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  2. I’ve bitten my cats but would never lick one. Ew. So much hair. Some people are definitely more into licking and/or sniffing than others. I don’t think it divides along ace/sexual lines, sadly, because a lick test is pleasing in its simplicity. I loooooove ice cream but hate licking it. Spoon only!
  3. I wouldn't dare, his name was Bouncer and he acted like one.
  4. Glenninindy

    Sad ordinary story..

    Did you Tell him the truth? Did you Say to him,, listen to me, I love you, but I am feeling like I am not good enough for you because you do not make love to me, and when you do, I can feel you are not really into doing it. I feel very sad about this. I really need to be fulfilled as a woman sexually by you. This is not good for me to feel this way, but I need to express my feelings. Listen, you do not know me, but I have been loved by quite a few very remarkable and beautiful women in my life. who felt like you, Even though they were very intelligent and beautiful, I could not help it. I still loved them very, very, much, I was devastated when they finally left me, but they really needed express love in a sexual way. So this has nothing to do with you not being good enough, because he will do this to everyone after awhile. This is his issue and not yours. Maybe he is like some people who cannot get turned-on until they meet someone new they are attracted to, and then, once again, gradually lose interest. Even though you are not doing sex, he should still be making you feel good about yourself, and being loving to you in other ways, You also may have a problem with low self-esteem and depression from before you knew him. In conclusion, I hope, in time, that you meet someone who will gladly offer you the physical closeness that you need to feel better about yourself.
  5. Anthracite_Impreza

    Wanting sex as a asexual

    Alright, why don't we go the other way round? If you feel something would be missing in your life without having (or having had) sex, you're sexual. If you don't feel something would be missing from not having (had) sex, you're ace.
  6. TheAP

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

  7. jay williams

    Kink, BDSM, and Cake

    I have a feeling that zillions of people feel this way. I know I have, and I do. The "universal" advice is to find an alt group in your area and go to their meetings that they call "munches."
  8. ryn2

    Wanting sex as a asexual

    People who intrinsically enjoy partnered sex derive benefits from it those who do not enjoy it intrinsically don’t derive.
  9. nameinagame

    Deprecation warning on some pages

    Pages you can access from the links at the top of https://www.asexuality.org reveal a deprecation warning, which looks a tad naff. Would be great if it could be suppressed. Picture: Examples of where I see this: https://www.asexuality.org/?q=general.html https://www.asexuality.org/?q=overview.html https://www.asexuality.org/?q=guidelines.html (etc.) I see this on desktop and mobile.
  10. Dreamsexual

    Wanting sex as a asexual

    Or perhaps rephrased: want intrinsically goods X via instrumental action Y, whereby if either Y or X was removed/ replaced they would suffer felt loss.
  11. ...temporarily. you dont really know what goes on behind closed doors tho, do you? looking at many long married couples in my family from the outside you could say the exact same things, and yet they behave like animals behind closed doors and (mostly) not in the sexual sense. you dont really know if theres cheating or worse going on or not because people can be very discreet about these things when you are seeing only from the outside. i dont expect that at all. some people unfortunately see that as lacking love for them and as frigidity or as you being a boring, emotionally stunted person i dont think all relationships are like this just those based on sexual attraction. for whatever reason people prefer those over stable ones, so go figure. i often wonder if i should start behaving like a sex crazed basket case if i ever want to be in a relationship. it would be as soul numbing as prostitution but so is being alone.
  12. Vårin


    Thanks for showing an interesting in this. I REALLY appreciate it honestly. I get back to this. Wanna start a website with information about this stuff. How to improve life by knowing psychology Gonna call it WONDERIST...or something. Play on the words: WONDER and scienTIST. Right now I am working on myself tho. Seems I have some fears in me that at times make me say thing that come of the wrong way and has the opposite effect. I only wanna help so I have to make sure my heart is as pure at it gets. Hope I see you again when I have planned all this.
  13. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    This sounds like a good, albeit sad, end to a long life.
  14. The Terrible Travis

    Are you closeted or "out"?

