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  2. F_p_m

    Top surgery sounds ideal (edited)

    See I rather LIKE the idea of a male body but i'm stuck with this one. However, if i'm gonna be stuck with this one (and we aren't at a point where we can brain transplant people) then getting these flesh lumps off me would be awesome. they just get in the way. Ultimately I sort of feel like i've got everything I ever wanted from my female body. I had children, I got to experience that horror (yeah it wasn't fun but I do love my kids) and now it's time for me to feel comfortable in my body. but ooo surgery is scary. Actually it's more recovery I dread. And the chance the scars might hurt forever like my other scars do. Bah. but oh... oh the idea of being able to go topless or being able to wear clothes without boobs distorting the lines of a shirt... it's beautiful. Regardless of whether I fully transition or not, getting these things off me is SUPER appealing.
  3. MichaelTannock

    Excited to meet other aces!

    @entelechie Welcome to AVEN! This section might be useful since I think the connection you're looking for is more easily created when you meet people in person, https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/ Though in my case, I don't know any other Asexuals in real life. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a Books Cake,
  4. Anthracite_Impreza

    #AsexualProblems

    You don't, but you can infer that when they never acknowledge you even when you directly tag them, and you once had a disagreement, they've blocked you. I don't understand it myself, but hey ho.
  5. If he is attracted to you sexually and desired it at the start and saw you as a sexual object... I doubt asexual. Sex can be frequent at the start for aces too, because they are feeling a rush of NRE and confuse it, but he is saying he is attracted to you and wants sex sometimes and saw you as a sexual object at one point. That doesnt sound like lack of sexual attraction is what he is trying to communicate. Though, he could be confused I suppose and not realize that is how he feels. But, it is up to him to decide if ace or not. Sounds like to me NRE (new relationship energy) and lack of attachment kept it interesting and he has a naturally low libido ? So now NRE is off, hes declined. And sometimes when kids come into play the whole shift to seeing wife as mom can make desire decline as well for some people. And... for me, pressure to have sex kills my libido. If I wasn't left alone about it being more frequent I would end up not wanting it at all. So the more I get pushed, the more my interest goes away. I have a low libido, so once my relationship with my wife stops being "new" (we are living apart due to visa situation, so its new each visit til we settle back in) its more a once a week, once every two week thing. If she pushed me for more, it would go to once a month... then do I really have to? I cannot feel like its a chore and still have desire for it myself. It would kill it completely. And 3-4 times a week, from experience, leads me to repulsion and avoidance (ex wanted that much). So he could just be feeling overwhelmed by your libido. So. My suggestion would be sit down and have a talk about needs and feelings. See if there is anything you can do to spark interest again. If it is he is seeing you in a non-sexual light since being with you so long, sometimes roleplay can work to make you feel new. Maybe giving him a break from sex could lessen the stress of the topic and make it fun again. Maybe he really doesnt have a desire for sex at all. Maybe he is having a madonna-whore thing and couples counseling could help. Maybe...maybe... The important thing to do is to not push blame on either side. Use I feel, I need. Dont use you never want, you never do. Use we need to find a solution together, dont say you need to figure this out. Let him decide if he is ace or not. Try to understand each others needs. And then, after you learn how each feels, try to find a middle ground that will satisfy you both.
  6. Well I can't come right out and diagnose him as being on the asexual spectrum, though it does sound like it. So first I'm going to attempt to delve into how he might be feeling. Bear with me. When I first start a relationship I am always a little more "into" the sex because I confuse it with bonding and intimacy, though it fades over time. I still love the person the same, but sex is not something I am interested in. I suspect it is the same for your husband. The problem is that asexual people naturally do not see "what the big deal is" about sex. For someone who is indifferent to sex, like me, I describe it like going to the dentist. Sure, my dentist could be amazing, and going to the dentist has proven health benefits, and often I feel good after, but no one wants to go to the dentist every day, much less for hours at a time. We simply have no desire to, and can't really fathom why 99% of the people around us reeeally want to go to the dentist. I really do get much more bonding out of spending time in a non-sexual manner with my partner. When he says he enjoys talking with you more, that's probably true. For asexual people, sex does not feel vital to a relationship. It's most likely nothing you have done; new relationship excitement often gets tangled up with sex, but once that fades, we love in non-sexual ways. -- What you desire, being wanted in exactly the same way you want him, just won't happen. It's painful, but it won't. He still (again, drawing from my experience, just guessing) desires and loves you in his own way, but it can be very hurtful to realize that part of it just isn't going to be the way you want it to be. With that out of the way, his behavior is still a problem because he's not really listening to your needs. He's dismissing your concerns because if he can't conceive of why someone would want to have sex, then surely it's not important. But sexual compatibility is very important. It's the cornerstone of a good relationship. Don't ever let him tell you that it's not important, because it absolutely is (and sexual compatibility for him would mean being with someone who isn't into sex either. Compatibility is compatibility). I think some hard talks are in order. Firstly, you may want to take him to get his testosterone checked, among other standard bloodwork, just to make sure none of this is the result of some kind of deficiency or imbalance. I realize you can't make him do this, but he should want to do this, for your sake and the longevity of your marriage. If that comes back negative, you should probably gather some material on asexuality and have him read about it, so that he has a better understanding of how he is actually the odd duck here and not you. And then the pair of you will have to talk about it to figure out where you go from there. I often recommend scheduling sex because it takes the pressure and uncertainty off of him and takes the desperation and over-bearing feeling off of you. When you both know when it's going to happen, you can relax a little (also, it doesn't need to be clinical, make it a fun date night). But if he isn't making strides to compromise or meet your needs here, some deeper steps may be in order. Marriage counseling, perhaps. It's less about him just having loads of sex with you and more about making sure he hears your needs and understands that even if they aren't important to him, they are important to you. It's really hard, and I'm sorry you're going through this. All hope isn't lost, but more than likely a lot of come to Jesus talks will be required. Good luck.
  7. Today
  8. CustardCream

