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  2. noahkurt25

    hi, my name is Jay and i would rather cuddle

    hi!! i saw u like the post i just made,,, is there a way we could chat bc as u might know, i am confused too & this causes problems in my relationship too :(( i know im a lot younger than you but if youd like to discuss, as 2 people who are both confused,,, id be really glad :'))
  3. Hello, i'm new to this forum (i just introduced myself) and i already have the first question. I talked to someone (allo) and he said that if he looks at his male parts like his penis or his body in general, and touches it or smth, that this can have the same effect on him as if he was watching a porn. Like, that his own body makes him feel aroused. I couldn't relate to that at all. I touch my female parts a lot, specially my boobs, i just like how they feel and their shape. But i never ever think of my own body as something sexual, and frankly i don't like the thought. I wonder, is that really something people experince? Just wanted to put that in here, have a good day!
  4. Hello, Im 18 years old, nearly 19 and I have been with my boyfriend for 13 months, so a little over a year. To cut to the chase, our sex life has been crap and for a while now i have toyed with the "am i asexual" question. In the past, i went through something and ended up as almost identifying as aromantic for a bit. might this be a similar situation where i just "havent gotten used to sex" ? to provide context: this is stupid and embarrassing but ive always considered myself really sexual, basically horny lmao, indulged the FUCK out of smutfics and shit when i was younger (14-16ish) alllways thought i was kinky, all that good stuff. i remember thinking "i cant wait to have a boyfriend/husband so i can FUCK whenever i want" (ew wtf @ myself) anyways i think u get what im trying to say. i have always looked forward to & loved the idea of sex. Flash forward to recent times. basically, i dont... want to be having sex? its almost as if i literally have no inclination to be doing it? and when i AM doing it (rarely) , it doesnt even even feel good? it feels more uncomfortable,, ticklish almost, and mostly, i just want it to stop. i still have intense erotic fantasies though and even super vivid dreams where i can physically feel it, and it feels GOOD, damn. i want the enthusiasm i have in my dreams, and imagination to come to life. i WANT to enjoy sex and shit. but when it comes down to it, i just- nope. I always tried to tell myself, maybe im just not in the mood. but im NEVER in the mood, at least not in reality. when i was younger i did try to masturbate but i never felt pleasure from it, and i just assumed i was doing it wrong. sometimes when i lie n bed and fantasise about things, the pleasure (physically and mentally WITHOUT actually touching myself) that i get from literally my imagination, feels better than whatever "sex" ive had in the past. when my friends talk abt how they have sex like at LEAST once a week, i feel myself not relating. along with any other sexual stories they have. i feel embarrassed and do not admit that my boyfriend and i barely have sex. my bf insists that if i never wanted to have sex ever again, he'd be fine with it. and we've talked about it so many times and bc i DO want to feel passionate about sex, i agreed would "try" (how the fuck do you even "try" at sex) but even TRYING is so hard bc i plain just never want to do it!!! should i just bite the bullet and force myself (has NOTHING to do with my bf, this is just ME genuinely wanting to enjoy sex) to have more sex? and maybe ill get used to it and finally start to enjoy it? another thing i wanna add is even things like making out,, i find myself not liking,, i also physically push my bf away alot when he's trying to kiss me and stuff like that. i mean KISSING is fine but when its like making out, i find myself either pushing him away or turning my head so he cant reach my mouth.. whats THAT about,, why do i not like it. i also push away any other advances, like move his hands away when theyre going too low ect. idek i feel like i get flustered and then panic and AH go away! kinda thing. a big reason i dont think im asexual is bc i WANT to have & enjoy sex but i feel like something in my body isnt working right and so it really seems more like a dumb chore rather than smth enjoyable so my questions are: is this a phase? why do my fantasies bring me more pleasure than actual sex? can asexuals enjoy and want sex in THEORY but not irl? so asexuals have sexual fantasies? IM SO SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG IM JUST SO CONFUSED AND WILL APPRECIATE ANY OPINIONS/ ADVICE ON THS
  5. Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    Yeah it's a bit different if your ace partner discussed their asexuality with you first and said they want to try to sex as a compromise etc, then the sexual can still try it to see if they enjoy it but that's on BOTH partner's terms. But when the sexual person has no choice in the matter and is unknowingly having sex with someone who doesn't want or enjoy it... I mean, urgh, I can totally see how a sexual could interpret it as a form of 'unknowing rape' (even if that's not actually what it is, it can still *feel* that way for the sexual who finds out they were having sex with someone who doesn't desire or enjoy the sex. It's a very deep, very hurtful betrayal) :c
  6. Solitary Lotus

