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  2. Hunji Qi

    Came out to my friends today :)

    Congratulation on coming out to your friend, it is a huge step to take. Also, it must be great that they understand and support you. I relate to your anxiety and uncertainty to coming out to your family, and it is truly a decision that shall be taken with caution. My friends and professors are very supportive to my coming out. They even encouraged me to make a conference poster regarding asexuality so that more people can understand. However, my coming out to my family was a disaster. There is a section in AVEN about coming out to family and I should have check it out before taking any further action. My family believes that anything to do with LGBTQIA+ is equivalent to mental illness that need to be treated. My mom thought that I was only being pessimistic since I have childhood trauma that causes disbelief in relationship and marriage. My dad dismissed me, and one of my aunt just cannot comprehend the distinction between romantic and sexual attraction and tried to comfort me by saying that it is "just a phrase." I also hear your fear of endless explaining and people's misunderstanding. You are not alone in that, we are still the ones with an "invisible" orientation," if you experience daily fatigue from that, we can chat. To welcome a new member, here is your piece of cake 🍰 Enjoy it and I hope that you enjoy it here too.
  3. Internetlionboy

    Starting a Relationship as an Aromantic

    Hello again ghsdjfhs I don't know me and my bf's relationship just... happened? like it's like we both like talking to each other and it's just been a while since I've felt this strongly about someone. It was like at a certain point that I told him that I really liked him and it'd be nice if we could date and he said that he'd love to and that he likes talking to me and yeah! I've always known that I was aromantic but I was trying very hard to ignore that. I wanted to be normal (even though I know there's no way to be "normal"), I wanted to either get married with someone and/or live together with someone I love and care about as I loved everything about romance (and still do), so I tried being alloromantic and dating but I just could never be able to be romantically attracted to anyone even if they were the kind of person that you could fall in love in that kind of way after getting to know them! I've learned to accept that I how feel is ok, that platonic love is just as good and wonderful as romantic love, Maybe someday I might actually be able to fall in love with someone romantically and that's ok if that does happen. Anyways for how I wanted to be in a relationship with my bf, I just really like bing able to talk to him about anything and everything and he's such a great listener and so supportive. Being able to talk to anyone about anything is definitely like something I look for in a relationship (especially since while I love talking, I could never just open up about how I'm really feeling, ya know? It takes a special kind of trust for me to do that with someone) as well as a good listener of course. Also me and him like video games and cuddling and that's just 👌 yes lmao We haven't got the opportunity to have a date unfortunately cause me and him are from different countries which are 9 hours apart but we do plan on trying to voice and video chat, though once he has a day off so I'm looking forward to when that happens! ;v;
  4. Chihiro

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    I am already regretting making a suggestion regarding this. What I expected was "Feedback noted. Will encourage admods resigning to consider making a good bye post if they feel like it". Instead I am seeing defensiveness. You know how you are taught to say 'hello' and 'goodbye', because its a 'nice thing to do' 'makes you the recipient feel friendly'.... the suggestion was along those lines. It didn't need this sort of explanation. This is why I dont even like talking about admod team.... always get the feeling 'Us vs them' and I never get the feeling of 'We are in this together and its for our good'. I, obviously, know that this is personal decision. And I said it shouldn't be made mandatory. I am also aware that many people do not feel like discussing their personal reasons. I give up.... guess you all haven't worked in the kind of environment I have. No matter what the personal reasons, people have written a goodbye email when they quit their jobs. It has made them view these employees as human not a robot that abruptly stopped working due to malfunction.
  5. I wear moisturizer with sunscreen, powder, and mascara every day to tone down my oily skin and look more awake. I would wear more concealer if I could get it to blend without needing liquid foundation, which feels too heavy. I once got in trouble with my mother for not wearing makeup to school, but I've never performed gender to her expectations.🤷‍♀️
  6. lonewolf Nomad

