Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Past hour
  2. AceMissBehaving

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    I’m gonna be really real here, as an asexual who is fine having sex with her long term partner, it’s often difficult to sustain on an out asexual kind of frequency, and over time completely unsustainable on a sexuals ideal frequency. I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule, but as time wears on it will get harder, especially if you are getting nothing out of it. Also he might not figure out exactly what is wrong, but he will figure out something is wrong. I’ve been hired to teach super sexual swingers, how to seduce each other at an “adult” summer camp, pretending to be incredibly sexual is literally one of my jobs, and my husband still knew something was off. He would describe it as “some sort of wall” and this is before even I knew I was ace. Like @uhtred says he might even think it’s him, which will crush him. It is impossible to build a solid intimate relationship on lies, and it’s unfair to your partner. Please do yourself, and your partner a favor if you really do love him, and tell him the truth
  3. Memento1

    New here--have questions.

    You don't have to like pride parades. Some people like them, some people don't. For some it makes them feel validated. If you already feel validated, or get validation another way, that's fine. There's plenty of people like that. As someone who is studying to become a couples counselor, I can say the point of couples counseling is not to FIX you to become sexual, it's to help the couple communicate better and connect on an emotional level (though some old-school therapists do mistakenly go the route of trying to increase the sex). That doesn't have to mean staying together - it can mean breaking up but not being left with blame, guilt, and bitterness.
  4. Sex repulsion is not always an Asexual thing. Because you are saying this came on after a three year period of things being fine for you it sounds to me that this might be sexual repulsion rather than Asexuality. My wife has a form of this, not regarding our relationship but in regards to pornography and public sex etc. It was trauma that triggered the repulsion for her. We are in therapy, both of us together. Our therapist has not tried to desensitised her to the images, instead he has helped her to manage things to that she does not suffer so much with the anxiety and copes better when she does bump into it. She, like me, is following a Nutritional Protocol that not only helps with libido, it helps her with her anxiety and emotional health generally. My pasts posts explain some of this. Therapy has benefited both of us. My wife is the Sexual person in our relationship and I identify as Demisexual
  5. WünderBâhr

    Stranger Things Appreciation/Critiques

    I was thinking about creating a thread related to this, in fact, because of having watched the Stranger Things Behind the Scenes interview series. How the school dance impromptu kiss scene became something they kept in the show, despite the actress not having given her consent, like AT ALL. And they laughed about it. Tbh, it put me off the show a bit, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to keep watching when Season 3 came out. It makes ya think about what child actors have to go through to portray characters going through some rough/traumatic/maybe even adult themes. 🤔 But I totally love the show, even when the story becomes a bit thin/weak in some places. It's still a good throwback to the coming-of-age times of the 80s.
  6. MichaelTannock

    Can I save my relationship?

    @ConfusedBiAce? A belated welcome to AVEN! I wish I had some experience-based advice for you, but in my case, I've never had or desired either sex or a romantic relationship. I hope that you find the help you need. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Flower" cake and cupcakes (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/9364-flower-cupcakes-and-cake
  7. Compromise is part of any healthy relationship - within limits. It all depends on the level of compromise. Someone who is neutral about sex might be happy to have sex in order to make their partner happy, if their partner does things to make them happy. That could be a health compromise if no one is being lied to. OTOH, someone who hates sex but pretends to enjoy it as a "compromise" is causing harm to both: themselves because they are doing something they hate, and their partner because their partner is unknowingly harming the person that they love. I think it is much better to end a badly mismatched relationship than to try to find some forced compromise that will make one person and possibly both miserable. OTOH if the mismatch is very minor, and the "compromise" is not unhappy for either, then that can be OK.
  8. Arodash

    Incredibly Ace Moments

    To a certain extent your correct but in things like fighting games, less clothes is appropriate because clothing can slow you down and allow your component to grab onto something. In the world of games like shooters, yeah no you want shirts. And body armor. Lol in fact most combat shirts are made from the same material as my fire gear, Nomex, because its great at protecting you not just from heat but also from abrasians. In the field simple cuts can get infected very quickly
  9. WünderBâhr


    Quick poll, how many people have visited (even just briefly) all of the forums on AVEN? (Yes/No) 

    1. Spookchi Boonut

      Spookchi Boonut


    2. Snao van der Cone

      Snao van der Cone


    3. Tassputin



  10. SpaceDustbin

    Loving to Hate something

    A colleague and I are in constant bitch-mode about Game of Thrones season 8. Whenever someone mentions GoT, it's instant rage
  11. uhtred

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    He may sense that something is wrong, and worse may think that there is something *wrong* with him (as opposed to a mismatch in the relationship). I think in general *big* lies are bad in a relationship, and given the central role of sex in romantic relationships between sexuals, this is a *big* lie. I'm not blaming you. Lots of possible issues: If you pretend to enjoy sex ,what are the boundaries? How do you decide what sexual activities you will pretend to like? Do you really want to spend the rest of your life pretending to enjoy something you don't enjoy? Maybe you can tell him that you don't enjoy sex as such, but enjoy pleasing him because you love him (if that is true). If you were in a long term marriage, I might suggest differently, but you are just dating. Why not find someone who is compatible?
  12. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    They’re popular in clubs because they highlight fluorescent colors.
  13. MichaelTannock


    You're welcome! I'm glad that you like the cake.
  14. MichaelTannock

    idk i am confused...

