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  2. Actually, no. I think there are definitely sex repulsed asexuals that really are asexual and sex repulsed. And that do not have a mental illness. I do think, however, that there are people here who are using asexuality as a way to deal with their phobia more than anything else. I never would have even thought this, though, if I hadn't seen some people talking about some of the anxiety and phobia symptoms they experience.
  3. There is. First, you'll see your name at the top left of the screen. Click, and then go to account settings. Screencap here: Then, on the left, click on Account Name, and it will bring up a box you can change your name in. Screencap here:
  4. Alejandrogynous

    What being a sex favorable asexual means to me

    That's a nifty little way to never have to examine your own beliefs, just assume anyone who questions you must be mentally ill and thus anything they say is invalid. Sure seems less stressful than having to consider what other people are actually saying.
  5. Yeah, you have to click on your username in the top right corner, go to Account Settings, and then to Display Name.
  6. Technically I am gray- a not because I'm sex favorable, but because I know what attraction is supposed to feel like, but I can count on one hand the number of times I've experienced it. But, it's how I know I'm not sexual. I know what its supposed to feel like. And actually, some of those may have been more kink focused than person focused, its hard to remember since it was so long ago. But it's been over ten years since I've felt attraction to anyone. So, while technically if you look at my whole life, gray-a fits better, I find asexuality in general to be a more useful definition because it is how I am now. Plus, allosexual people understand asexuality better than gray-a. I do need to inform anyone I date, that I am asexual, so that they don't get confused about the way I react the way I do or why I interact with them the way I do. And also so I don't have to continually pretend to be turned on by things that don't turn me on. I used to do that ALL the time, its almost become a habit, but its one I'm trying to break. It's true that I don't have the problem of denying a sexual sex, because I don't want it. (And essentially forcing any sexual people I date into celibacy or to look for a third partner). That's not an issue for me. That must be a hard predicament to be in, for sure. But I do have other kinds of problems, like not being turned on by things that should be turning me on. And actually, its not really a lack of libido. I do have a low libido now (probably, hopefully, do to lack of use) but even when my libido was much higher, I still wasn't turned on by people, only kink. And generally speaking, kink is just not easy to do by yourself. But you know, it's ok. It's pretty nasty for so many people on here to invalidate someones orientation, but you know what? I don't care. I don't need to be upset about it anymore. You can say I'm sexual all you want, it doesn't make it true. So I will just ignore people like that. There are plenty of people on here who do respect my orientation.
  7. Goonie

    I'm Confused...

    welcome to aven sriracharamen I hope you find out who you are without a lot of pain. I know for me there are times self discovery is one of the more painful things for me to go through and accept. I used to get questioned a lot about when I'd start dating, or when I'd get married. Then I was so boring they just gave up. If a label helps you be more confident in yourself, then feel free to apply a label that works best for you in this moment. I find that often in my own life, labels are attached with velcro and can be removed as I learn more about myself. I can be a complicated creature especially when emotions are involved. I find labels are there to help me guide myself on the journeys I am on. AVEN's full of personal stories that can help guide you to determine what label works best for you. Sometime's it also helps to eliminate what labels definitely don't work for you.
  8. Hi! Is there any way we can change our username? I'd like to change mine to "thequietone"
  9. argar

    Word association game

    Trojan Horse
  10. @gray-a girl Lots of people have difficulties with intimacy, relationships, libido... asexuality is not the cause of them most of the time. Asexuality is at the extreme end of sexuality, where it stops existing. There's nothing wrong with however you want to identify, anyway. i mean, I assume you identify as graysexual, anyway, which isn't the same as asexual and makes a lot more sense for what you're trying to communicate.
  11. NordicNoir

