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  2. Paychobabbler

    Another U.K. newbie here! Hello!

    Hi everyone, I’m Ali, 50, and have been married to my hubby for 30 years this August. I’d just like to begin by saying that I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found this place! I’m writing this through floods of tears because after decades of having zero sex drive or sexual feeling towards my husband, I have come to the realisation that I’m not “broken”, and that being the way I am is just Who I Am. I love my husband dearly and I have always thought I showed him how much I love him, but after years and years of the same arguments about me not “proving” it and as he says my “choosing to not” show him my love for him. I’ve finally told him that I’m asexual. Sadly, he can’t understand it and says he could understand if I were gay, but he believes I make a conscious choice to not touch him - even though I have tried to explain time and again that this isn’t something I choose to not do, it’s just that my brain literally has no switch that tells me to go grab his ass or feel him up. I have always believed I demonstrated my love for him but he insists on proof and for him that can only be physical. He says I can see how much pain he’s in and I choose NOT to ease that pain and because this issue has been ongoing for probably 25 years, he thinks that I don’t find him attractive and nothing I tell him will change his mind. We have 2 daughters 27 & 23 (who currently both live with us) and yesterday after me coming out to them, they both said that they too identify as Aromantic and ACE. It’s wonderful having them understand, but my husbands feels we “gang up” against him all the time anyway, so I can’t tell him that they are like me too. Sorry to offload such a mammoth load of baggage on my Hello post, but it kind of spilled out of me and it’s good to at least write this all down, even if I can’t get my OH to understand. I don’t know if there’s anyone here who is in a similar marriage boat as I, but I’m really happy to be here and I look forward to getting to know you! X
  3. To be honest, when I look at the below graph, I think they totally did this on purpose. (Note these are total deaths and it seems even more suspicious if you consider that China's population is about twice that of Europe, or nearly the same as Europe and both Americas combined.)
  4. Marty1962

    Asexual dating

    What a horror, has anyone tried it? I'm open to a new relationship - non sexual so I'm on some asexual dating sites. I think the sites are for people who have died or are impotent for health reasons rather than true asexual. I've started a few conversations, they haven't replied for many months and when they do it's one line, nobody wants to meet up just talk online once in a blue moon. I don't do talking for months online, I do meeting up so I don't waste months on someeone who is clearly unsuitable so I like to meet up quick but this apparently isn't on, they all run away and I never hear from them again. The ones I've spoken too all seem to have no motivation whatsoever to do anything, I may have no sex drive but I have life drive, I want to go out, do things, get on at work, go to festivals whatever. i don't think I'd get any of this lot out of their rooms. What's wrong with everyone?
  5. My family think it's a "phase". I'm 58 and I don't have phases. They think asexuality is rubbish and I've just hit the menopause, I was asexual loooong before the menopause. None of them are having it, I find it quite disrespectful. Younger people are much more open but I wouldn't discuss this with my son, we don't discuss things like that.
  6. ThePoint

    Afterlife Importance

    In my observation, many more people believe in afterlife for the sake of others, than for their own. That is, they miss their deceased loved ones and hope that they are now in a "better place". Some religious scholars claim that humans were practising burial for religious reasons (i.e. suggesting belief in an afterlife of some sort) up to 100k years ago. If you ask me, I find this fairly likely. They must have thought that "if mom is not here, she must have gone somewhere else", especially if they were later "visited" in their dreams. As someone else mentioned earlier, sleep and death look very alike and would likely even more so for primitive people. However it probably wasn't until many thousands years later that mysticism has flourished and people began to experience different states of mind that they have interpreted as afterlife and this idea of paradise could really take off.
  7. Mz Terry

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for pushing Ted to one side for a cabbage patch doll.
  8. Today
  9. Ace_liv

    Quickly, Before They See!