    hello all

    Thank you all for the warm welcome, It just feels so Odd for lack of a better term to actually be able to finally converse with people of a like mind and spirit.My entire life I have felt as if just to "fit" in I was forced to live a lie.Once I finally came out and informed most of my friends about my asexual and aromantic nature, they all started looking at me as if I had four heads or something.Even though I have been divorced for just over a decade now.And most of my current crop of friends have not even see me so much as date. I am seriously taking a good hard long look at the people I socialize with here at home, and making some hard decisions. If my friends can not accept me for me, then there is no real reason to continue having them in my life. Since finally accepting who and what I am, I have begun to finally now in my 40's live the life I have always dreamed of living. My only regret is that I fought my own nature for so long.
  7. I like LGBT+ spaces because of the active discourse around things like differing sexualities and experiences. How our identities play into our larger selves. In straight spaces you don't really get that. I relate to the larger group because they know what it's like to be assumed as one thing but identify as something else. To be "the good straight girl who is very close to her female friends and isn't dating right now" while actually being a lesbian or bisexual whose family doesn't accept them. The frustration is real. In the larger stuff like PRIDE parades, I want asexuality to be visible. If we're not LGBT+ and we're definitely not straight, would we make our own parade? Who would even go to it? Who would even care? We're also a small community. Even trying to go to a meet-up, I've only met 6 other asexuals in real life. That doesn't leave me a lot of choices if I wanted to choose a community to be involved in. I love AVEN, but as soon as I step away from my computer, it's gone. Other than my sister, there are no asexuals I interact with regularly. Who, then, do I choose to align myself with? Most of my friends are straight. If I counted all of my friends over the last ten years, I can say only three have been not straight. But I still feel more comfortable aligning myself with GRSM or LGBT things because their lives have not been the same as mine. My straight friends have been empathetic, but my non-straight friends have actually understood.
  8. fragglerock

    Very new. Very relieved and extremely embarrassed

    Welcome!! I'm glad you found out about asexuality and AVEN and things are looking up!! Personally I don't think I'd be a good mentor, both being new to asexuality myself and being demisexual (a kind of gray-A where sexual attraction can happen but only when there is emotional connection) which sounds different than your place on the spectrum. I wanted to say that the "should have come with leaflets" phrase is a nice phrase that I really resonated with My experience hasn't been as rough as yours it sounds like but before I realized that "gray-A" and "demisexual" described me I would also try really hard to explain this to people, thinking it was just quirk of me in particular, trying and only partially succeeding at letting someone know I think they look nice but I don't want to have sex. People usually seemed to conclude that I was gay and didn't realize it.
  9. Internetlionboy

    Am I Asexual????? please help (explicit)

    I relate to some of what you said (I'm 18 myself as well) and while I love having sex, I just can't feel sexually attracted to any of the partners I had before (and I'm very sure that I feel sexually attracted to my bf but labels confusing ghsdjfh) It's like if someone asks me if I wanted to have sex with them, I would be ok with it kind of deal I wish you luck in figuring this out, you're valid if you find out you're on the ace spectrum or not! ^^
  10. I've heard others say on here that they have significant others despite being aromantic, they just remain platonically attracted to their partner. I was wondering about other's experiences in this area, how you started your relationships, when it came up that you or your partner are aromantic, how you know you want to be in a relationship with them, how you like to spend time with each other, and all the other cute shit!
  11. Una Salus Victus

    Feedback for Staff Elections/Volunteering

    This part I, personally think may make the elections a bit more bland. A standard selection of questions may not cover everything someone may want to know, and also can take the fun out of it for those who may make it that more colourful.
  12. Ice_scare

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Green however
  13. lonewolf Nomad


    Just hit the Big 40 last week, and can not honestly believe how I have been fighting against my true nature all of my life, I spent the first part of my entire life, trying to deny my true nature as an asexual/aromantic individual to the point where I even got married.Man what a nightmare. Now that the divorce is finalized and the kids are all grown up, I am finally free to be me.When I came out as an Asexual/Aromantic individual to my parents as a teenager, they then began to run the whole phyciatric/medication gaumet on me believing that there was something abnormal and defective about me to be that way. Originally the ex wife knew and accepted that fact about me and was semi-supportive but in the end my disinterest in the whole chore of coitus , and yes to me Sex HAS ALWAYS been a chore.Wound up being one of the reasons our marriage broke down. Now that I am single again, and free I refuse to hide who and what I am anymore. Until I heard about this community I had always thought that I was a freak of nature,now I am glad to know that there are indeed others out there like me. peace
  14. Drunk&Confused

    Am I Asexual????? please help (explicit)

    I kinda get a bit what you are saying. I wanted to like sex and really liked the idea of liking it. I had a string of one night stands to try and get myself to like it, but it did not fix it. Again, the mentioned above was all me, nobody pressuring me. It def may not be relevant for you, everyone is different, but figured id throw it out there. Good luck figuring it out, try not to pressure yourself, some things just take time.
  15. SithGirl

    How Do You Feel About Being Called "Good-Looking"?

