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  2. MichaelTannock

    Any fellow aroaces here?

    @aroacearima Well, I'm 33, but I don't know if I'm older than you. I often have doubts that I'm Asexual, that I'm lying to myself and other people, so if you have the same thoughts, my advice is to ask yourself if you experience sexual attraction, because when I do that, my doubts disappear, because the answer is a resounding no.
  3. RoseGoesToYale

    The need for a Youth Rights Movement

    But how we standardly define "experienced" in a way that draws a clear distinction between the thoughts, abilities, and decisions of young humans and the thoughts, abilities, and decisions of older humans? Experience is relative. I have 16 year old family members that have jobs and already know how to fill out a tax return. I'm 23 and clueless about job hunting and taxes. There are hoards of 16 years olds out there who have had sex with multiple partners. I'm 23 and have never had sex. Heck, there are plenty of 30+ year olds on this forum that have never had sex. I know 16 year old IB students who keep a meticulous planner, complete all their assignments on time, volunteer in the community, and (heaven forbid) still have time to sleep. I know middle-aged career women (cough ex-roommate cough) who forget to pay rent on time sometimes, run to the store and come back with three pairs of impulse purchase shoes, talk on the phone at all hours laughing in not inside voice, and pass out drunk in the living room in their underwear at night. Who's to say which of these experiences and behaviors holds greater social legitimacy? One could argue that older adults are more hardened by the cruelties of the world, but again it's relative. Compare a 15 year old black student living in the ghetto with a 40 year old librarian who has always lived in middle class suburbia. Everybody has struggles regardless of age, but the discrimination comes when society places higher value on certain ages than others and fails to consider the positions, works, and lived experiences of a particular group based on that status alone. I've had my fair share of run-ins with adults that thought all young people incompetent, unworthy of seriousness or respect, and in general treated them poorly. Those adults would say their age and experience gives them the right to behave this way. I firmly believe the same adults were disrespected and not taken seriously as youth themselves, and it can be seen in cycles of domestic abuse. When young people see how young people are treated and regarded by society, they internalize this, reflect themselves through these lenses, and grow up into adults that treat young people the exact same way they were treated. On reckless behavior... teachers and parents seem keen to make 101 assumptions as to why some young people behave recklessly, rather than trying to pinpoint the real reasons why. A teen might shrug and say "I dunno", but consider... older adults are in a position of power relative to teenagers. It's difficult to explain yourself, or even just talk about your life at all, to a person in power for fear of repercussions. It may be safer to shrug and act blasé than be candid and risk getting in trouble or being socially rejected. This is what kept blacks in the American south living in fear. This is what kept women living in fear. Sometimes acting out in ways dominant society considers irrational behavior (e.g. disrupting buses and clogging streets with signs) is the only way to cry out for recognition and respect. The anonymity of the internet puts an interesting spin on it. Age can now be easily faked. I can't know for certain whether the 40 year old school teacher whose blog I'm reading isn't just a 20 year old making educated guesses and trying to feel important to society, unless I've talked to them personally and seen a few head shots.
  4. chairdesklamp

    My Asexual Relationship.

    @Official_McStar Congratulations! And also, isn't riding in a truck bed neat? Sadly, it's now illegal where I live...
  5. Laurann

    Asexuality and Doctor Visits

    I've never had that happen to me, but I am going to go to talk to my doctor about gender dysphoria for the first time tomorrow, so we'll see if that changes. The only time a doctor sort of asked something like that was when I went to go see one because I hadn't had my period in 3 months and he asked if I could be pregnant. I was like 'Don't you think I would've considered that? I wouldn't exactly be sitting here asking you what could be wrong with me if I was simply pregnant, would I?' But I didn't say that. I only said "No." Him: "Have you had that tested?" Me: "No... but..." Him: "Or are you not sexually active?" Me: "Yeah." Then he said something about how it was probably just stress, and then when it was time for me to leave, he told me to use protection, which I thought was an oddly paternalistic thing to say. I'm not an idiot you know. Also, I never gave him any indication that I would start being sexually active anytime soon. It just seemed really strange for a 45 year old man I barely knew to be inserting himself into the private life of a 19 year old like that. Is it part of a doctor's job description to tell random young 'women' to use protection even when they say they're not sexually active? This was about 5 years ago, so I wasn't aware of my asexuality yet, but I did reply "Yah it's not happening," because that is one thing I was 100% sure of already, and then I walked out without waiting for his answer. That dude wasn't my regular doctor, she's nicer, thankfully, so I have good hope for tomorrow
  6. Pandalin

    Hello from London

    Hi and welcome! 🍰
  7. mistyyy_dayyy

    Incredibly Ace Moments

    Pet Semetery is a horrifying movie with an insane amount of jump scares and gore(it was great). despite all that the only part i closed my eyes for was when they *almost* had sex. i had to physically turn around for that part.
  8. Podsnap

    The need for a Youth Rights Movement

    I’ve always had a problem with the concept of adulthood. We use it as kind of an arbitrary level of status that’s achieved just by becoming a certain age regardless of whether you act any more maturely or responsibly. And as a result, because you can achieve adulthood effortlessly and adult status just by having a certain birthday, you don’t really have to demonstrate responsible behavior and a lot of adults don’t.
  9. I probably just haven't found the right person that won't mind not having the attention or affection, or even lack of sexual activity. And I apologize for not being specific. Uhm, I don't really have a parent-child relationship. I occasionally see my Dad. I guess that's the only relationship that matters. If I were to be specific and honest... If I don't need to interact with anyone, I'd rather not have a relationship with them. Or if I have to be even more specific if it doesn't benefit me I'd rather not have a relationship with them. A friendship is rare for me. I have one friend I guess I could be close to. Everyone else would just be considered acquaintances. I hope I'm not coming off as arrogant. I'm not even sure if I'm asexual. I don't know what I am. I'm really confused.
  10. cdrdash

    anyone past 50 on here?

