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  2. Mybe by the term ace spectrum some people trying to say it's part of the ace community? Poor word choice either way, sure.
  3. Firefly8

    Game of Thrones! [spoilers, probably]

    1) Favourite character(s)? Jon or Sam. Everyone else is starting to annoy me. 2) Have you read the books? No, I stick with the classics and have a long list of those books I have yet to read 3) Which house do you belong in? I'd be chillin' in Braavos. Westerose house would probably be Reed. 4) Who's going to end up on the Iron Throne? Is there even going to be one at the end? No Iron Throne in the end, no magic in the end, only democracy will reign
  4. Hey, I'm pretty new to all of this but I know 1 thing for sure I'm asexual. Now my question is if you're demiromantic is it only to 1 gender/sex or is it both genders? I know that if you're demiromantic that you aren't romantically attracted to someone until there's a bond between you 2. But does that count for both genders or not? That why I'm questioning if I might be demiromantic, cause right now I think I'm heteroromantic. Thanks for everyone that answers! ❤
  5. Podsnap

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Start painting Lauren's entire nipple dark indigo, Dora.
  6. Celyn

    Trans Moments?

    I want a beard. I don't want a beard. My body seems to think growing 2 beard hairs is a workable compromise.
  7. If I may ask, @Zap... I assume since you've struggled for the length of time that you have and have been significantly unwell, you must have seen various mental health professionals? Have you ever discussed any of this with them? No judgement if you haven't, btw; I almost never brought up anything of the sort until my most recent therapist. In my late 20s I came across a photocopy of a clinical assessment made by a psychiatrist I saw for about six months in 2004 (surprise, the year I joined AVEN). He made me sound like a frigid emotionless bitch with zero insight into myself. Probably because every appointment consisted of him sitting there and looking at me, silently waiting for me to talk, as if 19-year-old girls are just dying to tell 60-year-old men that they're deeply ashamed of even needing basic human necessities, have no self-worth that would allow them to think anyone may actually like and value -- let alone love -- who they are, and actually desperately want human connection. It wasn't until just under a year ago that I actually had honest discussions with a mental health professional about my sexuality -- and even then, it was primarily out of absolute necessity in order for her to be aware my significant current stressors and fears, and to understand my connections to the people in my life. I talk fairly openly about such things here on AVEN, but I'm otherwise quite private about my relationships. Um anyway, that was a bit long-winded haha, and all in aid of wondering if you've ever had the opportunity to talk to anyone about this subject.
  8. Anthracite_Impreza

    Is this sketchy? [advice please]

    Definitely dodge, avoid it.
  9. Omega the Shadow

    Change one letter (5 letters edition)

  10. becc


    I love sitting on my ass for 12 hours a day staring into a computer screen typing the same stuff over and over and slowly ruining my wrists because of the mouse 🙃🙃 yup 

  11. Omega the Shadow

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Zeal is better than sex.
  12. Satsuriku_No_Tenshi

    What if you dont like cake?

    When I was working in a café, I ate so much cake. They gave away slices to staff at the end of the day, and I got to a stage when I started to dislike it. So now, I don't see cakes as special. I'm bored of cakes
  13. Nowhere Girl