    You're welcome! I'm glad that you feel welcome.
  15. @crystallic_slumber Welcome to AVEN! @Seeingthelight Welcome to AVEN! Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Theatre" cake (all edible), http://cakesdecor.com/cakes/331672-theatre
  16. uhtred


    I agree that better awareness of asexuality would have eliminated a lot of misery. Most asexual / sexual marriages are unhappy, but if people don't know asexuality exists, how can they avoid them.
  17. uhtred

    New here--have questions.

    I think there are asexual pride parades to raise awareness that asexuality seems to be an orientation, like homosexuality, not something that is "wrong" and needs to be changed. I think public awareness of asexuality is a great thing - and will help reduce the misery that is caused by people not understanding it.
  18. Chihiro

    Sensuality vs. Sexuality

    ^^That To elaborate on the romantic attraction example- I was in QPR once, but I often experienced romantic attraction towards my ex. For multitude of reasons (not due to lack of opportunities, my ex was a willing participant), I didn't/couldn't change the dynamic of our relationship into a romantic one. But the fact is, I did have romantic feelings and just because we half assed romance, doesn't mean it wasn't a romantic attraction. Doing something to deliberately cause arousal in a person that you are attracted to, for whatever reason, even if no direct genital contact is involved is sexual attraction. An example is phone sex. The person on one end of the phone is deliberately saying stuff to another person who is masturbating. No physical contact is involved, but just because the sense of hearing is involved, it doesn't only make it a sensual thing. It is also sexual attraction if the person speaking is into the person masturbating. Also, doing something with a person you are attracted to with the intention of experiencing arousal in yourself, is also sexual attraction.
  19. Memento1

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    You don't have to fit a nice label to be perfectly okay the way you are. I understand fitting a label garners a feeling of being validated and understood, but believe me there are tons of people who feel like you. You are not alone, you are not broken, and your feeling are completely valid. It can be incredibly hard to feel that without a label, so if you must, I would probably guess homoromantic gray-asexual (and you can change that at any time if it feels like it doesn't fit...many of us change labels over time). Gray means not fully asexual but not as sexual as most people are. It's a much wider umbrella term and we have less gatekeepers. Having strong romantic feelings and masturbating are not disqualifying, in fact they're fairly normal. Have you tried seeing a counselor? There's nothing wrong with you, but they can usually help sort through these sort of feelings of invalidation, confusion, and loneliness. You deserve to be listened to and validated. I had a gay roommate for several years that wanted romance, wanted a boyfriend, but was not as sexual as most of the gay community, and struggled in relationships where partners always wanted more sex than he did. It can feel like everyone is hypersexual, but that's because those that aren't tend to hide away, like you have. It can be harder to find them, but don't give up. You are NOT the only one.
  20. Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

    TransWhatevers of AVEN

    Hugs if wanted below: ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
  21. sunrayZY

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    Its something I've thought about. I've tried using porn and sex as ways of connecting myself to others when I've felt lonely, or not wanting to go out. It's a vicious cycle. For a gay man, not going hard, sending a d*** pic, it's a big thing. Failure to do either, and the other guy won't feel a spark. Sometimes I masturbate thinking about sex, other times it's more about power balance and intimacy. Any porn I do watch, tends to be very short clips, or, something where there is intimacy and a connection between the 'actors'. I wish there was a forum like this for making friends, romantic connections etc in the UK.
  22. Today
  23. Member114264

    TransWhatevers of AVEN

    @SCelyton @Lonemathsytoothbrushthief I wish there was a easier way to synthesize the drugs for you. That'll help a lot right? I'm sure there's a patent or reaction paper out there for grabs though.
  24. lilyofthevalley

    Choose between two completely different things

    Magpies are great but one’s for sorrow so I’d have to say chips. Completely redecorating your house or getting a boat across the Atlantic?
  25. Homer

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    Until he does.
  26. lilyofthevalley

    How high can we count?

  27. Philip027

    Sensuality vs. Sexuality

    Still sexual attraction. It involves some degree of excitation of the naughty bits, it is directed at a particular person, and it isn't purely physical stimulation with no mental component (so as to rule out scenarios of achieving arousal by sitting on some vibrating washing machine or whatever). How much clearer does it need to be, guys? Just because you might not actually want to do anything with it doesn't stop it from being what it is. Attraction (of any variety) does not necessarily carry with it a need to do something about it. Countless people can attest to feeling romantic attraction toward someone that they KNOW is ultimately unsuitable for them for whatever reason (maybe they're just not in the right frame of mind, maybe they're scared of romance, maybe they outright don't like romance, maybe the other person is kind of an asshole...), and therefore tend not to pursue it. It isn't any different with sexual attraction.
  1. Load more activity
  • Create New...