    It's "Bring your kid to work day" today at Maxar Technlogies and I think at other bay area companies! It is rather fun to hear giggles all over the office. It is a good thing I don't have anything to do today that requires lots of concentration as the kids are a bit louder this year than in previous years! Hearing them makes me smile for the most part.
  11. That’s why I consider myself agnostic and not atheist; while I don’t personally believe, I am not omniscient and could therefore be wrong. I consider it wise not to openly and needlessly flaunt beliefs/religious rules that aren’t hurting me and stem from things I may not fully understand. Sort of like... I don’t believe in ghosts but, similarly, I could be wrong. If I’m visiting a building and people tell me not to sit in the green chair because doing so angers the ghost and can get me killed, I still won’t believe it but I also won’t sit in the chair. The price of being wrong is too high and my knowledge too incomplete.
  12. Pandalin

    Hello everybody!

    Hi and welcome from another LA resident! 🍰🍰🍰
  13. cdrdash

    anyone past 50 on here?

    Very much enjoyed a visit from one of my old college chums the day before yesterday. I showed her and her son the Google campus and took them out to dinner in downtown Mountain View. And now, I am very much enjoying not having house guests and having a cleaner house
  14. Star Bit

    I think I may be asexual. help?

    What kind of pleasure are you referring to here? Sexual pleasure? Or is it strictly emotional pleasure? Which may or may not result in your/her sexual arousal; a byproduct. What is the goal in doing so? For your body or hers. The goal not involving orgasm is still sexual if it's for sexual pleasure. The goal only sometimes being this still means a presence of sexuality toward others. Sensual attraction turns sexual if it's desired for sexual reasons. Quote by AVEN: An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction – they are not drawn to people sexually and do not desire to act upon attraction to others in a sexual way.
  15. InquisitivePhilosopher

    Acephobia is annoying and still everywhere

    This sounds like good advice because leaving those comments with angry or retaliatory ones would probably only encourage the ones saying those things to feel justified in leaving more hurtful comments and continuing to argue and be negatively judgemental against aces.
  16. That’s why they frame it as protecting their business interests... “it’s too risky for me to complicate my life with people who haven’t been appropriately screened and who aren’t under contract.”
  17. Omega the Shadow

    How high can we count?

    135
  18. PrismaticDream

    Red, Green, Blue, RAINBOW GOATS!

    No.
  19. Masati Vornar

    How high can we count?

    134
  20. Chocolatedevil00

    Chocolatedevil00

    "What's the point when I don't know who I am"

  21. nineGardens

    Quickly, Before They See!

    25 Also, by the way, we are counting on...
  22. MichaelTannock

    Am I asexual or is "sex" just hard to define?

    A belated welcome to AVEN! You could be a Homoromantic Asexual. Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone, and I interpret stimulation of the genitals to be sex. What you've described sounds like Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction and Sensual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Buttercream Flowers Cake,
  23. Homer

    Best friend's relationship

    It depends on the people involved. I used to have a very close friend. She had been in long-term relationships for most of the time we knew each other. However we were still really close and when we met to talk or to do stuff, it was just the two of us. Her SO was not a factor. I knew him because I went over for visits regularly, but we didn't have a separate Homer/SO-friendship going on or anything. However their relationship didn't work out. She got therapy afterwards for a few unrelated issues. Then met someone else, got together with him after a short while and decided that she didn't want to have what we had anymore. Eventually got married to that other guy, which I got to know about purely by chance. So that sucked, to put it mildly. He has left her a few weeks ago and I'm... experiencing conflicted feelings, to say the least. A new partner always means some rearrangements in everyday life. I think it's best to leave them mostly alone during that honeymoon stuff – personally I'm glad when I don't have to deal with infatuated people anyway. Come back when you've put your head back on from then on it's all about finding ways to make it work. Does everyone involved want to get to know each other? Is everyone involved ready and willing to make some room for the other people to spend time together? Do you like each other enough to spend time together as a group? That kind of thing. Time will tell the rest
  24. hotflamincheeto

    I think I may be asexual. help?

    to reply to some of your messages: first - thank you for all the comments (did not expect a cake haha) After giving it some time; I find my girlfriend aesthetically pleasing, I do have a romantic relationship with her and because of that I find sensual pleasure with her. I do not do it for her pleasure only, but also mine. I'm just not sexually attracted to her or anyone else. thanks for clarifying these things to me. I think we'll have to talk a bit about this.
  25. Star Bit

    How do you enjoy a relationship as an ace?

    You say you weren't pressured into it yet felt bad for saying no so many times. Counteractive. You need to stick to your guns. No means no. You don't owe ANYONE sex. Say it and repeat it. And do it like SpongeBob.
  26. Skycaptain

    Change one letter

    Ream
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