    touch aversion and asexuality

    I'm a little touch-averse. I generally dislike touching anyone or being touched, when I meet my friends, there is typically no physical contact between us. Not even a handshake - why should I feel obligated to it if I can express welcoming through words? (Generally, language is my absolutely preferred way of interacting with the world. If we include all possible texts which can be read - not only books, but also printed and online media, dialogues in games, texts to translate etc. - then I am certain that I have spent much more time in my life reading than doing anything else.) Still, there is one exception: since childhood I have enjoyed having my back stroked. However, my mom doesn't agree to do it anymore and I would be too embarassed to ask a friend to do it. I have a difficult relationship with my body. I have suffered from a non-life-threatening chronic illness - allergy - almost all my life. It's enough to really hamper a person's life - I always feel itching, all the time, it obstructs my sleep (and I have an absolute sleeping-pill-phobia, they are very harmful and I will never take any sedatives stronger than teas made of herbs such as lavender, hops, lemon balm). All attempts at treatment - and there have been several - have been unsuccesful, the most I'm able to do is alleviate symptoms. Allergy is always visible on the surface of my skin - the last time I have had unscratched skin was probably about 35 years ago. I have also been overweight most of my life (my height, unchanged since the age of 13: 163 cm, my maximum weight according to my mom: 95 kg. I haven't weighed myself while looking at the scale for many years ). Now I have lost quite much weight. I like the fact that I now fit in several pairs of pants which have been too small, I like the fact that my boobs have become smaller (they are now extremely sagging and it's not comfortable. However, I still don't care very much about it: nobody sees them anyway), but still I don't like my new shape. I have become strongly attached to being a Big Woman and I feel strange in a smaller frame, I will have to work out more because I hate the idea of being a "delicate woman". In general - my attitude towards my body shape is strongly related to my effective asexuality: I want to look good, but I openly want to be sexually unattractive. And in fact it works, I encounter milder forms of harassment such as catcalling really seldom, men are mostly uninterested in me. However, despite all my health problems I wouldn't say that I hate my body. I don't. What I feel towards it isn't hatred or disgust, it's anger - for not being able to live a physically comfortable life. However, I absolutely experience my health problems as very strongly related to my orientation. In my case, I feel very strongly that I'm effectively asexual due to being sex-averse, not the other way around (which some aces describe): I simply can't desire an experience which feels so frightening to me. And my sex aversion is primarily nudity aversion. I don't hate my body, but I absolutely am extremely uncomfortable with nudity. No exceptions, nobody has seen me naked since I was about 7-8 years old. There are other aspects to my sex aversion as well: an intense discomfort at the idea of "someone doing something to my body" (which is probably closely related to touch aversion), disgust wit body fluids... But I experience these aspects as less important - maybe not "surmountable" (because, not intending to have sex, I'm not going to check it out), but simply localised in the background because my nudity aversion forms the first line of defense. It means that I would panic or break down in tears at a very early stage, long before "actual sex". So other aspects of my sex aversion are simply unlikely to be triggered, while even without having attempted to have sex I feel intense discomfort, anxiety, shortness of breath if I try to imagine being naked in someone else's presence. I don't regret it. I am intelligent enough to realise that my nudity aversion and sex aversion have the characteristics of a vicious circle: I feel such intense discomfort at the idea of personally having sex that even the idea of no longer being sex-averse, even the idea that I could begin to desire sex and could possibly try sex if I wasn't sex-averse, feel violating to me. But still I have a right to my own feelings. I have enough power over them to decide which feelings I accept and which I don't. And I choose to embrace my sex aversion instead of trying to overcome it. Not wanting sex is a valid feeling - for everyone, in fact, not just for people who happen to have heard of asexuality and/or for those who meet the definition of asexuality. People shouldn't have unwanted sex. And it's only up to the subject to decide what is wanted and what isn't: if I don't want to have sex, I don't need any excuses. I don't need people telling me that I would supposedly gain something by losing my sex aversion - because I just don't feel that I need an ability to have sex, I'm more comfortable without it.
  14. Omega the Shadow

    How high can we count?

  15. Today
  16. I swear if this "asexual spectrum" nonsense doesn't die out soon I'm going to find a kitten to punch. Pick up a dictionary, people.
  17. April 17, 2019 - https://www.yourtango.com/2019323527/definitions-demisexual-vs-asexual-how-demisexuality-fits-gender-identity-sexual-orientation-spectrum
  18. Tinned Ravioli

