Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Past hour
  2. Ice_scare

    Quickly, Before They See!

    15
  3. Ice_scare

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for not cleaning the ink off. That was meant to be a whiteboard
  4. Philip027

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    The whole "relationship being based on a lie" thing tends to do it a lot of the time. Debatable. Most people don't willfully and continuously do a crappy thing to those they love just so they can keep them around. That isn't love, it's just plain selfishness.
  5. Invisible Man

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    Is it possible your addiction to porn is influencing how you feel about sex and making relationships more difficult for you? I feel like maybe it’s something to consider and try to avoid porn, at least for now.
  6. AussieIsAce

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    why would it blow up in my face. its going really well. i love him. i just dont love sex with him lol he will never find out.
  7. Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

    Non-binariness: additive vs subtractive?

    I'm really not confident lol, just very dysphoric. Good for you btw ❤️ Yeah what's been really important for me has been separating body goals I guess, goals with presentation(in which I am more masculine right now mostly because I wouldn't risk it for increased physical dysphoria), goals with being gendered by others, which for me is different with strangers compared to after I've known someone a while, because coming out as enby is really uncomfortable with complete strangers and tends to drown out literally anything else you want out of social interactions...and gender identity itself. I think part of the problem with this conversation has been the lack of separation between masculinity/femininity as a social construct applied to the presentations and behaviours of all genders, and traits categorised as male or female in bodies because of the cissexism especially in western societies with medicalised ideas of trans people. I think this may be true. I'm not asexual; my partner IDs as asexual now (previously bisexual), and that's what brought me to AVEN. But I really like that the forums also have gender & trans discussions. The AMAB NB I mentioned doesn't ID as ace, but I think discomfort with sexuality as their AGAB may be entangled with their gender dysphoria. Contrary to standard warnings, it doesn't feel like it's increased my interest in sex. I might feel more disconnected and uninterested in sex, actually. (It used to feel like how I communicate love, now it just feels like a thing nobody wants to do with me… why bother, it just makes me feel like a reject.) I think there is an ace bias in terms of how sexuality is affected by dysphoria(whether the social aspects of relationships where certain behaviours, activities and roles are extremely gendered, or the physical dysphoria involved). I mean the ace community is where I first learned of non binary genders and trans stuff(and to be honest the whole of the LGBT+ community, my family made it hard to learn because essentially I have a gay uncle who members of the family would refuse to acknowledge as gay, it was not great). But in terms of how this links with the concept of "subtractive" dysphoria, I doubt that's the main thing at play: this type of dysphoria is imo the stereotypical presentation of non binary people in the media, as well as the non binary person with zero social dysphoria(which is probably a lot like the concept of gay best friends who let every homophobe walk all over them). People expect non binary people to want nothing to do with anything coded as masculine/feminine or male/female, because they expect our presentations and transitions to reflect their own understanding of being neither male nor female, instead of a non binary person who doesn't identify at all as a man but transitions to grow a beard and has phalloplasty, or a non binary person who doesn't identify at all as a woman but transitions to use she/her pronouns and takes estrogen based HRT. And that's if they think our genders exist at all - if they don't, they're just going to insist that you can't transition to a "made up" gender or something silly like that. To add to the link with asexuality though, it's also more of a risk for closeted trans people in relationships to come out than those with less of a support system and less to lose. So maybe that generally leads to an overrepresentation of trans people among the ace community, where it's less of an expectation that people will be dating. It's probably also an explanation for seeing so many bi-, pan- and homoromantic/sexual ace/aro people on sites like this - being single, which isn't necessarily an ace thing but is likely a lot more common here, gives you less to lose and more room to explore. That doesn't mean our quality of life is better, I doubt we're the best off trans people but we do seem fairly out. I mean, my experiences with dysphoria started being noticeable when I was dating and in relationships, trainwrecks all of them, as well. Thus encouraging me to explore my gender while giving up on dating and find ways to cope with dysphoria which I hadn't really recognised as much before. There's really a lot of stuff we could explore in terms of different LGBT+ communities. While this is true for many cases, I do think this reflects notions of gender which came before the idea of a female gender role was really embedded in society - kind of going back to the idea of women as "the second sex" and defined as not men? Especially with the situation where there are now types of workplaces coded as for women, e.g. teaching and nursing professions, men are not actually the default everywhere. But they are in many cases. In actual fact, this would suggest to me that whereas a trans man becoming more readily perceived as male while transitioning would always lead to privilege, how that manifests is going to be very very different if he's an engineer compared to say a nurse - in that situation, maybe social benefits of transition related to male privilege would be much fewer involving transphobia based on his profession, but there would still be financial benefits as even in female dominated workplaces, wage gaps exist. These are topics which we should explore because while we do have many of the same manifestations of privilege in society compared to when women existed and were defined purely in terms of opposition to men, there is now an entire gender role containing the expectations of women, and patriarchy is perpetuated not just by men but by women and non binary people too. I mean there are even many social expectations for different intersections. I know this is incredibly annoying and waffly of me but I just look at how complicated society is today, how people from much wider backgrounds now share workplaces and neighbourhoods, schools, everything, and want to write down my disagreements with more generalised feminist ideas.
  8. AllTimeBubble

