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  2. Nowhere Girl

    Questions about asexuality

    1) Are you male or female? Female. 2) When did you begin to believe your sexuality was different to others? Around the age of 16? But some 10 years earlier I already intended not to marry and not to have children and I realised that it's contrary to what girls are taught to dream of. It could be perceived as a harbinger of my asexuality. 3) Are you single or in a relationship? Single. Also homoaffectional and always unrequited... 4) Are you 18-29, 30-45 or older than 45 years old. 38 years old soon. 5) Would you change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? Never. 6) Have you ever had sex with anyone? No. 7) Does your partner accept your sexuality/ did your previous partner accept your sexuality? Not applicable. Do you feel pressured to change your sexuality to meet the majority of people? A little. But I'm proud to resist sociocultural pressure. 9) Have you seen any change in your asexuality over time i.e become more sexually curious/tolerant or become even less interested in sex/intolerant? In these areas you have mentioned - not really. However, I became more open to admitting the complexity of my experience: for example, that I'm not asexual according to one definition of asexuality (I experience something I could describe as sexual attraction), but still asexual according to another (despite the former, I absolutely don't want to have sex). I accepted my feelings more fully, became more steadfast in knowing that, for example, discomfort with nudity is not a thing to be ashamed of and that if I wouldn't even want to be attractive, I should be brave enough to defend my choice of embracing my nudity aversion instead of giving in to the predominant social belief that it's a pathological phenomenon. 10) What rating would you give your asexuality 1-100 (1 being I absolutely detest the very thought of sex and it completely repulses me, 100 being I have no particular interest in sex but occasionally I do it and it can actually feel quite physically pleasant for me). Hard to say in numbers. I could say that I "detest the very thought of sex" - but only the thought of personally having sex. I don't have such reactions to sex not involving myself, can have third-person fantasies... I consider it important insofar as allosexual notions of "being sexually open" usually fit asexual people very poorly. Our feelings about sex I'm often very complex. I feel a need to "warn" people that I'm not sex-indifferent, 0% sexually available, not just "uninterested in having sex", but actively distressed by the idea of doing it. However, it would be almost equally inaccurate to assume that I'm "not interested in sex" - I find sexuality a very interesting topic, it's just that partnered sex is definitely not something in which I would like to participate.
  3. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. I think you need to consider carefully what level of sexual interaction with your partner would let you be happy. Then, you are lucky that you are able to discuss sex with her, find out what her comfort level is with that. You need to keep realistic expectations. If she is asexual she will never desire you that way - though she may ( or may not) be happy to engage in some sexual activities with you because she enjoys making you happy. Its all about compatibility. No right or wrong about what level of sex *should* be appropriate - what matters is whether there is a sex life that makes you both happy - even if it isn't perfect for either.
  4. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Yeah, it’s not a time I remember fondly!
  5. Above and beyond all else, he'd need to be like me and stand up for others at risk to himself. And be angry about the state of the world right now (creeping fascism isn't just an American problem) He'd need to actively care for those in front of him who are worse off than him. Be against bigotry in all forms. He'd be willing to hide people from unjust raids like the ones targeting Cambodians and Vietnamese right now that the whole city has told me to my face they don't care about because it doesn't affect them or their favourite actress.(Caring is what I just think is decent, but if it weren't so horrifyingly rare, I'd still have a career and the creep of fascism wouldn't be happening, I guess. I don't understand how caring about others is so rare, and furthermore, anyone who resists or seeks safety from oppression of their own caste and then turns around and is a bigot to another worse-off case, to quote Garfield, "deserves to be drug out into the street and shot") Beyond that, I really don't care about much, but he'd need to understand I don't live for sex. He'd need to be physically affectionate, though. He'd also need to be old enough to remember what an 8-track player is and enthused by things like me still having one. Act his age and not like he's 20. Considering what all's around me, the fact he'd need to not be a bigot aside (I'm mixed and trans, and not white cisgay, I'm not accepted anyway, so a bigot wouldn't date me in the first place anymore than I'd date him), he'd also not be obsessed with what celebrity uses what toothpaste... (I live near Hollywood...) He'd be all for starting a non-evangelical homeless shelter with anti-discrimination policies, but it'd be fine if he has no more funds than me. Saying that, he could be any religion, he would need to be okay with me being Jodo Shinshu Buddhist (basically like Reform for Buddhism. My pastor knows I'm trans and not straight, this has never been a problem). We would celebrate both our religions' holidays. He'd need to be literate in at least one language. I was beat by teachers for not being fluent in English my first month in an American school. I don't put up with native monolingual English speakers telling me "my welcome." And the white ones, of course, it seems to be a mostly white problem because that's who can just skate by life and get high-paying jobs and 70 promotions without having to even be literate, are always better employed than I will ever be. I only put up with that if English is not their native. (In which case, well, I had to learn English, too) If Japanese is his native, that's really groovy, but not necessary or even likely for how much Japanese Americans are taught to hate ourselves (highest marry-out rate of ANYONE)
  6. CajunAce

    CajunAce

    Sick, depressed, and PMS-ed. Hope I'm a beautiful butterfly after all this pain.

  7. pickles mcgee

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Not true! I'm always interested in people's stories, including their challenges. Sorry that your teenage self had so much to deal with, @ryn2; that time is already hard enough as it is. 😬
  8. ryn2

    Job Hunting as a Grown Up

    Ugh! I guess that’s better than sleeping in and going to a crappy workplace but not *much* better.
  9. thylacine

    Job Hunting as a Grown Up

    Thank you Dave & Ryn... it seems like a nice office, but the commute, oh my God... I gotta freakin' get outta bed at freakin' 5:30 a. freakin' m.
  10. Grimalkin

    Was this sexual?

