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  2. Internetlionboy

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Yeah I think you can just use ace and say if anyone asks that you can only have fantasies in 3rd person. I mean I'm technically cupioromantic and cupiosexual as I don't experience either romantic or sexual attraction but I just use oriented aroace and just aroace as that's the label that makes me the most happiest. But if aegosexuality makes you happy, feel free to use it as I think it's ok when people find comfort in specific labels if it makes them happy and it's able to describe their feelings more clearly but that's just my opinion ghsdfhjfhd
  3. SCelyton

    Am I lithromantic?

    This thread is so, if not reassuring to me, at least it feels good to hear that my feelings/experiences are shared by others. Reading the definition of lithromantic, I felt confused by the "don't want it reciprocated" because I absolutely DO want it reciprocated....in the hypothetical daydream world. But I'll back out of anything romantic because of various past....bad experiences, I hesitate to say trauma. So I thought "Well I'm not quite lithromantic, I'm just broken." I don't know what to do about it because it feels like the side of me that wants a relationship, and the side of me that wants no human contact and ten dogs, are constantly fighting.
  4. If someone asks me point blank my orientation I would tell them. However, being 57, it is not a question that comes up any more in my age circle. I really have no reason to go around advertising. Being heteroromantic and dressing my biological gender does not make anyone question me. There are plenty of lifelong bachelor men my age.
  5. RakshaTheCat


    Hmm, wouldn't it taste similar? I don't know, but whoever can produce their own milk, could try it side by side and compare.
  6. theV0ID

    A question on Aegosexuality

    Do you feel that having a highly specific label like anegosexual is really necessary? Can you not be satisfied with merely considering yourself asexual until proven otherwise? I know many people seem to get value from these super specific preference or behaviour labels but I've never seen the point myself. Technically I would be classed as anego/autochori but I've never seen the point of identifying as anything other than asexual. It's not like anyone else cares what I fantasise about and having a specific label which only a tiny percent of people know the meaning of is the opposite of useful for communication.
  7. Internetlionboy

    Maybe I'm autochorissexual...?

    Yeah you sound like autochorissexual but only you can decide if you want to use that for yourself and especially since you're young that it can change, too and that's ok!
  8. Cole's Username


    I'm more of a thick milk kinda guy
  9. Thanks, I feel a bit more at peace reading that and what you suggested is a good idea.Thought I still don't think I will end up having a crush, I wont deny it could change because I'm still young.
  10. I edited my first post to add (and maybe you missed it, not your fault), why go with 'clean' then? Why not something like 'complicated'? (And of course, complicated in only that one specific way; obviously asexuals can face all the other same complications in life that sexuals do. And being asexual comes with its own complications.)
  11. bare_trees

    Would you have sex with a stranger for $10 000? (You choose sex, age, etc.)

    My instinct is "NO WAY," but I guess it's how you define "sex." If we're talking penis in vagina or penis in anus...there's no way. I guess I might agree to giving a stranger a blow job for a million bucks, if my partner was ok with it.
  12. Firefly8

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    I don't feel that way, no. I think because I don't assume most sexual peoples' lives would feel, in their perspective, any more or less complicatetd. I get that for an ace or demi that when imagining those feelings they would assume them to be confusing or a burden, but I don't think if you really had them it would be that way at all.
  13. Internetlionboy

    What do you think about coming out?

    I've only came out to my bf and a couple of my best friends but honestly I'll come out to anyone that asks about it if they aren't going to hurt me or anything 😛
  14. fragglerock

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    @CBC Sorry for any confusion. I don't mean clean as a person. I mean that when I think about what it sounds like to be allosexual some part of me appreciates not having all that extra stuff in my life, or all that extra stuff going around in my head. @Grimalkin Yeah there's definitely some downsides to be asexual. I felt like making a post about some of the upsides, or to be really technical, at least the perception of upsides. And yeah good point about emotional cheating. I guess it hasn't come up for me, but at least the absence of sexual cheating means one less way to worry about cheating.
  15. SCelyton