    I Made a Poster for Ace Week- Thoughts?

    Thank you!
  9. Tunhope

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Smashing photos @cdrdash. I do like those twisted trees and the peeling tree bark ( and the little scorpions). I've wondered about Spotastic, too, @daveb . Hope it's just work keeping him busy. I've been to Warwick Castle too. Their birds of prey displays are the best I've ever seen. Watching the condor cover several hundred metres in four wing beats was wonderful. Later this week I'm going walking and dancing and I don't know which bits of me will give up first. Dancing morning and evening. Walking in the afternoon. Not as far as Cathy or @Midland Tyke do, but I have to stay in one piece for the dancing. It's a very pretty location ( been before) in Shropshire but it's a lot of different trains. I do sympathise with people's aches and pains!
  10. Galactic Turtle

    I don't understand my feelings

    I typically view sexuality as something that develops over time. Even if sex is something you want to try in the future, you don't have to right now just because you're horny. If anything you could just find more fun ways to masturbate.
  11. gray-a girl

    Hobbies are distractions

    You sound like you could be depressed? I am not saying you are, but thats something someone who is depressed might say. Also I wanted to add, if the existential issue is really bothering you a lot and thats whats getting you down, thats what religion is for. There are even religions where you can identify as atheist (not believing in a personal god) and still get answers to the existential issues you are facing. (For example Zen Buddhism). I am not saying "go be religious" or choose zen buddhism, or Christianity, or whatever, since that is your choice. But I am saying, choosing a religion, whether or not it be Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Wiccan, whatever, can often help with the existential issue we can face as humans. It can help add meaning and purpose to your life.
  12. TheAPparition

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 2
  13. gray-a girl

    I went to an LGBT group and it was helpful

    I don't mind debates about definitions. I find it is very very healthy, and very needed in this community. I think a lot of issues do come with varying definitions of asexuality, and people wanting to define it only a specific way. Thats not what I have an issue with. What I have an issue with is when people specifically tell me, during the course of a conversation, that because I am sex favorable I am not asexual. They will say stuff like "you are sexual" and then when I try to explain why sexual doesn't fit me, they will say "what do you have against being sexual? There is nothing wrong with that". Believe me, I think life would be a lot easier if I was sexual. In a lot of ways I wish I was. But being told that is massively frustrating, especially since I just explained why I was not sexual and that label didn't fit me. I just found that the LGBT group was interesting because, originally I didn't know if there would be shared experiences, but it seems that there are some. And I'm sure eventually I will (unfortunately) encounter people irl, who will not be understanding either. I may not get it as badly as indifferent or sex repulsed asexuals, but I'm sure I will encounter issues eventually. It seems, no matter what minority group you belong to (or no minority group) when someone has an experience that is hard for you to understand, you can be treated badly for it.
  14. Today
  15. cdrdash

    anyone past 50 on here?

    They are also called black lights and I looked on Amazon for them and most seemed to be advertised as being able to detect pet urine stains. Black lights were popular in the sixties and seventies. I have dim memories of hearing about them as a kid but I never saw one or had one.
  16. Chocolatastic AroAce

    Things Aces find weird

    I find everything around sex weird in general. Everything listed here. Also find it weird how in movies the two leads always have to wind up together. It's like the story relies on them being together....even when it doesn't. I'd like to see a movie that isn't aimed at kids that actually focuses on a more realistic friendship between adults...rather then them instantly falling in love and having sex.
  17. sunrayZY

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    Thanks... I love cake. However I'm now identifying as a semi grey allo demi poly liquid sexual and more confused than ever before 😂 What is the correct label for someone who is gay, sometimes enjoys sex, sometimes has little desire for it but still enjoys intimacy and closeness?
  18. GeekyGamerZack