    A time to explore

    I'm truly surprised to find myself posting this. I owe it to Lent. I'm a divorced Catholic, which bars me from repartnering, at least in any way that involves sex. I've been in this position for 8 years or so. On paper this is a hardship, but in reality I haven't found it much of a struggle: basically, nothing that pornography and a few minutes of "me time" couldn't fix, if you catch my drift. But, for me this is a profoundly immoral act, and I always felt ashamed about it. So, on Ash Wednesday I decided to dig my heels in and give it up for the Lenten season. Giving up this particular form of sexual activity was a hardship for perhaps a few days. After that, I came to see how much of that sort of thing was driven less by desire and more by (a) a wish for a little feel-good time and (b) boredom, at least for me. Then a couple of weeks ago I began to ponder things that I would rather do than have sex. I was a little surprised to find that "eat a couple of cans of cold tinned ravioli" was up there (I happen to like tinned ravioli!). So was "read the latest issue of Spectator". So was "have a nice pint of beer" Then I realised: there's very little I could think of that wasn't preferable to sex, short of (say) being in a nasty accident. I could only think of a few times when I'd ever desired sex: even when I was courting or married, my ex had initiated love-making about 70% of the time. Looking back, sex mostly felt like a damned nuisance ("really? Do I have to?"). And then I found myself thinking "gee whiz ... I couldn't be asexual could I? I always thought I was straight!" Which brings me here, learning more about it. I'm perhaps luckier than many here: for me the stakes are very very low. If I am indeed asexual, then it's interesting in the same way that it's interesting to know that one has A+ blood or an INFJ personality type. It certainly would explain a few things in my life that otherwise didn't make a lot of sense (being a virgin until age 27, for instance, or realising someone is beautiful without wanting to do anything much about it). Nothing else in my life changes, because my faith forbids me to go to bed with anyone anyway. Anyway, here I am, and I'm looking forward to learning more about this unsuspected side of my identity
  19. MichaelTannock

    Friend not getting it whatsoever

    You're free to try other arguments. I was suggesting one, and saying that I doubt any will work.
  20. Many thanks! I struggled getting the right balance for this list, and rewrote it numerous times. It ended up a bit of a half-way house, so your feedback has been very helpful.
  21. Telecaster68

    touch aversion and asexuality

    I'd say ((())) but in context probably not a good thing...
  22. Celyn

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Taking hoses into new gardens, splendid!
  23. teatree

    anyone past 50 on here?

    I love your expression! My current passport has the most terrible picture--i look like I'm 100 and was just dug up from the grave! The photographer wouldn't let me have even the hint of a smile (not allowed, he said, so I look very dour) and I also wasn't allowed to wear my glasses, without which I am lost. Needless to say, the result is not good and I'm embarrassed to have to show it. But I'm stuck with it for another 7 years! You definitely should! It's well worth the initial hassle.
  24. Perspektiv

    Is this sketchy? [advice please]

    Very sketchy. Shouldn't be this complicated to get a job. You're offering them your services. Their job is to facilitate this process, even for just an interview. Any legit company, will be open about the role, location and about the company. Any questions when I call a candidate for an interview, is answered. Our address, a bit about us, and starting salary. Whatever. No question about the business is off limits. I even mention the salary range if desired based on their experience. Let's not waste each other's time, basically. I want people happy to work for me just as its important I get along with them. You're stuck with them all day, afterall. If you don't like your potential bosses vibe. Ruuuuuuun. Again. You're stuck with them all day. It should feel right for both parties. Every single vague interview I have gone to, was for appointment sales. Or door to door commission based sales which bordered on fraud for some companies. Bullshit "jobs". Highly doubt there is an actual danger, but am certain the company isn't legit or the role isn't a good one. Listen to your gut, already!
  25. Points 6-8 are written in a very inclusive way, which is also important because of highlighting that health problems, sexual trauma or strict upbringing do not invalidate a person's asexuality. Perhaps a part of the other points could be rewritten in such a way? For example: "5. May enjoy sex, be indifferent to sex or not want to have sex at all". Point 2 could also be rewritten: "May fall in love or not desire romantic relationships". Altering point 1 would be more controversial, but for me it would be a welcome move to acknowledge that some people feel that they weren't born asexual and yet prefer to identify as such.
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