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    So it sounds like you’re having some codependency issues with your boyfriend. You feel like you have to lie to him about sex because you believe if you don’t lie he’ll cheat on you. Look, if you two do have a strong relationship like you say and you tell him, I’m sure he’ll understand (please apologize for lying though); you two can have a conversation about how you want to move on from here. If he tells you that he needs to have sex to maintain a healthy relationship then you should break up. Then again he may say that he still wants to be with you even if he can’t have sex with you (yay, that would be great). Though, if you choose to continue to lie you’ll be hurting yourself and him. Yourself by repressing who you truly are and him by not giving him the chance to see the real you. No one wants to date a facade. So please tell him the truth.
  7. iwouldrathercuddle

    hi, my name is Jay and i would rather cuddle

    This summs it up, pretty much. Hi there. As many i am currently discovering my sexuality (25f, it's never too late right?) and i'm fairly new to the topic of asexuality. I first thought about it about a year ago, things got urgent and now i've spent the last 2 days nonstop reading all kinds of forums, info and watching youtube videos regarding asexuality. Wich does not mean i am not confused anymore, so i'd like to introduce myself to this forum and maybe engage in some conversations. I am in a longterm relationship (6 years) with an allo male. Before i met him (when i was 18) i've had several male sex partners (and one girlfriend for a year). My thinking of sex was pretty weird tho. I just thought that's something you are supposed to do in a relationship. And since i fell in love all the time i pretty much spend my whole young life thinking i'd have to have sex with someone. I am able to feel aroused so this wasn't really an issue for me. Specially when i meet someone new i find it exciting to explore their body and my emotions go crazy which kind of always came with this kind of arousal for me. This never lasted long and the only reason i kept having sex with my partner was because i thought i should. It was never really fun for me. Mostly, IF i feel aroused, which does not happen very often, it feels fairly good for about 5 minutes and then goes down to neutral at best.I find it boring. I've never had orgasms during sex. I masturbate every other month or so. When i met my current partner things went a little different because he is geourgeous and smart and cares about me very much. I quickly discovered that indeed i do not have to have sex in a relationship and from this point i pretty much stopped initiating it. For years i thought that that's just because i kind of never gave myself the choice before and i never asked myself what I liked, i just wanted to please my partner. So i thought i'd stop for a while, enjoy that i don't have to, figure out what i like and develop a sexual identity. Did not happen. I tried to "extend" masturbation sessions but tbh it's just something i want to get over it. Yes, it think orgasms feel good. But would i miss them? Not a chance. So for like 3-4 years now my boyfriend and i have been having sex once a month, sometimes every two months. The reason for that is not that i want sex once a month but i know HE wants it. And this is kind of the problem. He needs sexual attention, it's important to him. He is wondering why i do not want him, he is hurt and misses the confirmation. I took SO LONG to realize that he is serious and that he can't "just fap instead" (sure he can and he does but it's not the same) and we've had several fights because he didn't feel like his feelings where valid (which they indeed weren't to me ). But i get it now. He is not pressuring me at all tho, ofc not. He came up with asexuality in the first place and he would be willing to discuss pretty much every option and compromise there is for me. I am not ready for that tho, i am still figuring out what is going on with me. So i do feel sometimes arousal in my body. I don't feel the need to act somehow because of that, like i rarely masturbate and lol i would never go out and find someone to have sex with because of that. This is SO low priority for me i wouldn't even mention it. I've noticed that i don't feel comfortable with people having sex in movies, while others feel comfortable or even aroused watching movies or shows and there's a love story and sometimes the characters get close to each other in a sexual way. I've also noticed that i almost never think about people i see in a sexual way. I find them beautiful and sometimes i would want to touch their bodies but never in a sexual way. I've had a crush on someone for over 9 years, like a super hard crush (we were friends) and i daydreamed about him ALL THE TIME. Yesterday i noticed that i never, not even once pictured him naked or imagined to have sex with him. I imaged all kinds of stuff but the most physical imagination was us kissing. I like to kiss and cuddle very much. I would say, i NEED physical contact to feel appreciated and to make sure someone likes/ loves me. All of that being said, i am now thinking about what the fuck i am. I'll take my time tho. I am already relieved because i've learned that some people are not as interested in sexual activities as others and that that's OKAY. IDK what to do with me and my partner tho. That's an open question. We can't go on like this, he is just suffering a lot while i kind of don't even notice that something is missing. Thank you for reading this far.
  8. Thanks to everyone for replying and taking the poll. I just wanted to create this poll to see how my feelings related to everyone else on the topic. Even though I am not brave enough to say I want to tell the whole world that I am for the most part an asexual person or a mix of demi and ace, even though I feel like for me its just too personal, I was actually uplifted to see that many people on here are proud to just wear it on their sleeves.
  9. Rhyme