    Slice of Ace YouTube channel discussion

    One of my series' protagonists, known as the Wanderer, is nonbinary, and their arc is (at least by completed and pre-planned episode count combined) the longest by far. However, their story is told in a way that overlaps with the other protags' spotlight seasons, which makes sense once you understand their role. I'd explain more, but I'm highly anti-spoiler. Also, I don't want this to become a plug of my own work in @Slice of Ace's channel thread. I already did that once before and it wasn't at all enjoyable. Instead, I'll plug Slice's YouTube channel: youtube.com/SliceOfAce Give it a look. You shan't be disappointed. 👍
  19. Traveler40

    How did you get married to an asexual?

    Precisely - and the original point provided by myself and Tele was that in those cases, we clearly knew they lamented their lacking sex lives. In using a quote purported to be from Newton on his deathbed describing chastity “his greatest accomplishment” as an alternative simply made zero sense. Thus, I felt compelled to respond. Thanks @anisotrophic for being thoughtful as always. Edit: I just reread what I wrote and apparently I wasn’t clear in that. Who knows what he said, who knows what he meant. I suggest had he said that, how sad period. Again, we can’t know though and the purported quote, as used, made little sense. 🤔 My husband says I like to repeat myself and that it drives him bananas. He may have a point. 😂
  20. Aebt-Ætheling

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    Just because people haven't had the best sexual experiences does not mean they are asexual, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction or sexual desire. I am not saying you are not asexual, just that asexuality is different than whoever told you you might be asexual was thinking. There are two points to this question, 1) be gay and asexual and 2) feel lust and be asexual. 1) It is possible to be homoromantic and asexual so under that way yes it is possible to be gay and asexual. 2) Feeling lust is usually a sexual attraction/desire thing and since the definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction/desire then it would seem to me those two things, feeling lust and asexuality, are opposites. Like Earth and Moon said, you might want to look into one of the non-asexual sexual orientations that get grouped into asexuality at times.
  21. SkyenAutowegCaptain

    How high can we count before DT sees?

    105
  22. SkyenAutowegCaptain

    How high can we count?

    129
  23. Haha, thanks! I'm actually in tech/science/engineering, but I have a variety of skills. I'm glad you've enjoyed reading these posts. If you're wondering about a partner, I think it's good to read about the experiences of asexual partners in mixed (ace/sexual) relationships.
  24. anisotrophic

    How did you get married to an asexual?

    A more modern contrast is Erdős. But (a) he may have had a medical issue (e.g. phimosis – he described sex as painful) and (b) his language regarding women & marriage was misogynistic (I'm just throwing that out there to say "ugh!"). Which is to say, with as little insight as we have into Erdős's reasons, I think we can't hope to know much about Newton's experience. I don't read that Newton's fellowship required chastity; rather, I think it's simply observing that this seems to have been his lifestyle – which may have been due to any of a number of reasons (homosexuality, asexuality, medical issues, pragmatism, etc).
  25. Earth and Moon

    I don't know who or what I am anymore

    Hello, and welcome to AVEN!! here’s some cake: 🍰 To answer your question, yes it is. You’ll have to look more into it, but there are many orientations in which you can identify as ace and another orientation. Try looking at gray-ace, demi, abrosexual, and others!
  26. Laplace

    Incredibly Ace Moments

    I dislike them in games or if they’re in combat in any media because it’s literally the worst idea ever. Yes, expose the most vulnerable and vital part of your body, that’ll surely work out well 🤦🏻‍♂️. Don’t mind the fact that a single well-placed arrow/gunshot/etc. will probably destroy a vital organ and kill you.
  27. @Traveler40 indeed, who knows what he said 290 years ago. I read that about Newton once in an old anthology of biographies of Mathematicians, I think. Note that chastity (austerity regarding one's natural sexual urges) and asexuality are different, but my point was to illustrate how very different people's experience with sexuality can be. It is remarkable that while an asexual may find the first two quotations about regretting not having had more sex repulsive, a sexual likewise may find lifelong chastity the saddest thing imaginable. Neither point of view is wrong. I respectfully disagree that action requiring struggle renders the action not commendable. Austerities undertaken by one pursuing devotional work be it scientific, religious, or otherwise connote deeply personal journeys; they are not meant to be universally understood, prescribed or applauded.
  1. Load more activity
×
×
  • Create New...