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  2. HistoryNerd

    In 3 different closets

    Hello, and welcome! 🍰
  3. bluebella

    Give me HOPE

    Yes, I see your point and that makes sense. I like the way you described it and I would generally feel a lot better thinking about it in that way, to make my partner happy and not force myself to feel the same as he does and constantly beat myself up that I’m no good at being sexual. I went into the relationship not knowing about asexuality and how it applies to me. I have been with my partner for over 5 years now and I haven’t had sex with anyone before him. It took a lot of figuring out and a lot of stress before I understood my sexuality but I still can’t stop feeling defective. Sometimes, I’m having “better” weeks or months, but sometimes I am really sex repulsed and it puts our relationship in a bad place where we both feel down. At this moment it is really quite bad and I would really like him to learn more about asexuality in hopes he’ll understand me more and this would hopefully help us to work things out together, but he doesn’t really accept this... he used to say I am not asexual because I do occasionally enjoy sex. He suggested I go to a therapy as he doesn’t think he can do this for much longer, as we didn’t have an intimate encounter in almost two months... So I am now in a really bad place, and unlike others here, who are really comfortable with their (a)sexuality, I really feel like it is crashing my world. I really appreciate everyone’s input so far, thank you ✨
  4. Eeeeerin

    In 3 different closets

    Hello fellow aces! I'm Erin (not birth name), and I came out to my friends only last year as asexual. They were pretty accepting of me, since we're a very diverse group, but I still haven't found the courage to tell them I'm nonbinary yet. Until recently I wasn't worried about coming out to my family, but a sibling of mine (nonbinary, bisexual) has started saying things about the ace community that makes me nervous about saying anything. I also brought up that I'm probably not interested in anybody to my father, but he just saw it as a joke and/or lie and said (WARNING: CLICHE AHEAD) that I'm just not old enough and I'll find somebody. Because of this, my friends say that I'm "locked in the closet." This is more true than I'd like, especially since if I came out as nonbinary my family would probably just say I'm copying my sibling. Anyway, I just found this website and I'm so relieved that there are thousands of other people that have probably been through something similar. I hope that I'll eventually come out the rest of the way to everybody, as right now I'm an asexual/panromantic male, a bisexual male, and a heterosexual male depending on who you ask.
  5. goldenflamingo

    Asexual and sexual desire?

    Ah okay. Well life's a journey. And to see it went uphill with you, it's good. Yeah, I sure understand that people feel different about it. I just wanted to hear some experiences to understand the broad spectrum a bit better and to see how it is for other people. For me, I am curious about it, but I don't know if I would try it because general anxiety, being too conscious of the moment, I don't know. Only time can tell if I will ever try. I honestly want some too. yes sure, but the fact that I never wanted to and can't imagine to, is rather pointing towards asexuality though. Of course a lot of things flow together in my case which could fake the truth so I can't say for sure, but in my opinion asexuality still describes me best.
  6. About a third of "womens" clothing baffles me to the extent that I'm not sure what part of the body it's meant to go on. I don't venture in said section any more except to buy trousers sometimes. My tops are all from the teen boy's section.
  7. CBC

    Could I be autosexual?

    What makes you gay if you're only into yourself? Do you desire romantic (non-sexual) relationships with people of the same sex?
  8. Well, since y'all know Japanese media...Ichigo from Bleach. "Different appearance," (mixed; everyone puts me as 100% whatever they like less, then all the queer stuff I am), sexually oblivious, as I'm ALWAYS TOLD**, protector complex. A good example is when I got committed under false pretenses as revenge because I took a public stand against the bosss of the shelter I worked at because he was putting Latinos in a back room and having everyone ignore them and turning the Asians into other residents' house girls and house boys, including the pregnant and elderly Asians. I had a similar thing at St. Vincent DePaul who was turning away Muslims (WHILE accepting HUD funding) AND a daycare I worked at where they were throwing kids by their arms and sitting on them. Whistleblowing aside, I tried to start a group out here in Nov '16 to feed the hungry cut off food stamps up to literally hiding targeted people from unjust race/religion based raids. Half the town told me they didn't care, and it died on the table. I'm kinda crippled, but I've been known to rush headlong into fights to protect people. And watched as others stood there. So apparently, this is rare. And I've done nothing but lose for it. Jobs, career, ability to walk for a few days. But I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I didn't. So, yeah, protector complex. Also like and am good with kids (from ep 1 he is) (and dogs love me. Cats find me as interesting as I find Bob Newhart, though, which is none) Definitely not overpowered, though. Very under-powered. Also, in the end, Kaito from Aibou. See the finale of the last season he was in. Similar idea. And kinda Kameyama, too. Rough and tough guy, especially next to Sugisita. But these are 'kinda.' **yeah, met my best friend because we were both over 30 in the fandom. When I figured out the demisexual thing the other day, she said she knew that already. Her literal reaction. We also agree Ichigo's not allo. They make it painfully obvious he's oblivious to Orihime to the point the epilogue was just as odd there (we only saw feelings develop one way) as that Chad uses his fists for money. The Rangiku skirt-peek seems OOC with how much he usually freaks over that stuff. Oblivious to flirting is something allos get on me about all the time. I literally never see it. Even after they tell me. I'm guessing this can come with the territory. I'm also writing a thing for the curious: go to chairdesklamp on ao3 if you want. Total queer spectrum positivity, and gunning to represent all the under-represented ethnicities in Japanese and American media. E.g., my Rukia is Vietnamese, Lisa's Hopi, etc. Tonnes of mixed people, too.
  9. HistoryNerd


