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  2. Philip027

    May not be Ace?

    Why would you refer to an attraction as "sexual" if it didn't amount to you desiring sexual activity with them to at least some degree?
  3. Hello, @Dgw511 Communication is very important, but it doesn’t solve the problem itself. The main question is whether or not you are at all sexually compatible with your girlfriend. If you are, talking about it might help find some middle-ground solution. If you are totally incompatible (like she doesn’t want any sexual activity whatsoever), there isn’t much talking can achieve. Talking and waiting won’t make her “ripen” into a sexual person. So, I agree with the comments above, you need to sit down with your partner and have a frank discussion about how compatible you really are.
  4. Captain Jay

    Captain Jay

    About a week and a half ago, I sent a message to a member of a message board I used to frequent, basically apologizing for acting like a spoiled brat.

     

    He hasn't replied yet, so I was wondering whether I should prod him again, try someone else in the same group, or just back off and let that stuff from over a decade ago stay in the past.

     

    (I dwell on stuff a lot, as you can see. Not a good thing, I know.)

  5. Meylnaerdbier

    Cake fails?

    I figure cake is a big thing here, so why not bring it up? Here's a thread where you can share the craziest/most funny cake fails you've ever seen! Here's one to start it off!
  6. Although this is commonly said in textbooks, the "sex all the time" theory in ongoing research has been hotly disputed. As a fun example. "It turns out that, maybe, we don’t conceal our fertility as well as we think." "this difference translates into an almost $700 monthly penalty for women using oral contraceptives." https://bigthink.com/dollars-and-sex/ovulating-lap-dancers-make-more-money Also, I'm not convinced that our early female ancestors did not know when they were fertile. Plenty of women can tell! Mindfulness, practicing general body and emoions awareness, and clearing out all the clutter of modern life would probably make this even more apparent. I looked up the bit about menstrul cycles- guess you're right. So it would depend on whether a male had a harem or not. It might result in a natural flux where one male expended that energy, became complacent with the others becoming stronger through the sexual 'lean times,' then getting dethroned. Hm. I think our sense of smell doesn't get enough credit. I remember another study where it was shown that women can tell from smell if a man has histocompatibility (the man's specific genetic immunity complimented their own). The reverse wasn't true, though. I think whoever came up with the "sex all the time" theory might've been steeped in a patriarchal culture of some sort.
  7. Grimalkin

    Telling my spouse I'm asexual

    A letter is a fine idea. It enables you to state your thoughts and worries clearly without tripping over your words or being interrupted. Any communication is better than no communication. If he's a good man, he won't hate you. He may be confused or worried and possibly a little hurt or disappointed, but those are all things the two of you can deal with together. I would advise you to be careful when you speak of a lack of sexual attraction. In my ace/allo relationship, I make sure to emphasize that even though I don't desire him in exactly the same way he desires me, I enjoy our sexual encounters for the connection, the pleasure it brings him, etc. If you go into it saying "I don't like sex, I've never liked sex, I've been bored this whole time," etc., it's going to be very painful for him. (Even if it's true. Don't lie, but soften those harsh truths.) I would also like to speak briefly about the importance of sex to allosexual people. To us, it seems inconsequential. We just don't get WHY it's such a big deal. For asexual people, it is not the catalyst for emotional connection and growth. So when you are on these forums, you're going to get a lot of feedback about why sex isn't really that important in a relationship, why your allosexual partner should be understanding that you don't want to have sex, etc. These are... optimistic views, to say the least. More than likely, in a loving relationship, the allosexual person is not merely having sex to get their rocks off. They use it to help maintain a strong bond to you, and the intimacy from it is very important. This is my round-about way of saying that the pair of you will probably have to compromise, in the end, if this relationship is to survive. More sex than you would like, less than he would like. Because an allosexual person will struggle greatly to go without sex for the rest of their life, even though it seems ridiculous to us. I just wanted to sort of jump in here to forewarn you of these potential problems, so that you are prepared to deal with them how you see fit. I really wish you the best. Relationships with sexual incompatibility can work, but they take a lot more effort.
  8. Midland Tyke

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Quite so! Me too.
  9. Aris

    Aris

    Came back to the place @IceBlue proposed 👩‍❤️‍👨 💍:wub: 128 days.

  10. Nima

    Telling my spouse I'm asexual

    Maybe you can show him an article about asexuality and talk about how much you can identify with it? I think he might not take it so personal and you wouldn't be avoiding talking to him in person about it. It might be a good medium to explain yourself without it appearing like a "dear John" letter. Then again, there is no ideal way to break such revelations to your SO, just an idea. And this: I can totally relate to.
  11. CustardCream

    Saying Hi (Any Other Ficts Here?)

    Thanks for the hug! We're not the only two ficts here, I can promise you that! If you hang around the threads or run a search you'll soon find out.😊
  12. firewallflower

    firewallflower

    Dang, I wish the word melant'i meant something to someone I knew other than my cha'leket. Also, I wish the word cha'leket meant something to someone I knew other than my cha'leket.

     

     

    (Please feel free to disregard the ravings of a hopeless fan of, of all things, a space opera series. Unless you are acquainted with the Liaden Universe, in which case I call upon your melant'i as a galandaria [oh yeah, there's another word] to reveal yourself. Flaran cha'menthi.)

  13. Nowhere Girl

    Telling my spouse I'm asexual

    By why "should" he hate you? After all, you haven't done anything wrong, you are as you are and it's not your fault. You haven't consciously lied to him, you just have fallen victim of epistemic injustice: being unable to find resources which would help you understand your experience because of this being a minority experience. You believed that you are "supposed" to have sex because, in this culture, we are not told that not having sex is a valid choice which people should be free to make if they prefer it. If you have anything to be afraid of, than my pessimistic feelings about heterosexuality (which are often deemed too radical by heterosexuals and heteroromantic aces) are right: different-sex relationships are still, more often than not, based on power imbalance...
  14. PrismaticDream

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    0
  15. Today
  16. Nima

    feelings of guilt

    maybe it's the lack of trust in valuable expert advice in general. Often, they have their own agendas and we've both experienced sad expert advice... I'm not trying to get into sad stories we've been through right here either. Let's just say that this is another major setback and I want the best for him. We're talking a lot and still love each other, though his love is a lot more eros and mine more philia, no less though. Thanks for the pep talk, guys. Talking/writing about my feelings does help.
  17. The big decider in this is consent. Sex is not rape if both parties can give clear consent. It would be interesting to know how much capacity this woman has and if her husband has Power of Attorney which as I understand it is really only meant for making certain decisions for an individual who is deemed to not have capacity to make those themselves. But that's for their health and welfare, that doesn't extend sex, so I cannot see how they could possibly justify sex as that isn't critical to her life. Using any legal grounds like that to OK this would set a serious precedent, and it could redefine what consent is when it comes to sex. I mean really, it's rape to have sex with somebody who is unconscious, asleep or under the influence and unable to give consent. Why should her inability to give consent due to her reduced mental capability be any different to somebody who is in an altered state of consciousness and their inability to consent?
  18. Pandalin

    Any fellow aroaces here?

    Hi and welcome! 🍰🍰🍰
  19. Pandalin

    Hey there I'm new

    Hi and welcome! 🍰🍰🍰
  20. Pandalin

    Hi! I'm new!

    Hi and welcome! 🍰🍰🍰
  21. Pandalin

    Saying Hi (Any Other Ficts Here?)

    Hello and welcome! 🍰🍰🍰
  22. Suigin

    Quickly, Before They See!

    18 :3
  23. Skycaptain thinks animals appreciate irony.
  24. Tasha the demi squirrel

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue 1 💎
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