    Questioning my romantic orientation

    Well that's getting off to a bad start. Let it be weird. Scare them off, who cares what they think, it's your mental health, happiness and safety that comes first. It does sound like you're making progress in transforming your relationship to be less stifling and less "commitment" which would be healthier for you. I can sympathise with that need. And with the depression. Here to talk more if you want/need it. 💚
  16. I just want to let you know that platonic attraction can be as intense as romantic attraction so that's also a possibility! I think my little blurb could help you on what lead me to finally use aro for myself or maybe not who knows. While I love dating and everything about romance, I never really saw any of my partners differently like how most people that aren't on the aromantic spectrum describe dating their significant others. I just saw them as best friends and I didn't even know that there was a difference between romantic and platonic, I just thought they go hand in hand and I liked being affectionate with them so I thought that meant I was alloromantic. I only felt platonic attraction to all of them including my current bf. Honestly I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give you but you can definitely try out aro for yourself just to see how it feels! I wish you luck ;v;
  17. Piper Dragon

    Piper Dragon

    My teacher: How is everyone today?

    Me: Sick and depressed, so overall not so good.

    Everyone in the class: . . . . . . . . . . .

  18. MegantheDreamer

    Anyone using Tinder since they added 'Asexual' as a possible orientation?

    I’ve definitely tried many dating apps - I did try Tinder for a time before I realized that I was ace and before they added the option. I usually managed to avoid the people who would straight out ask for hook-ups thankfully. I met my current partner on bumble actually (which doesn’t have an asexual option) and it’s been going well. It definitely took a lot of time and patience on the apps but you never know. I also always made it a point to bring up sexuality in some way on the first date. I didn’t necessarily always tell them that first date but I tried to get a feeling to gauge if they would be open to it and if I though they would be open to it I would tell them - if not there was no second date.
  19. Grimalkin

    Does asexuality feel clean to you?