    Hi! Not going to lie, I’m not exactly sure what to say... I guess this is something I’ve been thinking about for quite a while. I’ve always been uncomfortable to the point of disgust when my friends talk about sex — relatively graphically too. I don’t have a problem with it, as such, but the thought of engaging in it myself makes me feel awkward. I’m not one for physical affection either — I hardly ever hug my friends, unless I haven’t seen them for a long time. I’ve been in one relationship before and it lasted for more than a year. He wanted to get more intimate (like past kissing and cuddling) with me, but I was never interested. At the time, I just assumed this was because I was young and didn’t feel ready emotionally, but as I’ve got older, I’ve realised that I just have no interest in pursuing a physical relationship to that level. I’ve definitely experienced romantic attraction, but not sexual; and I’ve personally never seen why some people perceive sex to be the be all or end all of relationships. To each their own, I suppose. I guess I’m glad to know that I’m not insane, that not feeling the intense sexual attraction towards people that my friends describe is normal and that it’s not going to be a matter of “waiting for the right person,” like so many have suggested to me. Edit: Thank you for taking the time to read through that essay! I hope you’re having a lovely day or night, wherever you may be!
  10. ElasticPlanet

    Lingerie...What's the point?

    I know what you need. Something that has no right or wrong way of being worn! https://cilium.nu/collections/shop/products/glider
  11. How is it that these things are actually replacing sexual relationships, though? What makes them a replacement and not just... stuff you're into?
  12. I was the opposite, had no (even negative) interest in romance then accidentally discovered it. I wouldn't have it any other way, but searching for it? Nah, if you're not bothered, don't bother.
  13. Celyn

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Really, I need gold, stat.
  14. CBC

    Asexual and sexual desire?

    Not necessarily. Many sexual people would respond that way if they were a combination of things like anxious, inexperienced, uncomfortable, not mentally/emotionally ready for sex yet, etc. I'm not saying you aren't asexual; you may well be. Just that those things don't automatically make you asexual.
  15. ElasticPlanet

    Lingerie...What's the point?

    I don't find the word 'sexy' useful or meaningful. Not for people or underwear or clothes (fetishy or otherwise) or touchy-feely activities (BDSMy or otherwise). As for the lingerie itself, well... I'm a little bit grossed out by the 'gift wrap' idea that's been talked about here. I always thought of below-the-belt underwear as just a way to deal with the unpleasantness of the genitals and orifices underneath. Putting your household waste in a fancy decorated bin bag wouldn't make it any less unpleasant...
  16. chairdesklamp

    What's your favourite non-English word(s)

    I don't have a favourite word per se, in any language I know a lot of words in, but I do find myself said "My native language (Japanese) has a single word for this, but (six-word term)" in English WAY more often than I say it going the other way (which is basically never). And you see how fluent my English is, it's just that Japanese has more words or something.
  17. Anthracite_Impreza


    I feel the need to defend the person being maligned by @AceOfHearts_85. Their statement was not a deliberate attack and they are not a troll or stupid. We have been having a perfectly civil chat and these things are quite obvious if you have a bit of patience and don't immediately jump on them.
  18. Obviously varies from person to person, but if I desire sexual intimacy that's pretty much synonymous with having a libido for me, and my body will basically always respond. Hell, unless I'm like... actively really turned off or something... it will. However I joke that I'm annoyingly easy lol, so. But yes, takeaway point: sexual people sometimes have no libido. Sometimes for very long stretches of time, depending on what the cause is. Doesn't make them asexual and most probably don't start fretting about whether they are. They're likely to be frustrated with their lack of sex drive though, or also possibly just not give a shit (because, say, when you're severely depressed, you just don't give a shit about many things).
  19. chairdesklamp

    How Do You View Songs Meant to be Lusty?