    Word association game

    Generous
  12. Oh yeah, it's fine for you to do it, but if anyone else does it to you, they're just being insecure.
  13. ANYONE who gets their orientation invalidated, is going to be upset.
  14. By saying I am sexual, you are basically saying that all the issues I had, well... there was no reason for them. Maybe I had no issues, no difficulties. You are invalidating the problems I have had in dating, because of my lack of attraction. PLUS you are very arrogent.
  15. STOP FRIGGIN INVALIDATING ME YOU.....$$$$! I AM SO FRIGGIN SICK OF IT! It does have value to me. So shut the mess up, go home and do something else. I am tired of repeating myself as to why it has value. Obviously you have some issues because you are not reading what I am saying. I don't know why I even bother with this website. Gay people are more accepting of me. You are not hurting my feelings, you are pissing me off. Because you are so rude and arrogent to tell people how to identify. How many times can i say? I have had problems dating because of a lack of sexual attraction. Are you just not defining asexuality as a lack of sexual attraction? Does that not compute for you? Hence why I say, something isn't right for you, because if you only define asexuality as a lack of interest in sexual activity, then perhaps you are not asexual.
  16. @gray-a girl Look, no one wants to hurt your feelings. It's just not easy to hear things that make no sense and not say something about it. In fact, I'm saying these things to you because I actually think it could help. If you pursue sex, calling yourself asexual has no real value to you.
  17. I am not putting ALL sex-repulsed asexuals into this argument. I think there are some, that really just get mildy grossed out of sex. But, I have met and read stuff from people, here and elsewhere, where they are saying "I am terrified of sex" or "My heart races when I think of sex" or "I vomit just from looking at a picture of genitalia". THAT is a phobia. Being grossed out by sexual parts, but not experiencing these symptoms, (truly sex repulsed) is not the same as this. Sexual organs can be kind of gross, especially when fluids are involved. But having phobic symptoms is a different story.
  18. I am nasty about this because I HAVE BEEN INVALIDATED SO MANY TIMES ON THIS SITE. AGAIN YOU JUST DID IT. Only insecure people will invalidate others, (unless in my case, its just a bit of tit for tat.) I do not look down on sexual people. Why would I? Actually I am envious of them. I think they get more out of relationships than I do. I wish I was sexual. It does matter, because, how I react and act in a relationship is not what is expected of people. Things that would turn me on if I were sexual, are just not doing it. I also need to know this for myself, so that I can date, and not expect something that won't happen. There are things in the LGBT community, especially in the trans/ gender identity area, that I just do not understand, it does not make sense to me. But I would never dare tell the person that they are not how they feel, that their identity is wrong. How can I know what their life is like? I can't, I'm not them. They have a reason for identifying the way they do, so I respect that, even if I don't understand it. I only wish people on this site would treat me like this. You don't have to understand my experiences, heck you don't even have to agree with them in your head, but you do need to be respectful and not invalidate my experiences and my orientation. So am I nasty about this? You bet I am. And no, I do not think you are confident, otherwise, why attack someone else's identity? Or maybe its arrogance. You think you know better than me. You don't even know what I look like, but you can decide what my orientation is. If that isn't the epitome of arrogance, I don't know what is. But arrogance, they say, is deep down, insecurity.
  19. That is literally what the "no true Scotsman" fallacy is.
  20. I am not doing that. I am basing my argument that people who attack my asexuality are not really asexual, because a) thats what insecure people do and b) they are defining asexuality as a lack of an interest in sexual activity/orgasming, rather than a lack of sexual attraction. If they defined it as a lack of sexual attraction, by identity as asexual would not be invalidated or attacked.
  21. @gray-a girl lol You should have read some of my old posts before making such a claim, for you have made yourself look silly! I'm not sex repulsed. Or nudity adverse or can't get aroused or have some mental problem or whatever nonsense you'll pull out of your hat NEXT. Truth is, I'm one of those "gold star" type asexuals... you know, healthy, good looking, well adjusted, fuck, I'm MARRIED... and obviously I have bangin self esteem lol yadda yadda I just don't have any sexual needs or interests. Which, GUESS WHAT, means I choose not to have sex. They say this is because I lack sexual attraction. How do you know? Because you don't enjoy sex with people you aren't sexually attracted to. It's a pretty 1+ 1 = 2 type situation. Or else people would be having sex with people they aren't attracted to all the time and there would be no INCEL community. And a whole HELL of a lot more incest. Anyway, you're taking a crazy amount of offense to all of this for no reason. I don't care if you identify as asexual. There just doesn't seem to be any point to doing so for you, since your lifestyle choices are more like those of sexual people. It seems like it would be of much greater benefit to you to identify as a sexual person. Also, you've been a bit nasty about all of this, which makes me suspect you have some sort of aversion to being thought of as a sexual person. Which makes me think you actually look DOWN on sexuality. Well, there's ain't nothing wronnnnnnnnnng with a little bump n griiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind as long as I'm not in it lol it's like trying to jerk off a table or a stool or something for me.
  22. Today
  23. Let me all say, the desperateness that you all attack my identity as, only goes to show how terrified you are of me being right: That you have a phobia and are not really asexual. And I do want to say this, to people who are sex repulsed and are not experiencing phobic symptoms, I am not talking about you in any of this. But I suspect you'd be more likely to be respectful of my own identity, even if you can't understand it, because you would not be so desperately trying to avoid the thing you are phobic of. The problem with me saying that some people are masking what is a phobia with the label of asexuality? Because maybe, just maybe, the idea comes across that you'd have to deal with your phobia and you just don't want to, it's too terrifying. Plus, the idea of having a mental illness, in your mind, make you feel like a bad person, or like you're broken, etc. Truth is, thats just stigma talking. If you have an anxiety disorder like a phobia of sex, there is nothing wrong with you as a person! Many great people have anxiety disorders. It doesn't make you any less of a person. The other truth? If you can find other asexual people to date, or you are aromantic, you really don't have to deal with your phobia. It's not like having a phobia of something like driving. I only say, you may be missing out, not only because sexual stuff can be fun, but also because (more importantly) it is very difficult to date people who are ok with not having sex. So even more than sex being fun or not, you are limiting yourself to a much smaller pool of people. Why do this if you don't need to? But, I suppose if you're fear is that terrible, you'd rather limit yourself. Thats what phobias can do to people. Of course, if you are aromantic, then you're all set, you have no need to tackle this, and I'd say, why even bother overcoming the phobia if you are aromantic? There is no need.
  24. A lot of people are saying some pretty important things here, especially about the questionable effectiveness of therapy if you can't trust your therapist to not judge you. I'm not seeing a therapist or anything right now, but I'm window shopping. I've promised myself that when I finally do get to that first appointment that I'd disclose three things: that I'm asexual, aromantic, and will never be interested in having a family. It sounds aberrant and kinda rude, but I plan to say that if they have an issue with any of those three things to tell me right away so I don't waste anyone's time and can find someone else. I'm not interested in having a stranger pathologize my behaviour. They don't need to understand any of these things, but if they can't empathize then they're not worth paying $100+ an hour for. Just my two cents.
  25. Will-o-the-Wisp

    Near Death Experiences TW: talk of death

    U R Smart... Wat?
  26. Goonie

    Asexual emoji symbols

    I can't think of any emoji symbol that is just for one purpose. I think pretty much every symbol can be taken wrong, or has multiple meanings depending on the person reading the symbol. Maybe an eggplant is just food or an eggplant, but to a section of the population it is a "sly" way of meaning a penis. I say pick a symbol of known symbols that generally mean Ace that works best for you and go with it. Make it your own. If someone asks, you can always explain what it is. If they assume it means something it does not, then that's on them.
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