    Most people who tell me tend to mean it platonically. I've never been cat-called or harassed for my appearance (except for being told "Aren't you cold?" which is Japanese code for "Put something less revealing on, I can see your collar bones!") so it's no surprise I don't make the jump to feeling they mean it sexually. Only my bf means it that way and I can just roll my eyes at him. He knows I don't enjoy being called "sexy" so that's why. Really, "sexy" is the word I dislike. "Hot" I can spin positively in my mind even, and "good-looking" feels almost outdated if meant in a sexual way, so I get by just fine.
  16. Sinking_In

    Guilt sex? No thanks.

    Oddly enough, we have no problem being flirty and intimate, physically: touching, embracing, cuddling, kissing, all of it, just not sex. In fact, she actually craves it, and longs for it when she sees others engaged in PDA. When we are with friends and family, we likely come across as a healthy, physically attracted and sexually active couple. She's actually more demonstrative than I am around others (though tame by many standards, I'm sure). It would frustrate me at times (most times, really). I felt like a garage kept muscle car, that gets turned on a few times a week, but only taken out for a drive once in a great while, just around the block, never wide open on the track. Sorry, I like analogies I'm a very visual oriented person, and my wife is very attractive to me....such is life, no? (Blasphemous Rumors just played in my head)
  17. Drunk&Confused

    A million and one questions (It

    I feel ya, I am in my 20s now and have never told anyone anything about it. If someones asks why I aint got a bae I usually just tell em Im enjoying the single life or something and let em draw their own conclusions. I think my friend/fam would have one of two conclusions (also from Texas, we aint got the best sex health/awareness class here, but the food is great) 1. I just hadnt meet the right person and was confused 2. I was doing it to seem special and for attention. Good luck! And we all out on this site together at least lol
  18. SithGirl

    How Important Is Coming Out?

    I talk about sex a lot with my friends. It would probably be weird, and my sexual bf definitely thinks it's weird but it's just me. So it's important for me to be out and open since my experience with sex and relationships is quite different from most peoples and I like them to know why rather than assume. Like I was talking about polygamy and open relationship and how I'm technically in one, and my friends wondered how one would ever be okay with sharing their sexual/romantic partner with another, so I explained my view of it. Or when other friends and I were talking about our "types" and mine were all mental or personality traits while they wanted physical traits so I had to explain why I didn't really care. It's just the way I am. I find being out is important if one wants to be. Obviously I'm not going to out someone if they don't want to be, but I think being out is important for visibility. We want to be recognized by society, obviously we need to be out so others can see we exist. We can hardly blame people for not believing in asexuality if 99% of asexuals just keep it to themselves. Like how trans people and other non-hetero orientations gained acceptance only by being out and open about it.
  19. SkyenAutowegCaptain

    What do people find so alluring about the LGBT community?

    I can think of a couple of reasons why many asexuals want to be part of the LGBT+ community. In the first place asexuality is a minority organisation as well. Secondly many who identify as Asexual also feature in LGBT for their gender and romantic identity amongst other reasons. Pride parades, for example, also give people a freedom to express themselves in a manner they may not be able to do in day to day life - dressing up, face painting etc
  20. Drunk&Confused

    Confused, I'm sure y'all get hella sick of seeing these

    Thanks for sharing! Glads others feel the same!
  21. Drunk&Confused

    Confused, I'm sure y'all get hella sick of seeing these

    Thanks! Haha we dialect buddies now!
  22. SithGirl

    hello all

    Halloween cake! I'm proud you finally can embrace who you truely want to be. At least you still have so much time ahead of you where you can enjoy life to the fullest.
  23. fragglerock

    hello all

  24. Drunk&Confused

    How Important Is Coming Out?

    I am in my 20s and have never 'come out' to people. Idk what I really identify by. I love my friends & fam, but Im in texas and had never heard of this until I was trying to figure out what was 'wrong' w/ me. They would prob say i just havnt met the right person, but idk if thats ever gonna happen if I even wanted it. I may never (except to yall obv) and I feel like thats chill. Also, I dont want ppl to feel like im tryin for attention or to make myself 'special' ya feel?
  25. Internetlionboy

    What do people find so alluring about the LGBT community?

    Eh I just like being apart of a community where I could meet others that would accept me and I don't feel less alone especially since I'm not cis or straight and yeah ghsdjfhsd
  26. There's really no question there, so welcome to AVEN, I guess! Feels like you stole my actual way of talking and spat it out on the computer (I'm more formal online for the most part) will all the "y'all"s and "hella". Mixing regional dialects like it ain't no thing. On AVEN we greet people with cake because cake is better than sex! So have some cake and I hope you get your questions about asexuality answered!
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