    Meh, I dunno. Sometimes I'd like to experience all the passionate mess that is human sexuality. I'd love to be swept away in it the way my partner is sometimes. Also, let's not forget about emotional cheating! Aces can still cheat, even if it's not sexual.
  20. I'm sexual and I haven't experienced most of that stuff and I'm uhh... clean? I don't even know what you mean by that. Edit: why not choose a word like 'complicated' if that's what you mean? What's with 'clean'?
  21. I don't feel erased by the attraction definition itself. I just think it's too vague, because the term 'sexual attraction' is often misunderstood and narrowly interpreted. If sex only means PiV, oral and anal, excluding all the rest, and sexual attraction only means "I look at someone's naked body, get turned on and think 'I want to have sex with that,'" excluding all other forms of sexual attraction, then half the world's population can identify as asexual, rendering the word effectively meaningless. I agree, and yes, there should be room for both of our experiences within asexuality. I'm noticing that written articles tend to erase mine, while people on AVEN tend to erase yours. On AVEN you can respond and call someone out on their shit. I can't do that with these articles, and they will reach far more people than any AVEN poster could ever hope to. Can you see how that is incredibly frustrating, and makes us feel powerless? While I don't agree with people telling those who use the attraction definition that they're not ace, I do think this frustration is why they're acting out. When most articles on asexuality say that most asexuals still pursue sex to experience physical pleasure or to feel closer to their partner, you bet I feel erased. When those same articles insist that asexuals are not afraid of sex, so 'don't worry it's not a disorder', heck yeah I feel erased. (First three articles that popped up when I googled 'asexual' all did this.) When most people on ace dating websites still expect sex in a romantic relationship, I feel erased, betrayed, lost, alone, broken, hopeless. If ace places aren't for people like me, where else am I supposed to go? If the term 'asexuality' is appropriated and changed to actively exclude people like me, to the point of implying that there is something wrong with me for never wanting sex (like OP did), then I feel like I'm back to where I started before I found the term asexuality. I can't even express how that makes me feel. Anger and indignation are definitely in the mix. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ So the truth is I do feel threatened by people like @gray-a girl, who want to push people like me outside of the definition of asexuality and back into this: I've been called all of those things and more. I haven't been through any type of conversion therapy, but my mom did want to send me to the doctor to fix it when I came out to her as ace, and I seriously considered going for over a year. Thank gosh a friend convinced me not to. But there are aces who've gotten pills to fix their 'issue.' And there isn't only conversion therapy, there's also corrective rape, which I was also very close to experiencing, though I fortunately escaped it. (He was so drunk he fell asleep within seconds, though I was still locked inside his apartment. The next day he thankfully changed his mind and decided I fell into the 'innocent child that you pat on the head'- category, rather than the 'confused inexperienced babe who I will convince sex is awesome'- category, so I got away fairly okay.) I need the word asexuality to include me (obviously among others, there's room for diversity), and I need it to be taken seriously, because the shit I wrote above has to stop sooner rather than later. So if someone tries to push me out of it, that means I get pushed back into pathologization and mandatory sexuality. That doesn't just make me feel erased, it makes me feel like my future, and the future of younger aces like me, is under full frontal attack. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ The hearts mean the same thing as in my previous post. React to it all you want, but don't use it to tell me what I am.
  22. Yeah I’ve had problems with glasses sliding off. I mostly wear contacts now, but once in a while I’ll either forget to put them in or I won’t have time to put them in while I’m getting ready for work so I wear the spare glasses I keep in my bag, and I have to keep pushing them back on my face to keep them from sliding off. It can get pretty infuriating.
  23. When I started to hit puberty, I had a lot of sexual fantasies. Today,it's rare,but it happens. But I never had this in first person perspective. I was seeing myself,but it was more like I was watching from third person perspective(almost always with fictional people). I thought it is normal and common for all sexual people, I just couldn't imagine in first person myself having sex. Until some time ago I didn't know,that it's a name for it. Even when I watched porn, I wasn't attracted to actors,just never. Also,I never really had desire to engage in this kind of activity.
  24. This post is about some of the nice things that can come with asexuality. I'm not antisexual or taking an elitist approach - many of the people I most respect and admire are allosexual - but I felt like talking about some of the upsides to asexuality, the things I'm grateful for as a result of being the way I am. It's obviously not something I can easily talk to allosexuals about or that they'd relate to. For me personally, the thing I most appreciate about asexuality is the sense of cleanliness I get from it. I know this feeling isn't universal but I figure some people here share it. I don't mean a purity, especially not a moral or spiritual purity. I mean a kind of lifestyle cleanliness. So many things I don't have to worry about or be distracted by or spend time working on. To a lot of allosexuals this sounds like I'm "just not getting laid" and it's sour grapes. It's nice to have a place where people understand that really isn't the case. Some of the things that make asexuality feel pleasantly "clean" to me: Not having to apply willpower or effort to resist sexual temptation Not being distracted by sexual thoughts and feelings Not having to spend a huge amount of time on personal appearance and buying clothes and going out to bars or spending time on Tinder in order to get a physical need met. I'm romantic so there can be similar motivations for pursuing romance but I don't also have sexual needs that I need to constantly fulfill. Anecdote: I easily overheat with close-fitting clothes so I told a roommate I prefer boxers to boxer briefs. He said "yeah, but women really like boxer briefs" and I chuckled and said that was fine. (If I got into a relationship and they cared I could switch but I don't have to worry about turning off a casual partner.) Not worrying about career damage or blackmail (probably a fanciful concern) from private sexual activities coming to light. I suppose asexuality can harm a reputation a little but I don't have to worry about people having pictures or recollections of me hiring sex workers or having affairs. (I realize that not all asexuals are celibate or have been, I'm not antisexual and I don't think less of people for sexual behavior unless they're being immoral with it, but I'm guessing most asexuals never have to worry about this.) Never feeling temptation to (sexually) cheat, and being able to offer security to a partner that it's never going to happen. Possibly a contentious point, but not feeling sexual shame. I know some people are ashamed of their asexuality but it's worth remembering that a lot of allosexuals are ashamed of their sexual feelings. I've known a lot of allosexuals who've really struggled with that. I'll end with a little ditty I've always liked and I find widely applicable to life in general:
  25. Internetlionboy

    Questioning my gender

    Also there are actually trans people that are ok with their body and their dysphoria don't always have to be like strong or distressing. They can get euphoria from identifying as the gender they are and when others refer them with the pronouns they prefer! I used to identify as a trans guy myself and that's how my dysphroia was, now I just use nonbinary because my gender identity is too mind boggling for me 😛 I wish you luck on your questioning journey!
  26. Tunhope

    A question on Aegosexuality

    The words themselves define the situation. Anegosexual ( from Latin) : no ego or 'I' . Autochorissexual ( from Greek) : self (auto) apart (chori) So I would think that if a person participates in the fantasy, they are not anegosexual or autochorissexual. It's not about whether or not they would act the fantasy out. It's about their role ( or rather their lack of role) in the fantasy. Thank you for posting the extract @Laurann
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