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  2. Basrive

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    I’m not sure if you intended it, but that was pretty rude. There are plenty of people that dread coming out as gay, and personally, I feel like I have to come out twice. It is very draining, and toss in being bi-racial, I am just a little bit over it. It’s also really hard to get into talking about the split attraction model, since people tend to equate being ace with being a celibate brick wall. Then we have some aces talking about how other aces aren’t real aces, and I just wonder why people are so obsessed with defining others. I identified as gay first, and though i’m pretty aro (I have other strong non-romantic attractions that get confusing), you’ll have to pry my gay card from my cold, dead hands. Unless I find something that suits me better later, which is my decision.
  3. KatieDidn't

    Cake fails?

  4. Star Lion

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    No worries but that makes a whole lot more sense and is completely understandable. The ace community is one of the most diverse communities I’ve experienced. There’s so many different types of aces and it feels like I have to explain every single part of myself for someone to completely understand me beyond their misconceptions assumed from the word asexual
  5. Laplace


    This happens with so many characters in so many shows and video games that it’s extremely bothersome after a while. Like, I want representation for all orientations when possible but not when it’s from the fans rabidly reading into any sort of male-male interaction. It’s part of the aro/ace erasure problem cause some people think one’s orientation is largely binary: straight or gay if not straight (sometimes bi/pan but that’s honestly still rather rare outside of being used as a fetish fuel trait given to a character). Plus, if any male protagonist (or just in general) refuses to acknowledge the advances of an “attractive” women, he’s often labeled “gay” or “beta” (I hate that dumb*** word). Characters who basically don’t seem to experience romantic/sexual feelings like Light Yagami (someone who seems to view love merely as a tool to manipulate people) from Death Note or Lukas from Fire Emblem Shadows of Valentia (a character who explicitly voices concern that he might be broken because he doesn’t experience the “fire” that seems to come with love) lose a lot of nuance by just assuming they’re gay by virtue of showing no attraction to women.
  6. Galactic Turtle

    Anybody interested in ballet?

    I don't personally do ballet but I have worked on the production side of it. Very intense but also very interesting.
  7. Galactic Turtle

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that if people say they're gay/straight/whatever, typically you can draw lines from that word to "what they're about." You know they probably have inclinations to be with certain gender(s) romantically/sexually at some point in their lives or at least naturally gravitate in a certain direction. Asexuality doesn't seem to be like that. Instead it's just the introduction to a lengthy conversation. It doesn't really say anything about preferences, it's just talking about this ambiguous internal feeling. It doesn't say anything about your attitude towards sex or your sexual desires, doesn't say anything about the type of non-platonic relationships you're likely to gravitate towards. You say you're asexual and it's still pretty much an open canvas. So at the end of the day whether you think of it as a single point or a spectrum, it's still difficult for me to really determine what any given person calling themselves asexual actually means for how they operate in reality. The only common denominator I can find is the general feeling of "I won't die if I never have sex again" which isn't saying much. Apologies for the tangent. XD EDIT: Perhaps another way of saying it is that... asexuality seems more like something that works better as a supplemental term rather than a leading term... which isn't what your post was really about.... but it's what I thought of while reading it.
  8. Road

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I can understand where both sides of the argument are coming from. Ultimately, sexuality is a complicated thing - probably too complicated to have a few one word labels that cover everyone. If you boil it down, asexuality should be a binary - you either are or you aren't. It's hard to have a spectrum of zero. Sexuality isn't simple math; however, and Asexuality isn't a number, so I don't think including the grey area, as part of an umbrella of Asexuality, is necessarily wrong. I think it's most important for people to figure out who they are sexually and to find an identity that makes them feel comfortable. If they end up identifying as asexual, despite not meeting the definition to a T, then that's fine. I'd imagine most people who egregiously misidentify themselves end up changing their mind after more reflection anyway.
  9. If you feel content with identifying as akoiromantic than don’t let anyone tell you to change. But if you do not like identifying as this then you can decide a way to get over it if you feel like you need to. But in my opinion, I dont feel that it is something that needs to be fixed. It’s a romantic orientation in my mind just like any other.
  10. crinklyphotographer

    Quickly, Before They See!

  11. Star Lion

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    I’m super confused by this but I understand somewhat. I find very few opportunities for an appropriate chance to tell people that I’m asexual/aromantic where as it seems like for gay people, almost any point in the the day is a good opportunity to tell someone they know of their orientation if it hasn’t already been assumed
  12. Carito

    Hey everyone!!!

    Welcoooome! I joined a few days ago and everyone is just so nice here. I also hope that you stop feeling broken. You can come here anytime you want to talk to anyone, you’re always welcome:D
  13. WabiSabi

    Anybody interested in ballet?

