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  2. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @Firefly8 In my experiences of talking with allosexuals, many of whom I've had deep conversations with about relationships and sexuality, they often have found their sexuality to be complicated and very messy. They still wouldn't get rid of it if they could because it's worth the trade-offs for them, but they're often at least somewhat conflicted about those feelings. For a non-personal example, the characters in Bojack Horseman get into all kinds of tough situations because of their libidos. Admittedly that's a show that focuses on messy situations, by and large, but it's also a show that's frequently applauded for its realism. @CBC Well "less complicated" is the word I would use when talking to allosexuals (or non-asexuals? not sure if the meanings are any different). I would say "less-complicated" because it's more abstract and it carries a minimum of emotional and value connotations, and usually when describing psychological phenomenon that's the tone I go for. In this case though it seemed a rare (for me) opportunity to talk to other people who actually share the feeling and for whom I don't have to be merely technical, I can also convey my personal feelings about it. And to technically describe why it feels emotionally "clean" to me I'd say it's for the simple reason that my ace lifestyle doesn't have a lot of things that I don't want it to have. To wax philosophical this seems to be what people mean by clean generally: there's usually nothing actually wrong with the things that make something "not clean". People don't mind dirt they just want it in their garden or on the bottom of their shoes, not the top. A stain on a shirt is just soup or coffee - things people like - they just didn't want them on their shirt. So to recap, I quite agree that "uncomplicated" would have the same meaning without connotations of feeling, and if you're thinking that saying "clean" is a little exclusionary, I suppose I'd agree with you. But...there are so many ways that allosexuals can be exclusionary and often are (not saying you're being that way), and everywhere in life I'm careful not to offend allosexuals by implying there's anything nice about the way I'm different. Always having to act like there's nothing I like about being asexual because that would make people uncomfortable and because it's more palatable to society if existence in some weird minority is merely a curse, without any blessing. Right now it would be nice to have this conversation face to face because in text it probably sounds like I'm ranting or angry or even just upset but actually...how to describe it...I'm really at peace with things, I'm sympathetic to the allosexual viewpoint, but...well "wistful" is a good word to describe my feelings about this. Wistful about the difficulties of being able to say "hey here are some things I really like about this".
  3. Um, 55 is older and not worth the effort? 😱 I couldn’t disagree more! 😬 Perspective is a funny thing! 🤣
  4. Starbucks Covfefe

    What do you think about coming out?

    "don't ask don't tell" is how I roll.
  5. Internetlionboy

    Any Aces want to chat?

    Heya! Dinosaurs are amazing even though I'm more of a dragon person myself 😛 He is! My heart belongs to Thor, though ghsdfjsh
  6. Mz Tricky

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for telling Ted he has to dress as a vampire at the Arcade Halloween party.
  7. That needs to be on tee shirts! So much more contemporary then love is blind. yeah I assume my husband had no idea he was asexual. He also has had some trauma he thought wouldn’t matter or affect things.
  8. Pinball Wizard

    Any Aces want to chat?

    Hello! Do you like heavy metal?
  9. Internetlionboy

    What being a sex favorable asexual means to me

    I just want to say that this thread helped me realize that that I'm a sex favorable ace actually ghsdjfh What it means to me is that I like having sex I just don't feel sexual attraction. Also if my bf asked me if we could have sex, then I wouldn't turn it down because I don't mind it at all 😛
  10. Jona Rhys

    What do you think about coming out?

    Well I'd say you "came out" nonetheless. It doesn't have to be dramatic. In an ideal world, coming out would always be this casual or not even necessary. As for your question: I've come out to close friends and family because I wanted them to know. Apart from that nobody needs to know. If somebody asks me about my orientation I will 1. pretend to be straight (rarely, for example in a working environment or if a negative response is likely), 2. give a vague but truthful answer like "I like people" or "Relationships are not my priority" or 3. tell them I'm a biromantic ace (in LGBT+ groups or if I trust them). I've come out to quite a few people so far and it's still a bit scary. Nevertheless I don't like pretending to be someone I'm not. Sometimes I also feel that us aces can do with the publicity. I totally get though that some people don't feel the need to come out. Great! You don't need to come out to anyone.
  11. It's perfectly reasonable to gently shut down conversation that gets too personal. However, if you'd prefer, you could just say "I'm enjoying being single at the moment." (LIKE EVERY MOMENT!) I see no problem with fudging your history a little, if you want to chat but don't want to elaborate. Just be like "I've dated here and there, but nothing's stuck."
  12. I guess quite similar to what you shared about the worst thing that could happen when sex-averse/repulsed asexuals are invalidated (though maybe not as extreme): we’d go back to feeling fundamentally broken, like outsiders again. I can’t speak for others but to me, whilst I can certainly enjoy the act of sex under the right circumstances, it still feels alien to me. As such, whilst I can easily pass as heterosexual should I feel like it, I know deep down I am different and I probably had just as big an “aha!” moment as more repulsed asexuals has when they first found AVEN. So we’re in this together, and I for one really like it when we can have civil conversations about our similarities and our differences 😊👍 ☹️👎
  13. Can I ask if you ever feel lonely or does other friendships and family fulfill you. As someone who is older and has a very dear friend who is a widow she feels lonely but not enough to look for a second love. She doesn’t consider her self asexual just not worth the effort at 55.
  14. Internetlionboy

    Am I lithromantic?

