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  2. Skycaptain

    Quickly, Before They See!

    19 Where's everyone gone?
  3. Skycaptain

    Change One Word In This Sentence

    Dogs and cats will play
  4. [noize:injekktion]

    Fun/Random Poll

    1. How many pets do you have? Two cats, but they don't live with me. They are with my parents. 2. Do you have siblings? One sister. 3. What continent do you live on? Europe. 4. Where do you most want to visit out of the options? Norway. 5. How tall are you? 5'10 actually. 6. How many countries have you been to? 8. 7. Are you human? No, I am a robot. 8. Favorite math topic? Fractions. :3 9. Do you like cake? Kind of.
  5. Skycaptain

    Guess who comes next...

    Yup Firewallflower
  6. Perspektiv

    I hate being touched

    For me, not even close relatives cut it. It's only significant others, once trust is established.
  7. Skycaptain

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for allowing a cat to sleep in a crystal chandelier
  8. nineGardens

    sex sucks

    Okay... right, reading again, trying to provide more helpful thoughts on a second read through. Seeing what sticks out. Oooch... Ouch. Yeah. I know that one. Grieving is the word for it. Still feel that now. Still feel that today. Still frustrated and hurt and angry about certain details.... ahhh but none of that is the story for here and now. Suffice to say, yes, I feel where you are coming from. Can I ask the question of... how much communication was there previously? Did you talk to one another? Did the other person ask permission? Did you? Were you talking your way through it, or trying to pretend like it was natural and you felt confident, even when it felt super awkward for you? What were the power dynamics like? Did you feel safe? Did you feel dominant? Did you want to? did they seem powerful/confident/whatever? Lots of people like lots of different things, and... I am BY NO MEANS an expert on making out.... but if I had to guess I'd say that a whole bunch of the "swagger" and "confidence" that some people find sexy might not be working with you, and perhaps something slow, and more "I am going to kiss you on the shoulder now, is that okay?" could be worth trying. Or ten thousand tiny kisses, Instead of some sort of "Passionate" "lots of tongue action" .... blehk. *Wiggles hands in uncertainty* - like seriously, I am just guessing wildly here, but communication is pretty great stuff, if there was less of it in the past then is worth considering for future. I really DON'T think this is a good idea. By the sound of it, sex is something that you WANT to be in your life, even if you haven't figured it out yet. Deciding to yourself that "This is my last shot" just seems like its gonna put too much pressure on that moment- No one can feel safe and relaxed enough to enjoy something like that if they are wearing the pressure of "This is my last shot". We don't have last shots. You might decide that it is draining, or freaky, or you want a few months to recenter yourself or whatever if it doesn't work. You might eventually decide that sex isn't for you, but do that AFTERWARDS. Don't go into this plan you have with your friend pre-decided that this is your last shot. That's too much pressure, for both of you. Just... let it be a thing you are trying. Maybe it works maybe it doesn't. Don't build it up. Don't force it. If you try it, and freak out just a little bit, then maybe try again a week later. If you try it and REALLY don't like it, don't do that. But decide afterwards. Probably even a full day afterwards. Give yourself time. Because you HAVE time. You have years of it. You have a lifetime. Okay, so... A) there is nothing wrong with a person who choose to sleep around. There might be something wrong if they mistreat there partners, or aren't careful with pregnancy or STD, but the idea that ANY person deserves to be called a "Dirty slut" is just... it doesn't have to be that way. A girl could sleep with different guys every night, and I'd still be pissed off at someone for calling her a slut. (sorry, personal hang up, and yes, I use gendered pronouns here because no one would ever bother calling a GUY a slut, which just makes the use of "slut" as an insult even more troublesome). B) Be careful with your drinking habits. Stay safe around booze, and make sure you surround yourself with trustworthy friends who are going to look out for you while your drunk. You are a person. Sex is weird. It involves giving another human being access to our body in a way that is not at all normal during usual circumstances, involves being touched in places which are not socially acceptable to touch, and large numbers of liquids that are not generally shared with the general public (if nothing else, for pubic hygiene reasons). Sex is weird. And most people have a whole bunch of circuitry in their brains to help overrule how weird and fucked up it is, but if you don't have many positive sexual experiences, then these instincts are fighting against a whole bunch of OTHER instincts and a whole bunch of lived experience, and they don't have any back up, any reinforcement, any positive experiences for your memories to fall back on when you are trying to imagine what happens next. And for many people those sexual instincts are STILL powerful enough to overcome those hurdles, but for many people they aren't, and you need... practice... and trust... and like... yeah. If someone is socially anxious, or skitish around physical contact, or any number of other things, then its easy for those things to overrule any sort of sexual instinct- especially if those instincts are on the weaker side in a given person. Plenty of people are freaked out by sex. You are a person. You are allowed to have your feelings. They are okay. If you don't LIKE having those feelings you might need to put in work, or willpower, or some sort of "practice under safe conditions" to get to a place where you no longer feel them, but even so, you don't need to feel down on yourself for Having those feelings.
  9. Taival

    Ace Representation Survey

    Done! Good questions! That pirate thing sounds amazing, I would love to see that in one form or another - creative people out there, please, make that happen! 👏 Good luck with your project, would love to see what you come up with!
  10. Skycaptain

    Guess the word!

    Trousers
  11. CustardCream

    Red or yellow?

    They look nicely retro! I prefer the yellow, but they are both good.
  12. Skycaptain

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Nope
  13. Skycaptain

    Word association game

    Convoy
  14. reimagine stardust

    horny?

    thanks. I'm not sure if I really get this way myself. I kind of do, but not to the extent you describe it.
  15. Skycaptain

    Yum or Yuck!

    Yum Tiramisu
  16. Tintinfan

    Red or yellow?

    Yellow. You won't be able to lose it as easily.
  17. Skycaptain

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Jelly is BTS
  18. [noize:injekktion]

    Red or yellow?

    it's okay, but do they have those in green? seriously, though, technology went so fast we even have nano SIM cards today that are way too small for the "retro" phones. I'm just not sure if current things will be sufficient for such a phone to even make it work. i may be wrong, though. I have been using smartphones for the last 7 years or so. and I find it useful because I can pay my bills using it, for example.
  19. Sorin4928

    Finally learning about asexual

    Glad to know I'm not the only one.
  20. Zagadka

    How Do You Feel About Being Called "Good-Looking"?

    Nah, I hate liars. j/k. I really don't care. I don't think I'm bad looking, but not great either, so... and since I'm not looking for a relationship anyway... honestly, complements are generally a good thing to hear, but I do kinda cringe sometimes. I've tried really hard to deal with very low self-esteem, so I try to be more accepting. I'm getting better at it, but I still feel vaguely vain. There is such a thing as being very rude not accepting a complement. Not all the time, but it can hurt the person making it if they're serious. Sometimes accepting a complement can make other people feel better, as counter-intuitive as that sounds. It also kinda depends on the context. I've been doing a lot of working out and dieting to lose weight, so someone saying I look better is rewarding. I do hate it when people say I'm smart. That feels weird because I don't feel that way, and it feels like a lot of pressure to live up to that.
  21. Katarina Gertje

    Hello from Oxford.

    Welcome to AVEN! If you're looking for fellow aces to talk to, you've come to the right place!
  22. Flowerlady67

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I am a florist so that’s why I use that name
  23. Katarina Gertje

    UK guy

    Welcome!
  24. Okay there's quite a lot of feedback, so i'm taking my time reading these and will reply soon.
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