    The Banning Game!

    Banned for biting the ears off other people's chocolate rabbits
  9. Light02

    Trans Moments?

    My hair is reeeally thick anyways, lol so it doesn't matter that much for me.
  10. i.r3beka

    #AsexualProblems

    I’m not sure what that means and I’m not sure I want to because it probably has to do with stuff I’m squeamish about. I’m not trying to be rude to you guys with whom I disagree, and it’s just frustrating to me that being anti-prostitution is automatically equated with being anti-woman / misogynistic. When actually, it’s the opposite. Feminism is supposed to be about women being more than playthings and mothers. It’s about women being equal to men, women being scientists and doctors and lawyers. And then prostitutes come along and stab the movement in the back by literally selling themselves to the patriarchy. It’s disgusting, it would be like Jews voting for hitler. I also disagree with this notion that “all people are 100% equal and you can’t judge anyone,” that seems to be growing today. No, not all people are 100% equal, and no, I don’t see a problem with judging people or a meritocracy in any form. A dishwasher doesn’t deserve the same respect or admiration that a doctor does {yes, I’ve been a dishwasher before}. I wouldn’t expect someone to come thank me for cleaning the dishes when I worked at a restaurant, but I wouldn’t find it odd for a parent to thank a doctor for saving his child’s life. I also don’t get why slut shaming is an insult. It’s normal for people to critique behavior they think of as bad. We don’t say people are terrorist shaming for critiquing the perpetrators of 9/11 or Colombine. We don’t say people are animal abuser shaming when they criticize people for leaving dogs in hot cars or starving their pets. Heck, you guys are critiquing behavior you think of as bad right now, by saying I’m slut shaming. And there’s nothing wrong with that. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s an open exchange of ideas. As long as it’s civil it’s not bad.
  11. Skycaptain

    Change one letter (5 letters edition)

    Share
  12. Skycaptain

    Change one letter

    Vast
  13. Skycaptain

    Change one letter (3 letter variety)

    Wan
  14. Skycaptain

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Rain is BTS
  15. Podsnap

    A Sentence Forming Game

    Should headless ogres eat starfish?
  16. SilverstarTBS

    Blame the person above...

    Blamed for having a censored word on my Christian Minecraft server >:o
  17. SilverstarTBS

    Alphabetical "Better than sex" game

    Quiche is better than sex
  18. i.r3beka

    #AsexualProblems

    This is probably true. But also, highly irritating because purses don’t do it for me. I’d need a suitcase for all the stuff I want to carry
  19. NordicNoir

    Word association game

    Boots
  20. Lichley

    Hi! I'm new here!

    Welcome! Well libido is different from sexual attraction, so asexuals can still get aroused and have non-sexual kinks as well as non-sexual types of attraction. Maybe this sketch comic could help? https://www.deviantart.com/secondlina/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729
  21. Lichley

    hello

    Welcome! I love books and video games, although as much as I love video games I’m not very good at them
  22. Lichley

    Excited to meet other aces!

    Welcome! Well if you’re looking for partners there are sites like Acebook that act as asexual dating websites. If you’re looking for the emotional connection then maybe try a meetup at AVEN’s Meetup Mart
  23. I've moved this thread from 'Questions about Asexuality' to 'Romantic and Aromantic Orientations'. Michael Tannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.
  24. Iam9man

    Hi! I'm new here!

    Here’s a thread I found very helpful:
  25. Iam9man

    Hi! I'm new here!

    ¡Bienvenido a AVEN! I won’t label you but based on what you wrote you may be asexual. I also find women beautiful (aesthetic attraction) and I get crushes on women (romantic attraction). I’m sex-positive so I do have sex, but I find it rather boring. I always had no interest in porn but knew I liked women so thought I was heterosexual. In my case I’ve determined I’m asexual. Entiendo tu inglés perfectamente pero si prefieres hablar español aquí estamos:
  26. Jon A.

    Wake up routine

    I only like the look of the sun in the mornings; I'm just not a fan of daylight in general. When it lasts into the evening I pull the curtains and hit the lights. Right now there's a nice thick fog, or "ground clouds" as some truckers call it.
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