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  2. Steve Rogers

    Are you a collector?

    Well, I collect models of prehistoric animals and wildlife in general but I only buy a few per year... Not like my best friend who is a massive collector of these. I collect books about palaeontology, partly because of paleo-art. But indeed, because of the information as well. These I have been collecting since I was 8. That was 11 years ago.
  3. As I see it, not liking mushy stuff or being serenaded (hey, I learned a new word today) aren't indicators of your not being romantic. This vaguely reminds me of myself, and I guess I'm more aro/greyro than anything else. So I second what CBC just said about it being a common human experience; I don't view it as a sign of hyperromanticism.
  4. Steve Rogers

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Sauna is bts
  5. MichaelTannock


    @manandaj Welcome to AVEN! You could be a Biromantic Asexual, Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Sleeping Puppy In A Slipper Cake,
  6. Steve Rogers

    Alphabetical Comic Book Characters

    Valkyrie (Marvel)
  7. ben8884


    Locking this thread for a few hours to cool down and clean.
  8. disGraceful

    Porn and Relationships questions

    1) What is your sexuality? Heterosexual 2)What is your gender? Cisfemale 3)Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? Yes, currently 4)Have you ever been in a sexual relationship? Yes, currently 5)Have you ever watched porn? Do you still watch porn? (based on answer go to question 6 or 7) I have but it doesn’t do anything for me 6) If you have watched porn what was the frequency of your viewership? Once a day, Once a week, Once a month etc... Like once a year 7) if you have never watched porn what is your reasoning? Curiosity mostly 8] What is your opinion on watching porn in a relationship? Depends on the couple. For us? It’s fine 9] Have you ever watched porn with someone you were in either a sexual relationship, romantic relationship or both? Yes 9A] if you have than were you the one who suggested it or not? (depending on answer go to question 8B or 8C) Yes 9B] if you were the one to suggest watching porn why did you want to? To spice things up 9C] if you were not the one to suggest watching porn what was your reaction to being asked? N/a
  9. F_p_m

    Top surgery sounds ideal (edited)

    See I rather LIKE the idea of a male body but i'm stuck with this one. However, if i'm gonna be stuck with this one (and we aren't at a point where we can brain transplant people) then getting these flesh lumps off me would be awesome. they just get in the way. Ultimately I sort of feel like i've got everything I ever wanted from my female body. I had children, I got to experience that horror (yeah it wasn't fun but I do love my kids) and now it's time for me to feel comfortable in my body. but ooo surgery is scary. Actually it's more recovery I dread. And the chance the scars might hurt forever like my other scars do. Bah. but oh... oh the idea of being able to go topless or being able to wear clothes without boobs distorting the lines of a shirt... it's beautiful. Regardless of whether I fully transition or not, getting these things off me is SUPER appealing.
  10. MichaelTannock

    Excited to meet other aces!