    #AsexualProblems

    I just answered automatically, as I tend to do when the answer to a question is easy
  10. Philip027

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    I've heard a lot of sexuals here on this very site claim that it felt like they had been unknowingly raping their partners. (Which isn't always the case with an asexual partner; they can potentially still consent to sex -- but that doesn't necessarily stop the icky feelings when party A finally realizes party B wasn't as into it as party A thought they were.)
  11. Today
  12. neverlove

    your pet hates for profiles on dating apps

    That clear boundary never prevented my sex education. Do not conflate healthy boundaries and sexual repression. They are not the same. I have an issue with a mother and grandmother taking kids to liaison for an incestuous menage a trois. The world over this is abhorrent. Rather than judging them, it would be more accurate to say this evokes a visceral disgust. I object to how your responses would paint me as over-reacting, judgmental and suppressing sex education. I do not believe in with-holding information about sex anymore than I believe in drowning kids in sexual stimuli. This was inappropriate, plain and simple, so I resent your implications.
  13. Ice_scare

    Quickly, Before They See!

    18
  14. Sally

    Ascension to 5D New Earth

    I wonder too. Does that mean you don't have to pee or excrete?
  15. SamTheSheep

    Tea!

    Going to be honest, I only have black tea. I tried a kind of fruity tea one time, but it tasted like warmed fruit juice, and I didn’t like it. My dad drinks green tea, and my mum buys loads of different kinds, so I might try some of that.
  16. If you want sex, a priori you're not asexual.
  17. SamTheSheep

    Favourite book/s?

    I could be here all day, but here’s a few Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake Harry Potter by J.K Rowling Time Riders by Alex Scarrow The Taming of the Queen by Philipa Gregory (it’s a historical novel about Katheryn Parr) And then there’s like a hundred others.
  18. timewarp

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for not at least trying to pronounce them.
  19. timewarp

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue five.
  20. Solitary Lotus

    #AsexualProblems

    Whenever you offer to help someone, but the person interprets it as flirting.
  21. Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

    im having sex with my non ace boyfriend

    What kind of healthy relationship involves one person having to lie consistently just to maintain said relationship? How is that respectful or fair to either party?? And most sexual people want something very specific when it comes to sex within a relationship, which is mutual desire.. a mutual love of the sexual intimacy. If ever a day comes when you can't maintain this facade and you tell him "well actually, I'm just ace... I've been ace all along" he's going to feel so used, disrespected and possibly even disgusted. For many sexuals, having sex with someone who doesn't actually want it (even if they pretend to) is a *massive* turn off. To find out you kept up that facade for months or even years could destroy his confidence and will almost certainly feel like a huge betrayal. It's just not fair on him really.
  22. SkyenAutowegCaptain

    What being a sex favorable asexual means to me

    Can we all keep to the topic at hand, rather than trading snipes. Skycaptain moderator PPS
  23. Chihiro

    your pet hates for profiles on dating apps

    Yeah, thanks to this "clear" boundary between adult and child regarding sex (and the resultant lack of sex-ed), we end up with lots of teenage pregnancies. Again, you don't know the age of these kids. Or how this topic was discussed. If they are toddlers, they aren't going to understand. If it was discussed indirectly using euphemisms or coded words, the kids are unlikely to understand. And it is not uncommon for kids to hear sex noises of their parents, or to walk in on parents having sex, those parents aren't committing crime for doing something that is natural. And we have enough closed-mindedness in society, I have personally never discussed the topic of sex even as an adult thanks to the taboo. Without AVEN, I wouldn't have known many things regarding sex, biology etc. Anyway, this was supposed to be funny story from the way the OP wrote it, so it is silly to pass judgements on the details we don't know about. I would just laugh and not read too much into it.
  24. asingularbraincell

    asingularbraincell

    Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one awake (might be because it's 1 am for me rn) and like, I love this section of time, I tend to get very creative, but it can also feel very lonely when I'm not feeling creative. My point is that insomnia is lowkey the worst sometimes

  25. TrashGremlin

    What video games are you playing?

    I'm playing Fire Emblem 3 houses as well at the moment,but I'll probably switch to mainly Pokemon next month when the new game comes out.
  26. Guilli Milli Mu

    So... Hi?

    Thanks for the cake and for the links! I didn't know there was a forum for that too.
  27. In my book, anyone who meets the attraction definition and/or desire definition, and who honestly and thoughtfully relates to the term and wants to adopt it, can usefully and accurately refer to themselves as asexual. Past, present or future behaviour or medical status have no bearing on this.
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