    I'm in a middle ground between the two. I don't hide it, but I never really "came out" either. I just don't really see any point in announcing to people "hey everyone, just letting you know, I don't want to fuck anyone!" lol.
  15. ryn2

    Wanting sex as a asexual

    It’s not so much confusion (for me); it’s that it excludes people who consider themselves ace and includes people others don’t consider ace. That would imply one of two things; the people in question are wrong, or the definition is flawed. Until we can be sure it’s not the latter, it’s risky to claim the former. I think we can still make a distinction here. Sexual people want sex and its benefits (the ones that - for them - are part of the package, like pleasure and closeness, and potentially the extrinsic ones as well); asexual people who opt to have sex want its benefits (the extrinsic ones; they often don’t experience the intrinsic ones) despite having to engage in sex to get them.
  16. Hi all, I’m going to be straight with you - I’m terrified. But, I’ve come to this crossroads in life and I figure it’s time to deal with the big, grey, looming storm that is my sexuality, or lack of one. And I’ve been reading, researching, and meditating over this for a good while now. Until a YouTube video sent me here, and after reading everything again I figure I need to TALK - or y’know type as we do in the modern age lol - to others who might be able to help me sort through the confusion. So THANK YOU if you’ve got this far. I’m a writer & author by trade...I’ll ramble...sorry. I believe I may be asexual. And I believe there’s a number of deductions I can make to support this. Firstly I haven't been in, or desired any sexual relationship for 11 years. The last most recent person I tried to date came on way too strong and I was left a crying, distressed mess. I also find that when I’ve tried to date - which is not every often - I can’t understand the expectation. It distresses me to the point I clam up and go silent. Which usually leads to the other person getting angry, frustrated, or confused. So I’ve blamed myself. Of course I crave a connection with a partner, but not with sex. The only sexual experience I had with a partner was eleven years ago. Even then I didn’t need it. In fact it was often a stressful experience for me. But I loved my partner and wanted them to enjoy being intimate - and hoped with time I could learn to enjoy it too. Sometimes I did. But I found these times connected to intimacy - and the act of sex had nothing to do with the joy I had of just. being close to this person I loved. This is where the confusion set in for me. I couldn’t get that connection again. Or, the people I dated were leaping in to have sex and I was NOT ready for that. I tried to explain, “just give me time,” or, “I’m not there in this relationship yet.” Unfortunately, they still read this as okay to continue, what I call “sexualised touch.” You know what I mean? The kissing and the stroking that they hope will eventually lead to your arousal or interest in going further. Only, I couldn’t relax. The more they tried the more stressed I became. So inevitably I ended it. I actually ran out of a nightclub after a person i’d been dating attempted to “dirty dance” and whisper suggestions to me. They followed me to a cab I’d hailed and where so apologetic, but I was too stressed to go there. I told them I couldn’t give them what they wanted and left. In hindsight it was funny and we remained somewhat friends for awhile but I could tell they wanted more. And as much as tried I couldn’t. They ended up making out with a close friend of mine, and they told me they’d did it to get a reaction - notably they got none, only a “well you can both see yourself out” response. But, again more hurt. Even my friends where testing me. Another friend laughed over dinner a few years later, “oh honey, you don’t know what’ it’s like to be in a real relationship. With a person who makes you feel like a goddess. You don’t get to take part in this conversation.” It was a convo about sex with their partners. I was humiliated and left wondering was that true, did my lack of sexual experience nullify my relationships? Was I not worthy to sit at the table & eat with my girlfriends. To be included in their conversations? I knew what sex was but I didn’t equate it to intimacy - was I supposed too? I found writing not long after this. And found out I was a very good writer. And this is where my confusion got worse. I enjoy writing romance - not erotica - but romance that explores intimacy. I may write a love scene but the mechanics are always about the connection. And then I thought...well, am I sexual? But I’d continue to be distressed in real life at the prospect. So, then I inevitably got asked - how do you write such good romance and sex scenes without experiencing it? I always answer with the fact that romance is usually a secondary plot in any of my stories and the sex scenes few & far between, usually not prioritised at all by the characters. But then I feel frustrated over WHY I should defend my art? Is it not possible for an asexual to write like that? Then maybe I’m not asexual? I honestly don’t have an answer for that, if someone reading this does I’d really appreciate insight. All in all I’ve come to this point because I’m tired of feeling unworthy, or less than. I love myself enough to feel it’s my right to express myself in the way that’s right for me. I’ll turn 30 at the start of next year. I’m a beautiful, intelligent woman. I’m creative and strong. I’ve a powerful literary voice. But deep down I’ve carried this pain over my sexuality, or lack of, and I believe if I can learn to love that part of me. To understand it, and reach out to others who can help me be this vulnerable, then I’ll heal enough to go out there and build the relationships I deserve, with confidence and no more shame. Thank you for taking the time to read. It’s been cathartic enough to write. I do invite anyone to share their thoughts. The more I understand the more I can process. Love & blessings Cee
  17. Yoruka