    While lithromantic doesn't fit me as I don't feel romantic attraction at all, you definitely sound like lithro so feel free to use it if that makes you happy!
  15. I avoid the topic and don't go into details or stories at all. I have in the past, but only after becoming close friends with co-workers. I'm now in a new job and feel under a microscope sometimes. I had to tell a co-worker today, who was asking me about any past relationships of mine, that I don't discuss my private life at work. It was a hard stop to the light-hearted conversation, so I feel somewhat bad about being closed off or anti-social in that way. On the other hand, I don't want co-workers knowing I've never been in a relationship and talking/assuming things about me. I guess that can either way, but I don't want to add to it. I don't want to be in a position that I would have to explain and defend my sexuality/romanticism to coworkers. Not everyone in the world understands or is supportive and I just want to feel safe at work, especially at a new job when impressions are being formed. How much do you discuss with your co-workers about your private/sexual/romance life? Do you think I'm right to stop their questioning? Do you have a more congenial way to re-direct these types of personal conversations?
  16. Internetlionboy

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Yeah I think you can just use ace and say if anyone asks that you can only have fantasies in 3rd person. I mean I'm technically cupioromantic and cupiosexual as I don't experience either romantic or sexual attraction but I just use oriented aroace and just aroace as that's the label that makes me the most happiest. But if aegosexuality makes you happy, feel free to use it as I think it's ok when people find comfort in specific labels if it makes them happy and it's able to describe their feelings more clearly but that's just my opinion ghsdfhjfhd
  17. SCelyton

    Am I lithromantic?

    This thread is so, if not reassuring to me, at least it feels good to hear that my feelings/experiences are shared by others. Reading the definition of lithromantic, I felt confused by the "don't want it reciprocated" because I absolutely DO want it reciprocated....in the hypothetical daydream world. But I'll back out of anything romantic because of various past....bad experiences, I hesitate to say trauma. So I thought "Well I'm not quite lithromantic, I'm just broken." I don't know what to do about it because it feels like the side of me that wants a relationship, and the side of me that wants no human contact and ten dogs, are constantly fighting.
  18. If someone asks me point blank my orientation I would tell them. However, being 57, it is not a question that comes up any more in my age circle. I really have no reason to go around advertising. Being heteroromantic and dressing my biological gender does not make anyone question me. There are plenty of lifelong bachelor men my age.
  19. RakshaTheCat

    Milk

    Hmm, wouldn't it taste similar? I don't know, but whoever can produce their own milk, could try it side by side and compare.
  20. theV0ID

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Do you feel that having a highly specific label like anegosexual is really necessary? Can you not be satisfied with merely considering yourself asexual until proven otherwise? I know many people seem to get value from these super specific preference or behaviour labels but I've never seen the point myself. Technically I would be classed as anego/autochori but I've never seen the point of identifying as anything other than asexual. It's not like anyone else cares what I fantasise about and having a specific label which only a tiny percent of people know the meaning of is the opposite of useful for communication.
  21. Internetlionboy

    Maybe I'm autochorissexual...?

    Yeah you sound like autochorissexual but only you can decide if you want to use that for yourself and especially since you're young that it can change, too and that's ok!
  22. Cole's Username

    Milk

    I'm more of a thick milk kinda guy
  23. Thanks, I feel a bit more at peace reading that and what you suggested is a good idea.Thought I still don't think I will end up having a crush, I wont deny it could change because I'm still young.
  24. I edited my first post to add (and maybe you missed it, not your fault), why go with 'clean' then? Why not something like 'complicated'? (And of course, complicated in only that one specific way; obviously asexuals can face all the other same complications in life that sexuals do. And being asexual comes with its own complications.)
  25. bare_trees

    Would you have sex with a stranger for $10 000? (You choose sex, age, etc.)

    My instinct is "NO WAY," but I guess it's how you define "sex." If we're talking penis in vagina or penis in anus...there's no way. I guess I might agree to giving a stranger a blow job for a million bucks, if my partner was ok with it.
  26. Firefly8

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    I don't feel that way, no. I think because I don't assume most sexual peoples' lives would feel, in their perspective, any more or less complicatetd. I get that for an ace or demi that when imagining those feelings they would assume them to be confusing or a burden, but I don't think if you really had them it would be that way at all.
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