    I can tell they are, just like I can tell where Agatha Christie drops a joke, even though her humour is incomprehensibly dry to me. But to me, the faster/harder ones all sound like car chases and the slower/jazzier ones all sound like "luxury"/"Fancy city." Example, faster : Faster, in English (not linking the PV because it's pretty gross): Slower, jazzier: (One from the old country I wanted is apparently not available on the internet) Spanish: Anything by Luther Vandross counts as this in English, though he can get a bit schmaltzy for me, and I've no interest in overly schmaltzy. Here's another one that counts in English, by Anita Baker: (I figure understanding the lyrics might be a factor in being able to see where I disconnect) Basically, the faster stuff just sounds action-y, and the slower stuff, classy, until it hits the schmaltzy bar, and which point, I tune in to something else. I was just wondering if anyone else gets that out of music meant to be 'sexy,' or what other alternate readings y'all get.
  20. Skeletonducky

    Quickly, Before They See!

  21. CustardCream

    Quickly, Before They See!

  22. Today
  23. Wikkit

    Game of Thrones! [spoilers, probably]

    @Rhaenys Oh my gosh that's adorable. Though I'm not sure you'd want an Aegon, given the whole sister-wives thing. Plus, girl power! So you wouldn't agree that the story is potentially a long-winded metaphor about climate change, even though G.R.R.M has said so himself? I find that, without being able to see his thoughts, the show Jon seems a lot less complicated than the book Jon. He does the right thing. Some people don't like it. He does the right thing. Some people don't like it. Etc.etc. @Firefly8 It's been years! Maybe he's gone the same way as Cersei's elephants - into the dark recesses of the CGI budget, while the dragons soar majestically overhead.
  24. Mz Terry

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    Blue one.
  25. Mz Terry

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for making Ted take up tap dancing and saying he must learn to persevere.
  26. I half wanna ask you what the heck a 'maiden game' is It's my native language, and I grew up there, doesn't mean I know everything to come out of it, and left LONG before the NEETs started tanking the entertainment sector. I sympathise with Miyazaki. Kinda wanna know, kinda don't. I definitely have fallen in love with a couple people (mostly male, only one girl, 'girl' because it was 500 M.Y.A. in high school), or at least the people I thought they were (if there was an illusion to clear, when it cleared, so did my feelings, completely) I have tried to be with people for several years at a time because I was afraid to die alone (still am) and they were there to use me and I didn't actually feel much positive for them. But anyway, yes, being able to fart around each other, well, it's part of having a body. I also joke that I prefer men because I need someone who understands why Weird Al and making butter worms (soft butter, press between two saltines, butter comes through the holes) were really cool when I was younger and still hold appeal (Though saying that, my best friend loves machines just like me and spiders, and she's a woman) I'm uncomfortable with most sappy stuff, but slow dancing to, say, Firefall's "Just Remember I Love You" in our living room might be nice. But so would going rollerskating, or if he was also into machines. Or if we started a homeless shelter, radio station, or rock band together... And cuddling in front of the stereo/a good sitcom/cuddling and talking about random stuff is always great. But I'm no spring chicken, and "I love him," "For who he really is, not something I'm in error about," "He wants to be with me," and "We CAN be together" have yet to coincide, and my biggest fear is they never will. And also earthquakes and strokes. Also big fears. I've been defining it as 'romantic but not sappy,' but hey, I thought I was allo and other people were just really shallow and had messed-up priorities until the other day. Kinda like how I'm colourblind with some shades of green and pink but not all, and I thought my walls were brown for years until I saw some paint the brown of my walls labelled "green," and asked someone to tell me what colour my walls were. Kinda the same idea. Super relieved to know why I don't like all this stuff, though. It was more just weird knowing my brown walls were green to everyone else, though.
  27. ☆゚°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

    Alt-J Taro

    Taro Every so often I come back to this song and I want to cry...and maybe dance... Maybe embrace a loved one... It's just such a tragic story. Sorry for getting all up in people's space. It's just so dang beautiful.
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