deeply and so don’t see divorce as being on the table right now. We have a life time in common ... all things geeky for one. Watching Dr. Who talking Star Wars or even politics is were we can finish each other sentences. However i hate the anxiety I give him for simply being. We haven’t had sex in 4 years and I try to hard to be patient but I’m not as nice as I use to be. I he or I had known we wouldn’t have married as painful as it is it’s just the truth.
  12. I do not go to work do discuss my personal life, I go to work to work. If a co-worker asked me about my relationship history then I would shut the conversation down with a simple "sorry I don't want to talk about that" and then change the subject. If that makes them uncomfortable then tough cookies. But then I prefer to have a very clear delimitation between work life and personal life. I get on well with my coworkers and like them as people but have absolutely no interest in being friends with them. I've actually never had a co-worker ask me anything about my personal life, and I would be really uncomfortable if they did, even including one co-worker who I regularly go on work trips abroad with and am thus very comfortable with. This is a good response, and one I actually use with non-work-colleague friendly-acquaintance-but-not-friends type people who start asking about my relationship status or history. It's also a good way to give off "no I do not want to date you" vibes.
  13. Cheshire-Cat

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    The problem I see with saying it's admods decision is it will lead to massive claims of bias because the membership didn't get a say. So if someone decides to run, and decides someone in the current admod team has something against them, then they'll say they didn't get it because admods don't like them. By letting the membership vote the admods can't get that blame.
  14. It depends on the topic of conversation. It doesnt come up often but I have been in my job 10 years and I have quite close relationships with a few of my collegues because in my general workplace we are a small team ( like about 7-10 of us). Most of them know I'm single and quite a few of them know that I have only had one relationship given that it happened whilst I was working there. I am out to a few of them, but that's only because its come up and ive felt comfortable. I have one keyworker who doesnt know because the last time it could have been discussed was about a year ago when she first started and I didnt feel comfortable enough so kinda dodged a bit. If she asked me now, I would tell her.
  15. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @Firefly8 In my experiences of talking with allosexuals, many of whom I've had deep conversations with about relationships and sexuality, they often have found their sexuality to be complicated and very messy. They still wouldn't get rid of it if they could because it's worth the trade-offs for them, but they're often at least somewhat conflicted about those feelings. For a non-personal example, the characters in Bojack Horseman get into all kinds of tough situations because of their libidos. Admittedly that's a show that focuses on messy situations, by and large, but it's also a show that's frequently applauded for its realism. @CBC Well "less complicated" is the word I would use when talking to allosexuals (or non-asexuals? not sure if the meanings are any different). I would say "less-complicated" because it's more abstract and it carries a minimum of emotional and value connotations, and usually when describing psychological phenomenon that's the tone I go for. In this case though it seemed a rare (for me) opportunity to talk to other people who actually share the feeling and for whom I don't have to be merely technical, I can also convey my personal feelings about it. And to technically describe why it feels emotionally "clean" to me I'd say it's for the simple reason that my ace lifestyle doesn't have a lot of things that I don't want it to have. To wax philosophical this seems to be what people mean by clean generally: there's usually nothing actually wrong with the things that make something "not clean". People don't mind dirt they just want it in their garden or on the bottom of their shoes, not the top. A stain on a shirt is just soup or coffee - things people like - they just didn't want them on their shirt. So to recap, I quite agree that "uncomplicated" would have the same meaning without connotations of feeling, and if you're thinking that saying "clean" is a little exclusionary, I suppose I'd agree with you. But...there are so many ways that allosexuals can be exclusionary and often are (not saying you're being that way), and everywhere in life I'm careful not to offend allosexuals by implying there's anything nice about the way I'm different. Always having to act like there's nothing I like about being asexual because that would make people uncomfortable and because it's more palatable to society if existence in some weird minority is merely a curse, without any blessing. Right now it would be nice to have this conversation face to face because in text it probably sounds like I'm ranting or angry or even just upset but actually...how to describe it...I'm really at peace with things, I'm sympathetic to the allosexual viewpoint, but...well "wistful" is a good word to describe my feelings about this. Wistful about the difficulties of being able to say "hey here are some things I really like about this".
  16. Um, 55 is older and not worth the effort? 😱 I couldn’t disagree more! 😬 Perspective is a funny thing! 🤣
  17. Starbucks Covfefe

    What do you think about coming out?

    "don't ask don't tell" is how I roll.
  18. Internetlionboy

    Any Aces want to chat?

    Heya! Dinosaurs are amazing even though I'm more of a dragon person myself 😛 He is! My heart belongs to Thor, though ghsdfjsh
  19. Mz Tricky

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for telling Ted he has to dress as a vampire at the Arcade Halloween party.
  20. That needs to be on tee shirts! So much more contemporary then love is blind. yeah I assume my husband had no idea he was asexual. He also has had some trauma he thought wouldn’t matter or affect things.
  21. Pinball Wizard

    Any Aces want to chat?

    Hello! Do you like heavy metal?
  22. Internetlionboy

    What being a sex favorable asexual means to me

    I just want to say that this thread helped me realize that that I'm a sex favorable ace actually ghsdjfh What it means to me is that I like having sex I just don't feel sexual attraction. Also if my bf asked me if we could have sex, then I wouldn't turn it down because I don't mind it at all 😛
  23. Jona Rhys

    What do you think about coming out?

    Well I'd say you "came out" nonetheless. It doesn't have to be dramatic. In an ideal world, coming out would always be this casual or not even necessary. As for your question: I've come out to close friends and family because I wanted them to know. Apart from that nobody needs to know. If somebody asks me about my orientation I will 1. pretend to be straight (rarely, for example in a working environment or if a negative response is likely), 2. give a vague but truthful answer like "I like people" or "Relationships are not my priority" or 3. tell them I'm a biromantic ace (in LGBT+ groups or if I trust them). I've come out to quite a few people so far and it's still a bit scary. Nevertheless I don't like pretending to be someone I'm not. Sometimes I also feel that us aces can do with the publicity. I totally get though that some people don't feel the need to come out. Great! You don't need to come out to anyone.
  24. It's perfectly reasonable to gently shut down conversation that gets too personal. However, if you'd prefer, you could just say "I'm enjoying being single at the moment." (LIKE EVERY MOMENT!) I see no problem with fudging your history a little, if you want to chat but don't want to elaborate. Just be like "I've dated here and there, but nothing's stuck."
  25. I guess quite similar to what you shared about the worst thing that could happen when sex-averse/repulsed asexuals are invalidated (though maybe not as extreme): we’d go back to feeling fundamentally broken, like outsiders again. I can’t speak for others but to me, whilst I can certainly enjoy the act of sex under the right circumstances, it still feels alien to me. As such, whilst I can easily pass as heterosexual should I feel like it, I know deep down I am different and I probably had just as big an “aha!” moment as more repulsed asexuals has when they first found AVEN. So we’re in this together, and I for one really like it when we can have civil conversations about our similarities and our differences 😊👍 ☹️👎
  26. Can I ask if you ever feel lonely or does other friendships and family fulfill you. As someone who is older and has a very dear friend who is a widow she feels lonely but not enough to look for a second love. She doesn’t consider her self asexual just not worth the effort at 55.
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