    @entelechie Welcome to AVEN! This section might be useful since I think the connection you're looking for is more easily created when you meet people in person, https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/ Though in my case, I don't know any other Asexuals in real life. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Books Cake,
  11. If he is attracted to you sexually and desired it at the start and saw you as a sexual object... I doubt asexual. Sex can be frequent at the start for aces too, because they are feeling a rush of NRE and confuse it, but he is saying he is attracted to you and wants sex sometimes and saw you as a sexual object at one point. That doesnt sound like lack of sexual attraction is what he is trying to communicate. Though, he could be confused I suppose and not realize that is how he feels. But, it is up to him to decide if ace or not. Sounds like to me NRE (new relationship energy) and lack of attachment kept it interesting and he has a naturally low libido ? So now NRE is off, hes declined. And sometimes when kids come into play the whole shift to seeing wife as mom can make desire decline as well for some people. And... for me, pressure to have sex kills my libido. If I wasn't left alone about it being more frequent I would end up not wanting it at all. So the more I get pushed, the more my interest goes away. I have a low libido, so once my relationship with my wife stops being "new" (we are living apart due to visa situation, so its new each visit til we settle back in) its more a once a week, once every two week thing. If she pushed me for more, it would go to once a month... then do I really have to? I cannot feel like its a chore and still have desire for it myself. It would kill it completely. And 3-4 times a week, from experience, leads me to repulsion and avoidance (ex wanted that much). So he could just be feeling overwhelmed by your libido. So. My suggestion would be sit down and have a talk about needs and feelings. See if there is anything you can do to spark interest again. If it is he is seeing you in a non-sexual light since being with you so long, sometimes roleplay can work to make you feel new. Maybe giving him a break from sex could lessen the stress of the topic and make it fun again. Maybe he really doesnt have a desire for sex at all. Maybe he is having a madonna-whore thing and couples counseling could help. Maybe...maybe... The important thing to do is to not push blame on either side. Use I feel, I need. Dont use you never want, you never do. Use we need to find a solution together, dont say you need to figure this out. Let him decide if he is ace or not. Try to understand each others needs. And then, after you learn how each feels, try to find a middle ground that will satisfy you both.
  12. Well I can't come right out and diagnose him as being on the asexual spectrum, though it does sound like it. So first I'm going to attempt to delve into how he might be feeling. Bear with me. When I first start a relationship I am always a little more "into" the sex because I confuse it with bonding and intimacy, though it fades over time. I still love the person the same, but sex is not something I am interested in. I suspect it is the same for your husband. The problem is that asexual people naturally do not see "what the big deal is" about sex. For someone who is indifferent to sex, like me, I describe it like going to the dentist. Sure, my dentist could be amazing, and going to the dentist has proven health benefits, and often I feel good after, but no one wants to go to the dentist every day, much less for hours at a time. We simply have no desire to, and can't really fathom why 99% of the people around us reeeally want to go to the dentist. I really do get much more bonding out of spending time in a non-sexual manner with my partner. When he says he enjoys talking with you more, that's probably true. For asexual people, sex does not feel vital to a relationship. It's most likely nothing you have done; new relationship excitement often gets tangled up with sex, but once that fades, we love in non-sexual ways. -- What you desire, being wanted in exactly the same way you want him, just won't happen. It's painful, but it won't. He still (again, drawing from my experience, just guessing) desires and loves you in his own way, but it can be very hurtful to realize that part of it just isn't going to be the way you want it to be. With that out of the way, his behavior is still a problem because he's not really listening to your needs. He's dismissing your concerns because if he can't conceive of why someone would want to have sex, then surely it's not important. But sexual compatibility is very important. It's the cornerstone of a good relationship. Don't ever let him tell you that it's not important, because it absolutely is (and sexual compatibility for him would mean being with someone who isn't into sex either. Compatibility is compatibility). I think some hard talks are in order. Firstly, you may want to take him to get his testosterone checked, among other standard bloodwork, just to make sure none of this is the result of some kind of deficiency or imbalance. I realize you can't make him do this, but he should want to do this, for your sake and the longevity of your marriage. If that comes back negative, you should probably gather some material on asexuality and have him read about it, so that he has a better understanding of how he is actually the odd duck here and not you. And then the pair of you will have to talk about it to figure out where you go from there. I often recommend scheduling sex because it takes the pressure and uncertainty off of him and takes the desperation and over-bearing feeling off of you. When you both know when it's going to happen, you can relax a little (also, it doesn't need to be clinical, make it a fun date night). But if he isn't making strides to compromise or meet your needs here, some deeper steps may be in order. Marriage counseling, perhaps. It's less about him just having loads of sex with you and more about making sure he hears your needs and understands that even if they aren't important to him, they are important to you. It's really hard, and I'm sorry you're going through this. All hope isn't lost, but more than likely a lot of come to Jesus talks will be required. Good luck.
  13. Today
  14. CustardCream

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for biting the ears off other people's chocolate rabbits
  15. Light02

    Trans Moments?

    My hair is reeeally thick anyways, lol so it doesn't matter that much for me.
  16. Skycaptain

    Change one letter (5 letters edition)

  17. Skycaptain

    Change one letter

  18. Skycaptain

    Change one letter (3 letter variety)

  19. Skycaptain

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Rain is BTS
  20. Podsnap

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Should headless ogres eat starfish?
  21. SilverstarTBS

    Blame the person above...

    Blamed for having a censored word on my Christian Minecraft server >:o
  22. SilverstarTBS

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Quiche is better than sex
  23. i.r3beka


    This is probably true. But also, highly irritating because purses don’t do it for me. I’d need a suitcase for all the stuff I want to carry
  24. NordicNoir

    Word association game

  25. Lichley

    Hi! I'm new here!

    Welcome! Well libido is different from sexual attraction, so asexuals can still get aroused and have non-sexual kinks as well as non-sexual types of attraction. Maybe this sketch comic could help? https://www.deviantart.com/secondlina/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729
  26. Lichley


    Welcome! I love books and video games, although as much as I love video games I’m not very good at them
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