    Without knowing him I can't really get a general sense of his character, but going by the "excited" comment only it sounds like it wasn't overly inappropriate. Perhaps not professional, but it sounds like he was just joking that his buddy found you attractive. Slightly more harmless than using "excited" to suggest arousal. Again, I wasn't there, you would know better. However, now that you are working under him, do shut down any further behavior that makes you uncomfortable. If he's in a position of power he should not be allowed to abuse it, including making unprofessional comments. The next time something like that happens, tell him it makes you uncomfortable, and if he persists, report him.
  11. ryn2

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Hah, not quite that way. My parents not only gifted me weak enamel and lousy jaw structure but were also hugely dentist-phobic (so I didn’t get dental care until I could there on my own). They also passed along and regularly exhibited their mental health issues (severe anxiety, body dysmorphia, etc.), which contributed to my teenaged/young adult eating disorder, and being underweight at growth spurt time meant my teeth decalcified and got lots of cavities. So, triple whammy. Since very late high school I have taken the best care of my teeth humanly possible and had no new cavities but the damage was long since done. More than anyone wanted to know, I’m sure. 😂
  12. So me (F22, Sexual) and my girlfriend (F25, asexual) have been dating for almost 6 months. She has been open with her asexuality from the beginning and I have no issue with it. We are both virgins (although I do have a bit of sexual experience while she has none), and recently I've been wanting more. We are both VERY open with each other and communicate all the time about intimacy and where we stand/what we want, so that's not an issue. As an example, we have talked about my sexual fantasys and even joke around by saying things like "If you're bored we can park the car and act like cliche teenagers by having sex in the backseat" or "Man this birth control will really help with all our hetero sex" Despite dating for half a year, we haven't done more than simple kisses and cuddling. I am a VERY affectionate person (she is well aware of this), and I've been wanting more recently. I'm often tell her that while I'm ready for sex, I have no issue with waiting because her comfort comes before my desires. Whenever I bring up my desires and what I would like though, she tends to feel guilty about being asexual because she can't give me everything I desire and I NEVER want her to feel like that. However, I do want to start acting like a 'cliche teenager' and do things like make out with her and start touching her more than I do. However, I don't want to make her feel bad or guilty about not meeting my needs or uncomfortable about doing more intimate acts. Do any of you have advice for me?
  13. My ex tended that way and it got less and less cute over time.
  14. Hi, so I recently have been trying to figure out my sexuality and romantic interests and things like that. I know I am definitely asexual and I’m definitely demiromantic which means I only experience romantic attraction to someone after I have become emotionally close to them. Because of this, I have a confusing time trying to figure out who I am attracted to since most people define these sexualities by sexual attraction, which I don’t experience. I have concluded that I definitely like boys. I’m not entirely sure if I like girls also. I do think of this one girl in a different way than I think of other girls that are just my friends ( and if the amount of girls and boys I’ve liked sounds small, I’ve literally had one crush in my life. It takes a lot for me to like someone that way) But differently than I think of this one boy that I like. I don’t know if it is just a platonic crush or whatever. It is possible that all my “crushes” have been like that. I do find girls more attractive than boys. I notice them more. Im not sure if that is because I’m comparing them to me or if I actually like them romantically. - thanks for your time
  15. This is too say that I posted in error and don't know how to erase my post. I'm a noob.
  16. Wanted to add this server to the list, Ace Symposium focused on civil discussion and debate. All sexualities welcome! https://discord.gg/xDrcWuw
  17. Oh, there could be. What if you don’t get to pick who it’s with?
  18. Vividstar

    Asexuality Discord chat server.

    A new Ace/Ally server focused on civil discussion and debate. Lots of interesting conversations so far! https://discord.gg/xDrcWuw
  19. So as I said I came back to AVEN after years in the Army. I'd like to get back in touch with the community. What stuff is there to do to contribute? I feel like there was stuff to be involved but I dont really remember.
  20. PrismaticDream

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    2 red
  21. Yesterday
  22. FunkyAce

    Was this sexual?

    Something happened that might've been sexual but I don't know if I'm over reacting/misinterpreting things. I am a graduate student and was meeting with 2 male students last year to learn about their lab's research. One of them was very fixated on me, being overly nice and was agreeing with everything I was saying. Maybe it was his body language or tone as well, but I felt like he was very attracted to me. After our discussion they walked me out but the guy who I felt was oggling at me was so fixated on me that he forgot his laptop in the lab. I pointed it out and he went to go get it. His friend laughed and said he got too excited. I've been in the group now for almost 2 semesters and my fear came true. The one guy tried to date me and wouldn't leave me alone, so I reported him. It's great that I don't have to deal with him anymore but the guy who joked that he got excited is who I will continue working under for the next 2 years. Do you think he meant "excited" in a sexual way? I'd like to know if the comment was inappropriate. (I'm aro ace by the way.)
  23. MichaelTannock

    Am I just “collecting” labels?

    @Morgan123 Welcome to AVEN! I often have doubts about my Asexuality, where I think I'm lying to myself and others when I say that I'm Asexual. But those doubts disappear when I ask myself if I experience sexual attraction because the answer is a resounding no. Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Icing,
  24. Same; I knew something was weird when I felt so detached during early sex ed stuff, and I was never romantically interested in anyone at school. All my friends would have GFs and I’d just be off to the side wondering what the hype was about 🤔.
  25. ben8884

    Has anyone had any strange dreams recently?

    Moved from Asexual Musings and Rantings to Off-A. Ben8884 Moderator for Asexual Musings and Rantings.
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