    I recently started taking ballet as an adult and I love it. I've always been interested in ballet. I've made it a tradition to go to see Nutcracker each year on my birthday since it's on Dec. 20th.I just recently went to see ABT's production of Whipped Cream. Does anyone else dance, study ballet, or wants to start? I'd like to make some ballet friends.
  14. Today
  15. Galactic Turtle

    Revisiting Ace Spectrum Ideology

    Asexuality as a word seems to be more conceptual in its nature. Because of this it's a good starting place for people to figure themselves out but in practice is pretty useless in my opinion since it's not describing actions or desires, it's just describing this ambiguous thing called attraction then making that ambiguous thing super complicated and all encompassing then ultimately (in some cases) irrelevant. I think this is just the way that "blank canvas" terms can tend to be.
  16. Gloomy

    The need for a Youth Rights Movement

    I’m about to turn 28 in a few weeks, and you couldn’t pay me to go back to being a teenager/college student. Sure I have to pay bills now, that thing that people always say supposedly makes adulthood harder. “Just wait til you have to pay bills”. But unless your job pays you peanuts and/or you live in a really expensive area it’s really not that hard. Budgeting is just a matter of foresight mixed with arithmetic. Sure I can’t always afford exactly what I want (and I grew up a little on the poor side so it’s not like I didn’t already have to deal with that when I was a kid anyway) but I’d still take this over the pressures of school, being expected to have a job and/or extracurricular activities on top of that, and not having the privileges of adulthood such as voting and being allowed to drink. Right now I work 8 am to 4:30 pm Monday through Friday. I pretty much spend the rest of my time doing what I want when I want, no homework, guaranteed weekends off, and doing my housework at my own pace instead of having someone nag me that it needs to be done now. As opposed to when I was in school at least a few hours per day, but was also expected to do homework, was pushed by my step-parent to get a part time customer service job (exactly the kind of job that I loathe, as opposed to the cushy office job I have now) in which I would have to work nights and weekends, and had to have the dishes done every night.
  17. @bookwormprincesskat That's nice to see and welcome to AVEN
  18. SarahintheCloset

    Hello all!

    Thanks to everyone for the welcomes and the cake! I love Hamilton! The animatics are much more plentiful and high-quality then a lot of musical animatics, and so much of the story is incorporated into the songs themselves! Szin does a lot of good Hamilton animatics, have you seen hers?
  19. Hi Emily, will you be sharing the results of the research any time soon?
  20. Do you feel distress at the thought of being akoiromantic? If yes, then alleviating that distress is something to work on. If not, then there is nothing wrong with it.
  21. I don’t generally identify lithromantic as something that simply can be fixed but rather just the way your attraction works. Now the question is whether you’ll pursue a long term relationship or just decide it’s better to be alone
  22. LostInThought1518

    Hey everyone!!!

    Welcome!! I am new to all of this, but I am also happy to have a place to talk about it with others. There is a tradition here to welcome you with cake so here you go.🎂🍰🍰🍰 Welcome
  23. ryn2

    Job Hunting as a Grown Up

    That too.
  24. hello everyone! i’ve started to identify more and more with the term “akoiromantic” (aka lithtomantic), so i started looking into it on Google. i found one post detailing reasons why someone might identify as akoiromantic and stating that akoiromantic is something you need to work to get over. after reading that, i’ve been wondering if it’s okay to identify as akoiromantic, or if it’s something wrong with me that i need to fix. thanks for your input.
  25. For a while now I’ve been completely against the idea that asexuality is a spectrum. I’ve seen asexuality as 0 where if you experience sexual attraction even once, your sexuality is revealed. Ever since joining the community, I’ve wanted to be as open as possible to all ideas no matter how “obsurd” they might seem to the general population or whether they were popular or unpopular opinions. That’s why I went with the notion that asexuality wasn’t a spectrum because it was something that made the most sense to me up until recently. I’ve heard a lot of rebuttals from the ace community on this subject that have actually raised further questions against what I’ve believed on this subject and the only logical answers I can seem to come up with point towards asexuality being a spectrum (on the sexuality spectrum). One thing I believe to be true is the notion that sexuality on a scale from heterosexual to homosexual is fluid since it’s been recorded of people who are attracted to one gender for a period of time but later in life have switched to being attracted to solely the other gender. Sure, this could be seen as a bisexual person but then we get into questions about what the actual purpose of using labels are for. I personally don’t think labels about sexual orientation are meant to be restricting but rather to easily describe your experience as a human being because why call yourself bisexual if you have been (maybe lately) only attracted one gender and that’s the only gender you’re having sexual relations with? This can be compared to race. Race is completely determined by your appearance to other people so they can quickly and efficiently identify you. You can’t really go further into details due to the fact that it’s a flawed concept confused in the midist of underlying genetics on occasion not “matching” the way your outter features have expressed themselves. I compare this because I think sexuality is confusing too and we don’t need to try to get into all the underlying details when it comes to labeling. I feel the same can be said about asexuality. A strict definition of asexuality complicates things that didn’t need to be complicated and using labels like graysexual and demisexual aren’t going to get the point across of what our community stands for efficiently to people outside of the community like it would if we just kept it as asexuals have a lack of sexual attraction. This is inclusive to anyone who feels like this label properly explains who they are currently or have always been. I’m understanding that there’s people who have been experiencing sexual attraction but then go years without experiencing it feeling as if that attraction will never happen again. I believe this is understandable for someone in their 50s+ but not so much for someone where it stopped as young as in their 20s or 30s which seems to go without explanation. People classified as graysexual or gray ace also shouldn’t have to micro label to describe their experiences and then confuse other people who don’t know who we are in turn slowing down the education and personal understanding (in a 1 on 1 conversation) process. My exception though is situations like if a person experiences sexual attraction once in their life where that person ends up being their sexual partner and they feel hetero/homosexual feels better as a label for them than asexual. I don’t see problem with that. Labels are meant to describe you individually as a person and your own personal experiences so I’d say now use what fits you best. But of course you will have people who take advantage of that and decide to identify a certain way just because it’s trendy Edit: I do find that the label of gray can be useful within the community to tell people that you know of that experience (from rarity)
  26. Sounds interesting - any updates ???
  27. disGraceful

    Asexuality and Doctor Visits

    They have to both ask and test urine because a lot of people lie about stupid stuff
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