    7
  10. Thanks for your opinions. Yes, please! I guess that could be really helpful. Thank you 🙂
  11. Chalce

    Chalce

     

  12. Asexuals can definitely have a high libido, however that doesn't equate to actually desiring sex with the person. You seem to have experienced a high libido reaction, but you couldn't actually manifest that libido as an actual desire for sexual intimacy with that person?? (you didn't want anything past kissing, is that right or did I misread you?). So if you had the libido but it couldn't actually make you innately want to continue the sexual activity, that could well be asexuality if it persisted long-term! Obviously only you can label yourself, but there are many asexuals here with high libidos!! They just don't connect their libido with a desire to actually have sexual activity with another person, if that makes sense? Oh the OP seemed quite happy with the discussion and thanked us for it; in that case wouldn't it be okay to continue the discussion as the overall topic is the OP questioning what exactly equates to asexuality, and whether or not they are sexual or ace? Technically the way things are defined are important in that contex (because the original questions were trying to ascertain the difference between desire, arousal, and attraction) and @flor9 seemed quite happy that we were having this conversation! I guess you could split it if it continued?? Though I think if the OP is happy with the discussion then splitting shouldn't really be necessary. Up to you though of course, just giving my input. 🍰
  13. Skycaptain

    Guess who comes next...

    Ok Zectarash
  14. Oh, yes, joined on May 19th. Read this. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/197627-heated-discussions/ Yes, yes, it does and there is avery valid reason as to why Panficto is mad. Most of people get incredibly pissed off when you point that out in their definition (I know this is what happened tens of times when I did that on Reddit numerous times) it basically paints sexual people as sex-obssessed horndogs who is obsessed with certain physical traits, not to mention the many many misconceptions that are being perpetuated around (and ot doesn't help the fact that the medias and that a certain very loud minority is reinforces these misconceptions). And that you have people who say that they are somehow asexual even if they actively want and seeks out sex with others but don't necessarily find people sexually attractive specifically (a.i. "don't see people as a slabs of meat") or care about people's looks. Don't get me started on the "Asexual Spectrum" shtick. You have no idea how many problems this has caused us but literally nobody gives a shit because they care more about collecting special snowflake points and catering to their agenda. No, the FAQ also defines sexual attraction as "Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.)" "Desire to have sexual contact with someone else" or "an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships". There is no difference between the two. Float On, I know that you are a veteran member here. I expected better than you than to cheery pick.
  15. Skycaptain

    Word association game

    Enigma
  16. Skycaptain

    Change One Word In This Sentence

    Chefs smoking cake summon zombies
  17. Skycaptain

    Alphabetical edibles

    Rollmops
  18. Skycaptain

    Ruin an AVEN thread by changing one letter

    Let's break the mules
  19. Skycaptain

    One random word in Alphabetical order

    Youthfulness
  20. KiannaKitter

    KiannaKitter

    😁🌺 Get ready for a flower explosion 🌺😁

     

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    🥰 It makes me so happy to look at 🥰

  21. Skycaptain

    Yum or Yuck!

    Yum Broccoli
  22. Jon A.

    Bad Eye Sight Club

    Hat trick! My left eye is slightly weaker than the right. I got glasses at 25 but I had gone many years without a test so I probably should have had them long before that. My vision seemed to take a sudden turn for the worse--possibly eye strain--so I had to get it checked out which scared the crap out of me. It was just astigmatism though, and I didn't realize just how bad my vision was until I saw it corrected while in a Future Shop. The glasses took some getting used to though; for a while I was shorter than usual, or so it seemed. I went lax on the tests again though, not getting another one until months after my frames cracked. Back then I wasn't in a position to have them replaced quickly. I'd prefer to not need visual correction. Glasses are just another thing to clean and right now they're not clean; thanks, oily skin. Somehow the big aviators Weird Al had before Lasik surgery, not to mention his mustache, suited his image better in my opinion. I never got used to seeing him without them.
  23. Skycaptain

    Quickly, Before They See!

    6
  24. Skycaptain

    How not to answer a newbie

    In the autumn of your life My walls are covered with pin-ups, can I still be asexual
  25. Skycaptain

    Change one letter (3 letter variety)

    Cat
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