    • Yoruka
    • Toothlesss




  18. Hi everyone, Could anyone please explain the difference between Greygender and Demigender? To me it sounds quite similar. Thanks in advance for your replies.☺️
  19. Yoruka


    I'm too invested in Stray Kids to recognise my friend group and others are leaning towards the belief I'm gay.



    1. Duke Memphis

      Duke Memphis

      A lot of the people in my high school class thought the same about me. They could've just asked me to know for sure.

  20. Yoruka

    How do I know for sure?

    I'm not fully qualified to suggest anything, but have you considered aro-spec?
  21. As an American AFAB person what Rose describes has not been my experience. Some of that is probably generational, but it may also be geography (as I asked a few younger friends and it didn’t resonate with them either). Not in any way implying that it isn’t true for Rose; just pointing out that America is a big, diverse place and there isn’t an overarching “American female experience.”
  22. PaganUnicorn

    Attachment Styles

    This is not quite the same as the attachment styles. attachment styles are this https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship Mine is the dismissive-avoidant right down to a T
  23. Anthracite_Impreza

    Wanting sex as a asexual

    To most people, yeah, but should we ever get any new objectum/ficto etc. members (as we have done many times before), then they can read being to mean non-(real)humans too. It's like writing 'all' genders rather than 'both'. Sure, most people are male/female, and it won't affect them, but including the few percent who aren't is a good thing to do.
  24. washing your hands with cynicism seems like a really fun way of saying you have things to add to the conversation, when you don't. if ya wanna say "Dad's already shot the gun and Jr's already got his grave dug, nothin' I can do" is...fine, I guess. but don't hang out with feet on either side of the kitchen door. late capitalism's number one export is apathy, I know. (I've got it too!) learn the language of anyone who thinks they need to kill you specifically. if you say the system that keeps us currently alive is just hostage takers guess who gets stockholm syndrome. no, we can't butcher our own cows and grow our own corn suddenly anymore. or if we can, I'm stuck with them unconcerned doomsayers that'll be dead weight in dredging a solution. I think we can grow within the skeleton we have without breaking too many of them. that mass production as a part of a balanced breakfast can be sustainable and wholesome, both for the consumers and producers, as long as it is more than a competition for profit. but I don't know how to break the hands of the mythos of "People will only work if they are paid" and "buisneses exist to make money" without sounding evil. I mean, making capitalism redundant, building a post-scarcity world on top of it with all sorts of nervous folk thinking capitalism remains as a safety net could work. well, besides having to wrestle artificial and manufactured scarecty into submission. but I don't think we have the time to "Let it happen" so, if about any recipe that is worth it's salt says "Revolution" how we revolution? how do we unify ideals and goals? how do we coagulate into groups from individuals? how do we press against society until it bends? I can't see the way to do that and those other things, and I feel a lot like the most I can do is argue against my apathy which says that is the whole story.
  25. Today
  26. Jade Cross

    Sad ordinary story..

    (what is your native language if you dont mind me asking?) To echo whats been mentioned so far, erections are not always synonimous with wanting sex. They can happen for a number of reasons, none of which are sexual in nature, drying off, cloths causing friction, etc. Sometimes they can appear at random which I can say its rather an umcomfotable situation to be in particularly in a public place because it makes you feel like all eyes are on you. Noone can say for sure if it is a case of an asexual and sexual relationship. Certainly many asexuals go into relationships and have sex out of an idea of it being expected or maintaining the relationship going but have no desire for it because sex isnt a need for asexuals. Its not that we are/cant be attracted to others, simply that the bridge so to speak between "Youre attractive" and "I want to have sex with you because youre attractive" is just not there. Also, the lack of sexual desire doesnt take away any feelings for others.
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